Only two things are infinite: A Witch’s magic and human stupidity; but we are still not really sure about the Witch.

- Andanian Chronicles

“They look super different. Did you actually screw their heads back onto the original bodies?” Laura whispered doubtfully to her twin as they eyed the approaching procession of Andanian guards.

Lily shrugged absently with a bored yawn, “Does that even matter? I think that my new arrangement of parts is superior to the original layout. And I’m sure that they can always trade among themselves later if they are still unsatisfied?”

“You did what!?” Laura blurted out with exasperation, “Didn’t I explain repeatedly that mundanes must be put back together in exactly the same order they are dissembled? They don’t have conveniently interchangeable bits like Krall does!”

“Stop overreacting, dearest sister.” Lily smiled brightly as she turned to inspect her handiwork, “The crew of the Albatross really like their newly arranged parts. Don’t you all?”

The sailors arrayed neatly behind her snapped to attention instantly in perfect synchrony, “Yes! Honored Princess!” They yelled at the top of their voices with an eerily exact harmony, “Your humble servants are infinitely grateful for your guidance.”

“There’s no way a bunch of random mundanes could react like that! Did you stitch parts of their brains together too? Didn’t Mother warn you not to do that to our servants? It totally messes up their individual personalities when you mix their thoughts up like this and they all tend to break down after a while…” Laura groaned as she was torn between either trying to resolve the smoldering magical disaster behind her or attempting to obscure it from the approaching convoy of Andanians.

“Well… they weren’t exactly our servants…” Lily rationalized, “And it improves their ability to learn things multi-fold! Now all they have to do is to assign one person to study something and all of them can apply their newly obtained knowledge together!” The witch beamed hopefully at her twin, “Dearest sister, we should certainly consider a similar arrangement, imagine how much more efficient it would be. I would be able to acquire all your remaining magical abilities instantly, it will definitely be a smashing success!”

“And have your twisted thoughts swimming within my brains for eternity?” Laura shuddered as she stuck out her tongue at her slyly smiling sister, “No thanks! And I don’t see how I would benefit from such a lousy plan. You’re just trying to squirm out of your magical studies again! Besides didn’t Father tell us that magic is best learnt the old-fashioned way? Just knowing about a spell isn’t enough to obtain full mastery over it, you need to be able to flexibly apply a customized inscription to deal with each individual situation. And that’s something no amount of knowledge will fix.” Laura lectured smugly.

“Aww, you are such a miser.” Lily pouted disappointedly, “I’ve already memorized most of the books in the library and I’m sure that I know about a ton of spells that you haven’t managed to learn yet. Sharing is caring! Don’t you care about me, dearest sister?” Lily fluttered her wide crystal blue eyes entreatingly at her twin.

Laura shrugged indifferently, “Nope, I’m definitely not doing it, learn your own magic the normal way!” The princess ceased her biting retort and turned to greet the approaching Andanian convoy which had closed within earshot.

…

“D1 are you thinking what I’m thinking?” A misshapen fiend chortled amidst a mountain of decayed human corpses on the otherwise lifeless island of Katar.

“Of course I am, D2! Do I even have any other choice? And it’s all because of the cursed witch that fused our minds together over ten centuries ago. It was a merciful fate she said… And now I’m stuck with your bloody voice for the rest of time!” The skeletal form of a powerful lich materialized from an oversized boulder beside the demon and glared furiously at the spirit snuggled between the corpses. “When I finally get my hands on that witch, I’ll…” the lich rubbed habitually at the non-existent tears in his hollow eye sockets, “I’ll definitely apologize and beg for forgiveness again! And maybe she will finally dispel this cursed magic and let me pass on in peace!”

“Aww… ten centuries is such a brief span of time. Why don’t we enjoy ourselves for another thousand millenniums or so? I’m still waiting for the next ice age so that I can walk off this island and journey to the continent of wooly mammoths!” The fiend drooled with anticipation.

The lich clutched its head in agony, “Shut up! Just shut up! It hurts whenever you try to talk and think the exact same thing at the same time. Why can’t you just leave me alone for a moment or two?”

“Well, just look at what happened when I dozed off for a mere century? Our entire island started sprouting humans like a bunch of weeds! And what do you think would have happened if I had left you alone with them for any longer?” The fiend mocked.

“I was so close!” The lich gashed his teeth in frustration, “If the human population had multiplied for just a little longer, I would have been able to gather up enough blood magic to escape this cursed binding for good. Or at least force a message through to one of my relatives…” The undead’s eyes smoldered with rage as he sensed the fiend’s growing amusement, “And you just had to wake up and massacre them all! Did you know the numerous difficulties I suffered to convince the first people to settle down on this barren rock? And now, it’ll be a thousand years before anyone will even dare to approach this place again!”

“I know… of course I know everything. But it was just so amusing to watch hope blossom within your shriveled heart, only to snuff it out at the last moment. Ahh… this perfect mix of utter helplessness and despair… I feel so satisfied whenever you fill me with such amazing emotions! You must let me feast on this feeling for the rest of eternity!” The fiend gloated.

“Just leave me alone…” The lich moaned as it sank down in despair. “What did I ever do to deserve a cruel torture like this? All I ever asked for was a single kiss…”

…

“This island stinks,” Lily complained moodily, “why can’t Father ever let us picnic at a more suitable location? Why must we always picnic alone on some random lifeless island?” The witch pouted as she stepped off the small wooden dinghy and eyed the lifeless rocky beachhead with a practiced expression of dignified distaste.

“Remember the last time when you…” Laura began condescendingly.

“But that was definitely not my fault! That peasant was insulting us behind our backs and I couldn’t…”

“And you just had sneak out in the middle of the night to modify his throat? All because of one tiny insult? And he was the Duke of Windsor, not some bloody peasant!” Laura protested.

“It was just a harmless prank! I simply made him shout out every thought he had to everyone around him, honesty is always the best policy! Isn’t that part of our national policy?”

“He was the lead diplomat from the kingdom of Osaka and we were attending a delicate international meeting! How in Krall is it supposed to be helpful when one of our key trading partners starts sprouting off stupid phases like ‘the Countess’ boobs are so big’, ‘I wonder if I can cheat the others by inflating my costs further’, or ‘how much will the bandit gangs pay me in bribes to overlook their attacks on my partners’ merchants’ in the middle of a conference?” Laura groaned.

“But I exposed that evil corrupt man for who he really was! He was defrauding Father of our hard-earned money! We should never…”

“You caused an international incident! They traced your handiwork straight back to us and blamed us for bewitching him!” Laura sighed, “Besides who would ever believe the words of a man who was clearly being influenced by the magic of a foreign power?”

“But I was so sure that they would all begin to see things my if they would just consent to a few tiny modifications…” Lily muttered with perplexity, “Why doesn’t anyone see the value of…”

The princess began to deliver a heated retort but tensed up suddenly and snatched at her twin’s shoulder, “Hey did you feel that? Something’s definitely off with the island today!” Her eyes widened as a shiver of caution trailed down her spine.

“Oh, it’s nothing serious, the sleeping spirit over there finally woke up. You know, the large shiny rock I poked at a couple of times the last time we came over? There was an undead man living inside and a fiend was hibernating beneath it.” The witch smiled cheerfully as she skipped towards the epicenter of the desolated island, “Hey let’s go over and say hi to the demon, maybe it will have some interesting bedtime stories to share!”

“Ugh oh okay… WAIT WHAT!? A DEMON!? Let’s get the hell out of here, we must warn Father immediately, then get the mages, and…” Laura shuddered reflexively and turned towards the small wooden rowboat they had arrived on.

“Dearest sister,” The witch’s hand clamped like an unbreakable vice around her twin’s arm, “hell is over that way, you always did have the poorer sense of direction.” She pointed unmistakably at the most blighted portion of the island, “I’m sure Father already knows about the fiend, its magical signature was unmistakable even from our palace back in Andania! More importantly, I wonder if that undead knows any fancy magic tricks? And do you think the fiend will be able sing a song for Krall?”

“If I didn’t manage to sense that demon before I set foot on the island, Father and the others haven’t the faintest chance of detecting it! This is a potential magical disaster of a national magnitude, just waiting to happen. We must…” The princess warned desperately as she attempted to shake free from her twin’s ironclad grasp.

“Aww what’s the worst that could happen? It’s just a tiny little spirit thingy and some dead old man! Besides if we tell Father now, he won’t ever allow us to return to the island. I spent so much time preparing those sandwiches and we are fresh out of backup picnic islands!” Lily giggled mischievously as she began dragging her reluctant sister away from the shore.

“We mustn’t risk it! Didn’t I make you read that tome on deadly paranormal beings? A demon is…” Laura protested weakly.

“Bah… that musty old book was clearly written to frighten naive little children! How could poor harmless Krall be classified as a World Level threat? And don’t you remember what was at the very top of that imprudent fairytale list?” Lily retorted mildly.

“A witch…” The princess muttered under her breath as she quickly realized that she was on the losing side of their dispute.

“My point exactly!” The witch concluded triumphantly, “We are just harmless seven-year-old children! You might have killed a couple of people, but I have never harmed a single soul in my entire life! How can we be treated as a threat that could end civilization on the planet? This is blatant discrimination! The author… gosh! If I meet that little girl hater, I’ll definitely give him a piece of my mind!” Lily declared loudly as she stomped eagerly towards the source of demonic energy.

“Wait! Please reconsider! We should…” The princess begged.

“Dearest elder sister,” The witch turned to clasp Laura’s face in her hands and stared straight into her crystal blue eyes, “I have explained my actions in an extremely logical and understandable manner, it is clear that my suggested course of action will result in the greater benefit for us both. If you still fail to understand my position, perhaps it is because your ability to reason has been compromised in some manner. We should immediately examine your brains for…”

“I get it! I get it! I was just super joking!” Laura replied hurriedly as blood drained from her cheeks, “What are we waiting for? I’m just as excited as you are about this, let’s go over there and smoke out that spirit! I wonder if it likes sandwiches?”