I don’t remember much after leaving my Mother’s house. I had retreated into myself, remembering how I never called that place home. It was too uncomfortable, too pretentious, to be my home. I referred to it as my mother’s house. What I called home was a modest apartment, comfortable and lived in. It would never have passed my mother’s scrutinous eye. Maybe that was what drew me to it, when the complex manager showed the first floor unit. It was perfectly imperfect and I loved it. Knowing my mother, she would have nitpicked everything about it. Nothing I did was ever good enough for her. I was never good enough. No, it would never measure up to my mother’s standards, but it was just fine for me.

Owen rode in the backseat with me instead of up front with Tobin. I needed that. His closeness was calming. Joan had gotten me so mad I was shaking, fighting to maintain control of my composure. She was good at that. She knew just what to say to push me into acting rashly, then declare I was an impertinent child that should be taught a lesson. Only, this time she couldn’t take anything away from me. She couldn’t lock me in my room. She couldn’t do a damn thing to me. I sighed as we pulled into the parking lot. I was done. Just fucking done.

“Why don’t you go in and take a hot shower,” Owen suggested softly. “We can bring the boxes in and just hang out if you want.”

Tobin looked up at the rear view mirror. His eyes were distant and dark, again. Watching me. I could tell he wanted more from me, but I was too tired for conversation.

“I’m ok. I just need to lie down.”

It wasn’t a lie. It was mostly true. I did need to lie down. Actually, I wanted to lie down in a soft cocoon of blankets, and hide from everything dangerous and confusing. Who knew what else was lining up to knock me down. I needed to hibernate for a week or two, and then I could try to digest what just happened. What has been happening. What these men were talking about. What they meant to me. And, how I felt about talking to Tobin in my head. It was too much to think about all at once. Overwhelming. I needed a break.

“We’ll carry everything inside.” Tobin exhaled. He exited the car, and walked to the trunk.

Owen gave me a long, questioning glance before getting out and going to help Tobin. I could feel they were worried about me. I’m okay. It’s okay. Everything will be okay. Right? I took several steadying breaths to compose myself before opening the door.

Something didn’t feel right. I felt something strange when I stepped out of the car. An electrical charge in the air that made the hair stand up on my arms.

“Guuuuys... Do you feel this?” I asked cautiously, rounding the back fender and stopping by the trunk.

Tobin and Owen stopped arranging the boxes, and looked around intently.

“Owen, get Jade in the car and lock the doors,” Tobin barked. “I’ll clear the area and check her apartment.”

“No, I’m going with you.” I started walking away from the car.

Tobin’s strong hand gripped my arm painfully. “Get in the damn car, Jade.”

Owen wrapped his arm around my waist and pushed me back towards the passenger side. Opening the door, he quickly scanned the area before settling me in and shutting it. His features were tense when he slid into the driver’s seat. White knuckles gripping the steering wheel gave away his true feelings even though his voice was steady and calm.

“It’ll be ok, Jade. Tobin is just being careful.”

I hoped he was right. I needed him to be right. We sat there silently, waiting. But it didn’t feel right.

“What if he needs help, Owen?”

Surely we aren’t going to sit out here and let Tobin do everything. Owen glared at me from the corner of his eye, and engaged the child lock on the door. Dammit! He was holding me hostage in the car, effectively keeping me from bolting to my apartment. Just when I was about to give Owen a piece of my mind, Tobin appeared carrying a backpack and my father’s Tor.

Owen unlocked the doors for Tobin, and I leapt from the car, racing to my apartment. My legs pumped as I tried avoiding being held back again. You can’t catch me.

Jaaaaaade! Tobin bellowed in my head.

The sound would have ruptured my eardrums if it was voiced out loud. It wasn’t, and I didn’t listen. I didn’t stop pushing myself faster until I nearly slammed into the shattered remains of my front door.

It was barely hanging from the splintered door frame. What the fuck! Shocked, I covered a sob as I stepped over a pile of rubble at the entryway. Smashed glass and papers littered the floor, strewn across the carpet. I whimpered when I saw hundreds of dollars of inventory, broken and discarded everywhere I looked. Stuffing spilled from large slashes in the grey couch cushions, a stark contrast of dark against light. Parts of the wooden coffee table were scattered across the living room. My laptop was against the wall in several pieces. Everything was destroyed. Noooooooo!

I looked around, and realized not a single thing was spared. Sobbing, I bent down to pick up a broken picture frame from the floor. It was the frame I had put my happiest memory in. The picture of me and my dad at the beach. I crumpled to the floor, clutching the empty picture frame to my chest.

My composure was stripped. My emotions were raw. My mind was numb. I didn’t notice the glass cutting into my hands. I didn’t even notice when someone picked me up and carried me out of the apartment. My apartment... My home...

I laid across the back seat of Tobin’s car, staring off vacantly, while the car hurtled away from my ransacked apartment. Owen and Tobin quietly conversed in the front seat. I strained to hear their conversation.

“Who was it,” Owen whispered?

“Not sure. But I got an idea.”

I shifted in the backseat, sliding across the leather when the car made a sharp turn.

“We should’ve taken her to the safe house all along. Her apartment was a security nightmare.”

“Yeah. I know.” Tobin said.

I used the armrest on the door to help pull myself up.

“Ow.”

Strange crimson lines criss-crossed my aching palms. Owen turned in his seat, and saw me staring at my hands.

“You cut yourself on some glass. We had to pry a broken picture frame out of your hands.”

Stifling an audible sob while remembering the picture frame, I cried out in my mind instead. I indulged in a long, loud, mournful wail while appearing to remain composed.

Tobin’s head snapped up to the mirror. His dark eyes seethed with emotions I didn’t recognize. Fuck! I forgot about him. I wondered if I was as loud in his head as he was in mine, earlier.

“We’re almost to a safe house, Jade.” Tobin said softly. Too softly, to be coming from him.

I nodded at the mirror, feeling guilty for screaming in his head. I retreated back into myself again, staring out into the darkness past the window.

It seemed like hours of driving through pitch black, when we finally pulled up to the safe house. Unplugged and disengaged, I had no concept of time or space. We could be in the matrix for all I know.

The darkness outside melded with the darkness in my mind. I didn’t see the strong gates we had to drive through, the large log cabin looming in front of us, or the security cameras mounted everywhere. I didn’t see it was the perfect safe house.

Owen picked me up and carried me through the living area, up the staircase, and into a large bathroom at the end of the hall. He sat me down on a cold toilet seat, and started running hot water in the sink. When he dipped a clean washcloth into the sink and rang it out, I watched the water droplets sparkle and fall from his hand.

Reality was disjointed. I felt numb. Almost as if everything was happening to someone else, in slow motion.

I watched him gently wipe warm water over my face and neck, and decided to let myself feel the soothing sensations of his ministrations. Gently, he grasped my hands in his, slowly turning them palms up. I winced at the pain when he ran the cloth over the fresh cuts. Ugh! I have the worst timing. Couldn’t I have waited a few more seconds? Carefully, he wrapped my hands with gauze before picking me up and cradling my body against his chest.

He carried me down the hallway in silence, turning into a bedroom. I could feel his warm breath against my skin. His heart beat against my breast. I felt the need to kiss and be kissed by him while being held in his strong arms. I closed my eyes in preparation, slightly parting my lips.

Owen gently set me on a bed, and knelt down to remove my shoes, ignoring my pleading eyes. The moment was over. What are you too good to take advantage of me? I sighed with the realization that he was. Fucking boyscout.

I turned my attention to the room we were occupying. A dim light was coming from a lamp by the bed, illuminating the room. The blanket had been carefully pulled down, revealing soft striped sheets. The backpack Tobin carried earlier was seated on a chair in the corner. Did Tobin do all this?

“Get some rest, Jade.” Owen pulled the blanket up to my chin, and turned off the lamp. He turned towards the door. Wait!

“Hold me Owen... I don’t want to be alone.”

Owen slowly turned back towards me.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jade.” His voice was strained with emotion.

“We won’t do anything.” I tried reasoning with him, although I secretly wished we would. “I don’t want to be alone right now. Pleeeease.” I begged, lowering my eyelashes and biting my lip.

“Just until you fall asleep.” He conceded.

He sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed and took off his shoes. Owen climbed behind me on the bed, on top of the blanket. He didn’t see the frown crease my face when he laid on his side and pulled my body into his, spooning me. It wasn’t exactly the skin to skin contact I was looking for. Maybe I should feign hypothermia?

“Goodnight, Jade,” he whispered into my hair.

“Goodnight, Owen.”

I let myself relax into his embrace, breathing in his manly scent and slowly released the tendrils of pain choking my heart. My mind stopped flipping back and forth, from the earlier encounters with my mother, my apartment, and finally settled on this single, perfect moment with Owen. His arm was thrown across me protectively. His body shielded my vulnerable back. He made a physical barrier against harsh reality. I felt safe nestled against Owen. My breathing deepened, and I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.