Chapter Ten

Life Choices

Being let out of the south gate was easy, with Warren by her side. The guards didn’t even question why he wanted to go out there. The sheet of steel peeled open, and they walked out into the wilderness together. They quickly found the brook where it flowed beneath the wall and followed it towards the lake as Warren promised.

When they arrived on the water’s shore, Karou quickly abandoned her shoes and submerged her feet. “Ah! It's freezing.” She squealed gleefully as she paddled. “But… it’s not so bad once you’re used to it. Thank you for bringing me here.” Karou reached down to roll her jeans up her legs so that she could wade in deeper. Once she submerged herself to her mid shins, she turned and looked at Warren with a smile. “Are you coming in too?”

“You’re welcome.” He muttered, distracted by how she appeared in the sunlight; it highlighted the warm brown tones in her hair. “Uh- No. Expanses of water, and I don’t get along.” Warren declined her invite and strolled the shore six or seven feet from the edge instead. Karou’s shoes hung from his hand by their laces.

“Suit yourself; it’s refreshing, though.”

“As long as you don’t catch a cold.” He warned; her fragility was never far from his mind. Somehow a mortal girl had ended up in his care, and though he wouldn’t admit it aloud, he did care.

“Warren, it’s July!” Karou chuckled, kicking water in his direction. “Relax, will ya’?”

It was a short twenty minutes until Kaoru decided the numbness rising up her legs wasn’t pleasant. Even in the middle of summer, the water was too glacial to enjoy for too long. She’d started to shiver, and Warren had fought the urge to ask her to get out sooner; he didn’t want to seem controlling. When she finally gave in and waded out of the water towards him, he suggested she use a nearby fallen tree trunk as a bench. Before she slipped her wet feet back into his shoes, he produced a pair of gloves out of his jacket pocket and insisted she use them to dry herself.

Karou found Warren’s small acts of kindness utterly heart-warming. “Thank you,” She said and slid the oversized woollen mitts onto her hands and begun to wipe the water from her feet and lower legs. Is it weird that I thought you’d be the type to wear leather gloves?”

“I do have a pair of leather driving gloves, but they’re rather pointless these days when cars are heated, so I don’t often wear them.”

Karou giggled at how practical his answer was. Before she could ask for her shoes, on cue, Warren was holding them out to her. “Why didn’t you want to come in the water with me?”

“You enjoy making me repeat myself, don’t you… I might be a systematically dishonest person, but I didn’t lie, Karou,” Warren grumbled. His tone wasn’t aggressive or stern, but he was telling her off.

“So, you’re scared of water?” Karou asked, trying to keep any judgment out of her voice and make the question sound as plain as possible. The idea he could be scared of something so trivial baffled her.

“Yes, I have been since I was a boy.” As though his answer wasn’t intriguing, he didn’t look at her when he turned to sit beside her. “I almost drowned in the bath when I was five or six.”

His point-blank admission caught Karou by surprise. “Is that why, back at the unit, such a luxurious bathroom doesn’t have a bathtub?”

“No.” Warren chuckled and shook his head. “I’m not scared of bathtubs anymore, just large expanses of unpredictable and deep water.”

“It must’ve really traumatised you.”

“Hmm, well, phobia’s are completely irrational fears. I know that what happened is unlikely ever to reoccur in adulthood, but I still can’t bring myself to venture into deep water. I’ve missed out on quite a few things people perceive as normal - I’ve never learned to swim, never been in the sea or a swimming pool to try. Some of my friends had yachts in my youth, but I’d never go boating with them. Even large bridges over rushing water make me nervous, despite knowing I’d never dream of diving off the side.”

“It’s only human to be scared of something.”

“… But I’m not human…”

“You were when you were five.” Karou smiled at him warmly. “Will you tell me what happened?” She asked, knowing she was pushing her luck because he’d already revealed quite a bit, but getting to know him had gotten addictive. Now she knew a few of his secrets; she wanted to know them all.

Hunched over his knees, with his elbows rested upon them, Warren stared ahead at the still lake. The silence between them stretched on for a slightly uncomfortable length of time, and Karou had begun to wonder whether she ought to apologise for pushing boundaries. She thought maybe she’d upset him, but then he said, “My mother used to bathe my brother and me on the porch during the summer. She’d fill several buckets with water and leave them out in the yard to warm in the sun; that way, she wouldn’t have to waste firewood heating pots and pots of water on the stove. My father would go in first, and then me, but Robby had gone first that day. My mother was washing me when from inside the house, we heard Robby start yelling. He’d been sent inside to be dried by my father in front of the fire. Robby must’ve done or said something to make him angry.” There was another long pause in which Warren seemed to be contemplating what he was about to say.

“My father had a short fuse and nasty temper and hated that Robby wasn’t like other boys… From when he was old enough to express himself, he was very effeminate. I mean, he knew he was a boy, but he saw no wrong in liking dresses; his friends were exclusively female. My father thought he could beat his queerness out of him.”

“My mother left me alone in the bathtub while she defended Robby, who was getting a whooping over my father’s knee. I stood up to go after her, and in the excitement of it all, I slipped in the tin tub. When I tried to find my feet, it was as if the water wouldn’t let me stand.” Warren sighed. “For years after that, I was a very grimy little boy.” He smirked over his shoulder at Karou, but his expression didn’t inspire a smile from her. She looked sad.

“Did he beat you too, your dad?”

“Why are you concerned about that?” Warren asked, but Karou didn’t offer an answer in return. She just held his gaze with that same sad look in her eyes and waited. Eventually, Warren said, “Yes, he did. Probably more regularly than Robby. I’d take beatings for him and my mother if I got the chance. I wasn’t always there to stop him from putting his hands on them, though.”

For a while after, they both stared at the lake in convalescence. They were both victims of parental abuse, and despite all their other differences, at least they had that in common.

When he felt enough time had been spent wallowing, Warren stood from the log and nodded in the direction of the Compound. “We should start walking back; the sun will be setting soon.”

Silently, Karou followed him. She couldn’t help mulling over Warren’s childhood recollection; it had dampened her spirit. The closer they got to the gate, the less peaceful the silence became; it grew stifling until Warren couldn’t take it anymore.

“Karou.” He stopped dead and turned to face her. “Don’t dwell too much on what I’ve told you. My father paid for ever laying a finger on us - I made sure of that.”

Karou met Warren’s eyes, and even though they were inky black and hostile, she could tell that he meant to be kind. “I-… I just don’t get why people bother having kids if they aren't going to at least try to be decent parents. Like, I wasn’t a bad kid, yet mine still couldn’t even be nice to me.”

“Neither was I. I was just too much like my mother. He could never accept that he had two sons, both of whom didn’t resemble him in the slightest and consequently felt that he had no heirs and no legacy to leave behind. My mother made up for my father’s lack of love tenfold. She was a wonderful, kind, warm-hearted person.”

“I’m glad.” Karou smiled weakly. “I wasn’t so lucky.”

“I know, and for that, I’m sorry… but it's all behind us now.”

The hour or two they spent by the side of the lake had come and gone, and they made it back to the unit before dark, as Warren had said. Karou flung herself onto the couch with a dramatic sigh once they were inside. Their day had been fun, and it would be nice to remember Warren by it when he was back to being his usual icy self. Of course, it was also a little bittersweet because she figured his good mood wouldn’t last.

As soon as they had gotten back, Warren disappeared into his office; his thirst was starting to get to him, and he didn’t want it to taint the rest of his day off with Karou by constantly eyeing her neck hungrily. Karou spotted the two familiar packages in his hand upon his exit, but he was quickly out of sight again and in the kitchen. On his return into the lounge, Warren took up his usual corner seat on the couch and looked over at Karou briefly when he placed his tumbler of blood, which he’d wrapped in heat packs, onto the coffee table. “I only drink it cold if I’m desperate.” He explained before she could ask.

“That makes sense. It feels a little different looking at it; now I know where it came from.”

“Hmm, it makes you wonder why people say knowledge is power.” Warren dripped his finger into the thick red liquid to check if it was at his preferred temperature yet. It wasn’t, and so he withdrew his fingers and nonchalantly sucked the blood from it.

“You always have something witty or insightful to say,” Karou said, watching him from where she laid. Her eyes paid particular attention to what he’d done with his finger.

“It comes with being old...” Warren chuckled, flopping back against the sofa's, spanning both of his arms down its back.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You always go ahead and ask anyway, so why ask?” He noted though he seemed to be giving Karou an allowance.

“I’ve wanted to all day, but I didn’t want to ruin your day off.” Karou rolled onto her side and curled up with her cushion. “Do you have a reason-...”

“ – If you’ve waited that long already, we can talk about it tomorrow instead.” Warren cut her off halfway because he had a feeling he knew the nature of her question, and she was right; talking about it would’ve soured his day with her.

As usual, the rest of their evening passed with a movie playing in the background - Karou half-watched it while Warren watched her. Between the scenes, she’d glance at him as he took sips from his warm bloody beverage and took note of how his eyes gradually changed colour. Before long, they were a healthy-looking and wonderfully crystalline shade of blue.

Eventually, Karou had fallen asleep. While Warren drank a glass of scotch to chase his warm refreshment, he left Karou sprawled on the couch and relaxed a little before he was ready to sleep too. He lingered, contemplating waking her so she could go to bed, but it pained him to wake her. She’d exerted herself trekking through the woods with him to disturb her for the sake of her walking to her room seemed unnecessary, petty even. So, after a moment of internal debate, Warren decided to pick her up and carry her to bed instead. The way her head lulled to the side, into his chest, and how she nuzzled into him brought to mind the morning. Paused before her bedroom door, he glanced to his own. I’ve touched you a lot already today... Perhaps too much. He imagined a possibility, but before he allowed it to form fully, he set her down onto her bed and covered her with the quilt.

Turning to leave, Warren noticed the messy state of her desk. He expected to find a mass of artwork and half-drawn sketches, but when he noticed the books she had stacked there and their titles, he had to double-take. Stepping closer, Warren saw a few books lay open with pages marked by torn strips of paper. He wasn’t usually one to pry, as he valued his privacy too much, but her chosen topic of research alarmed him. A notebook accompanied the reading material, and without thinking, he picked it up, leafed through it briefly before leaving the room with it.

“I don’t know what I find more disturbing, the fact that you’re studying me or that you’re essentially plotting suicide.” Warren rebutted as he waved the notebook at her. It was hers - the one he’d lifted from her room.

Warren had spent the last few days reading her research, and his frustration had been mounting since. Initially, he’d planned to just skim through her morbid journal before stealthily returning it. Then, at his leisure and preferably casually, Warren planned to bring up her plans peacefully. He had the upper hand with inside knowledge and thought he could get her to admit her plans now that she had a collection of information about vampires. He hoped it was just her wild curiosity, but as he read on and on through the pages, her intentions became clear. They were disturbing.

An argument had started over dinner. Who had started it? Warren couldn’t remember, but she had pressed his buttons, and he’d quickly lost his temper. Karou was quick to defend herself and as feisty and unyielding as ever. With his plan to peacefully discuss the issue out of the window, they’d been at it hammer and tong for about twenty minutes - yelling back and forth over the kitchen island.

“You had no right to look through my things, Warren!” Karou cried; her hands had become animated.

“I’m not defending myself on that charge, Karou, it was a disrespectful thing to do, but you’re getting away from the real point here...”

“Well, what else did you expect me to do? You won’t talk to me about it, so I’m not going to get any information out of you, am I?”

“Why are you so fascinated with this? It’s so morbid…”

“Look, you’re not even answering my questions; you’re just asking more questions! So why should I bother to answer yours?” Karou shouted, “I want to belong somewhere. I want to feel strong for once.” She reasoned, praying he would show her some understanding.

He didn’t. “It’s suicide!” Warren snapped. By now, his fangs had bared without him noticing. “I had no choice but to become what I am, Karou, and I would rather have died. This isn’t a life someone should choose. Immortality has been romanticized - it isn’t like that in real life. It means you get to watch those you care about die. And trust me, you won’t feel so strong when you become a slave to bloodthirst. It won’t feel worth it when the corpses start to pile up, and your humanity is stripped from you and right and wrong are blurred beyond recognition.”

“It’s not suicide - it's transformation! You’re not dead, Warren, even if you have chosen to live in a tomb by yourself.” Karou glared at him from over the kitchen island, which she slammed her hands down into as she made her point. “Has it occurred to you that not all sired vampires feel like you about their life or chose to live it like you either? I’ve been reading about Coven’s, y’know?”

“You have no idea what Coven life is like,” Warren growled. He found the fact she thought she was making a valid point infuriating. “Nesting vampires form dehumanising habits. Obsessive, dangerous, psychotic behaviours start to feel normal. It’s unhealthy. It’s suffocating.”

“Of course, they’re dehumanised; they’re not human...” Karou rolled her eyes and sighed. Now, she was exasperated; she couldn’t get through to him. “Why can’t you just give me your unbiased opinion and let me make my own choices? You know why I want this…” Her voice lowered, she stopped yelling.

“It doesn’t matter what I say to you, does it? You’ve already made up your mind. Hasn’t anything I’ve shown you put you off?”

“You mean the display you made of your leeching machines? There have always been slaughterhouses Warren, what mortals do to animals to survive is probably far less civilised than that. Besides, people have never done me any favours; no one ever saved me from my parents, so why should I care? All my life, I just bumbled along, kept my head down, been a good girl despite getting everything other than a reward, but I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to take my life into my own hands and make a change. Do something for me! I want to be in control for once.” Karou spoke passionately, Warren could admire that, but he still thought she was pursuing this recklessly for the sake of being a rebel.

You’re such a tenacious little thing. Warren thought bitterly and shook his head. “There are other, less deadly ways to take control of your… destiny, Karou.” Tired of arguing, he lowered his tone.

Karou narrowed her eyes and folded her arms over her chest, proving the thought he’d just had was correct. “Still, you don’t get to tell me how I take control. I am grateful for you not getting rid of me, but I won’t live under your thumb Warren, that’s not fair.”

“Have you thought about how you’re going to feed yourself once you’ve made this ‘transformation’? You can’t feed from the people in this Compound Karou. I won’t, no, I can’t let you; it’s my responsibility to ensure their safety. Have you even considered that you’re going to need someone to Sire you in the first place?”

“I haven’t given too much thought about who I’m going to ask. The only vampire I trust is very much against the idea. But how are all the other vampires that live here kept fed?”

The fact she trusted him made him bristle; she still had no concept of how dangerous he was. “I would never lay a fang on you, Karou, much less Sire you; let me make that perfectly clear.” Warren might have stopped yelling, but if anything, the way his voice formed as a low growl in his chest was now more terrifying than his earlier outburst. “And to answer your other question, I feed them. Well, my company, REDford feeds around eighty per cent of the world’s vampiric population and like everyone else, the Compound’s vampiric residence pay for their food.”

“So, you’re going to use my poverty against me, is that it? You’ll happily spend your mountains of money on food that doesn’t hinder my stupid intolerances, but you won’t feed me with something you have in good supply if I choose to become like you? That’s just petty!” Karou was back to raising her voice. “Oh, and don’t pretend you haven’t thought about biting me! You’ve insinuated that you might plenty of times and that you’ve wanted to... Mr, I smell like fucking sunshine!”

“Yes, I would much rather spend money on your diet if it meant keeping you alive.” Warren argued, “Now who’s using one’s weaknesses against who? Just because I think about it doesn’t mean I’m going to do it.”

“I wish you would.” Karou blurted. The moment it had left her lips, she wished she hadn’t said it; the look on Warren’s face was that of defeat. Her readiness to make the admission just proved its truth, and it was cutting. The combustion behind their arguments had run out, and there came a long silence. With a great sigh, he took a seat on one of the tall stools and came to hold his head in his hands. “Does it hurt?” Karou often surprised people with her capacity to calm down so quickly after a fight. In fact, she very rarely raised her voice or lost her temper. If unleashed, her wrath was always a quiet, smouldering, spine-chilling sort. Seeing Warren sit with his head in his hands, stalemated, made Karou feel guilty. So, she took her seat across from him again and lowered her tone. “Biting, I mean.”

“I was never bitten as a mortal, but I imagine it’s painful, yes.” Warren looked over the counter at her from under his brows. Although he wasn’t raging mad anymore, he was still annoyed, and his head hurt. Still, he was willing to talk, if only change her mind; he hopped a gentler approach might prove successful.

“Doesn’t it hurt once you’re a vampire then? If you were never bitten as a mortal, I figure all the scars on your neck came about afterwards?”

“Are we really talking about this?” Warren sighed and dropped his hands from either side of his head to fold them onto the counter instead. The look on Karou’s face had softened, and if he was honest, he was a sucker for how she nibbled at her lower lip and tipped her head to the side with such innocent intrigue. “It doesn’t necessarily hurt when you’re vampiric, but yes, all my scars come from after I was sired, mostly my fledgeling years when I nested with several others, including Ellis. Only she bites me these days...”

“What does it feel like once you’re a vampire then? Y’know there isn’t first-hand information like this available in books. Maybe... something you tell me might make me change my mind?” Karou lent further over the counter towards him; she was feebly trying to get him to open up and answer all of her nitty-gritty questions. “And why do you only let Ellis bite you?”

“Oh boy, we really are talking about this, huh?” Warren combed one hand back through his hair. “I’m still a bit uncomfortable knowing you have notes about me in this book...” He tapped his index finger off its cover. “…My eyes, my scars, my fangs, what else have you been looking at?”

“Uh-...” Karou’s cheeks blushed brightly, and her mouth hung slightly agape as she glanced to her notebook, which sat between them.

“Well?” Warren pushed.

“You’ve seen my scar, so what’s the big deal?” Karou looked down into her lap and started picking at her nails out of anxiousness.

“Both times I saw it, you chose to show me. You dropped your towel on the couch, and then in my bed, you took your shirt off.”

“That was perfectly innocent! Besides, it’s not like you were looking at me like that. I had sunburn, and then my back hurt.”

“Wasn’t I?” Warren stared hard at her, and she dared to look up from her lap to meet his gaze, a little shocked by what he was insinuating.

“That’s a low blow Warren.” She figured he had to be joking, poking fun at her appearance in some way. “I won’t do anything like that again, okay? I get that it’s ugly to look at.”

“I got over it pretty quickly,” Warren admitted truthfully and dryly while he watched her wilt in front of him. All the vigour she’d had in her fight disappeared. He always managed to bring her down so quickly, and he hated himself for it. You are a callous bastard; deflating her esteem so you can manipulate her is beyond despicable. You’re no better than her parents... “Besides, you haven’t seen all of my scars.”

“You mean the one on your leg?”

“Karou... All of my clothes cover it.” Warren suddenly felt unnerved. How far did her studies of him go? He’d been berating himself for his deplorable manipulation of her, but perhaps she had the upper hand after all. Effortlessly, she had him floundering. “For you to have seen it, I would’ve had to have been naked because it's high on my thigh. Did you lie about looking away when you saw and Ellis and me together?”

“I- I haven’t seen it. I promise I did look away. I just know it’s there from when I had to get blood from your safe - you were holding your hand on it over your pyjamas.”

Warren visibly relaxed, with his dignity still intact. “That’s a relief. It’s a flaw of my Siring, and frankly, the bane of my existence.”

“How come it still hurts? You’re Siring was so long ago...”

“It hurts when I don’t keep myself fed. Most of the time, the damaged tissue continuously re-heals, but when I’m thirsty, it regresses. It’s been known to open back up.” His nose wrinkled at the thought of the ugly wound.

“At least if you feed yourself right, it doesn’t bother you.” Karou forced a smile. “Warren if-... If I get someone to Sire me, would you hate me?”

“I won’t hate you; I just don’t think I’ll ever understand your reasons.”

“And what about... blood?”

“It’ll be up to your Sire to feed you, but if you choose someone careless, I don’t think I could watch you starve.”

August had been a busy month for Warren and Karou had hardly seen him. What made the situation different from his last work spree was that this time, he’d told her he would be swamped for a month or two at the end of July. Ahead of time, he mentioned he’d be taking several business trips, which meant that she’d be left alone in the unit. In doing so, he was trying to be more accommodating towards her even if he couldn’t offer her any more of his attention. Now that Karou knew more about REDford, he told her about his retail plans for cloned blood. It would allow him to move away from farming mortals and close his blood banks. Warren was branching out and trying something new. Karou had found the topic fascinating but understood that he couldn’t currently give her too much information. Still, it confirmed to her that he wasn’t the monster he thought he was. He was moral enough to try and live more ethically. The effort he’d made just by being less mysterious was pleasantly surprising, Karou couldn’t believe the turn around.

While Warren was away on one of his trips, Karou had been woken up, one night, by his office phone's incessant ringing. Standing outside the door in her pyjamas, she contemplated whether she should go in and answer it or not. Is the door even unlocked? She pondered, but in trying the handle, she was surprised that he’d left it open. Cautiously, she crept inside, peering around on high alert as if he might spring out of nowhere and ask her what she was doing. When she answered the phone, she didn’t even get a chance to greet the caller before they said,

“Why are you answering my office phone?”

“Warren?” Her heart skipped a beat. Ugh, so this was some kind of trick, a test, and I fell for it. She thought, wincing, waiting for his lecture. “But why are you ringing your own office phone?” Karou retorted.

“I hoped you’d eventually answer it.” He replied, surprisingly calm. She wasn’t sure which was more unnerving, the possibility of him being angry or the fact that he wasn’t. “Anyway, I know it’s late… It’s just that Magnus is trying to get in touch with me from Russia, and I keep losing cell signal. I’m calling from a hotel, and for reasons that are far too complicated to explain right now, he can’t call my hotel from where he is. He’s going to call my office, and I need you to take a note from him for me and call me back. Okay?”

“You woke me up at four am to be your secretary?”

“Yes, I hope you’re not expecting wages?” He answered dryly.

“No, but you owe me. Okay, I’m going now so that I don’t miss Magnus’ call. He’d better call soon; I’m enjoying having your great big bed to myself.”

“You’re sleeping in my bed?” Warren sounded mildly alarmed.

“Duh, you’re not using it, so why can’t I? I’ll wash your sheets, don’t panic. I’m hanging up now. Bye.”

Karou waited patiently for Magnus to call, and when the call came through, it rang once before she picked up.

“Good morning, afternoon, evening, or night, this is Mr Howard’s sleepy secretary speaking. How may I help you?” Karou greeted humorously.

“Ah, Karou! It’s so nice to hear your voice; I was expecting Warren’s answering machine. How are you doing, Bonita?” Magnus returned cheerfully.

“Oh,” Karou muttered. Why did he keep calling ‘til I answered if he has an answering machine? “Uh- I’m the same as always, but I’m doing fine. How’re you?” She said, regaining composure.

“Just the same here too. The reason I called is to let Warren know what time our flight will be arriving and when we’re due to arrive at the Compound. If you could write that down for Warren, it would be much appreciated.”

“You’re coming for a visit? That’s great!” A pause. “Sure, I’ll take a note; let me just find a pen...” Karou agreed and could be heard fumbling about until she eventually opened one of Warren’s desk drawers and said, “Oh good grief, this guy needs a hobby - who organises their stationary to this extent?” She mumbled to herself, and the commentary earned a chuckle from Magnus. “Okay, fire away…”

“We will be coming on September eighth, landing around seven in the evening, so we should be with you around eight-thirty.”

“Uh-huh, I’ve got all that written down - I’ll let Warren know for you. Y’know he called this phone six times before I answered and then scolded me for answering it, when all along, he could’ve just let you leave a message on his answerphone? He’s unbelievable!”

Magnus chuckled again. “It sounds like you’re getting along well. It’s good that he has some company these days. But Karou, on second thought, how about you don’t tell him what I told you, and the visit can be our little surprise?”

“I wouldn’t say we get along; we fight plenty. Warren isn’t a fan of the whole company thing, or surprises if I remember rightly. It would feel sneaky not to tell him you’re coming. Besides, I bet he’d be really pleased to see his friends.”

“If you feel you should tell him, then you go ahead. I wouldn’t want my devilish ways to get you into trouble. It’s just we don’t usually visit him on his birthday, but for some reason, Ellis has been rather antsy to see him lately. So, I thought, why not spring a pre-Christmas visitation?”

“Oh, I didn’t know the eighth was his birthday.” Karou picked up Warren’s desk calendar and saw that he hadn’t even marked it.

“Ninth, actually. You didn’t know?”

“No, but we don’t talk about that kinda personal stuff. I don’t know his favourite movie, book, food, colour or anything.” For a moment, she felt sad that even after all that time, she didn’t even know when his birthday was, but supposed she’d never asked either.

“Well, Niña, look around; his favourite colour is blue.”

Karou did look around. Even in his small office space, the abundance of the colour suddenly dawned on her. “Ah, right. Of course...”

“I shall let you get your rest. We shall see you soon.”

“Sure. Good night Magnus, see you soon.”