Chapter 33: Uncle

Seto had to think fast. He dragged out his own monologue to stall for time. "You think I'm that gullible? You're wrong. My heart has never been more alive. My whore has shown me the good, the beauty in this world. Today, we went to the redwoods. I wasn't expecting to be moved by mere trees, but being there with her showed me how small we humans are in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't matter how we met. It doesn't matter if she's been with only me or a thousand other men. She's reminded me what's worth fighting for and what isn't. I draw!" Seto drew his next card and stared into the ghoulish face of another weak fiend.

"You're fooling yourself, Seto," came Kayla's response. "How many draws will it take before you see that?"

"If I'm a fool, you're an outright imbecile. Do you want to know what else I love about my future wife? She's honest." Seto felt a pang of guilt at the dirty trick he tried to pull on Joan. He couldn't tell her about that, not ever, but he promised himself he'd never try to get her pregnant without her consent again. "She would never stoop to your level to get something she knows she can never have. Besides, she already has one husband, not to mention a boyfriend, and because of that, she doesn't need to go around begging for scraps of affection like a lost kitten."

Kayla's face went red, but it barely showed through her makeup. "If you don't make your move in the next thirty seconds, you'll be disqualified!"

At least she spoke a few words of truth. A timer had popped up on the battlefield displaying the seconds counting down. "I set a monster facedown and end my turn," Seto relented.

Kayla's attention turned to a commotion in the crowd. "Move aside, move aside! Boyfriend coming through," came an authoritative feminine voice. Slowly the people parted and Laura stepped through, followed by her husband Marc.

"Welcome to the party, Mr. and Mrs. Aurelio," Seto said.

"We grabbed a Lyft as soon as we heard," Marc replied. He'd gotten a heads up from his cosplayer friend, who'd been approached by an incognito avatar of Rebecca Hawkins as a candidate to fill the position in which Kayla now stood. He and Laura had seen the entire broadcast thus far.

Laura went immediately to Joan and hugged her. She lowered her voice, "I'm impressed with how you turned Seto around. I don't know how you managed to do it, but we're here to back you up." Laura released Joan and went to stand beside Tamara.

Marc came up to Joan and brushed her cheek with his thumb, then kissed her. The warmth of it relaxed her trembling body. "I know this is hard for you, but hang in there. Seto's going to lose and have to date that harpy, but I'll make time for you so you won't have to go through it alone."

"And I'll let him take time off work if he needs it," Mokuba added.

"Thanks guys. That means a lot to me." Joan settled between Marc and Mokuba, the fingers on her T-shirt now properly pointed at two of her favorite men.

"Disgusting," Kayla scoffed.

"Look who's talking," Seto said.

"One man and one woman. Adam and Eve. That's how human beings were created to love. Anything else is debauchery. I now summon Justice of Prophecy and equip it with the spell card Spellbook of Power!"

A woman draped in green holding a set of scales and a dagger appeared on the field. Her original attack points of 1600 rose to 2600 as Spellbook of Power's effect activated.

"You're even more of a twit than I initially took you for," Seto remarked. "Adam and Eve is a useless fable that implies the entire human race spawned from the incestuous union of their offspring. Explain to me again how Cain and Abel got pregnant?"

"That's not the point. The point is that Adam and Eve were loyal to each other," Kayla declared.

"You don't have to be monogamous to be loyal. My whore doesn't back down when someone is important to her. Even when that someone isn't me, I respect that because I trust her."

"Silence! I now attack your facedown monster with Strength of Prophecy!"

The red woman swung her ax through the facedown card. It cleaved in two and briefly revealed Ryu-Kishin, a red fiend with a horn on its head and a malevolent toothy grin.

Kayla paused and watched as another commotion rippled through the crowd. "Out of the way! That's my wife!" Michael showed up trailed closely by a Latina woman with light brown skin and black hair containing a few strands of gray. She wore jeans with a fringed blouse and held the hand of a wide-eyed 9-year-old boy. Given her proximity to the wage monkey, Seto presumed the woman was Linda.

"Wurzel, how nice of you to join us," Seto said.

"Yeah yeah, I'm not here for you, rich boy," Michael replied. Neither Marc nor Mokuba budged, so Michael walked behind Joan and wrapped his arms around her waist. He kissed her cheek and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Woman doing OK?"

"Yeah, woman good," Joan replied.

"I can't believe it's really Seto Kaiba," the kid blurted. "Are you really going to be my uncle?"

Seto raised an eyebrow at the kid. "That depends. Are you my brother's art director's girlfriend's husband's girlfriend's offspring?"

"I'm Nathaniel!"

Seto caught Linda nodding. "Then call me Uncle Seto."

Nathaniel let out a yip of delight.

"No more of this imprudence!" Kayla yelled. "I attack your life points directly with Justice of Prophecy!"

The green woman surged forward and stabbed Seto with her holographic dagger.

Seto staggered back, clutching his chest and wailing as if in pain as his life points dropped to 500. He panted, staring at the ground.

"I end my turn," Kayla smirked.

No! He can't let that deluded fangirl own him, Joan thought. Bolstered by her other three partners, Joan found the courage to speak. "Seto, no matter the outcome of this duel, I love you."

Seto's eyes rose to meet hers. He saw the passion, the fire he'd felt their first time together. He saw the anger, the frustration of the second. He saw the forbearance, the sympathy of the third. He saw the surprise and excitement from when Marc entered the picture. He saw her outright joy the moment she bounded out of Mokuba's bedroom. He saw possibilities branching into the future. "Mrs. Kaiba, I won't fail you."

Seto closed his eyes as he drew, and then opened one to peek at the card. Megamorph. At least that scheming cyber geek Rebecca had left him with one good card. Fat lot of good it would do him on these monsters, though.

Kayla's sharp voice cut into his thought process. "Face it, Seto. That whore is the one failing you. You've paid her to act this way towards you, but it isn't real. The fact that your heart can't summon Blue Eyes White Dragon right now proves it. Come with me, and my spirit will lead you to victory in every duel."

"Now you've asked for it. You want to see what happens when my heart summons a monster?" Several years ago, Seto had experimented with neural implants. He'd streamlined most of his wetware and rarely used it anymore because of the headaches it caused, but his neural interface still resided in his brain. If Kayla and Rebecca were going to play dirty, he might as well take it up a notch. "The other thing I haven't yet mentioned about my whore is that, above all else, she pushes me to strive beyond my limits." Seto concentrated on his dragon. Its powerful talons. Its massive wingspan. Then a thought came to him. Why settle for one when he could have three? Like the redwood trees, like his new family, they would be stronger in numbers. "I summon Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon!"

A whirlwind appeared before Seto as a gigantic dragon with three heads materialized. Camera flashes glinted off its iolite scales. 4500 attack points displayed beside the massive monster.

A collective gasp preceded absolute silence.

"Hey! You didn't draw that card. You didn't even sacrifice, let alone fuse, any monsters to summon it. That's cheating!" Kayla shouted.

"What constitutes cheating depends on the rules of the game, and I don't date cheaters. When it comes to love, we write our own rules. Kaiba Corp duel disks, on the other hand, come with a user agreement that you apparently failed to read. Since you've already cheated with the help of your hacker friend, there's no point in dragging on this sham. I equip Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon with Megamorph, and since my life points are lower than yours, that means its attack points double."

The holographic 4500 scrolled up to 9000 attack points.

"Enjoy my white lightning, because this is all you're ever going to get. Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon, white lightning attack!"

Kayla screamed as the dragon's blast hit her Strength of Prophecy and wiped out all 4000 of her life points in one fell swoop. She dropped to her knees, defeated.

Joan and Mokuba sprang forth to hug Seto. Seto grabbed Joan's face and sucked on her lips as camera flashes zapped their eyelids. Joan didn't care that the world was watching anymore. In fact, she hoped that the backstabbing bitches from her internship were watching. Let them see how little she cared about their belittling, condescending remarks. She and Michael had lasted through the years despite their attempts at sabotage, and now she had everything she ever dreamed of.

Joan took her time kissing Mokuba next, letting a fresh round of flashes capture every angle imaginable. While Seto gave a victory speech and told Kayla to get out of his sight before he decided to file a restraining order, Joan headed back to Marc and Michael. A few cameras followed Joan, but most remained trained on Seto. Mokuba stayed with Seto as well, ready to save face in case Seto went off the deep end with his threats toward Kayla.

Michael wrapped Joan in a bear hug and kissed her.

"You know how to handle your men," Marc said, blown away by the spectacle his bosses had allowed. "They're actually going to pay you for the wife experience?"

"Yep," Michael answered. "They also have baby rabies."

"No kidding?" Marc saw a serious expression on Michael's face and absolute glee on Joan's. "Are you going to let them carry out that part of the fantasy?"

Joan and Michael filled Marc in on the details until Linda reminded Michael that she'd already pushed Nathaniel's bedtime back far enough. Nathaniel whined that he wanted to at least get Seto Kaiba's autograph, so Linda dug a scrap of paper out of her purse and Joan got Seto to sign it with a little note to his future nephew. Joan thanked Marc and Michael again for showing up before they headed off with their other women.