Mizuen stayed by my side as we entered the Meeting Room. One of the few closed rooms with no windows; but there were plants hanging from the ceiling, nonetheless. And not only the ceiling - the thick, heavy wooden table had a rectangular hole in its center, traversing its length, that served as a built-in planter. I had to admit I didn’t expect it - for a room with such a stiff and constrained feeling, for such secrecy, to appear so grand. The green walls and the warm light from the chandeliers gave it a surprisingly gentle air, resonating softly with the silky surface of the cushions of each chair, arms delicately decorated with motifs of feathers. Such details were complementary to the paintings on the walls; their prideful history, the rise from the Darkness - they exhibited scenes of the past long gone, when the Winged King walked amongst those walls.

Daien was already there, in her seat, as the Third Court Mage. As the Royal Sorcerer, Mizuen took his assigned seat; I stood behind him for the time being. Then, in order, arrived Archbishop Use - even if his title was actually Chancellor, but I’m not an expert on religion; Treasurer Sheqipi, who now I noticed was clearly like a sheep; Count Latrei, the Second Court Mage, who I have to admit I was a bit scared of; and so on. It’s tradition for, every ten minutes since the set meeting hour, each member of the Court to arrive according to how long they have been in their individual position. The last to arrive, of course, were the Royal Counselor – the second princess, to my surprise - and the Queen, who was above all law and tradition. She sat as mighty as ever, and with her greeting, the session started.

- “We already know why we are here, do we not? The overwhelming fear of the end. This could be, and might as well be, the end of mages on this continent. We are living in a historical moment, and it’s in our hands to do as much as possible so that, when our stories get told, they are told with pride. I cannot promise our state will hold its ground; I cannot promise we will rise glorious above the enemy. We are here to accept our faults and see a solution. Treasurer, if you could please tell us about our current situation, to know where we stand, now that we have the full information.”

The sheep-like niwe stood up, bowed, sat back down, and started talking. Their voice was clearly that of a young adult. It had a heavy tone of inferiority, and they were careful with their words to not let their native accent slip through, but it was as smooth as butter.

- “As far as economic matters go, we have lost the borders to occupation. A large amount of forested terrain to the north has been lost, in addition to what we already know; and the branch of the river that served as our only path across Zeliram to the sea has been closed. The crops that were just harvested during the New Moon were pillaged in the occupied zones, too, to force our people to fall in debt with Zeliriamen troops in exchange for food. The carts we sent with aid were raided, and one of the coachmen was killed due to an apparent misunderstanding, so no more merchants are willing to send their employees onto occupied land.”

He waited for a reaction, but there were only nods and coughs.

- “And, well - the duke and the counts might want to speak for their own territories later, so I won’t address them; there are still other matters to be discussed. We have estimated that the nur “– the local coin – “has dropped to a value of 0,2 rupías. As we suspected, commerce is not a viable way to stay afloat. On the contrary, Zeliram’s market influence has grown significantly as of last week’s report, as they established merchant routes with countries from the West Continent not long ago. Their naval forces took control of the Talania river as well; their control over the Central Region is unparalleled at the current time. Because of all this, I don’t see a way for us to be able to join the Ur-Union; our informants in Zeliram have discovered that to avoid trouble with the Union, the Adventurer’s Guild won’t be able to aid us either, even if our coin were able to pay the price.”

There was a grim air around what I assumed were the counts; and the duke, Meilar, just looked at the queen with a slightly bitter expression. After some moments of pressuring uneasiness, Sheqipi kept talking.

- “I have calculated that, with what is known of the funds of the People, and adding the previously agreed upon aid from each territory, we have no more than twenty (20) million nur to work with. It’s not enough for an army, but we can work something out if the merchants offer their aid. I believe we can arrange a deal, but…”

- “But?” – Asked the duke, harshly.

- “The informants have reported that the Doctrine… Well, Zeliram has been trying to win over the merchants by offering special permits of commerce with the Ur-Union. If that is truly the case, we might already have lost, and will be forced even further to comply and surrender. Iher has declared that they are allied with Zeliram; they have been occupying the northern borders - Count Eole’s territory. For now, they lay inactive, but we don’t know when they could act. As for the south, Koeshka’s chancellor has declared that the minister does not wish to drop the state of neutrality, as they don’t want to lose favor with the Doctrine, and that ‘it’s not worth helping a country that’s on the other side of the mountains, the travel itself would wear down the troops.’”

- “So we either give up or make a last stand, yes?” – Said the duke, waving his hand around. – “It’s a lot to do, but it’s worth it. We still have a triumph card, don’t we?”

A swing of rose-gold hair. Count Latrei laughed at him.

- “You say it like it’s easy, Meilar. Your people are probably tired of having to feed the troops. Oh, and didn’t you also increase taxes? What for? Maybe to fund the aid you promised the crown? Money you should have had to begin with?” – So, apparently, Duke Meilar and Count Latrei had beef. I just stared at the tea in front of me, as no one had acknowledged my existence yet.

- “I didn’t know birds talked with snakes. Don’t you have other matters to attend to? Ah, it must be good having it easy, hiding under the mountains.”

- “Silence.” – Said the Queen, mighty. – “If you cannot keep your composure, I can assure you, there are individuals who would like to take your place.”

I saw the duke flinch.

After even more depressing news from each count of the West, North, and East territories, the conversation drifted towards the final decision. The silent stares, nervous tapping, the stagnant air; a pressure that seemed to never end.

And, eventually - I don’t know how long it took - they noticed I was there; wishful stares waiting for me to add something positive to the desperate situation. I could feel it, I was tied to a position I hadn’t even assumed yet. The Queen, who clearly knew of my presence all along, called out for the sudden shift of attention.

- “As hopeful as some of you might be, sir Von is not the ‘triumph card’ I’ve heard some of you mention.” - The shameful cold-shoulder of those who wouldn’t admit their thoughts. - “However, the Royal Sorcerer’s studies on alchemy will be a great help during the battle. It is truly something unheard of - to fabricate posporita with the transmutation of yole leaves.”

I was, of course, confused as to what posporita and yole were! So I asked Mizuen… Even- Even with all the attention on us. Add their expressions of sheer bewilderment to the mix; how dare I break the pressure with something so silly!

-'Posporita is a really explosive element, it’s a black powder that can be used to make throwable fire balls.'

-’…Oh, gunpowder.’

-‘…Gunpowder?’

-’Ah, nothing. And yole?’

-’Yole is a type of fungi tree, it has yellow leaves and they live really long lives. I- I will tell you more about them later! - but...- you probably saw one at the academy.’

Oh. So that tree.

I suddenly felt it- Chills. Latrei’s questioning gaze over me. Actually- everyone’s. They kept… waiting. Waiting for something. The Queen had been so kind as to help! And I! And I!

I pretended to clear my throat.

- “Yes, I am not your triumph card, for I am… aiding in an area I’m not an expert at all. I believe it will be a better contribution for me to do so than being in the front lines.”

- “…So he isn’t going to fight?” – Exclaimed the duke, a little bit too loudly. – “He really ain’t gonna? All that potential wasted?”

Ah, the murmurs. The disappointment. The stares. ‘I can feel it. I can feel the border of the abyss trying to pull me down.’ As such, I was telling myself over and over to wake up from the panic settling in. Neither Mizuen nor Daien could help me there. Before the emptiness of white noise ate me up, someone spoke above it.

- “So, what will it be? What will you do, boy?” – That familiar voice. I hadn’t noticed the captain was also in the meeting, as he had stayed silent until now. I felt my body pull itself together with his lack of aggressiveness.

- “Once I know the state of this world and its warfare, I can aid you in tactics.” – Breathe. – “I believe my insight, coming from a different land, with different levels of warfare, can be of some help.”

My heart waited; the questions, the comments. So it approached - the judgment.

- “Sure, boy. I could use some help. Come tomorrow to the barracks, before the sun shows up.”

The captain was quick to answer. I was sure they would chew me out. Me, of all people, useful like this? I doubted it. But even then, I found myself able to breathe freely again. My jaw unclenched and my shoulders relaxed. Breathe. Yes, breathe.

- “Are you sure we can trust him?” – So mentioned Count Latrei, setting off alarms in my mind.

- “Calm down, Arlo. Why would the shrimp want to betray us? He can’t spend a day without crying, apparently, let alone go back to his world on his own.” – Ouch. – “And even-! if he wanted to betray us, what would he win? He can barely speak the language, to begin with.”

- “Huh. You will answer for him, then, I assume?”

- “Sure, what could this boy do? Look at him! I could break him in half if I wanted. Either way, the prince put his trust on him. That’s more than enough for me.”

- “Since this matter has been settled, yes? I will call the meeting off. I will wait for the written reports from each territory, as was instructed last meeting. You can hand them to my counselor. And, if the Royal Sorcerer could also give me a report on his alchemical endeavors, I would be thankful.” – The Queen paused for a second - commanding, seizing our attention with an inspiring glare. Her presence alone pulled us in. – “Our pride will help us stand, as we always have. So trust in our people and their talents.”

A simple gesture as she stood up, a genuine smile, and everyone could breathe again. – “I thank sir Von for answering in front of all of us, too. You have done well, dear. Thank you for attending - all of you. Those who wish to stay for the lunch meeting, please inform my counselor beforehand. I have other matters to attend to now, if you’ll excuse me.”

Ah. My heart. It hurt. Her overwhelming kindness held me as she left, the ‘dear’ lingering in my head.

Echoing.

I miss mom so much.

This time I didn’t manage to escape my fate - the fate of having lunch with everyone else at the dining hall, as Daien and Mizuen wouldn’t let go of me. But since they already know how I am, they tried to help me calm down after the whole endeavor of talking in front of the Court.

- “You can do this, don’t worry.” – Mizuen talked freely, as neither the Queen nor the Second Princess were present.

- “Why are you so sure?”

- “I have hear about tactics from other worlds, from Master Io. Believe me when I tell you, they will add so much advantage. But we need someone who is truly will- wiwing- willing to play the part.” - Add a little chuckle to that sentence - to try to make it sound lighter. Or whatever reason he had.

- “Ah, I guess that’s m-”

- “You know, Von? Mizuen feels like he isn’t from this world, he talks so much about weird things.” – Arsamira barged into the conversation, as he does. – “I was so surprised to know all of those things were real. Like flying machines. To think they don’t crash into dragons! Oh- Also! Are you really helping in the war? Really, we are thankful. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t! I would be exiled, actually! And my sis would have to become the crown princess. That would have been terrible, I tell ya. So thank you.”

- “…Has anybody told you that you talk a lot?”

- “It’s one of my many charms!”

We laughed together, silencing it - the pressuring fear, the weight on our backs growing by the second.

It felt like I walked with a knife pressed to my throat… Each day, each step forward digging it deeper into my skin. I didn’t even have time to mourn for myself- even if the doubt drowned me in ‘why’s. Why, would you, me of the past, feel so sorry for yourself?

I know. I know why.