Large castle in own grounds with plenty of residents for the ghost that doesn’t want to be lonely. Please be aware that this is a long-term residency with established routines for many of the patrons.

This castle is from the 11th century and situated in Berkshire with fantastic views of its surroundings, not far from the River Thames.

On the positive side this castle is owned by the finest nobility, and is well stocked with antiques making it a prestigious undertaking. However, this does mean that when the owners are visiting, good manners are essential to win and keep this coveted position.

On the negative side this castle is intermittently open to the public and holds disruptive ghost tours.

Applications to Castle Steward, c/o Eaton collage ghost club. Interview essential.

Modern home in the middle of London has come to the market for the first time, after owner/builder was murdered on the property. Has little contents of any age to create the required atmosphere for a superior haunt but does pose a pleasant challenge for the creative revenant. House consists of living room, reception room, large kitchen, three bedrooms and an exercise room. First ghost is looking for haunt along companion, willing to help him get back at his money hungry wife. Apply by black cat, to 66, Sir Charles Boulevard, Upper Grand Spa, London.

Small, ramshackle cottage, at end of long drive in ancient woodland available in Wales. Presently un-occupied by living owner except at weekends, making this a good haunt for the low in ectoplasm. This cottage comprises 2 bedrooms, a modern bathroom that is a converted nursery, great for the baby crying scenario, a study, a small hallway, a living room and a long, narrow kitchen and stone, cold room. Kept grounds are small, imbuing the area with a helpful looming atmosphere. Apply to nearest village post office, Haunted by Mrs Poppleswaite.

Lonely Scottish waterfall in small glen in need of new female ghost after enthusiastic exorcism. This is for the wind resistant ghost that likes solitude and prefers to haunt by atmosphere. If interested, simply waft to the spot. Starting at Littleknown green, follow the C23 west for 9 miles then turn off at the sheep dip onto D180. After 5 miles bear left at fork in road and climb another mile before passing through stile by oak. Then follow stream to location. No application necessary.

Abandoned canning factory on the west coast open for those that prefer the angular, spartan look. Required to arrive by sea.

Fitness freak wanted for specialised haunt of underground gym situated within grounds of early medieval graveyard in Birmingham. Medieval ghost will also be considered

Miner wanted for part time haunt of below ground tourist site in the heart of Wales. Staff and evening visitors only. Long single tunnel suitable for the slow or lame. Dusty appearance an asset.

High status castle on promontory with spectacular views over ancient marshland and river, and a site of many battles. This is a premium post that requires a talented haunt, offering a wide range of spectral styles. Lost person in the marsh, perished solider, or castle inhabitant from a large range of historical periods. Apply at main castle gate.

Small manor in pleasant ground requires new cookery ghost. Previous spectre is retiring after 800 years for a trip around the world. Apply at old oak, village green, Applethwaite.

High stone circle requires Celtic warrior for summer season haunt. Apply at Kirk by Kirk townhall at 11pm.

Graceful Gliders Recruitment is looking for suitable grey ladies to fill numerous positions throughout the country. Apply at Great Lakes inn off of Rington Stone circle, Midlands.

English speaking spectre wanted to haunt colonial hospital in far east. Apply to Porthmouth harbour, long voyage department. If approved will be wanted on next available sailing.

On a different note. Announcement to all spectres: The Double Decade music and dance night is being held at the Rollright Stones this year. This should be a well organised but entertaining event, going by the success of the previous hosting in 1101.

There will be no repeat of the wild drinking and cavorting put on by the Merry Maidens last year.

For those who prefer the big events you may wish to save your energy for next year when Avebury will be hosting and also celebrating its 3000 years of existence. Please note that this will be heavily attended by more than just spectres, but also celebrities and creatures alike from every corner.

By-line, Quothe, the raven.