It was fate? Or... what’s it called...? Serendipity was it?

Either way, we were fortunate.

I was born from a poor family. It was hard trying to survive with our father’s meager income, but we had a roof above our heads and warm food in our tummy. I had to share a lot of things with my brother, so I grew up too early.

Then, it happened. It just happened suddenly.

We were sold.

Cold. The fleeting snow that fell silently on the pavement, erased our traces. The tracks of the truck and our breaths, vanished in this cold land.

“Hey, Nadi... I’m cold...”

Inside the cold truck, we sat huddled with other kids. But a child’s warmth wasn’t enough to keep warm us from the freezing snow. Many fingers and toes were frost bitten, turning into a deeper shade of purple every minute but no one cried. Because if we did...

“Hey ya runts! Shut it will ya?!”

Overwhelmed with fear, Andi gasps as he buried his face on my clothes.

I thought we were still fine, but we were just too poor. I never realized how cheap my life would be that I could be sold with my brother as a pair.

After the long travel through the biting cold, there were teeth chattering and some who aren’t moving at all. We soon arrived in front of a tall gate wrapped with barbed wires and surrounded by men with guns.

The adults were talking about this place, a facility miles behind the tall peaks hidden in the cold snow.

We were scared at first, but the treatment was better than back home. It was warm, we were fed and dressed, everything felt nice, except that we slept in a cell.

We had no freedom but we had three meals a day, sometimes we play in the “recreation room” and most times, we took medical tests.

There, I begged for the first time.

“Please... let me...”

My brother’s vacant face was unbearable. The only family I have left, my only ally in this cold world. I couldn’t leave him like that. So, it was common sense.

I took his place.

It started the same way as Andi’s did. Drugs and poison, I was made to take the same things Andi took. Some were painful, some felt good, some felt like I wasn’t myself. But soon, it felt like routine after a couple of months.

Then it escalated.

Pain. Words cannot describe the pain I felt. The pain formed feelings that I’ve never felt before. The feeling that my apathetic self tried to let go of. The feeling that my brother is so used to... towards our drunk father, useless mother, towards our fate.

Hate. I started to hate my fate. I hated my brother, my parents, the people who made me feel this pain and I hate... the God that created this world.

I was full of hate, but my hate couldn’t do anything. Even as I grit my teeth and let my hot tears flow in anger, I was powerless.

The hate lasted, but the pain soon faded. The pain didn’t stop, I just became numb. The blood that splattered in the room I was in: became a form of solace. A new splatter would mean a new story, one of which would be mine.

Soon, I could tell which splatter was mine and which isn’t. By the unique smell of each, I found out there were 3 of us who were tor— I mean, uses this room.

It felt like a game. Who would give up first, who would be next. Like a wheel, rolling, sometimes it’s hell, sometimes you feel normal. I mean, as normal as you could.

Then she came. The routine roll of the wheel continued for months, and she came to observe. She wore a pair of worn out jeans and a bomber’s jacket that was obviously wasn’t hers. With snow covering her head, her long jet black hair was wet but flowed gracefully, glittering in small blades of light from the windows.

“This is test subject number 12. She had a twin brother who was supposed to be doing the tests but she wailed saying she’d do it in his stead...”

A guide, one of the scientist in his white lab coat said in a muffled voice that passed through the glass.

I watched that big sis. She seemed lonely but at the same time, oddly happy. But when our eyes met, I thought it would be pity but...

...those sapphire eyes were filled with anger.

I never realized what that look truly meant so after they left, I have a new thing to ponder with. Something to alleviate the pain. A “pain killer”.

That pretty big sis became my source of fantasy. How I would make her wear the dresses I make, how she would pat me and call me her little sister. It was a naive dream, but it was still my dream.

I never thought that it would come true though.

But I’m glad it came true. A figure so solid and reachable but ephemeral and faraway at the same time, she was at least within my sights.

And within that chaos, explosions and bloodshed at the time, I saw her. The same sapphire eyes, fair face covered in dust and in her hands were guns. The screams and gunshots were muffled, while seeing fate... or was is serendipity? Either way, we were fortunate.

My tiny dream that was formed in that moment, came true without a moment’s notice.