《Terms and Conditions》A Mess

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“WH-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

“It’s you! I know it!”

Nick laughed awkwardly. “Are you saying that I—what are you saying?”

“You are the girl in the wanted posters!” the doctor chimed in, helping Timothy up. A small crowd began to form in a circle around them, phones out and ready. They lined the sidewalks and the front of the small little stores. It was a comfortable, breezy day, and the crowd grew quickly. However, there seemed to be a strange force field that prevented anyone to come within five feet of Nick or Timothy. “I don’t know what you did with your hair though. Black was way better,” the doctor continued. He flicked a nonexistent speck of dust off his coat, pretending to act cool and casual. It only made him look like he was flicking himself.

“Excuse me?” Nick snapped, trying to sound sassy and offended. She slowly backed away. “For your knowledge, my hair was dyed teal for fifty bucks. I really should get home now.”

“Hey Nic—” Exflibberaguil began. Nick whipped her head around and bulged her eyes out at him. She bit her lip and made a motion with her hand to signal Exflibberaguil not to go on. “—aragua. Nicaragua. Great place for a vacation, I heard, so here I am! Though I never imagined it to be so hostile.”

“I know, right?” Nick chimed in hurriedly. “I never thought—er—Nicaraguins spoke English. I thought they spoke Nicaraglish. I also always imagined them to dance and wear and eat more exotically. This seems strangely normal. What a disappointment. I knew I should never have trusted those advertisement and social media posts. Though I do appreciate the attention.” Nick waved at the cameras and phones.

“This is Maine,” Timothy said dryly.

“Oooh!” Nick gushed. “You know, in the United States, there is a state called Maine too! I heard you can get the best—”

“This is the United States.”

“Aaaah…” Nick said stupidly, nodding her head and furrowing her brow.

“I guess we jumped out of the plane too early,” Exflibberaguil added.

“Well, that just means we really better get going,” Nick said. “How long of a walk is Nicaragua? Or better—does anyone have a map?” After a silence, Nick shrugged. “Guess we aren’t very talkative, are we? That’s alright.” Nick hesitated a moment, deciding if she dare continue, before she plunged on. “I don’t suppose any of you have a map?” She looked doubtfully at Timothy and the doctor.

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“No,” the doctor said stiffly.

“Oh, for god’s sake!” Timothy yelled. “Stop playing your games. You have been missing, and that boy kidnapped you!” Timothy pointed at Exflibberaguil, who looked bewildered. The crowd’s gaze immediately diverted to Exflibberaguil, their murmurs and expressions conveying amazement, doubtfulness, and anger.

“Most of you must have seen those post on social media,” Timothy continued, addressing the crowd. “You must recognize this girl and her kidnapper. Come on!” This only had the opposite effect on the crowd, and they suddenly went silent. “Oh, give me some affirmation here. Come on! Okay, let’s try this. Can someone show their phone and one of the posts to this girl?”

The invisible circular force field around Timothy increased to a ten-foot radius. People fought to be as far away from him as possible, should he begin asking random people for phones. Timothy did just that, selecting a teenage blonde who wore fluorescent pink eyeshadow and a nose piercing. He guessed correctly that she would be the sort of girl who usually went on social media and posted a lot.

“Can I borrow your phone, Miss? I assume you have all the usual social media accounts?”

“Uh…” she began, then shared a look with her friend, a brunette teenager with smokey black eyeshadow and over-lined lips. They burst into hysterical giggles.

Timothy waited politely, feeling his smile becoming colder and faker and staler by the second. After waiting to see if the girls would stop giggling (which they didn’t), Timothy repeated his request.

The first girl finally stopped giggling enough to calm down. She gave him an are-you-serious? look, with her left eyebrow and nostril raised, and her face twisted to look like she smelled sulfur. “Uh, no?” she said at last, rolling her eyes and shrugging. Then she glanced at her friend again and broke into a fresh round of hysterics.

Timothy could no longer keep his fake smile. “Well then. I don’t suppose I could use your phone then?” he said coldly referring to the black-haired friend. “I have no doubt you use social media as well. It would be such a shame that your—” Timothy paused, and rearranged his thoughts to not sound so insult, “your beautiful makeup look be wasted without the world knowing. Please, may I borrow your phone?”

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The black-haired girl suddenly froze, no longer giggling. She stared at Timothy almost in fear, before reaching over and digging in her friend’s large tote bag. “I’m sure my friend would love to volunteer her own phone,” the girl said, handing over a ridiculously decorated and impractical phone.

Timothy was about to say the phone was locked, but he quickly realized it had no password. Kids, he thought, almost rolling his eyes himself, don’t know what security is.

It wasn’t difficult to find a post about Nick, especially her rabbit-killing encounter. But by the time Timothy raised his head to look up, Nick had already made it to the edge of the crowd and was beginning to squeeze her way out.

“Hey!” Timothy yelled. “Doctor, why aren’t you—”

But the doctor wasn’t next to him either. He was also trying to escape, though his larger body made it more difficult.

“Doctor!” Timothy said with disappointment.

The doctor smiled sheepishly. “Ah, well, you were taking so long to get a phone. I just want to go before you emba—I mean, to go find the car.” The doctor was already moving toward the kids while he was talking, and his big size and adult strength quickly overpowered Nick and Exflibberaguil’s weak struggles. They were brought to the center once more.

“That’s you, isn’t it?” Timothy said, thrusting the phone in Nick’s face.

The picture showed a rather unattractive picture of Nick with streaks of rabbit blood on her face, her face contorted from the wind and running. A caption under it read: “Animal abuser! So evil!!!” followed with have a million tags.

Nick made a face. “Eew. Why does the picture have to be taken so bad?”

“So you admit it was you?”

“What? No! I wasn’t even aware you were accusing me. Are you?”

“Yes, I suppose I am!” Timothy replied with dignity.

Nick fell silent. “Well, then, um, okay then!” Exflibberaguil piped up pathetically.

“It’s not me!” Nick insisted. “What an unflattering picture, by the way.”

“Who do you suggest it is, then?” Timothy challenged. “Your secret twin?”

Nick considered. “Well, actually, that’s not a ridiculous idea. I don’t know who my dad is. He may have taken my identical twin, and my mom took me. And she may be my doppelganger. There’s a one in trillion chance that I meet my doppelganger, and if these posts continue, I’m sure it wouldn’t be difficult to meet her. I just won the lottery!”

Timothy smiled maliciously, and tossed the phone back in the crowd. The blonde fumbled to catch it before it hit the ground, and glared and uttered a few choice curses. Timothy ignored them. “Thank you. That’s all I needed to know. You claim you don’t know your father, and live with your mom. These videos are to prove your exact words.” Timothy gestured to the crowd. “Yet I know it is your mother that put up the missing posters back in your hometown. So you must be the famous Marine Nicole Lucifay.”

Nick froze, and Exflibberaguil took up the role of talking. “H-hey! Wait here!” he stuttered.

“And you are the kidnapper,” the doctor said, pulling Exflibberaguil’s arms behind him.

“Woah! Woah!” Exflibberaguil exclaimed. “Take it easy! I suggest let’s go somewhere more private. I don’t like these cameras.”

“Marine here says she likes the attention,” Timothy replied coldly, smirking.

“That’s when I thought I was in Nicaragua!” Nick fired. “And my name’s Nick!”

“Now, come on! Let’s go to a bakery! Your stomach has been rumbling I know you’re hungry.”

Color rose in Timothy’s face. He hadn’t noticed his rumbling stomach until now. “I quite like the cameras and videos,” he snapped. “They leave evidence. I know you just want a chance to escape.”

“Oh, trust me!” Exflibberaguil whimpered, trying to break out of the doctor’s grip. “I won’t try to escape this time.”

“I know you won’t,” Timothy sneered, “because I’m taking you to the police right now.”

“If I can find them,” the doctor murmured quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing, Timothy old man. I have a really good feeling about Fletcher Road.”

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