《Terms and Conditions》The Missing Poster
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“WHAT’S THE PLAN?” NICK HISSED THROUGH GRITTED TEETH.
“Right, about that…” Exflibberaguil trailed off, “Well, I don’t have one. I sort of counted on staying in the ship for a bit longer.”
Exflibberaguil heaved an enormous backpack containing the forgetting machine. Nick had all the essentials, including a limited food supply and Box’s charging port. They had been counting on Box to carry a bit more, by Box’s small wheels could barely move in the forest. Even the ferret had a backpack with tiny gadgets Exflibberaguil insisted they bring.
“How fast do your cars go?” Exflibberaguil asked, changing the topic.
“Oh, about, I don’t know, really, really, fast?” Nick paused. “But then again, I suppose your planet has way faster.”
“Why?”
“I mean, you have spaceships for heaven’s sake! Your form of transportation must be insanely fast.”
“Actually, it’s very slow,” Exflibberaguil replied, “Only the poor buy cars. After millennials of pollution, gas and even battery-powered vehicles were banned on Pylo’rox. Cars could only be solar-powered or wind-powered, which, you can imagine, is really quite slow.”
“Wow,” Nick whispered, “I’d never expect that in the future, cars will be slower.”
“We have other forms of transportation anyway.”
“Yeah, like spaceships,” Nick frowned, “But that doesn’t make sense. If cars are slow, what do your spaceships run on? Spaceships have to be fast to take off, I’m assuming. ”
“Er, I don’t know, actually,” Exflibberaguil admitted sheepishly, “I’m supposed to know everything, except that. Box, do you know?”
“I recommend you not to request answers at this moment,” Box replied, nearly inaudible, “as it will drain battery quicker. I do not wish to die in the forest at this moment.”
“How do you not know about a ship you spent years in?” Nick interjected.
“Nearly a century,” he replied proudly.
“Haha, you said you were fourteen,” Nick challenged, stepping over a large root.
“I am fourteen. But I traveled back in time.”
“You can time travel too?”
“Yes.”
“How does it work?”
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“I uh,” Exflibberaguil scratched his head, “I don’t know.”
“There you go again! You really do know nothing!”
“Look,” Exflibberaguil argued, “I didn’t build my ship or the time travel machine! Do you know how a plane works?”
“It’s not like everyone has a personal plane! I know roughly how a car works. Well, at least I know that you need gas for a car.”
“Hey, a ship’s really big! And I have a really bad memory on account to all the wipes I’ve been through. And also,” his face contorted into a grimace, “also…”
“What?”
“I can’t remember, and I don’t want to remember.” He replied.
“Just how many of these memory wipes have you done?”
“Oh, I don’t know. About three hundred? Three thousand, counting the years I repeated back in time.”
“You electrocuted yourself three thousand times?” Nick gasped, “That can’t be healthy.”
“Er, yes, I know,” Exflibberaguil answered, “can we sit down now? This whole walking thing is tiring. I wish I could bring my toucan chair.”
“What, you never exercised in your ship before?”
“Who needs exercise? It’s the diet that counts.” Exflibberaguil collapsed under a large pine tree, shaking the trunk. Box and the ferret rested beside them. “Take Box’s charger out,” Exflibberaguil commanded.
“Yessir,” Nick muttered unzipping the ginormous backpack and sorting through the contents.
Nick and Exflibberaguil sat next to each other, both unwilling to break the awkward silence. A few pinecones fell in the distance.
“Oh right,” Nick exclaimed, “We don’t know where we’re going. We don’t have a plan either. We’re practically homeless.”
“Eh. I was practically homeless my whole life,” Exflibberaguil shrugged, “I’m sure we can find a car to live in.”
“Cars aren’t tiny ships, Ex.” Nick rolled her eyes. “Our cars aren’t big enough to live in.”
“I’m sure there must be livable cars.”
“I, well, I suppose there are trailers,” Nick admitted begrudgingly.
“I knew it. We’ll just nip one of those.”
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“Steal one of those.”
“It wouldn’t be stealing if no one owned it.”
Nick rolled her eyes again. “You can just find trailers lying on the side of the road. Every trailer on this planet is owned. I suppose you must not know that since probably a lot of things were unowned during your bunny apocalypse.”
“Hm,” he sighed, “you’re right. I suppose we’ll just have the make the owner forget ever owning anything.”
“What?” Nick shouted, “No! No more electrocuting people!”
“It was you’re bright idea to send the ship off in the first place.”
“But didn’t you see? The woman came back with a second person! If we hadn’t left, they would have discovered the ship!” A gradual headache once again began building in Nick.
“Well,” Exflibberaguil began, angry. He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, when a loud rustling of leaves sounded nearby. Both Exflibberaguil and Nick froze in their place. “Rabbit,” Exflibberaguil whispered, “the odor is unmistakable.”
Odor? Nick wondered, do aliens have a better sense of smell? All I can smell in pine.
The ferret was wary too. It had begun transforming into a vicious beast, stretching is front limbs into a prowl. It sniffed and wiggled its ears, moving silently among the pine needles. Box’s whirring engine became silent. This was obviously a practiced procedure.
Nick tried to quiet her breathing, though she did not know why. It was only a single rabbit after all, and despite the video she saw, nothing of the sort has happened to Earth. A single rabbit could cause no harm. And rabbits couldn’t understand Nick anyway.
Suddenly, the ferret leapt. The scurrying began once more, but this time it was obvious the animal was being chased. A flash of grey was followed by a flash of white. Nick spun her head to catch the highlights of the chase. A sudden impulse urged her to start commentating.
And now, Rabbit, a deadly alien, is in the lead! But watch out! Ferret is quickly gaining ground. Look at that speed! Oh no, those who bet on Rabbit is in for a bad day! Is it true? Has Rabbit gotten caught in a bush? Is this the end? But no! It fights through. But Rabbit has lost valuable time.
Ferret leaps over the bush in one jump! He almost has Rabbit’s tail! They are running away. Let’s zoom in for a closer look.
Nick stood up, and began chasing the ferret despite Exflibberaguil’s protests.
It looks like Rabbit’s demise is near. Ferret has almost completely caught up, running parallel with Rabbit. It doesn’t look good. Just one jump and—
Has he—
Is it—
“Yes! Ferret has caught Rabbit! And now it’s biting into Rabbit’s neck, and dismembering it into several large pieces! Graphic images ahead. Do not look if you have heart problems. Gross. Ferret’s slick white coat has now been doused in blood,” Nick rambled.
“Nick!” Exflibberaguil yelled from somewhere far behind.
“I’m here!” Nick yelled back. She looked up from the ferret. Nick didn’t feel queasy or repulsed, as many other girls may have felt, but she had no desire to continue watching a close study of rabbit anatomy. Her eyes wandered to the trees.
Wait.
Was that her fifth grade yearbook photo?
Nick stepped over the ferret, who was still busy consuming the rabbit. She moved closer to a tree where a piece of paper had been taped to the trunk.
Oh.
On the paper, in large bold letters, were the words:
“MISSING.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL?
MARINE NICK LUCIFAY. TWELVE YEARS OLD. FEMALE.
IF SEEN, PLEASE REPORT TO THE POLICE STATION FOR REWARD.”
Underneath was fuzzy, blown up picture Nick in fifth grade. Nick wondered why her mother hadn’t put up a better quality photo, before remembering that her mother had no photo of her.
Twelve years old? I’m thirteen, Nick thought bitterly. Her mother couldn’t even write her correct age on a missing poster.
Nick heard footsteps approaching. She quickly tore off the sheet, and stuffed it in her pocket.
Another day. This is a problem for another day.
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