~ Chapter 17 ~

We collected Mr. Alessi, who had valiantly been keeping the other bookstore customers away from our initial encounter with Icy Eve. Following the villainess’s(?) instructions, we exited the book-scented establishment and walked towards the aforementioned alleyway created by a set of abandoned buildings, forming a line that consisted of: Satsuya, me, Yuuki, and Mr. Alessi as rearguard.

I had half a thought that Satsuya may tell us to return to The Red Bar, our base of operations, but a quick examination of the facts shot this idea down before it could be fully formed. Not only did it go against Satsuya’s wish to keep us together—and therefore protect all of us as best he could—but the possibility that Icy Eve was here as a diversion to drive our little group apart was at least somewhat likely, despite what the Conscious had said about staying away for now.

If the Conscious attacked The Red Bar while Satsuya was away, that would leave a man past middle age, a shamed writer, and a little girl to fight whatever Uni were conjured. I liked Mr. Alessi and Yuuki, and would do my best to protect them, but I wasn’t stupid enough to believe two untrained Typpe and a kid (even if she was a telepath) could defeat the Conscious’s goons alone.

Not to say that our current situation was much safer. As we stepped into the dank alleyway, shadows cast by the waning light of the dreary sun, a shiver traveled up my spine that had nothing to do with Icy Eve’s power.

The alleyway was cramped, the space between the town’s old buildings far slimmer than the space between any building in the Second Sector (if there was space between buildings; my old home was known for being, er, crowded with buildings, to say the least). Grass sprung up between the cracks in the concrete beneath our feet, evidence of a foundation; a long, slim building had once resided here—or had the desire to, anyway. The grass’s tendrils dragged at my ankles as we settled into the deep space, the spikes of green already coated with frost.

I wasn’t sure if this chat would lead to an altercation or not, but the stage was certainly set. As a writer, I could appreciate that—even if I didn’t want to be a part of the stage itself.

Icy Eve stood near the alley’s end, a short ways off yet not far enough. Her back was turned to us, her shoulders hunched as her hands worked between opening and closing, between fist and tremble.

As I stared at her back, partially revealed by the cut of her dress, I couldn’t help but feel a hint of sorrow at the emotion that poured from her, a potent combination of frustration and loathing.

I wasn’t about to let my guard down, though—not again.

I was useless back in the bookstore, but I don’t want a repeat if I can help it.

There’s not much I can do in a fight, but maybe I can make it so Mr. Alessi—or at least Yuuki—get away.

The little girl was a brat, but she was growing on me. She was dangerous in the fact that she was unregistered, and her powers were already strong and could become dangerous one day, but more than anything, she was just a kid who loved her danger-attracting brother, and wanted to see him happy.

I had to repay my debt to these people somehow, and if it meant taking a hit—well, I wanted to believe I was capable and selfless enough to do what felt right.

It would be right, wouldn’t it? If it came between you and a child being hurt, wasn’t it better to allow yourself to take the hit?

I felt a pinch in my mind, as if someone had pressed a part of my brain between their fingers. “Don’t even think about it, Ivy. We go home together.” Yuuki said with a mental scoff. Of course she had heard me. “I mean, sure, you’re annoying. And don’t think I haven’t caught onto your amorous thoughts regarding my brother. But we don’t just abandon people because they’re a little off—not if we decide they’re worth trusting.”

It was a far cry from her wanting to silence me yesterday, but if I had changed my mind about things within the last twenty-four hours, why couldn’t Yuuki?

More importantly—

Wait, you heard me???

I—I mean—there wasn’t anything amorous about my thoughts at all! I just might possibly not really have a teensy, tiny crush. Maybe. But not really! I’m sure it’s completely normal to feel that way when someone saves your life.

But I’ve told myself I don’t want to get romantically involved! Especially with someone I don’t know that well.

So it’s nothing, I promise!

(Please don’t kill me.)

My mental rant would have raged on and on had Yuuki not (mentally) slapped me. “Seriously? What happened to not letting your guard down? Pay attention to what’s in front of you! We can talk about the rest later.”

Later.

I was more terrified of later than I was of now at this point.

(Not really.)

Heeding Yuuki’s wise words, I tensed as the air around us grew chill, an eerie mist forming around Icy Eve, fanning out like waves on a lake. “Do you know why I wanted to speak with you, Soul?” She questioned Satsuya, her tone soft enough that our surroundings might have absorbed it, yet just powerful enough with barely suppressed anger that it was clear enough to hear.

“...I have an idea.” Satsuya stood more than a few feet in front of me. There was no white, haloed glow around him at the moment, his own voice just as hushed as the villainess’s, but that could easily change.

Satsuya didn’t state his idea outright, waiting for Icy Eve to speak, and I couldn’t help but think that was incredibly like the person I was coming to know. It was enough to make me smile, though the smile was faint, pulling down at the edges as it conjured an image in my mind.

For some reason, the silence made me think of my mother, who would never leave such a long pause unfilled—unlike my father, who could drive a person crazy with his stern stare alone, his own silence speaking more than any words could. Whichever parent you faced, there was no speaking your mind, no room for debate or discussion—at least not for me. I was always left out in the cold, the one who was forced to fill in the gaps in whatever way she could. Perhaps this was a reason for my unwanted rambling skill.

And though it was certainly not the time for it, I wondered how I might have turned out differently if I had someone like Satsuya who actually paused to listen.

My thought was broken as Icy Eve shook her head, back still turned. “I shouldn’t have come here, but I couldn’t help myself. I had to know.” My breath caught as she trembled, her words long and sharp, as if she were fighting to pull knives from her throat. Glitters of ice collected along her curling and uncurling fingertips, and I tensed, ready to either run or fight. “It’s been nearly eight years, Soul. I told myself I would stay in that dungeon until I could finally be free...but then Wars came. He told me he’d found you and offered you his ultimatum. He told me you had a family now.” She pivoted on her heels to face us, twin trails of nearly frozen tears streaking down her cheeks, her eyes bright with hatred. “All I want to know is this: why do you get to have a family, when you destroyed mine?”

Struck by her words, my legs became weighted, barely strong enough to hold me up. I breathed in ice crystals, too tiny to see, and wondered if they would well, piercingthrough my lungs to kill me as they acted on their mistress’s fury.

What is she talking about? What did Satsuya do?

All I could think of was the moment he had told me he tried to avoid killing people.

What kind of life had my next-door-neighbor lived before this? I’d avoided asking, thinking it wasn’t my place, even if our lives were interconnected. Everyone had a right to their secrets, didn’t they? But now I wondered if I should have asked after all, my business or not.

Was there no longer a line between what was my business and what wasn’t?

That didn’t seem fair. It wasn’t like I had told Satsuya and Yuuki and Mr. Alessi everything about me, either...

It wasn’t like I had ever hurt anyone, though. I’d lived my life as a mostly harmless public figure. All my readers could say was whether or not my romances were steamy enough (they weren’t; I wrote cute romances, okay? It wasn’t a sin), or whether the love interests actually treated their lovers well (considering I had modeled some off my ex...it may be questionable). I wasn’t hiding skeletons in my closet, but it looked like maybe my companions (or at least one of my companions) were.

I had made a decision to trust Mr. Alessi and the others, but I could always change my mind. Though that felt like quitting or giving up or—or something!

I suddenly no longer knew who to trust, but I wasn’t sure I wanted the full story.

No—I did.

My own hands twitched, and I fought the urge to rush to Icy Eve’s side and shake her, demanding a full explanation. To scream that I was tired of this back and forth, that I wanted to stop feeling like my life was so entirely out of control, that I just wanted to know who deserved my trust, and not waver when it came to trusting them.

But maybe I never had a guarantee that I could trust anyone.

Maybe I had just been deluding myself.

Why can’t I just make a decision and stick to it?

Why can’t I gain strength and keep it?!?

It felt like every time I took a step forward, I took at least three steps back. Every moment I felt proud of myself was accompanied by what seemed like hours of self-doubt. It was chronic to the point that I could barely write, could barely seem to function. None of my decisions held, slipping through my fingers bit by bit like grains of sand. And the painful truth was that this was nothing new; this had been a chronic problem in my life for a while now. Terrifying events had only brought this truth to the forefront.

I was disgusted with myself.

“Eve, you have every right to hate me.” Satsuya didn’t even flinch at the loathing in the villainess’s eyes as he took a step forward, raising a hand to his glasses. I wondered if there was any hint of white in his eyes, but I couldn’t see; his calm voice made me fear there might be. “I won’t try and shirk responsibility for what happened, but if you’re going to target the people I care about in some revenge scheme, I can tell you I won’t allow it.” His voice dipped at those last words, a deadly half-spoken promise I was certain he would fulfill, and I suddenly had the answer to my unspoken inquiry.

“B-Big brother...” Yuuki’s voice caught as she stumbled forward, appearing at my side, her lips set in a thin line. She was no doubt fearful her brother would begin to lose control, just like he had inside the bookstore, but to me Satsuya seemed far more collected now, as if he had talked himself through this encounter, and what Icy Eve might say. His voice was low and promised recompense, but there was none of the wild, dangerous aura I’d felt the other times his anger grabbed ahold of him.

Whether my observations were correct or not, I couldn’t help but be envious.

I wish I could be any sort of prepared for anything, I thought miserably, unable to make definitive decisions like Satsuya, who seemed to do exactly what he said he was going to do.

I should have taken the time to prepare for the worst before I’d fallen from my pedestal—but instead I’d assumed that pedestal was guaranteed to always be there for me. I had made plenty of money, but was bad at saving. I had debt. Practically everything had been repossessed or sold so that I could crawl my way out from beneath the pile of rubbish that had become my life. Now I had nothing to show for my work, save a laptop and what few items I still owned.

But how long am I going to be angry at myself for that?

When the thought struck, an epiphany followed.

Oh God—I’m tired of being angry!

Something that had been wound tight inside of me loosened, and a shaky laugh left my lips. Icy Eve turned her glare from Satsuya to me, the ice at her fingertips gathering strength, solidifying into long crystals that resembled tiny spears. She drew her arm back—

And our gazes locked. In the span of the seconds it took for her to ready her attack, I saw in her brown eyes a spark that was trying not to die, feeding off of something nearly extinguished. Clarity dawned, and my heart quivered.

Crystals fell to the ground, shattering into crystalline snow when they hit, mirroring the way Icy Eve’s expression broke. The spark in her eyes fizzled as she gritted her teeth and struggled to withdraw her wrist from Satsuya’s grip. I hadn’t seen my next-door-Uni move, but there he was, standing over Eve with a white glint in his eyes and a nearly blank expression on his face.

Icy Eve lowered her head, ceasing her fight. But there was a faint curve to her pale blue lips. “No sense trying to fight you, is there? I couldn’t hurt you if I wanted to. Not that I really want to harm your sister or those other two—even if they are Typpe.” Her crown raised, the spark in her eyes igniting into a flame once more as she growled, “Now answer me, Soul. He was your friend. He loved you. So tell me why you murdered my brother!”