He had no one to turn to. He had no one to talk to about what he had just heard spewed from his own family.

Using Cherly… He thought they would never bring themselves down this low. People like that have no bottom of the barrel, they kept getting lower and lower no matter what.

He stood up, hands resting on the railings of the balcony as he bites down on his lower lip. His sharp teeth pierced the soft flesh as his mind went through hundreds of thoughts, each one abruptly ending in the most negative outcome.

Why Cherly?

Because he trusts them and he at the end of the day was always more suitable for this… His body could handle this a lot better.

Why not just use him? They groomed Loukas to do this task for years.

Because they know he does not trust them... They feared him.

He can tell Cherly to move out early. Why can he not do that?

Cherly would not listen and look into this mess himself. Loukas did not want him to get hurt.

What can he do?

What should he do?

“Loulou, your Besties have arrived,” Chirped that playful voice bringing him out of that mental abyss he found himself in.

Discreetly he wiped the blood that dripped down his chin and turned to the only two people he could confide in and tell the truth to.

Or at least the parts he can even bring himself to say.

He was not much of a good friend after all.

“Funny joke, you're just going to make Loukas even more nervous,” Carole answered dryly. Upon her head was the cap she wore when they had first met. Loukas exhaled, he could see his breath in the chill.

It had been getting colder recently, not a single day where his breath was not visible these days.

Carole cocked her head to the side during his musings and much to his mortification said, “You... You didn’t correct him... You think he’s right, isn’t he?”

Loukas blushed, shaking his head vigorously at her accusation. “N-no, of course not, I was just thinking.”

Hide poked him in the ribs and said, “Well, stop blushing so much, geez, relax.”

Despite Hide's jovial tone, his assurance to relax was genuine. Loukas could have hugged him right there and then but he shoved those feelings aside, and he said, “I... I have something to tell you guys.” His tone grew grim, “I just… I don't know who else I can say this to and if I don’t... I'm afraid what c-can happen, I...”

The previously light mood vanished as he sputtered out his explanation. He told them of his place as the heir is being called into question. He continued on to say how he would never let Cherly take his place no matter what. It was a horrible process to be suitable for the title. He was at a loss on how to convince his family more firmly that he can and will take the place as heir until they could pass down his title.

Carole listened with an unchanging expression as she took in the information. While Hide, with his brief smile, did not even interrupt nor made any additional comment.

He did not tell them about the more... grimmer details. He did not speak of the more awful torturous processes, he did not speak on anything specifically. But what he can say poured out of his lips like an open faucet.

Once he finished, he brought his eyes to meet theirs. It may be just him, but for a split second, he thought the two may have wanted more information.

It was a dumb thought. Why would they want more? This has nothing to do with them, and all he was doing is dumping his issues on them... again.

Before his own guilt of his actions could rise to his mind, Hide of course was the first to say, “So this sicko family of yours just wants someone with even less backbone than you?”

The goat man scratched behind his ears as he sat on the beanbag chair outside and allowed himself to sink into it. Loukas envied the man’s ability to remain the way he was.

“Seriously, we can easily solve this whole thing by taking out a few of these assholes. Simple easy, no fuss.”

Loukas shook his head, “N-no!”

He did not want any more of them to die or get murdered. He said yes last time in the heat of the moment. He was not bloodthirsty.

He was not a monster.

The Hide shrugs as he leaned back into the chair, “I’m just stating the quickest resolution to this. In all honesty, most of these creeps here are better off dead and you know it.”

Loukas gripped the railing handle tightly. He did not want to go through that again. To confront the guilt of hurting someone who meant so much to others, to feel absolute guilt. That was what he had been feeling ever since his aunt was killed, guilt and to his mortification... euphoria.

Joy and relief of finally taking out someone for who he held nothing but contempt.

He was sick.

He was disgusting.

Carole touched his hand causing him to jump back and as she gave him an incredulous look.

“Why should you be the heir?”

Huh?

Loukas scratched the back of his head with confusion, “Excuse me?”

“Oh, Carly is speaking riddles now,” Hide chimed even sinking further into the chair.

“You can also say no and gather your siblings and leave... You have your own bank account, right?” She tilted her head, “I’m sure if you tell your siblings the full story they may be more than willing to disassociate themselves from this family.”

Hide’s eyes flashed at the idea, “Runaway? That’s so rebellious, I love it. If the younger one's mouth off about it, then the older ones can tell them to pipe it.”

“No... I can’t...I... I have to do it... I made a promise to her-,” Loukas realising what he admitted swiftly covered his mouth with his hand hoping the two did not hear him.

Unfortunately, they did.

“Promise? To who?” Carole raised a brow at him.

Hide lift himself to sit up in the bean bag chair to glare, “Damn it Loulou you don’t just go around promising jack to anyone. Like, come on.”

Loukas’ grip on the railing tightened, “You guys don’t understand, I can’t break this promise…” He gave up, he might as well tell them about it, he got nothing to lose, anyway.

“My mom... Before she died... I promise her I take her place and carry on... I wouldn't be so weak anymore.”

Hide scoffed, "Weak? Loulou are you kidding me? This place is ass. The strongest thing is getting the fuck out of here."

Carole, however, approached the man and asked, “Loukas... what happened to her.”

His head hurt.

It was pounding as he tried to recollect.

What happened to her?

What happened exactly?

Oh right...

There she was...

There she........

There.........

“She... She committed suicide. I was only 15 years old…,” Loukas was tired.

The silence that followed his words was unbearable. He could not bring himself to look at them.

More words poured out, his headache throbbed and all he could taste was the bitter rot that filled his mouth. “We-we were… c...close... Dad could not be there for her. No... wait... Of course, he wasn't... he was... He had no interest... That's normal so I ... I was there… Cherly did not like her too much... I don't know why... When she needed someone to cry on when her position was causing her strain. Which was normal... I was there. I learnt a lot.... patience, empathy...”

His eyes were dry, for some reason he could not bring himself to cry. Maybe he used up all his tears on her a long time ago.

“She would tell me everything. When I was too selfish to understand she made sure I knew how... selfish I was... When I felt too weak.. made sure I knew I was that... She was nice most of the time.. just had bad days..... I-I was... I was... I was-”

“Her surrogate husband...”

Loukas turned to the source of that disgusting claim. Just those words made his skin crawl, filled his mouth with bitter bile.

Who the hell do they think they are?

Who the hell does she think she is?

Disgusting...

His head hurt so much…

Hide looked over at mouth agaped, mouthing, "what are you doing?" Carole who as usual kept her oddly calm composure but there was a unique aura when she said those words.

“What..” His red eyes narrowed on her, “You… have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Most normal parents don’t use their children like that,” she would not stop, “nor talk to them like that. Or expect their children to provide that for them. No better than any creep...”

“Shut up,” Loukas lost all composure he had.

"No.. I wouldn't."

His head hurts so damn much now but he did not care as he raised his voice dropping his normally soft tone.

“SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!” Loukas bite down on his fingers, sharp teeth piercing his flesh down to the bone causing his blood to pour and to coat his hand, “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING!”

“Loukas calm the fuck down,” Hide jump between them a look of frustration knitted his brow.

“I am calm!” Loukas then felt a hand reach out and touched his face gently. His wild red eye turned to the source, and it was Hide looking up at him with rare stern eyes.

“You’re not...” the little goat beast-kin said.

"I'm fine.."

"You're... not."

Before he knew it despite his sharp glare, he felt hot tears fill his eyes and the final blow was the simple soft voice.

"Loulou...hey... It's alright."

He could not take it anymore. He shoved the generous hand off his face with the harshness he never meant to give and ran.

The sounds of his two friends' concerned calls of his name were fuzzy. Did they call his name? He.. was not sure. He could not see nor hear.

He ran until his gaze froze upon the bejewelled Cherly. Dressed in such vibrant colours.

His brother jumped in surprise at Loukas' sudden appearance. He shoved something into his pocket as he came face to face with him.

Loukas felt his heartbreak when his own brother looked upon him, for just one moment, for one second with...

Fear.

How did he…

What did he look like to him at that moment?

Loukas could not stand it. He was shaking, his hand dripping with his own blood, his chin coated in the sweet-tasting liquid. He held his face in his hands with shame.

How could he have acted like that to his first and only friends?

Why was he like his?

He shouted, raised his voice and ran.

His head hurts so damn much...

He then vaguely felt hands touch his face, he opened his eyes and looked down.

Cherly looked up at his older brother with concern and parting his lips he asked, “Loui... what's wrong?”

Cherly would not know what had upset him. Of course, he did not, Loukas had been for years keeping him at a distance. He would hide it and bottle it until the day he died, but it did not stop the stream of hot tears from streaking down his face.

It did not stop him from staining Cherly’s face jacket with his sobs as he let it all out.

"Hey, Loui. It's okay. I'm not sure what's wrong but it will be alright."

It was not…

It will never be okay.

Nothing ever was.