“How bad does it hurt?” Ian repeated Jared’s question as he tried in vain to force back his own chuckle of disbelief.

“Well, if you are, then you know, right?” Jared managed.

Ian just shook his head, biting back another chuckle, “I can only assume you’re talking about sex…through the back door?” the older of the two asked, if for no other reason than to buy more time to recover from such an unexpected question, from an even more unexpected source.

“Yeah.” Jared admitted, though the word barely left his lips.

“Wow, and we’ve only been away from her for two weeks.” Ian smirked, “I must really be a good kisser.” he chided.

Jared just scoffed loudly, “That isn’t what I meant.” he denied, though with a lack of force.

“Really? Cause that’s kind of what it sounds like here, Jared.” Ian chuckled again, continuing to watch the younger of them with a bit of intrigue obvious.

Jared sighed heavily, “Did you even hear the beginning of the conversation?” Jared attempted further denial, “I said I didn’t want Lili to be in any more pain, and that I didn’t want to risk her getting pregnant again, at least before we find the medical supplies we need. Then I asked you how much that kind of sex really hurts. You really do have selective hearing.” he grumbled, beginning to wonder why he had let himself ask the question in the first place, at this point.

Ian nodded in thought, his eyes turning to the stars above rather than Jared as he attempted a response, “So, you’re really asking me this cause you think that once the baby’s born, assuming baby and mom both come through it ok,” he had to add more quietly before continuing, “that anal is our only other option for sex?”

“Must you call it that?” Jared grumbled, looking down in embarrassment.

“You got a better term for it?” Ian chuckled again, “Cause honestly, I thought that was the best one.” Ian pointed out.

“Forget I even said anything, ok?” Jared mumbled as he turned back to reach for the tent flap once more.

“Kinda impossible.” Ian argued with another weak chuckle, “So stop playing with your currently pitched tent, and sit your cute ass down.” Ian ordered playfully.

“I was trying to be serious Ian, and then you gotta make jokes?” Jared complained, though he did drop his hand from the tent, without turning back to face the other man just yet, however.

“Sorry Jared, but it was just a little outta left field.” Ian couldn’t help smirking.

“If you’re not gonna answer me, can we just end this conversation, please?” Jared complained.

Ian sighed deeply, attempting to force some seriousness, “Well, you already have one misconception.”

“Pardon me?” Jared asked, finally turning back to Ian, then.

“Just because I’m bi, you’re assuming I’m the bottom?” Ian pointed out, seeming to try and manage that seriousness, despite how difficult it was.

“The bottom?” Jared asked with a raised brow.

“Man, you’ve led a sheltered life.” Ian smirked again.

Jared just shook his head at that before speaking, “Sorry if I’m not up on all the slang.” he scoffed, “But you mean, like the girl?”

Ian smirked again, “If there were a ‘girl’ involved, we’d be talking about the other half of my sex life, now wouldn’t we?”

Jared just sighed in frustration, “So, you’re saying you don’t know?”

Ian then glanced up at the stars again with the slightest tinge of discomfort of his own, “I’ve tried everything once, or twice.” he added more quietly before continuing, “But, you know, it’s odd: Gay guys have this rep for being sissies, but man, I tell ya…” he just shook his head.

“So, you have tried it, then?” Jared asked warily.

“I’m nothing if not experimental.” Ian admitted, then quickly moved on, “But, as a scientist, you should know that all experiments don’t go quite the way you hope, so you have to, ‘readjust’ them.”

“And you say I always give half-answers.” Jared complained.

Ian allowed another slightly awkward smile, “Yes, many, many moons ago, I did try being ‘the girl,’ as you call it, at least once or twice. It didn’t take.” he added with another wry smile.

“But you have tried it though, so you do actually know?” Jared pressed.

“You really are stuck on that, aren’t you?” Ian chuckled again.

“Well, it’s why I asked in the first place, remember?” Jared reminded.

“No homo-erotic undertones at all then, eh?” Ian just had to tease.

Jared sighed deeply again, “Yeah, I’m convinced. You really are the guy.” he scoffed.

“Not a denial on your part though, is it?” Ian just had to chide again.

“Ian!” Jared spoke more loudly, “Would you just answer or end the conversation? One or the other, already.” he added in a grumble.

“Well, since you’re still not denying it, that would be one cure for how we could still get laid and not get her pregnant.” Ian just had to point out wryly.

“Ok, I’m going to bed.” Jared stated in exasperation as he reached for the tent flap once more.

“Ok, ok, sorry.” Ian allowed a more sincere laugh as Jared grudgingly stopped his motion, “It’s just, it’s an odd conversation, and it’s been a really long time since I ‘discovered’ the answer you’re asking for, anyway.” he had to add.

“So, it hurts a lot then?” Jared finally asked more quietly.

“It’s kind of hard to put into words, really.” Ian attempted, “I mean, that part isn’t exactly designed like a girl.”

“Pardon?” Jared had to take pause at that comment.

“Well, you know that the first time a girl does it, the normal way, it hurts her like a bitch too.” Ian attempted again, causing Jared’s eyes to drop with the slightest bit of guilt at the memory of at least a brief moment of he and Lili’s first time, wherein it was slightly less than perfect, at first, “But there’s just that one barrier inside her, and once you’re past that….no such thing as pain, ever again. Unless the guy has some serious artillery.” he had to add.

“And I guess the pain is worse, with the other entrance?” Jared asked, though softly.

“Not so much worse as, recurring?” Ian attempted, as he himself, bisexual though he was, had already admitted to being slightly uncomfortable when placed in the role they now spoke of, “Unless he’s a total whore, which of course, most gay guys are, and which of course, I supposedly am, but I digress.” he just shook his head, “The point is, there’s a reason we need ‘extra’ help during that activity.”

“Pardon?” Jared repeated again.

“Come on doc, you should already know this.” Ian shook his head, “Guy-guy sex requires lubrication, normal sex with a girl doesn’t. She already provides that, herself, so it doesn’t hurt her at all.” he then shook his head, “And did you on-ship kids miss the sex-ed course while you were burning through your IQ tests or something?”

“No, I know how sex works, and I know about…that.” Jared denied with his own scoff, “I just wanted to know, is it too much pain to ever expect Lili to wanna….” his voice just trailed off then.

Ian then just sighed again himself, “If, and I stress ‘if,’” he began, “if we had some form of proper lubrication, and if she could handle it that first time, then the orgasms could be even more…” he just shook his head again, “But considering the unlikelihood of us finding something to pass as the proper ‘aide,’ and the unlikelihood of her not flipping out about being asked to try it at all…I still think we’ll need a fifth choice.” he finally managed, then added, “But I definitely give you points for creative thinking.”

Attempting to force back a response to Ian’s last statement, Jared rubbed his eyes again as he tried to move on from such an awkward conversation at all, “So, choice number five…a variation on the abstinence theme?”

“There’s variations?” Ian furrowed his brow, though easily allowed Jared to move on to that next part of the conversation, as he wasn’t truly enjoying it all that much, himself.

Jared sighed once more, “What about, just foreplay, lots of foreplay?”

“Aren’t you gonna buy me dinner first?” Ian had to tease once more.

“We’re not having that conversation any more, Ian.” Jared scolded.

“Sorry, my bad. You got me all hot talking about it though. Your fault.”

“Do you ever stop?” Jared complained again.

Ian chuckled again, then finally gave into responding to Jared’s actual question, “So you think that would be enough? Honestly?”

“Well, you don’t need to have intercourse to have an orgasm. I think we all know that by now.”

“True, but think about it.”

“What about it?” Jared managed to press for more clarity.

“Just imagine being there with her, doing all those other things that feel so damn good; feeling everything but that one final moment, inside her, when you both have already let yourselves experience that so many times, already?” he posed the words to Jared as more a question than a statement.

“Not me. I tried to pull out, remember?” Jared reminded weakly.

“Even the first time?” Ian pointed out.

“Well, no, not that time.” Jared admitted.

“And you managed to pull out every other single time, huh?” Ian continued.

“I tried.” Jared admitted, choking a bit.

“But you didn’t always succeed, did you?” Ian prodded further.

“The point is,” Jared attempted, “if we only have foreplay, then I don’t have to worry about pulling out, now do I?” he argued with the same lack of force.

“And having already been there, already felt that, can you honestly tell me that foreplay would ever be enough, for all three of us, for the rest of our lives, and that none of us would ever slip up, even once, and give in, and just hope that we dodge the bullet? Can you honestly say you believe that?”

“I’d like to at least think we could.” Jared whispered back, his eyes still not meeting Ian’s.

“And yet I hear another ‘but.’” Ian stated softly, “Isn’t being a realist fun?” he added more quietly.

After another long moment’s thought, Jared finally spoke up, though with more than a tinge of defeat, “We really have to find this ship.”

“Don’t I know it?” Ian admitted in the same quiet tone before turning to head back into his own tent again, the silence between them descending once again, and somehow, feeling even heavier than it had been before.

As the weeks passed with the days and nights bleeding into each other throughout their fruitless journey, the temperatures still managed to stay above freezing, much to the relief of both groups. It was a cold morning near the end of January, or thereabouts, when Jared was finishing up his shave in the icy cold, yet still flowing, water of a stream near their previous night’s camp. As he finished his task, and began putting the razor away, rustling of the nearby trees easily caught his attention.

He tentatively placed a hand on the handle of his knife as he looked back toward the sound, his eyes scanning for any sign of whatever creature had caused it. He then narrowed his eyes as he caught the slightest glimpse, or flash, of a figure there in the shadows of the thick trees. He swallowed a bit as he removed the knife from it’s holder, slowly standing, his eyes fixed on the place where he had seen that brief flash of movement.

He only startled further when he caught another glimpse of what almost appeared to be more of a human-shaped silhouette than any animal that quickly came to mind. Grasping the knife more tightly, while forgetting to even take a breath, Jared took the smallest step toward the darkened trees where he had once again lost sight of the figure.

His next step was interrupted though as he then heard the softest footfall behind him instead, rather than where he had just seen that movement only seconds earlier. He quickly turned back to the source of this new sound, only to be floored by coming face to face with what was indeed not any animal. Jared swallowed hard as his eyes fell upon what appeared to be another human, after all.

His breath shook as his eyes moved over his new companion, a million scattered thoughts running through his mind. However, the loudest of those was that this person did seem to be the very same one from the remaining scraps of visions he had had no luck at deciphering yet, at all.

Standing there, still several feet away, was a tall, thin figure who’s face was nearly completely hidden by long, unkempt jet-black locks which fell well below their shoulders. Trying to set aside the panic upon seeing no obvious weapons or even signs of aggression, Jared tried to apply some kind of comprehension to what he was seeing.

On first glance, the figure almost appeared to be a beautiful young girl, possibly not even out of her teens, but as Jared forced his eyes to leave what was hidden of his companion’s face, and move downwards, his first appraisal suffered a blow. From a distance, it did look like a beautiful young girl, but upon closer inspection, as Jared’s eyes moved down the length of this new person’s frame, which was clothed in scraps of animal skins, they seemed to lack any and all of the curves that even a girl in her teens would have already developed, to at least some extent.

Though Jared’s confusion over the very androgynous nature of the new arrival was soon put on hold, as they spoke, in a voice that seemed slightly deeper than one would expect from a female, though not impossible, “Why?” they seemed to choke on the word, as though unsure of it, or even of using their voice at all.

“Why?” Jared’s own voice seemed choked then as well, for many reasons, but he was soon distracted again as he heard more deliberate footsteps approaching from another side.

Jared quickly turned at the sound of Ian’s own footsteps as he exited the tree line from their previous night’s camp, heading toward Jared and the stream to get his own morning shave.

“Ok, Ian, try not to flip out.” Jared managed, holding his hand up as Ian approached.

“Flip out, about what?” Ian asked with a furrowed brow, Jared’s words not seeming to have slowed his pace any.

“About tha---” Jared began plainly as he turned back in the direction of the mystery arrival, only to find that there was no one there, at all, nor any trace that there ever even had been.