Space stretched endlessly into an eternal angstrom as John exploded into compression so tight he broke the strong nuclear force and spun inside out in a brilliant flash of darkness as a thousand thousand bees jammed their stingers into his nerve endings and he screamed a symphony of blue and bitter.

And then John missed his step as the floor was about two inches lower than where he started. Gracelessly, John fell down the tasteful granite flags inscribed with lightly glowing silver runes, coming to rest in a dusty heap of sweaty twitching meat, struggling just to breathe.

All at once he gave a final spasm then cried out in a long scream of denial as he braced his hands to defend himself, only to suddenly realize where he was and let out a sob of painful relief. For just a second the disorientation and loss of control made John think he was back in the crash. Patting himself down grabbing the tattered shreds of his dignity he limped to his feet and took in the chamber.

The air had the chill of autumn to it, and while it wasn’t stale, there was a heaviness that spoke of doors long shut, a feeling shouldered up by the thick cloud of dust he’d stirred into the air. With a cough John turned to examine the portal.

The portal wasn’t free standing here, but framed by shining metal arches, supported on the right by snaking bands around the blue-white shining crystal pillar, and coming to a sudden blackened end on the left. Scattered along the back left corner of the atrium was a pile of twisted metal and shattered crystals that answered the question of what became of the second pillar.

A change in the light drew Johns attentions as he saw a pattern of crystals embedded under the portal, all lit up… no two were dark and the change that had caught his eye was that the next in sequence had started to flicker like a flame in the wind. As he watched it too turned dim and dark. Then the next crystal started to flicker and dim. He timed the cycle, and then counted the remaining stones. If it remained consistent he had a little over 3 hours left to decide which end of the portal he wanted to be on when it closed.

“I mean, clearly some sort of magi-tech going on here, no other reason for runic inlays unless it’s a Zardoz hustlle…” John muttered excitedly to himself. His face stretched in a manic grin as he strode into the dim corridor to the side of the hall, where he promptly shrieked like a little girl when he ran right into a pile of skeletal remains that had settled on the ground there. After stepping out of the scattered ribs and cloth, John used his keen logic to intuit that the rusty and pitted knife wedged into some vertebrae might have held a key to the mystery of this person’s demise.

“Looks human enough, so this side has that going for it. Not sure how I feel about the Assassins Creed element I’m sensing though. Sorry about this fella…”

John began to check the remains for anything useful, but other than tattered and rotted clothes, a small tarnished silver chain and the dagger, there was nothing. John pocketed the chain and dutifully noted the “Grave robber” achievement. then made his way cautiously towards to the three doors that lined the hall, two on the right and one at the end.

The two side chambers were set up like dorms, two beds, a dresser and a small alcove that must have functioned as a privy or washroom somehow. ‘A sort of temporary Hostel after the… fun of portal travel perhaps?’

Both were empty of any loot or mysterious tomes, so John made his way to the last door. Unlike the previous two this one was ajar and the whole frame looked oddly warped, with a bulge in the lower panel of the door. It was a bit jammed, but after some forceful tugging it sluggishly skidded open, allowing the bottom half of another skeleton to clatter into the hall. John bravely ran away, then came back to investigate.

The door was charred black and studded with blackened fragments of what John could only assume were the remnants of this fellows torso. Whatever had done this had pretty much vaporized the guy. Checking the remains yielded a small brace of pitted knives in a moldy leather sheath, which led John to conclude he had found his assassin. Turning from the door to inspect the room, he found what would have been a small but tastefully appointed office if not for the sparkling ivory skeleton sitting in a meditative pose on a cushion behind the low desk. Unlike the other remains he had found, this one seemed almost posed, and rested with a quiet dignity in colorful and unstained robes. Which was odd as the natural decay of this body should have completely ruined both the cushoun and the clothes, but they both looked, while a little dusty and worn, not like a persons biomass had saturated them while liquefying into a putrid sludge before desicatting and scattering into the dust…

“Oh god, I’m BREATHING DEAD PEOPLE!” John exclaimed with a retch and pulled up his collar over his nose to make an improvised breathing filter. When he recovered from his horror over inhaling exhumed asassin and victim parts, he once again used his meager detective skills to put the pieces together. Closer examination of the posed skeleton showed several tears In the silk in the abdomen, and a few pitted knives similar to the rest were rusting under the desk. The surface of the desk was clear save for a crystal disk cupped in the skeleton’s hands, and there were two drawers that where jammed shut. Behind the skeleton was small cubby with scroll cases.

“Jackpot.”

John pulled out one of the cases and unfurled a lightly faded map, hand drawn on some sort of animal skin in meticulous calligraphy. The writing was similar to but, somehow not the same as the writing by the portal… but either way John couldn’t read it. It showed, making some rough guesses of scale, an area of some 500 miles he would guess, based on the geographic features of mountain ranges and forests. It’s rare to find a full mountain chain shorter than that, and it seemed to go off the page. The finer details were indistinguishable to john without some sort of key, so he rolled it up and put it back in the stack.

Then, John crossed back to his garage.

It was just as unpleasant as the first time, but knowing what to expect let him cross without falling and twitching like an electrocuted rat. Two bottles of water, a trip to the toilet and a proper facemask later, John made his third portal crossing carrying a crowbar and hand sledge.. A quick check of the blinking crystals showed a liner progression that matched his previous guess, and then John was off to bust some shit up.

Gently sliding the cushioned skeleton and arranging its hands in its lap respectfully, letting the disk fall to the desk for now, John chiseled in the front of drawers, then did his best Archimedes impression and moved the world.

Pop, Pop, went the drawers, and drop drop went John’s jaw as he saw row after row of small golden and silver bars, a number of gem stones, strings of coins, and what he assumed were either bank notes or receipts in the first drawer. In the second was metal box filled with glowing crystals which John assumed had some value in this culture but for the life of him he had no idea what they were. They gave off a strange numbing heat, and John sensibly slapped the case closed just as a caution should they hold some radioactive property.

“Well, I’ve sorted any money troubles if I decide to stay, but… tech seems on the primitive side even if this guy could blow his assassin up after the fact. On the other hand, fireball magic confirmed… but man it would be a bummer to be stuck in magic land and have no affinity. I think I’d rather road trip if that’s a possibility. Now, what was this doohickey for, some kind of emblem?”

John picked up the crystal disk off the desk and examined it. It looked like a strange circular punch card, with threads of silver and gold etched into it and flowing in odd patterns from gap to gap. He raised it to eye level, and thought he saw flash of green rush through it. Leaning in closer the edge of the disk touched his brow, and then all he saw was darkness.

Rule #3 Don’t attempt to blood bond with every artifact you encounter. You will get tetanus.