“NINE-ONE-ONE, WHAT’S YOUR EMERGENCY?”

“My trailer was stolen.”

“Oh? Did you see the thief?”

“Thieves. Plural.”

“I’m sorry. Did you see the thieves?”

“Er, yes. I think.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m pretty sure they actually talked to me.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, and they probably bought my trailer. But they didn’t pay, I think.”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t remember what they looked like. I just know that they stole my trailer. I don’t know who they are though. I forgot what they looked like. I also forgot my license number. And I can’t find any of my paperwork.”

“Goodbye. Anymore pranks like this will not be tolerated again in the future.”

“Wait—”

“Goodbye.”

NICK STARED CROSS-EYED THROUGH THE WINDOW.

“This can’t be safe,” she repeated for the hundredth and thirty-seventh time.

“It’s safe,” Exflibberaguil replied for the hundredth and thirty-sixth time. “I’m referring to Box’s driving skills, of course. As to the safeness of this vehicle, which in no way resembles a car, I cannot guarantee.”

“But what if Box runs out of battery?” Nick fretted, “Or gets water damage? Or malfunctions?”

“Which is precisely why I plugged it in, sealed it in a waterproof bag, and have a backup driver.”

“Backup driver?”

“My ferret.”

“Yup, Marine Nick Lucifay,” Nick muttered, “great idea, trapping yourself in a car driven by a malfunctioning robot and an alien who believes that a ferret would make a suitable driver.”

“That sounds about right.” Exflibberaguil pulled out the passport and driver license Box had forged for him a while ago. They looked real enough, and though Exflibberaguil had repeatedly assured Nick that the card was really the same as any Sodriew driver’s license, Nick was still convinced that the police would still be able to find something wrong with the card and insisted Exflibberaguil adopt the name ‘Bob’.

“Don’t take your hands off the steering wheel!” Nick yelled.

“But I’m tired,” Exflibberaguil whined.

Exflibberaguil had already been ‘driving’ for an hour. He didn’t have a specific destination, other than ‘far’ and ‘remote’. No amount of interrogation could make him spill his intentions. The only hints he gave was that the rabbit leader would most likely be very old, and well taken care of.

“Nick,” Exflibberaguil asked suddenly, “how many Brachylagus idahoensis are there on Driew?”

“Why?”

“Just tell me. I don’t want to ask Box right now, because you might freak out again.”

“Okay, okay.” Nick pulled out her phone, which was nearly out of battery. “This better be important.”

“It is.”

“Your definition of important is dramatically different from mine,” Nick grumbled, after dozen tries at spelling the word. “And I don’t know why you said Brach—Brachy—Brachy whatever when you could have just said Columbia Basin Pygmy rabbit.”

“Just tell me the results.”

“Around 2003,” Nick read, “it was recorded that there were only thirty Columbia Basin Pygmy rabbits in existence. It is now still considered extremely endangered and on the brink of extinction.” She paused. “I still don’t get it. What’s so important about this one rabbit? There are hundreds of other species.”

“But this particular species is one of the cuter types,” Exflibberaguil pointed out.

“I never expected you to be the sort of person that would care if something is cute or not.”

“First, I’m not a person. I am a Mustela,” Exflibberaguil corrected. “And second, I have no use for ‘cuteness’. However, being cute is one of the rabbits first line of defense. It had no great effect on Mustela, because we were more developed, but it may have a greater impact on Sodriew. It’s a gamble on their part. Sodriew are less likely to want to harm something that is cute. However, cuteness does trigger aggression, so there is a large chance that the rabbit would be hurt either way.”

“But I still don’t get it,” Nick persisted, “what’s so important about this particular species?”

“I just wanted to know how well you fight against cuteness,” Exflibberaguil explained. “I’m pleasantly surprised, even impressed. I never expected Sodriew were able to counter the cuteness factor and kill these rabbits to near extinction. I’m assuming the last thirty are kept in labs and are being tested?”

“Er, no,” Nick corrected. “There is now a considerable recovery of their population due to restoration projects. The only reason why their population decreased so dramatically was because of the colder temperatures and loss of habitat.”

“Never mind what I said about being impressed. Sodriew are just as much of an idiot and a disappointment as I give them credit to be.”

Nick did not know how to respond.

“If cuteness didn’t work, how was your planet destroyed?” Nick asked, deliberately changing the topic.

“In the beginning, it was overpopulation. No one thought much of it. It didn’t seem like too big a problem. As long as we dominated the planet, we didn’t mind immigrants coming into our planet.”

“Wait, I’m getting confused,” Nick said, “did you say it was against nature to take over other planets? Then why were you accepting other planet immigrants?”

“They weren’t taking over the planet,” Exflibberaguil pointed out. “As long as their main planet had the most amount of rabbits concentrated in one spot, it’s fine for a few rabbits to visit other planets occasionally. Aliens do it all the time. But it becomes a problem when too many come to a single other planet, attacking that one planet. That was what the rabbits did.”

“So your planet was the first victim?”

“I don’t know. I can only believe so. I forgot the details.”

“I see,” Nick replied. “Speaking of forgetting, where are we going and when are we going to get there? I want Box to start spewing words as soon as possible, so you can actually recover some important parts of your memory and do something proactive for once.”

Exflibberaguil gave Nick a wry smile, the sort of smile adults gives children when children say they want to be a wizard when they grow up.