After I had calmed down, Jun Ling had fallen asleep. So I carried Jun Ling on my back, back to her home.

I wasn't worried whether she was fake or real anymore. A lot of inconsistencies within my memory still remained but I've decided to just adapt and handle things as they come. I was too concerned over whether she was real or fake, that I forgot the implications of what she had done for me. I forgot how to feel gratitude.

Worse than losing the physical sensation of the world, I had forgotten how to feel gratitude for what she had done for me.

She was the only one who told them to send me to the infirmary. Otherwise my ankle would've worsened as time passed by. She was also the only one who saved me from the river. The one who taught me more about shui gui. And the only who said she would help me regain my body.

Even if our dream wasn't real, those other things are definitely real.

I was still wary of meeting anyone from town so I walked along the river bank away from the paths and trails whilst being careful not to step in the water.

During the walk, she woke up.

"Zhang Shun?..."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for believing in me. I'll always be on your side."

Despite everything I had said and done, she not only forgave me but she's thanking me. Li Jun Ling truly is an angel.

"Zhang Shun? Do you mind if we drop by the school later?"

"Why?"

"I want to play basketball."

Hearing that evoke a lot of memories in me. Happy, happy memories. As well as unhappy ones. But this time, I'll be playing basketball with Jun Ling in the real world. Not the dream world. I'll be properly fulfilling her dreams this time.

Reaching her home, I gingerly walked up the creaky wooden steps to her front door.

"Hang on tight, Jun Ling. I'm opening the door and I don't want to drop you."

"Hnn." She affirms.

I couldn't tell if she was gripping tighter so I waited a while before carefully untucking one hand to twist the door knob open.

After making sure the door was wide open, I make sure both hands are holding her properly.

"Kyaa!"

? An enemy?

"What's wrong?!"

"Umm y-your hand is on my..."

"Sorry! I can't feel anything right now so it's my bad."

It really was an accident and I was sad I didn't have a physical body to feel... you know.

But more importantly, I can't feel her warmth on my back, her breathing on my neck or her body pressing into me.

Being a ghost really sucks at times.

"Should I bring you to your room?"

"N-no! I mean... the couch is fine."

She's really protective of her secrets I see. It's true. I never saw Jun Ling's house at all in the dreamscape world too. As if she wanted to hide these living conditions away from me. I shouldn't delve any deeper into that.

I carefully lower her down to the couch.

"Are you sitting?"

"Hnn." She affirms.

"I'll go get my basketball, wait here and don't come in my room okay!"

I sit on the couch and wait patiently for her.

"Okay, I'm dressed up. We can go now."

Jun Ling in her P.E uniform never fails to make my heart skip a beat. It's the same uniform I saw her first in, short shorts, and white t-shirt tucked in.

She brought out her old weathered ball too. The same one as the one I had picked up in that bush. Everything's confusing me right now. Jun Ling's alive and there are two of the exact same mud brown, bruised, and beaten basketball.

But somehow I've stopped questioning the oddities. I'm simply going to enjoy this basketball date with her.

Her left arm, the same arm I had grabbed is all bandaged up. I feel a constant stream of guilt whenever I look at it. I was really angry... I didn't realize how much strength I was putting in my grip. I sorely wish I was a human again.

"Do you want me to piggy back you again?"

"No, I'm feeling better now."

"We're going out rather late, aren't your parents going to be worried?"

"My parents are out on a work trip so we'll be alone for the whole week."

We. She said we. This angel is letting me stay with her overnight for a whole week? No. Control yourself Zhang Shun. Remember your name, good natured, good natured, good natured.

With only the moonlight, we traveled alone the riverbank towards the school's rear basketball court. I kept a watchful eye the whole time in case we strayed too close to the water.

I'm not gonna let her get taken. I'd rather die a second time before I let that happen.

We reach the school. Gently taking her hand, we carefully scale the dirt cliff together and enter the court.

"So show me what you've got!"

The competitiveness which died a long time ago within me flared up again, expecting a good 1 on 1 duel with the real Li Jun Ling.

I pass the ball to her for her to start on offense.

She fumbles the pass...

Maybe she's not actually as good in reality?

"Sorry!"

"It's fine! Just come at me!"

Nope. She dribbles just as well as I remember. In fact she might be even better than I remember because her dribble move trips me up and I fall.

"Umm... Shun."

"Yeah?"

"I know you want to build my confidence up but please take this seriously."

"But I am though?"

"No, you aren't and I can see that. You're purposefully putting too much weight on your left side and neglecting your right, then you pretended to fall."

I'm putting too much weight on my left leg? But I really was taking her seriously. Maybe this whole time I've actually been unconsciously protecting my right leg.

"Okay. Let's do that again."

"Seriously this time?"

She's pouting and her tiny brows are slightly furrowed... S-so cute.

"Mhm. Seriously."

"Okay..."

She doesn't sound like she believes me.

Okay. Keep myself balanced, stay light on my toes. I may not be able to feel anything right now but my mind remembers, the practiced motions I went through. The thousands of hours spent practicing.

She does a different dribble move this time, faking left, going right then attempting to go left again while turning the ball behind her back.

I tap the ball out of her hands.

I did it.

"That's the basketball star I know."

"Star? I haven't heard that line in a long time."

My injury early on in my last year of playing, cut our trip to Nationals short. The last year we had placed fifth in our state and just needed to get fourth to have a chance to go the Regional tournaments and finally Nationals. But with me injured, their run ended at eleventh place.

I had talked a pretty big game back then. But when it came down to it I just wasn't up to stuff. If I had put on a bit more muscle, or practiced a bit harder. Maybe I wouldn't have shattered my ankle. My relationships with the coaches and teammates all soured. And my college offers all dried up. People had already disliked me for being so self-centered and purely focused on basketball. When my basketball career went down the drain, so did my social status within the school.

Talks a big game but can't walk off an injured ankle.

Guess he wasn't as good as we thought.

"Shun? Are you upset?"

She's observant and caring as always.

"A bit, hearing 'star' just brought back some bad memories."

"No. I'm sorry... I should have told them to carry you faster to the infirmary back then. Maybe your ankle would have healed faster."

She shouldn't have to apologize.

She did tell them to carry me back then. If she hadn't when she did, maybe I wouldn't have been able to walk for life. Just because she hesitated a little in helping, doesn't mean my ankle not recovering quickly is solely her responsibilty. Even now she's helping me because she still feels responsible. She shouldn't have to shoulder that burden.

Let's lighten the mood.

"No. You did your best. And right now a broken ankle wouldn't faze me anyways! I have no physical body!"

"Hahaha~ I guess you're right about that."

...

"So what are you going to do when you get your body back?"

"Abandon this god forsaken crazy town first of all. They threw me into the river and got me into this mess in the first place."

"I see... You want to go far away."

"Yup. And.. umm I think it's time we talk about certain things. I've been trying to sort through it all in my own mind but it isn't any use."

"Okay, so where do we start?"

"How'd you come to know about the supernatural? And why were you by the river today?"

"To be honest, I have no clear idea why I know about these things and today I just felt like I had to wait by the bridge no matter what."

"But you referred to yourself as an expert?"

"I did didn't I? I myself don't know why."

This feeling. Where have I felt it before?

That's right. Truth is only what you know. Not what actually is.

She knows her truth. And I know my truth.

But that's not all there is to it.

We are both being deceived here.

I trust her words and I trust her. But I feel like there's something missing here. Something very important that both of us don't know. The key to finding it all out lies somewhere within our conversations here.

Rather, our conversations are the keys. But only one key can fit the lock and solve the mystery.

Keep a calm mind, open your eyes and speak what comes to mind.

"Then let's sort through our memories of events that happened this year. Let's start with after I broke my ankle. What happened between us?"

"I remember telling the boys to quickly send you to the infirmary... Then after that, you said thank you to me in the hallway. Then, you invited me to play basketball for the first time."

"Wait, there. How did I invite you to play basketball if my ankle healed a few months before graduation?"

"I don't know... but you did. I'm sure of it."

It may have contradicted itself but it matched with both of our versions of events.

In reality, I don't remember doing it but in the dream we definitely played basketball together after I broke my ankle.

If you say it like that, then things makes sense.

The dream did happen and she remembers it as well. But how much does she remember?

"What else happened after that?"

"Well the next day, we had P.E in the gym and you introduced me to the girls basketball club. I joined the team and that year we reached Nationals."

"Did anything else happen between us?"

"Well... I kept playing basketball with you every week and then at graduation you..."

"I?"

"p-pr-"

"Go on?"

"Pr-pro-Proposed!"

"...I did?!"

"Yeah, with a ring and flowers too."

"Then umm what happened after graduation?"

"Well... for a month you disappeared then you became the town's painter. The old men at the town hall told me about you. I saw you painting the bridge. And suddenly you started limping slowly backwards and then you went into the river! I was so worried."

Yeah, that one month I was cooped up inside the house drawing all the time. Then I begged my mother to hook me up with that painting job. And also her choice of words there, limping. I was limping backwards?

"So you didn't see the monster chasing me?"

"There was no monster there. Only you."

Here it is.

"But... I'm sure of what I saw."

And she is sure of what she saw.

How can there be such a discrepancy?

Suddenly the door slams open and my non existent heart almost ceased beating. Both Jun Ling and I jump in shock.

It's Amelia standing in the doorway... But how? Why is she here? Is she for Jun Ling? Is she here to exorcise me?

"I'm sure you want to know about that monster now huh? Okay then I've been listening in and observing you guys for quite some time so I've finally decided to help out."

I'm a bit thrown off by the sudden appearance but I go with the flow.

"...So was there a monster that chased me into the river?"

"Yup but... Judging by what she said, it was all in your head."

"My head?"

"Yup."

"But Amelia you helped me kill it. How could it have been in my head?"

"Oh yeah, by the time you reached our town, it definitely became real. Because the moment you entered our town was when it arrived and victims started appearing. That two day time period in the hospital, you said you were constantly looking behind your shoulders and scared stiff."

"Yeah?"

"Why were you scared?"

"I was scared because I thought it might show up."

"Exactly there it is. Now let me explain a little about our town. Our town is called the place where dreams are realized."

"And what has that got to do with it?"

"Oh come on, use your creativity a little, dreams can be bad too. Surely that's a big enough hint for you."

"No it isn't."

"Tell me when did you first encounter the supernatural?"

"Graduation day, when I met her, Jun Ling in a dream."

"Hahaha, no silly your first physical encounter with something dangerous... It was the shui gui in the river."

"So... I was hallucinating at the beginning. Went into the river, fought a shui gui, and then you exorcised the monster which had become real in your town."

"Correct! Now prepare to use your brain a lot for this one~ What do you think that monster was?"

"An inescapable monster?"

"Nuh-uh. Think more along the lines of, what does it represent in you?"

"My fear?"

"And what fear is that?"

"I don't know."

"Ah you're lame. Can't believe you're this weak! When did that monster first start to show up? You should know this."

"Before I fell into the river-"

"No! What were you doing at the time when you fell into the river?"

"Painting..."

"There it is~ And according to your Jun Ling here, what happened to you that you an athlete decided to be an artist?"

"I broke my ankle."

"Correct~ See you do have a brain."

No. Wasn't that obvious?

Actually it was obvious the whole time.

"Now time for a really big clue. Fish, me and gramps were lying when we said we couldn't see its face. We could. It was all bullshit we made up to get you to confront it. Now guess whose face did the monster have?"

"...Mine."

"Woohooo, we have a winner! You are absolutely right! And it wasn't that the monster's face was shrouded... after all... what victim would want to admit that the one who had attacked them was...?"

It all falls together now. The monster incident cause was me. The one who got myself involved with the shui gui was me.

Town of dreams come true. Bad dreams too.

No. I refuse to accept that. Not this again...

"Need anymore hints? How about this? Why didn't you run from the monster? Why did you only walk slowly?"

"Because it was twice as fast as me. It took two steps for every one step I made."

"Yes but you never actually confirmed that did you? What if it was capable of walking only that amount the whole time? What if the reason you didn't run was because some part inside you wanted to be attacked? More hints, Fish? Think about why you were intimidated by the monster. Why were you scared with it just locking eyes with you? Did it really have such a dastardly ability? My, my you're doing rather poorly today. Another hint? Why did you close your eyes instead of looking at me, Fish? Were you really that scared by it that you didn't even want to look at it? Or rather you didn't want to look at its face?"

"I understand... please you can stop now..."

"Zhang Shun?..."

"I'm okay, Jun. I'll start now."

Deep breath.

"The monster which chased me was myself. The first incident which chased me into the river was a hallucination. The shui gui encounter was my real first physical encounter with the supernatural. From there, I entered the town of dreams come true. There, in constant fear and having nightmares because of my first true supernatural encounter, the monster came to life. The monster is the me, after breaking my ankle. That is the reason why it shambled on one foot. It is the anger towards myself and the regret that I didn't make it to Nationals. And I didn't run because I was ashamed of the person I had become. Relegated to such a degrading role, not even a true artist but someone to paint buildings like a public restroom. I hated myself once again as an artist. That is why it attacked me, because I as an artist and the I as an athlete both hated myself. I closed my eyes to it all because I couldn't bear to look at the sight of myself in such an broken, angry state."

"Congratulations! And now you know why I truly didn't rescue you from that river. Did you know that your appearance as a ghost reflects who you truly are inside?"

"And I looked like a monster."

"Correct. A monster without eyes specifically because you refused to face yourself. But surprisingly during that entire year, instead of losing your memories and sanity, what did you do in that river?"

"I threw rocks, peeked up skirts and blew out the convenience store windows."

I just mentioned peeking up skirts in front of Jun Ling... My usual loose tongue and banter when speaking with Amelia slipped out.

"Correct, without your physical body, you went through the motions of physical training but you were actually strengthening your mind. You vented your sexual frustrations of being unable to get with this girl here and you took out your anger of losing your body despite the fact that you didn't believe in your body anymore."

Oi! Don't mention my sexual frustrations in front of Jun Ling.

"Because I realized that my ankle had actually healed a long time ago. I was just afraid. It was all in my mind. And that's why without a physical body I went through the motions of training and tried to fix the dissociation between my mind and body."

"And then with little miss Jun here, you completely solved your dissociation. You were leaning too much to one side this whole time you know. Whenever you stood, it always seemed as if you were trying to prop yourself up with just one leg."

"Jun Ling, Amelia, right now.... Do I still look like a monster?"

"It's all cleared up. You're green for go. By the way, why do you think Jun Ling only appeared after you saved those children at the river?"

"Because I knew all along I was a monster, and until I fixed myself, I could not show my face to her."

"And so, you know what Jun Ling here is for now, don't you?"

"...she's created from my desire to meet Jun Ling in the real world."

"Oh-hoho, not just that~"

I can't believe you're forcing me to say this in front of Jun Ling.

"...because I want to make children with her."

"Ahahha~ You actually said it! You big dummy!"

Jun Ling is red in the face, quiet and looking down at her feet. I'm looking anywhere but at Jun. And Amelia is laughing at our expense.

Somehow everything feels better now, everything's been resolved. The fact that Amelia is joking around again shows that she thinks everything's going to be alright now. Even without my physical body, I can still feel emotions. As long as I have that, it's enough. I can let my body go. I don't need it. It will be one less shui gui on the loose after all. And... I don't feel like fighting anymore shui gui.

"But doesn't that mean I'm not the real Jun Ling? I have been lying to Zhang Shun this whole time..."

I had forgotten. Not everything was resolved.

But what she said isn't true at all. I know that now. The truth isn't so simple. It isn't just black and white.

"No, you're real Jun Ling. That is the truth."

"But-"

"Your memories, feelings and looks are true, Jun Ling. So you are Jun Ling, that is the truth. But Jun Ling is also in the afterlife, that is also the truth."

Jun Ling looks unassured.

"Hey, Jun Ling do you know about the Swampman philosophical thought experiment?"

"No..."

"Well it basically goes like this. Suppose I go into the swamp and I'm struck by a lightning bolt, killing me. But somewhere else in the swamp another lightning bolt occurs and it just so happens to arrange a bunch of molecules and forms the exact form of me that died at the other lightning bolt. This new me, has the exact same brain, feelings, memories and thoughts. And he will behave exactly like me. Would you consider that person as still Zhang Shun?"

"No."

"But he acts exactly like me and has the same memories and thoughts as me. He doesn't even know that he's not me."

"But that is all just so disingenuous. Doesn't that mean that he inherently isn't Zhang Shun and that I am not Jun Ling?"

My words backfired. The plan backfired. No. There was never a plan. I didn't think this through. I just wanted to make her feel safe immediately. My lack of foresight caused this.