I more or less remembered the correct descriptions. Look at Kami-sama bashing on each character. Haruto sneered. "Unfortunately for you Kami-sama I've already decided to go with the samurai. Call me a noob, but I started Heroes of Darkness with a samurai, and by anyone but you, I will finish it with a samurai." Plus I get that sick katana and can RP as a wandering warrior.

Losing himself once more in his delusional fantasies, Haruto thought I hope I can find a jacket with justice written on it along the journey.

A samurai materialized in front of Haruto.

Oh, he is a tall one, I wonder how his face is, hopefully, gorgeous at least better than my old one, no more beady eyes the time has come for prince charming. Haruto looked with anticipation as he waited for the character to turn towards him.

Turning, Haruto was greeted with the unholy image that etched itself into his retina. Haruto looked head-on at the eerie faceless suit of armor. He stared into the infinite void that should be its face and, for a moment, lost himself in the abyss.

The suit of armor flashed with an effortless swing that Haruto couldn't keep up with.

Feeling the air from the swing, Haruto's heart stopped, and his sphincter began raising the brown flag. Instead of pain, Haruto felt a hot energy overtaking his body. He could feel the armor becoming one with his body, and the sword was becoming an extension of his will.

Haruto allowed the sensation to settle for a bit and enjoyed the feeling of this new power. He opened his eyes to find a text bar above, asking if he wanted to do the tutorial. Haruto mocked, "what scrub, does God think I am, I may play on normal for the story. I may get put to sleep by a boss five times in a row. And yes, on a few occasions, I raged so hard I broke my keyboard. But rest assured I always returned with a vengeance in hell mode.” Hearing his own explanation made Haruto less sure of his gaming prowess, so he decided to take his insecurity out on God. He laughed a bit dryly, and yelled to the heavens, "take a tutorial of these nuts kamisama," and then the pop-up disappeared.

Haruto swaggered forward, feeling giddy in his traditional samurai attire. It consisted of a beautiful katana on his waist, a beautiful helmet with two arcs on his head, and cool wooden sandals on his feet. He walked and walked for what seemed hours. His beautiful helmet became an ugly, heavy restraint that made his neck hurt. The elegant wooden sandals became horrid uncomfortable wooden trash as his feet were soaked with each step in the swamp. His feet being the water felt so real. He was almost convinced that the creature in the cave succeeded in killing him, and he had reincarnated yet again. Did I die that soon? No, impossible, I would be too embarrassed to die in the starting location. That would mean my survival record went from 18 years to 5 mins.

The further Haruto headed in, the more fog was present until he could only see 10 ft ahead. There was a lack of noise in the swamp, Haruto could only hear his own breathing and the sound of swamp water being splashed by his steps.

A loud, sloshing noise that broke the silence within the swamp drew Haruto's attention.

He smirked, wondering what unfortunate monster shall take the honor of being his first kill. Then he saw it, a decrepit skeleton in tattered armor. A ridiculing expression formed on his face. What is this supposed to be? A skeleton really, it might as well have been a slime at least then I could keep it as a pet. Haruto laughed out triumphantly like a brave knight, he mockingly said, "Mr.Bones I hope you drank enough milk because I'm about to go Bruce Lee on your ass."

In response, the skeleton pulled out a rusty sword, with a chip so deep the sword looked to be contemplating whether it should be falling apart.

Haruto pulled out his starting katana though it did not glimmer like a legendary weapon; it was positively in a much better state than the skeleton's disabled sword. Haruto could already envision his victory to come. Before the two began their battle, Haruto noticed there were no controls or commands for his abilities. Am I supposed to say the name of my attacks, or do they automatically happen, I wonder?

Not giving Haruto a chance to figure things out, the skeleton lunged forward, bringing its rusty sword down with power unfit for a bag of bones.

Haruto instinctively raised his sword to block, but the attack knocked him on the ground. His katana sailed away like a ship leaving port. Haruto started to worry. Is this not normal mode, and, am I not playing the beginner's recommended character?

As doom rattled towards him. Haruto did the only logical thing and kowtowed. He begged for the kind and gentle skeleton's forgiveness and explained that he meant no harm at all, and Bruce Lee was merely someone who brought gifts in his old world.

The skeleton either did not care or already knew who Bruce Lee really was.

Haruto clicked his tongue in frustration. Damn, if that is not going to work, there is only one thing a brave samurai can do.

Haruto screamed to the heavens "please send me into the tutorial for the love of God do not leave me here with this murderer. I repent kamisama, you are truly merciful, and I would never bring harm to you over some underwear."

No one replied.

Hearing no reply, Haruto began slamming his head into the swamp, like a faithful believer. "I beg you oh, benevolent one. I promise my earlier blasphemy was all a joke, that was said in the heat of the moment. The ruined underwear shall be a family heirloom to remember your benevolence."

Still, no one replied.

In a fit of rage, Haruto shouted, "fine, then kamisama. I was lying anyway. I curse you from the bottom of my soul, and you bone man, I hope you get your bones stolen by a bird, and I hope the bird defecates them back onto you."

The skeleton raised its sword high into the air.

Haruto's bladder once again began hoisting the flag of surrender. Haruto cried, "if only I went through the tutorial, I would easily wipe out this skeleton, and one day I would wipe you out, you sadist. "

Haruto could hear a snicker all around him. The skeleton in front of him froze. Haruto felt a throbbing in his head, and a screen emerged, offering him the tutorial once again. Fury rose from his gut, and he was prepared to unleash every cuss word in the book. But before he could open his mouth to yell, the screen faded a bit. Haruto realized what this ass of a god was hinting at. So begrudgingly, he closed his mouth and selected yes on the tutorial. He was teleported away from the swamp onto a field, in front of me is a dummy target.

A pop-up bubble said: swing the katana at the target to pass this part.

Haruto saw 0/10. He swung the katana as hard as he could to understand his new strength. The katana ended up flying from his hand, ripping the skin on his palms in the process, the completion was still at 0/10. Confused, Haruto picked the katana back up and swung, putting less strength in, and focused on not dropping the sword.

Completion 1/10.

Haruto rejoiced, if not for the pain of flesh being ripped away, this would be a glorious moment. Haruto basked in his moment of glory, then returned to his swinging, and after doing the same swing nine more times, the task was completed.

New task: Complete 10 heavy attacks completion 0/10.

Heavy attacks, huh, looking at his palms, Haruto was well acquainted with the dangers of this attack. Not wanting to injure himself more, Haruto swung a little harder than his previous attack, but the completion did not budge. Haruto frowned and wondered what kind of sadist made this game, then he remembered it's the same kind that made their summoned hero pee himself.

Taking a breath to steel himself, Haruto swung as hard as he could, and again the katana was ripped from my hands, taking more flesh in the process. Haruto cried out in pain and looked at the poor remains that were once his palms and wondered why his samurai started with no gloves. In frustration, Haruto wondered if there was any way the game could show him how it's done.

As if reading his thoughts, a blinking message popped up, asking if he wanted to see how the move should be completed. This God really put this after I already desecrated my hands. A reasonable person would put it at the start, my hate for this God grows by the second. This is no god, unless he is a god of sadism, and that is no God I pray to.

Haruto, complaining to himself, selected yes on the pop-up, then lost control over his body. A mysterious force entered his body, making his limbs feel out of his authority. Haruto or more precisely, his body pulled out the katana. In a motion he could never mimic in a million years, his body squared itself off, firmly planted the legs on the ground, and tightly grasped the katana. He could feel the pain from grasping the katana this hard, and wondered why his pain receptors were still in his control. Then in a fluid motion that would surprise any master of the sword, Haruto's body slashed the dummy in half, right through the wood pole holding it up.

A pop-up asked if he would like for the example to repeat itself. Haruto nodded and had the process repeat itself 30 times. Finally, he started to catch a glimpse of how to do the heavy strike. After 10 more times, Haruto felt like he could repeat the task. I am a master at watching someone do something, and more or less doing it in an acceptable fashion. Worse comes to worst, I can just watch the body do it some more.

Haruto squared his body, tightened his grip on the katana until he felt a similar sharp pain as before. Flexing his muscles to the extreme, pushing his concentration to its limits, he swung down in a slanted direction and chopped the dummy in two. Finally, the chosen one has taken his first step to ultimate power. Now is the start of my journey. Now is the birth of a warrior who will be praised for generations. I am ready for anything now, bring on the next challenge!

On the screen in front of Haruto, the score changed from 0/10 to 1/10.

Seeing this, Haruto fell to the ground and curled up like a homeless man under a bridge. He went into a deep sleep as his nerves were fried.

When he awoke, his palms were healed, and the mental stress from over-concentration had been alleviated. I wonder when the last time I slept this well was.

A new pop up was presented, asking: would you like to continue the tutorial.

Unlike last time Haruto sat still and went over the question in his head. To continue or not to continue. That is the question. Looking back on my near-death experience, I would be either a masochist or mentally unhinged to return to that apocalypse realm, where the great bone-sama resides. Why, did I just call that bag of bones, bone-sama? Anywho no time to dally, onward tutorial show me the ways of survival. After finishing the katana practice, the next tutorial taught Haruto the proper stance one must take when fighting. This tutorial was quite informative and straightforward. It gave an excellent example of how breathing properly balanced the tempo of strikes, and their strength.

The next was a tutorial on kicks with a metal dummy as the target, though Haruto did not learn much technique-wise as any kick worked, and he kicked with all his strength every time. I feel like I lack something as the form was correct, but this body seemed to be complaining that its full potential was not demonstrated. The feeling of kicking, though, is quite enjoyable. I feel like a martial artist. My current kicks crumple steel with ease.

Next were punches that were even more invigorating. Haruto practiced one-inch punches in honor of the great one. He may be tooting his own horn, in his opinion, these punches would be considered a finisher in most fighter games. Haruto got into the stance shown earlier, controlled his breathing, and punched with all his might. His fist shot out faster than a bullet surprising him to the point of disbelief. The punch crashed through the metal like it was paper, and the subsiding shockwave from the punch traveled 10 feet. Unfortunately, these punches take a lot out of him, especially making the shock waves travel farther out. Though the regular punches were still strong but pale in comparison.

Fearing that this was the last tutorial. Haruto couldn't help but think. I need something better than this, teach me the ultimate survival weapon, game not some punches and kicks, but something that embodies the true essence of survival.

Another pop-up: are you sure you wish to learn the ultimate way of survival?

Well, duh, why would I think that in my head if I did not want to learn it? Wait, why did the game hear that? Last time God did not reply until I spoke out loud? Was he just waiting for me to beg for my life, did he just ignore the mental image of my demise? Curse your sadist-sama, and curse whatever fool prays to you. After cursing the unknown followers of this depraved God, Haruto bowed to the just and kind pop-up sama. "I shall thank you in advance pop-up san.

Haruto vanished from the training field and reappeared into an empty area.

The pop-up said: prepare to learn the ultimate trick to survival.

Haruto was ecstatic to be given an ultimate trick. Even if God was a douche, the move should be legendary. Great, finally, kami-sama is giving me something to work with. Perhaps it’ll be an invincible move capable of destroying worlds. Wait, don't tell me as a reincarnator my attack will be something from Earth? Like, dare I say a nuke-punch. Earth's mightiest weapon wrapped up in my fist.

A timer appeared above Haruto's head.

Huh that's weird is this a timed quest, is the timer counting down to when I unleash my hidden power. Haruto tilted his head in confusion.

When the timer finally got down to one, a new mission popped up: Survive for 1 min against Asmodeus, the demon of lust.

A nagging feeling began to climb up Haruto's spine. Wait, the demon who? Survive? What do you mean survive, and why does the guy showing up sound like the end boss for a video game.

A burst of eerie laughter rang behind Haruto, one that sounded like a toddler laughing if that toddler had its vocal cords tangled, and only drank nails instead of milk.

Haruto's neck creaked like a robot out of oil, and the unholy sight behind him ripped his soul out of his body. Oh, finally, without that troublesome soul, my brain has full authority. Let me see yes, that is indeed an unholy creature, an abomination if you would. That smile is reminiscent of the fat ugly guy smiling in a hentai before he goes to town on a girl. I wonder what this could mean, hello soul. If you are done on your vacation, I could use your assistance in explaining this phenomenon.

Sucking his soul back into his body, Haruto took another glance, the smile on his would-be rapist's face told him all he needed to know about what would happen if he were caught. The virginity that would be lost would be something one wished to keep.

Pause.

Ever heard the saying fight or flight before? In the face of a creature whose sole existence appeared to be making one feel excruciating pain that lasted a lifetime. Who in the entire human population would have a gene that told them, "Hey, bud, just fight."

Answer. Nobody in their right fucking mind.

Haruto bolted like a man who got caught doing the dirty with someone's wife and screamed at the top of his lungs for the tutorial to stop.

Instead of stopping, the timer began to count down from 30 seconds.

30 seconds huh, not bad, just enough time for him to skin me alive and have fun with one of my orifices. I wonder if he brought a condom, though I doubt he would have the time to put it on. Haruto heard an illusory sound enticing him to turn around. Haruto fought the thought that agreed with the voice, only the fear from almost giving in sobered his mind. His brain noticing such a crazy thought murdered it for even existing in this universe.

Haruto ran as fast as he could, thankfully this body here was a true warrior's body, not his weak original, or he would be well let's not say what he would be.

Hm, I smell something burning, not quite flesh, but it is indeed leathery. Could it be that my armor is on fire, impossible, how could that hellspawn have caught up? I had like a 30-second head start, and I am running faster than Usain Bolt. The previously murdered thought's son hijacked control and forced Haruto to look behind. His brain was scarred by what was behind him. If curiosity killed the cat, this curiosity made the cat want to scrape its own eyeballs out with a rusty spoon.

Dear reader, excuse me for breaking the 4th wall, but the disturbing visualization is not for the faint of heart.

Molesting Haruto's vision was an old decrepit hideous grinning monster with what could only be its tongue that extended to the neck. The "tongue" was a pulsating piece of grey flesh that looked like an earthworm. Yellow blood dripped out from the tongue, causing sizzling noises once it touched the ground. It reached towards Haruto like it was a hand.

On top of that, that grin was still there, the grin a serial killer would have after a good long night of necrophilia. Its three blood-shot eyes were looking at Haruto like a piece of steak after fasting for a week. The creature's nails were sharp and reached 3 inches. Blood and pus oozed out periodically, some sort of lube for when the demon was gouging out a new orifice to use. It did not say a word, but its eyes gave Haruto an extended essay on the deeds that his mind and body will be put through. When Haruto's eyes looked as if asking if his consent would be involved in it. The demon's eyes replied matter-of-factly, "what do you think cupcake?"

Suffice to say this cupcake pushed it to the limit and sped up. If previously Haruto was Usain bolt, now he was a cheetah on a mixture of cocaine, meth, five hour energy, 2 shots of red bull, with a needle of coffee stuck directly into his veins. Right now, he could outrun a certain blue hedgehog, and still have time to stop and tie his shoes. But God forgive, the poor fool who would stop.

Even in Haruto's dreams, he would lack the coconuts to stop in the face of this demonic beast. The loud sound of slapping drew Haruto's eyes to the monster's legs. Looking down, Haruto saw its bipedal hooves slamming into the ground and its third leg peaking out to remind him of the fun in store if he were to slow down.

Haruto's heart was on fire, his legs were aching, and his brain had short-circuited merely repeating "run" on an infinite loop. Each breath burned his lungs, and his body, like the French in WW2, contemplated surrender. But, unlike the French during WW2 the metaphorical rape, was replaced with the literal sense.

Fine, if my brain and body can't continue, my spirit will suffice, right my otaku fighting spirit. Haruto watched as his otaku spirit in a white robe, pressed a short sword to its stomach. It appeared death was preferable to capture. That eerie laugh again grated on Haruto's ears to the point of bleeding. His short-reincarnated life flashed before his eyes, and everything went black, as his back's pain sensors fried, after what felt like a molten pin struck.

As quick as the pain arrived, it dissipated, making one wonder if it ever existed. If not for the mental damage still present, Haruto would be convinced what just happened was a figment of his imagination.

A pop-up bar appeared in front of his teary eyes: Success! Ultimate form of survival learned, run.

Haruto laughed and cried, wondering what sin he committed to be here. He collapsed onto the ground and fell into a pained slumber that was devoid of dreams as his brain reflected on the meaning of life.

After completing the tutorial, Haruto unlocked the achievement "luck of the noob" (earn three bonuses for completing the tutorial in a way that amused Kamisama). Three bonus items were given to him. They were basic comprehension, free level up, and 2x small health potions.

Congrats on leveling up. Three unassigned skill points added. 1 free point for every skill

Other than the reason for receiving these bonuses, Haruto was overjoyed by the free loot, he followed the saying of never looking a gift horse in the mouth. Three skill points? Hm off you go into energy. Why level up strength when energy gives both damage and speed. My damage and speed while using the katana will be crazy. The only trade-offs are that my punches won’t do as much dmg, and won’t do aoe dmg. Also I won’t be strong in battles against opponents with higher strength levels and health. But only Barbarians max strength and health. Even then I am faster than most tanks, so I can just kite around until I win. High energy also concentrates dmg into one point, which should make weak points take extra damage. Even better the attack speed works on punches so I can combo more. Haha this is why everyone says playing Samurai is for noobs, but I call it cost-effective.