《Terms and Conditions》Finale 1
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NOTHING.
Absolutely nothing.
He could be screaming. He could be insane. He could be a lightbulb. He could be a lion, facing off a gladiator. Better yet, he could be in the crowd, watching the bloody battlefield. He rather fancied he could see the scene unfold in front of him. Yes, there by the wall, hundreds and thousands of robed men were forming. And the bed made an excellent lion.
So strange, these hallucinations.
“THERE ALWAYS HAS TO BE A PROBLEM!”
“I’m sorry…”
“You idiot! Can’t a scientist conduct their own experiment? Oh, no matter. Where is she now?”
“I…I don’t know—”
“Oh, there she is, in my office? Get her! Capture her! But don’t kill her, not yet.”
“Yes!”
EXFLIBBERAGUIL STARED BLANKLY AT THE WALL.
He had plenty to think about, but the silence muted out all his thoughts. He could see seven Babas hopping around the white room. Pure emotion churned through his veins, but he couldn’t focus on one and find the source of it. He could only stare and feel, and wish to scream and cry, if only he could hear himself do either.
Suddenly the door burst open.
“You! Change of plans,” a rabbit screamed. It sounded remarkably like the female black rabbit that accompanied Exflibberaguil for so long. Exflibberaguil’s ears vibrated from the suddenly sound. He himself wanted to scream and hear his voice, if he could only remember how.
Exflibberaguil didn’t bother turning his head. An open door would only give him false hope.
“Explain!” the rabbit said.
There was a thump followed by a muffled scream that sounded very familiar. Exflibberaguil was unable to contain his curiosity and reluctantly turned around, his eyes cold and lifeless.
His eyes first focused on the very large spotted gray-and-white rabbit at the door, standing on its hind legs. It wore strange gloves with a thumb jutting out of one side. Exflibberaguil supposed this must be their “rabbit prosthetics.”
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The Babas began to fade as Exflibberaguil stared at the rabbit. His eyes slowly moved down.
“Nick?” he croaked.
Nick said something. The rabbit reached over and ripped the gag off. She gasped, her face already a sickly shade of purple.
“How…?” Exflibberaguil asked, his brow furrowing. The jumble of thoughts began to clear as he slowly recovered his senses.
“Stars don’t blink,” Nick whispered, still gulping down air.
“Oh good, come join the insanity club,” Exflibberaguil replied. “You should try insanity one day. You can forget all your worries. Forget everything. Strangely enough though, I think I was more sane when I did wipe my memories. You, on the other hand, were the opposite.” Exflibberaguil laughed. “Funny.”
Nick tried her best glare. “I came to save you,” she said with an air of dignity.
“I applaud your efforts.”
“Well, I sure don’t hope I’ll be punished,” Nick replied loudly, looking hopefully at the rabbit. “Would I, miss?”
The rabbit giggled a high-pitched squeak. “Of course!”
“Dang,” Nick muttered. “Well, I tried to save the archeologist man who is in another room like yours, Exflibberaguil. I wonder what my punishment would be. That archeologist looked like he had some ideas of his own as to how he would punish you rabbits.”
“I haven’t yet decided on her punishment yet,” the rabbit giggled, “but you just gave me an excellent idea. I’ll ask that man. I’m sure he’d give very creative suggestions.”
“Aw man! I seem to be working for the wrong side, aren’t I?” Nick replied with a groan.
“Well, let’s hear that man,” the rabbit said gleefully. It fiddled with a remote it had strapped to it left leg. “Let’s see here, this should do it.” She pressed a button with her prosthetic thumb.
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“How do you want to punish us?” the rabbit asked, speaking directly into the control.
“Stadiums. Colosseum. Gladiator…oh, look! He fought the lion!” Timothy muttered in a dazed voice. His sound seemed to come from elsewhere in the room. “Yay! Go!”
“Gladiator…lion…” Nick murmured. “He must think this is Rome!”
“Yes?” the rabbit prompted.
“You know, when people watch one person try to kill another being. Oh! Don’t say it! I’ve just given you another idea, haven’t I? Why can’t I keep my stupid mouth shut?”
“Aha! I love your idea. Have you face off your friends, perfect! And I shall gather everyone to see it. You really are stupid,” the rabbit gloated.
“Dang it!” Nick wailed. “I just sure don’t hope I’ll have to fight Exfl—not again!”
“Oh, both of you are fighting all right!” The rabbit screeched with delight. With the flick of her wrist, two other, smaller rabbits rushed in to fasten a collar and leash on both of them, handing the end to the leader. She gave both leases a hard tug, and Nick and Exflibberaguil lurched forward to prevent their necks from being snapped. Satisfied, she giggled again and began to twist and pull at their leashes, forcing them to yell out in pain.
“At least I’m not at the stadium!” Nick cried.
“Oh, yes, you there!” the rabbit said, pointing to one of her assistants. “You, go and organize this stadium thing. And don’t you think you’ll be able to stall. You’re going straight there now!” The rabbit giggled again, and began walking them, head first through the hall.
“What are you playing at?” Exflibberaguil hissed. “You’re making this worse! I don’t need you getting killed right now! I still can’t get the taste of burnt Baba out of my mouth.”
“Burnt what?”
“Never mind. What in the world are you doing? I didn’t think I was serious when I called you insane.”
Nick attempted a small grin, but was jerked forward by the leash. “It’s all on her right leg, in the underside of her knee.”
“What?”
“Oh, you really have gone insane, haven’t you?” Nick snapped, enjoying her moment finally being better than Exflibberaguil. “You taught me this yourself. There’s a birthmark there. She’s no rabbit, she’s their stupid cousin, the bunny! Don’t worry. If there’s a way to get out of this, this is it.”
And with that, the bunny threw them into another room, threading their leashes through a small hole and tying them to an unseen post outside the locked door.
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