《Terms and Conditions》The Trio
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“I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.”
“Who asked you?” Oakley snapped. “I never told you to come. You came because you were curious.”
“Yes,” Timothy said dryly. “I was curious why I was called up in the middle of my dinner to a woman insisting that the world was in danger.”
Oakley sniffed, her nose in the air. “I’m sorry your steak got cold. I never told you had to come. I simply wanted to say that the world was in danger.”
“You never told me I had to come, yet there you were, waiting on my porch ringing my doorbell as you called.”
“Well…”
“In the middle of my dinner date, to be precise. My girlfriend was very interested to know why I had a woman come to my place in the middle of the night that wasn’t a coworker and I was on first-name basis with. I would have convinced her you were a stalker, if Stapes wasn’t so happy barking. He only acts like that around people he knows.”
Oakley stuck her nose even higher in the air, though the effect was dampened with her short height. “Well, you could have refused to come with me anyway. Make some sort of excuse. I never kidnapped you. You could have stayed in the house and finished your dinner date.”
“Are you kidding?” Timothy whispered as loud as he could. “Me? Stay with her while she thinks I’m cheating? She’ll burn the whole house down on me, and then hire one of those fast-talking lawyers to get her all the insurance money! On second thought, I probably shouldn’t have left those candles lit…”
Oakley smiled sheepishly. “Well…”
“Don’t even try to argue anymore. After I walked out, you pushed me into the car with child-lock on.”
Oakley pouted. “You’re making it sound so dramatic,” she groaned. “You’re making me sound evil. I merely bumped into you and you fell into the back seat.”
“Bumped?” Timothy muttered grumpily. “You gave me a bruise!”
“I feel like the third wheel here,” the doctor groaned. He had been silent while the two were arguing, smiling in a sort of way that made both of them get the urge to punch something. His reason for smiling was soon known. “I’ll be here when the two of you stop flirting with each other,” he said immaturely, a reminiscent of his evil middle school brain showing through his face.
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“Hey!” Oakley protested, forgetting to keep quiet. She quickly swiveled her heard, anxiously surveying if anyone had heard her.
“Y’know Timothy old friend?” the doctor continued, completely ignoring Oakley. He leaned close to Timothy and whispered loudly, “I think she made your girlfriend mad on purpose.” He winked so much his face scrunched up rather unattractively. Timothy was very tempted to comment on it and suggest that perhaps he was jealous he couldn’t get a love life. But knowing the doctor well enough, Timothy knew that saying such a thing would only make the doctor more determined to offend him. Timothy wasn’t worried about himself. He knew that he could take the doctor’s insults. But without Donna to control him, Timothy was worried these roasting battles could get out of hand and offend Oakley.
“Oakley,” Timothy said, taking a leaf out of the doctor’s box and ignoring him, “why are we here?”
He gestured vaguely to the bushes they were squatting in, spying on the crime scene. Oakley had persuaded them to drive with her up to New Hampshire. The news of the blood leaked very quickly. Social media exploded with criticism against Marine Lucifay, writing things like “Serves her right” and “Karma!”
After first being shooed away by the police guarding the scene, Oakley had use what she called ‘woman charm’ and gotten out of questioning. As soon as they were out of sight, she pulled Timothy and the doctor by the scruffs of their neck (for such a small woman, she had surprisingly strong biceps) into the particularly large and overgrown hedges.
The large, boring white flowers growing on some bushes emitted a strange, almost minty smell. Unfortunately, it seemed to attract bees. Timothy wasn’t the fondest of bees. He had suffered minor trauma and developed a slight fear of bees after he knocked a hive over with a baseball when he was seven. He didn’t run fast enough, and ended up getting more than a dozen stings. He shied away from the insects, and Oakley stared at him with an amused expression that he did not like.
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“I told you,” Oakley replied to Timothy’s question. “We’re investigating something that could potentially be dangerous to the world if gone unheeded.”
“What?” the doctor asked, not even pretending to be interested.
She glared at each of them, then leaned in dramatically. Timothy and the doctor moved away. “Ferret blood was found in the trailer.”
For a second, none of them stirred. This was no news flash for Timothy, who had seen many posts on social media about it, conspiring that Marine had ate the ferrets raw for breakfast. However, he didn't feel like it was appropriate to show his knowledge, and he let the silence continue.
Suddenly, the doctor began to laugh, his voice dripping so much sarcasm, it was almost visible. “So you came because you were worried about a ferret?”
Oakley seemed taken aback. “Well, yes,” she said after a moment of hesitation.
“Oakley! Ferrets are hardly a danger to the world!” Timothy hissed.
“Yes they are!” she protested, remembering to be quiet at the last second.
“Who says?”
“Plenty of professionals!” she replied unconvincingly. “Well, okay, maybe just me,” she added hastily, “but I’m very persuasive.”
“Oakley, we’re grown men,” the doctor said with an odd anger in his voice.
Oakley opened her mouth (probably to correct him and say she was a woman), but the doctor didn’t giver her a chance.
“We’re adults now,” he continued, pronouncing ‘adults’ like ‘ah-dolts’. “I missed three appointments now! I have bills to pay and work to do! You can’t keep on dragging us into these things! Look at us! We’re hiding in the bushes like children. It was fun the first few times, but now it’s plain annoying. I’m sorry to bring you back to reality, but I can’t keep on running after you.”
“Well, don’t then!” she said hotly.
The doctor widened his eyes. Then, with a look of determination, he stood up and straightened his coat. He coughed awkwardly, then said, “Good-bye then!”
Timothy rose as well.
“You too?” Oakley asked, slightly heartbroken.
“Well…” Timothy said, dragging the ‘l’, “I’m sorry, Oakley, but I really need to pack my bags. I’m going to a new site this weekend, and I still haven’t arranged for hotel and all that. And the doctor has a point. Don’t you have work to do as well?”
Oakley looked at the ground, without answering. “I dunno,” she said at last. “I just thought this was important.”
Timothy looked down at her. Somewhere inside him, he felt it ridiculous that an adult woman would still be doing such a childish thing. Like I’m the one to talk, he said to himself.
“You coming, Timothy?” the doctor asked, as if he were in a great hurry. Timothy knew the doctor would either have morning appointments afternoon ones. He rarely had both, and Timothy was willing to bet that he had already missed all the ones scheduled.
“Yeah,” Timothy sighed and moved to leave.
“Wait!” Oakley cried. “Wait! Doctor! White fur was discovered here! White ferret fur! You remember, I saw a ferret when I was in the woods—”
“I really don’t want to offend you, but grow up Oakley,” the doctor snapped harshly. “I no longer care about this. I’m going back, and it’s your decision whether to stay or not.” He flicked his hand and strode off briskly. Timothy shot Oakley a sympathetic look, and left himself.
Oakley was left alone in the bushes, frowning and sulking.
“You no longer care, do you huh?” she muttered bitterly. “Then why do you still carry that ridiculous glowing splinter in your pocket, doctor?”
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