Finally they had passed Helmet, the highest mountain of whole the land. Garvin had seen it in the distance ever since they left Greed. At last it was beyond his eyes. He felt like making progress until the next village loomed at the horizon. But the Dragonslayer had a decent argument. It was either that or sleep in the forest. So they found themselves in front of yet another tavern door. This time it was in a village named Svikinn. It counted fifty buildings, but it had a fishery and a blacksmith. And most importantly it had a witch. If you wanted to know how important a village was, you could just look for a witch. If there was none, the city was not worth your time. Like Woodholm for example, his own village.

‘You know we have literally zero money?’ Garvin said .

‘I am a legend in these areas, I can get free drinks wherever I like,’ the Dragonslayer said.

I would love to see that, Garvin said.

Two minutes later they found themselves without any drinks and stomachs as empty as before. ‘I guess my name doesn’t mean much here, after all,’ the Dragonslayer said. ‘Wait! I got it!’

‘What?’ Garvin asked.

‘The stuff..’ He snapped his fingers. ‘The loot! We could sell it!’

Garvin didn’t remember having found anything useful since they commenced their journey, but said nothing. Whilst looking around, he noticed that the general goods store was on the opposite side of the tavern. They walked in and the Dragonslayer grabbed his bag. He opened it and showed to the shopkeeper. An older man with grey hair and beard, a hawk nose and brown eyes.

There were stuffed animals hanging on every corner of the room. Boars and wolves looking down at them with glassy eyes.

‘Can I help you, gentlemen?’

‘We want to sell some milasculous items,’ the Dragonslayer said.

‘Excuse me?’

‘Well, miscalascuous. Miraculous. Mucus-less. A burned book, a soggy book and also..no wait. ’

Garvin didn’t know whether to laugh of roll his eyes. ‘Sir, I think he means miscellaneous items.’

‘I’ve been saying exactly that for the past five minutes!’ his friend said. He showed the shop owner the content of the bag.

For half a second he peeked inside the bag. ‘I doubt there is anything useful in there that I’d be interested to buy. Which is surprising, because I can sell almost anything!’ the shopkeeper said.

Garvin peeked as well and recognised a collection of pebbles, scarabs, grass and some powder that may well be sand.

‘I told you, lets not get drunk for once and continue north,’ Garvin joked. The Dragonslayer was already at the door.

‘Ah, I see, you folks need drinking money? Well then, there is still time to gather it.’

The Dragonslayer had his hand already against the door but turned his with a suspicious look. ‘Like what?’

‘Well, it depends on you. I heard towns people have been robbed as of late. And my little girl became eight today.’

‘Congratulations,’ Garvin said with a smile.

The shopkeeper made a short bow. ‘I was hoping to hire a jester. Or someone who would want to act like one for an evening. That would warm her heart.’

‘No, sorry. We are real adventurers, ad-ven-ture. As in we venture and advent. We stick to our job description.’ Garvin looked up at his friend. ‘I would do it. I’m not really a hero anyways.’

The man looked as surprised as the Dragonslayer. ‘You would?’ they both said. Garvin nodded. ‘This will make my little girl so happy! See me here before sundown. I have an old suit that you could wear.’ The shopkeeper said. He waved at them from his door and kept doing that until they went around the corner.

‘Let’s enter the first building we see,’ the Dragonslayer said. ‘Public building we see,’ he corrected himself.

Garvin had never seen the Dragonslayer so eager to do a quest. It would be good to write something closer to the truth for one, he thought. ‘You know, if I am writing your book, I need something shorter than Dragonslayer,’ Garvin said.

‘What do you mean? It's my name. Call me the legend, then. Or Ultra Slayer.’

‘That’s barely any shorter. No I mean your real name.’

The Dragonslayer stopped in the middle of the road. Real name?’

‘Come on!’ Garvin said. ‘Is it John? Hendrik? Freddy?’

‘Oh dude, stop. Let’s focus on our mission.’ Then he turned around. ‘You know, let’s meet at the inn later today. I will question the blacksmith, you can do the others.’

‘Fine,’ Garvin said. ‘But don’t steal swords.’

They both chuckled and went their own way. Garvin towards the east and the Dragonslayer west. Leaning against the building were kids with dirty faces, looking with suspicion at him. He smiled at them but did not receive the same kindness. Quickly he understood why he got the fishermen. The smell of the fish being hard to endure was a grave understatement. He nearly barfed as he passed a big barrel full of dead fish. Some were tied on long ropes that continued for the entire dock. Dead fish swaying in the wind. Garvin approached the first fisher he saw and asked him what he knew about the thefts. The man pointed to a woman, too busy to properly greet him. The woman wore a straw hat and had freckles over her entire body. She wore short pants and a shirt with rolled-up sleeves. ‘How can I help you?’ she asked. Garvin introduced himself and told her he was trying to solve the case.

‘I lost my necklace. I had a shell attached to it. It belonged to my mother, and it’s supposed to bring me luck.’

‘Have you left it somewhere, or dropped it in the water?’ Garvin asked. He wished he hadn’t. The woman got upset, accused him of thinking she was stupid and refused to cooperate much after that. Garvin walked away after promising to find her necklace of great sentimental value. The next place he tried was the guardhouse. Which was nothing more than a wooden shack as large as two beds next to the house of the village elder. Inside was a single man, wearing an armor that couldn't even intimidate Garvin. He wore a sword that Garvin swore he’d never use. The shack had a lamp, a table, and a chair. ‘So, I heard there were some robberies,’ Garvin said.

The man nodded. ‘Yes.’

The talkative type, he thought. ‘And could you tell me something about them? Have you got any suspects, leads, ideas?

The man shook his head. ‘Nobody traveled through town. It all happened this week. I never saw the likes of it. Like the town’s gone mad. No locks forced, no windows broken, no one heard anything.’

The guard said at least seven items were missing.

The people complained and suspected each other. Garvin could even see it in the eyes of the children. He had not crossed a place with kids sadder than these. At least I can give them a show, he thought. He had never been a jester, but in a way, he thought, they had been nothing else. The Dragonslayer and he were a walking circus. He made zero progress and after a few more hours of futile searching and politely listening to stories, he decided to wait in front of the tavern. His stomach was growling like a predator in the high grass. All his hopes were at the party. May there be food, he thought. Please let there be food.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Dragonslayer went to the blacksmith as he said he would. Eventually. The good thing about a blacksmith is that it was often on the outskirts of a village. In case it took fire, the other buildings would be spared. But for him it meant that he was closer to the edge of the village. First he took a nap in the grass, then he walked to the blacksmith. ‘You got stolen from?’ he asked the broad-shouldered blacksmith. He had arms like tree trunks and short, dark hair. He had been sitting on the chair and staring at the forest for the last half hour.

‘Yeah, yesterday evening I realized my hammer was missing. It was pretty broken, mind you. But it was a piece of my uncle, who taught me all I know.’

‘It’s a worthless hammer. Why would anyone steal such a thing?’ he asked him.

‘How would I know?’

‘Do you sell swords or any weapons or gear?’

The blacksmith squeezed his eyes, then shook his head. ‘I create tools, or hooves. And I already have barely enough resources for that.’

‘I see. You have pretty strong arms. You must be the strongest man in the village,’ the Dragonslayer said.

‘Not really. I mean, there are a few lumberjacks that could beat my ass if they wanted to.’

He looked at the blacksmith from toe to head. ‘Ah come on, you’re as strong as an ox. I mean, compare them to my arms,’ he said. Then he rolled his sleeves and showed his arms. They were hairier but not bigger. He stared at blacksmith’s arm, then his own.

‘What do you want? say it,’ the blacksmith crossed his arms and started to look impatient.

‘Fine, lets arm wrestle. Who wins gets a free meal.’

‘Go away!’

‘A meal for masculous items, then?’

The Dragonslayer walked back with a growling stomach. How was it possible this large tree trunk of a man would decline. He had done the same trick to boys not even half as strong. But instead he met the friendly giant. He touched his stomach and knocked on the first door he saw. ‘Anything stolen here?’ This approach did not help him much, but he wasn’t giving up. Who would steal worthless items, and why? he wondered.

That's when he saw a lumberjack coming back from his work, judging by his sweaty face and dirty clothes. And by the enormous double side axe. In his mind formed another plan.

‘Hey you! I am searching for the best lumberjack of the whole land. And I think you might make a chance!’ the Dragonslayer said.

‘Oh?’ the man stopped dead in his tracks.

‘I mean, look at those strong arms! I think you’d make a good chance to win, if you want to participate.’

‘How?’ the sweaty man asked.

‘Two parts, an interview, and a test.’ He continued to ask him about where he lived, and enjoyed doing. It didn’t seem like one who would steal for no clear reason. So the Dragonslayer told him he passed the first test. And he found out that the lumberjack's name was jack, how big were those odds? ‘What's the second part?’ Jack asked. ‘To prove your strength, you need to arm wrestle me. If you win, you get in the top five, I will contact you later.’

The two walked to the first tree stump they saw and placed their arms on the wood. They looked eachother in the eyes. Black eyes stared into brown. Their hands grabbed. Then they started to put force. The Dragonslayer didn’t put all his force at once. He let Jack fatigue himself first and then he slowly pushed his arm down. The hardest part was looking like he was doing a great effort.

‘You’re strong!’ the lumberjack exclaimed.

‘Too bad you couldn’t win. The reward was a magical axe.’

It seemed like he hit something there, the man slumped his shoulders and went home.

The Dragonslayer smiled. ‘Wait!’ He ran up to him. ‘You know? For a meal I would say you did defeat me.’

With a smile he arrived at the tavern. Garvin was already waiting. ‘So, did you find anything?’ he asked him.

Garvin shook his head.

‘No worries, we will eat and sleep this night.’ After an inspecting look from Garvin, he told the whole story. ‘So, I swindled a lumberjack.’

Garvin shook his head. ‘No, please tell me it's a joke.'

‘What do you mean, no?’

‘That was the whole point! We help this village for a reward. We don't make it worse! I won’t do this. I will go to the shop and play the fool for the little girl. You can swindle your way through all difficulties, I am not gonna do the same.’

With that he stormed off.

‘Dude!’ he yelled after him. But Garvin entered the shop. What's his issue, he thought.

He walked to the lumberjack’s house. Once in front of the door he waited. He had to knock and receive a meal. Garvin with his stupid ideas of knighthood and ideals. Didn’t he realize after that many hungry nights, ideals were shallow and empty plates? He would never see Jack again, for all he cared. But he knew who cared. ‘Why you always care?’ he sighed aloud. He walked away from the door. The next idea was the tavern. The thief had to be there. From the window outside he could see half the village gathered up in there. The ambiance seemed cold.

All the same stolen worthless items. No one could sell them. It didn’t serve anyone. Unless. Then it dawned on him. The trader! The only one in town who can sell almost anything. The items could be hiding in plain sight! And Garvin was there, dressed up as a jester in the house of the thief. Who knows if the man even had a daughter. Who knows if Garvin wasn't bound and gagged in his basement?

The Dragonslayer wasted no more time, he turned around and charged at the building.

Two feet away he jumped with a stretched leg. The door gave in with a loud groan. It smashed to the ground. He looked around, the dead animals were watching him from the walls. ‘What the?’ the shopkeeper yelled from another space. The Dragonslayer charged towards the sound, he met the man in the next room on the wooden stairs.

‘Begone, trespasser! The shop is closed!’ the shopkeeper yelled. He grabbed a heavy stick leaning against the wall at the top of the stairs. But the Dragonslayer did not get intimidated. Not by a corpulent, balding man. The shopkeeper swung his bat.

the Dragonslayer dodged to the right and grabbed the wrist of the man. He then punched him beneath the ribs with his right fist. The man collapsed. The bat fell on the wooden stairs.

The door at the top of the stairs opened. It was his friend staring at him with a pale face. ‘Garvin!’ he said. ‘I found the thief!’

‘Oh no, it wasn’t him! It has all been a huge mistake! Come on up, and meet the real culprit. Or should I say, culprits!’

The Dragonslayer put the shopkeeper over his shoulder and carried him upstairs.

There were candles and there was cake. On a rug as big as the room there were children sitting in a large circle. Garvin, dressed up in a suit full of colorful squares. He wore a funny hat with many bells. He smiled at him.

‘So, who did it?’ the Dragonslayer almost expected thieves to drop from the roofs. Twelve children's faces were staring at him. ‘No, you mean that. They?’ His mouth remained open as he stared at each one.

Garvin smiled. ‘Actually, the kids wanted to give a special birthday, so they stole some stuff from their own homes.’

‘So, the stolen goods. They were birthday gifts?’ he asked Garvin.

The dragonslayer dropped the shopkeeper on the ground and started laughing. Everyone laughed. Though the kids more out of fear and awkwardness than the humor of the situation. Garvin laughed until tears welled up from his eyes. The shopkeeper groaned as his daughter stared at him with big eyes.

Garvin wiped his tears away with the back of his hand and came to his senses. ‘You really blew it this time.’

The Dragonslayer nodded. 'I guess I was the fool the entire time.'