Why did I decide that doing this task alone was best?

---

Leaving the castle, all I felt was exhaustion. I had left the nodachi in lord Sodas' body, as it was too heavy to take with me.

Even though I had won, I had not come back unhurt. My back was a mess of crisscrossing marks left by blades, and my clothes hung off me by strands. I am lucky to have not been hamstrung by a dying foe. Though, perhaps the reason is because they didn't have much time in between getting torn in two or more pieces and death.

As I walked out the front gate, the two horsemen oddly followed me. Shadows also detached from the walls and followed at a distance. They were no shinobi, evidenced by the fact I could easily see them. Instead, they were the soldiers of the castle that had not died. If they become a problem later, I will deal with them. But right now...

I just want to sleep, and forget everything. This would be a good time to have alcohol.

After a certain point, I could no longer walk, and just sat down and leaned on a tree. Looking up into the branches, I watched a few leaves fall down, and thought about composing a poem. However, whenever I tried to concentrate all I saw was blood, and haunted faces filled with agony as I cut them down.

I don't know when I started crying, but the tears had already made a pool on my thigh. A pity it wasn't raining, I could use the wash. All this blood makes me want to vomit.

Beginning to doze off, I wonder idly if I'll awake with a knife in my chest. Closing my eyes, I feel peace overtake me. My last thought was, "How did I ever convince myself I enjoy this? I don't like this. But it's my job, and I will complete it. No matter what."

Darkness began to take over, and I could no longer resist it. Why is everything tinted red...?

My eyes snapped open. I was lying on my back, and covering me was something warm. Underneath my head was something soft. Sitting up, I saw that I had been resting my head on the taller horseman's lap. Looking around, I saw the other horseman standing watch. Holding the blanket close, I assumed a neutral expression.

"What are you doing? We have no reason to travel together. My path will only take me into more blood and carnage. You should leave while you have the chance."

The horseman standing watch smiled in that annoying way adults do. "No reason? I see a pretty big debt that needs to be repaid. And besides, so what if your path takes you into carnage? Wouldn't you rather have someone beside you while you walk?"

I could say nothing to this. Every attempt I made at speech left me opening my mouth and closing it like a fish on land. Behind me, I heard a groan. "Ahhh...I'm never sleeping sitting up ever again. Koin! Make some coffee!"

Shaking his head and hiding his smile, Koin replied "Huh?! Make it yourself, you pig! I've been awake half the night, while you were off in dreamland!"

Getting to his feet, the tall horseman stretched and yawned. "Yeah, but that's because I'm the better warrior! Superiority is tiring, you know?" He said with a haughty shrug. Then he got a mischievous smirk. "Or, I guess you wouldn't-being inferior all your life!"

His smirk was promptly wiped off by a left hook, which then was repaid with a kick to the stomach, which then escalated into a grappling match on the ground, and finally, somehow-became an arm wrestle to decide who would prepare breakfast. Koin won through clever use of both his hands, while the other one-kazuma was his name, though I had to separate it from several swears and insults to various family members (Most of which were to the mother.)-decided to use his brain as well and kick Koin in the back of the head while he wasn't looking.

After another half hour of fighting/playing, they finally decided to split it up between the two of them. Though they would throw scowls and dirty looks at each other whenever they got the chance, and smile whenever they thought the other wasn't looking. While they made breakfast I salvaged as much of my kimono as I could, ripping it into sheets and then tying them together to make a chest wrapping. I did the same with my pants and my lower body.

The wrappings covering my hands and feet had stayed oddly untouched, except for being soaked in blood, even though the wrappings covering my mouth had become little more than strings. Taking some more cloth from the wrappings around my hands, I replaced the wrap.

At this point, the two had finished, more or less at the same time, and came over to sit beside me. I was getting up to leave when-

"Hey, where are you going? You think you can kill our lord, and not pay the price?"

Eyeing the man standing in front of me, I just shook my head. "What do you plan to do about it?"

The man was a common soldier, evident by his spear and absence of armor. He stood taller than Kazuma and wore grey clothing. His eyes were a dark brown. "I plan to take my recompense. One way or another." He said this while taking a step forward.

Before I could open my mouth, Koin and Kazuma were in front of me, swords drawn. I was too surprised to react immediately, and while I readjusted-

""You! What is your name, so that we can engrave it on your headstone?!"" The two said in near-harmony.

The soldier seemed as taken aback as me, but responded without pause. "My name is Isei, and it will not be on any headstone for at least a decade!"

The three men face off, tension so thick you could reach out and touch it-

"Such idiots..." I mutter, while striking the pressure points on the back of the horsemen's necks. Both collapse, numb, and flounder like newborn kittens. Stepping forward, I drop my sword. "Well, are you going to take your price? Or are you too much of a coward?"

He seemed to pause and deliberate. Looking backward, I saw the other shadows moving in agitation. Isei took a long look at me, at the cuts peeking up over my shoulders and the blood that stuck to my hair. Then-

"I do plan to have you pay." He said, while setting down his spear and going on his knees. Looking down, he raises his voice for the shadows behind him, and speaks fast as if hoping to get it over with. "I beseech you! Please, take this ones' fealty-I promise to protect and serve you for my life, and let the god of torture take me should I ever fail!"

I walk forward, and speak with an odd tone. A teasing tone. "Oh? You plan to serve me? What could a person like you do for me-who stands so much higher than you?" I finish tauntingly.

Now that I am closer, I can see the sweat dropping off his forehead. "I do not know what a humble man like me could do for you, but-" he breaths in deeply.

I lean forward.

"On that night, I stood in a burning building."

I wonder why he is telling me this.

"I worried-for my friends, for my life, for my future-but, I did not worry for my lord."

Confused, I take a step closer.

"I thought he would be the one to save me, but he did not. He left us to die, and kept all of his strong warriors around himself. Leaving us to die."

I think I can begin to see.

"I cursed him, and swore, and took an oath to kill him should I ever get the chance. In the end, I was rescued by my fellows, and planned to confront my lord-and planned to get myself executed."

So he's glad I killed his lord?

"But, before I could, I saw someone."

Who?

"It was a child, covered in blood and stumbling. Silent, even though it was crying. When I saw that, I realized just how selfish I had become. To let such a young person be tainted by killing, I have failed in my quest to bring peace to the land."

So what? Everyone else does even less than you.

"I saw a young child holding the weight of the world. I can not let you walk alone, and still refuse to commit suicide."

"That is an absurd reason-"

He finished, almost shouting. "I can not do much! I am an average warrior! I am just a man! But I will do anything-anything, to help you."

I...

He slowly raised his head, looking anxious.

I am...

From behind him, the shadows come out, and kneel beside Isei. They are just normal men. No, they are less than normal men.

I am speechless. Who knew humans could be born with so few braincells?

"You idiots...so be it!"

Turning my back, I walk over to my sword, and draw it.

"You wish to do anything? Then give me your life!" I exclaim, while raising my blade.

He doesn't look afraid. He doesn't look disappointed. He just looks...happy. Happy that he can do something for me.

While I raise my blade, he bends his head and turns to that my sword will go through his neck easier. Feeling frustrated-angry, pissed off-I let my blade drop.

The edge whistled toward his neck, and he didn't move.

His friends cried out, and he remained still.

My sword touched the back of his neck-and he breathed in relief.

I dropped my sword with trembling hands, and he was the first one to pick it back up and offer it to me.

Glad that my hair covered my eyes, I reached out and took the sword. "If you are to serve me, then I will need you to swear upon something-something that can not break."

Oddly, Koin and Kazuma joined Isei in discussing. Why are they here?

Finally, they came before me, and lowered their heads. "We have decided. If you would let us kiss you blade-we would swear to always serve you."

I wanted to slap them. The way they said such stupid things made me so...angry. Holding out my swords naked length, each of the soldiers and Isei kissed the blade. However, when I came to Kazuma and Koin-

The both took hold of either side of my face, and each kissed an eye. Kazuma kissed my left, and Koin kissed my right. Then, Koin asked a last question.

"Now we just need to know your name to finish the oath."

Feeling as if my sword should be lodged in their bodies, I mutter.

"Sorry, we couldn't quite catch that-"

"My name is Fel. Remember it well, you fucking idiots."

Then I turned around, and left.

I will never fully understand men.

---

Because I am already lost. To waste others' lives would just be selfish. But, then, I am a child. I have concluded that I have more than my fair share of selfishness.