She had been putting it off forever, but her friends finally convinced her it was something she needed to do. It had been four months since Hayden had passed, and Lizzy thought it was finally time to go through his stuff. She would pack away the important stuff she wanted to keep and to throw the rest away. Jared and the boys from the firehouse had volunteered to take the ugly green chair off her hands because they wanted to put it in the main TV room and think of Hayden whenever they sat or even looked at it. For years she had been looking for a way to get rid of that ugly hunk of junk, but she couldn't stand to part with it. She refused to let go of it because she liked taking the urn off the mantle and put Hayden in the chair to watch TV or the game. She hoped that still having Hayden in his chair would prevent their team from losing anymore games that year. Turns out the idea worked, as the team went on to with their first championship in twenty years. Lizzy was happy and sad at the same time when she watched the final game of the season with Hayden's urn sitting beside her in the ugly green chair. She wished Hayden had been there to witness and share the moment with her, but he wasn't. Irony at his best, the team he had been watching his whole life won it all the first chance they had after his passing. A cruel joke that wasn't very funny.

But Lizzy's best friend Anna was right when she said it was time to clean up the house and finally toss out or pack away Hayden's stuff. She refused to however do this alone and told Anna that she would only clear stuff away if she was there to help out. It was all Anna needed to hear and she was on the next red eye for the city. Annabelle Davis was not only Lizzy's best friend Anna was her maid of honour when she walked down the aisle to marry the man she loved. She kept talking to Lizzy on the phone, badgering her to do a few things to carry on and help her get through the grief and pain that she was going through. So when Lizzy asked her to help out with the cleaning of Hayden's stuff, she was there quicker than you could say 'girl power' and was knocking her door with a fury and eager to help her clean up and aid with the grieving process. When she first got there, Lizzy was happy to see her and had four bottles of her favourite wine in the fridge and they both got smashed talking about the good ole days and when things were easier for them both. A time watching the boys at school when getting the next Bon Jovi album and pimples were their biggest worries in life; simpler days that they couldn't go back to.

It was the next day when they started to clean up the house and pile Hayden's stuff for packing or tossing. They both moved the coffee table into the bedroom and used the big empty space in the middle of the living room to put all of his stuff and sort through it. She had already decided that there was nothing in his wardrobe that she wanted to keep but she wanted to thoroughly go through all the pockets to someone who bought his stuff from the salvation army wouldn't get something that might be personal to Hayden. Lizzy and Anna were going through his clothes when Anna had enough, "Do we really need to go through every piece of clothing?"

"Yes, we do." Lizzy replied, "I don't want something personal of Hayden's to get into someone else's hands and besides, this is just polite. You always clean out pockets to make sure there is nothing when you're donating stuff out or just doing the laundry."

"Is that so?" Anna said as she did a half assed search through a pair of Hayden's old cargo pants.

"That is so." Lizzy said as she picked that same pair of pants up and started to do a more through search of the pockets. As she was looking through the side pockets, she came across a piece of paper and pulled it out of the pocket and waved it in Anna's face. "You see? You don't want this going out there, do you?"

"Oh my goodness!" Anna said in sarcastic riddled shock. "It's a good thing you found that piece of paper. It would be a crime if some bum out there got his hands on last week's grocery list."

"We don't do grocery lists." Lizzy corrected. She looked back at the piece of paper in his hand.

"Then what is it?" Anna asked.

"I'm not sure." Lizzy said as she kept starting at it. It was folded four ways and was a complete single sheet of paper. She could tell from the angle she was holding it that there was something written on it, but she couldn't tell what from looking at it folded up. "Should I open it?"

"Of course you could. This could be a long lost love letter!" Anna was one for the dramatic and was a hopeless romantic. To her, this was straight out of one of her romance novels: the post mortem love letter.

"Hayden wasn't the love letter type." Lizzy's curiosity was really eating away at her and she gave in and opened the piece of paper up. It was short, brief, but unclear. She looked back up her best friend. "This isn't a love letter, it's a list."

"A list of what?" her friend quickly asked. Rather than say it out loud, Lizzy responded by simply handing the list to her to find out for herself. Anna took a long look at the piece of paper, and was shocked to see what kind of list it was by looking at the title at the top: things to do before I die.

Lizzy took a closer look at the list that had thirty items.

1. Go out more often

2. Cut down on the fighting

3. More one on one time with Liz

4. Help out with the laundry

5. Attend another meeting

6. Make a birthday cake

7. Have a picnic at that park

8. Visit our little lady

9. Make a fancy meal for the boys

10. Eat another taco where it all started

11. Take Mom to see Paul

12. Get to sixty and go epic

13. Give Gary back his Hermy

14. Visit Shannon and Damon

15. Help Jared lose a few pounds

16. Rescue a mutt from the needle

17. Have a catch with Dad

18. Go see one of Jimmy's Shows

19. Take Liz to that play she likes

20. Walk by that lake one more time

21. Go see a game at the last ballpark

22. Finish reading that book

23. Enter a poker tournament

24. Take Lizzy to the Vines

25. Have another moment with the counsellor

26. Volunteer more time to the kitchen

27. Give a toast at a wedding

28. Start my own little crew

29. Seek forgiveness from the one I hurt most

30. Make a difference

"How ironic that?" Anna asked.

"How so?" Lizzy responded with a question of her own.

"Well, we found a list of things Hayden wanted to do before he died, months after he died." Lizzy said as she walked over to her couch and took a seat. She was starting to feel dizzy, and she didn't want to faint. "Things he'll never get to do since he's already gone."

"Well, he did some of them." Anna said as she walked over and sat down beside Lizzy. "Look at this; he's already scratched out the first four."

"That may be so but there are thirty items on this list." Lizzy started to tear up and reached for a tissue. "That means there are twenty-six things that he never managed to get around to doing. I feel so sad that he never even made it to the halfway point." She looked at the list and the first four items. She laughed at the one that was about less fighting, not one that should have been crossed off, she thought to herself. Then she came across the last one that was scratched off: help out with the laundry. "Funny, thing." Lizzy said and pointed out to the item on the list. "I remember him doing this one."

"Really?" Anna said with an excited grin on her face. "Do tell!"

Lizzy could remember the effort he made. It was a few months before he died and she could still recall it, as if it happened the day before.

"Come on Liz!" Hayden called out from door as he started to haul the big bags all by himself. "These clothes aren't going to clean themselves."

"Neither are you!" Lizzy called out from the bedroom, sorting her own stuff. "The last time I checked the machines in the basement are going to do all the work for you today. It's not like you're going to hand wash it or anything and build up a sweat."

"Semantics." Hayden replied with a grin to greet Lizzy as she came out with the detergent and another bag of dirty laundry. "Someone sweated and worked very hard to invent those machines for us. We should be thankful for their efforts and the fact that we no longer have to clean our Old Navy sweatshirts by hand."

"Well, don't act like you're going to do all the work. It doesn't take that much effort to fill a machine." Lizzy said as she was being saucy with him.

Hayden took it with a smile, "I know love. It's just that I don't get whole weekends off that much anymore. I wanted to use this one to do more around the house and help do my share."

"I appreciate that. It's not every day a man is willing to skip the game to do the laundry." Lizzy looked back at him to see the look on his face when he was suddenly reminded there was a game that afternoon. He gave out a short sigh but was determined to do what he set out to do like a good trooper and started to carry the big bags of clothing down the stairs to the laundry room. Lizzy was getting a kick out of all this and decided she wasn't going to tell him that it was his team's bye-week until after they had gotten started, and after a good bit of teasing. She locked the door behind her and trotted down the stairs to catch up with her husband...

Lizzy opened her eyes and then told everything to her friend. Anna listened as Lizzy recalled what she remembered about Hayden going out of his way months ago to help out with the laundry for the first time in forever. After she was finished, Anna picked up the list. "So he did that because it was something he wanted to do before he died. It sounds a little lame to be on this kind of list."

"I think what he meant was that he wanted to help out more every week, not just once and be done with it." Lizzy replied as she took the sheet back from her. "Besides, there are some items on this list that don't look easy, so I guess he made a few easy ones to make sure he got off to a good start."

"So I guess the rest are a little tougher?" Anna asked.

"Maybe for him. This was his list so I am sure there are some tasks that are more difficult for him based on his history and relations." Lizzy took a look and pointed to another item on the list. "See this one: take Lizzy to that play that she likes. To him that would have hell on earth. He hates the theatre."

"So which is the play he was going to take you to?" Anna suddenly inquired.

"I'm not sure. I like a lot of plays." Lizzy replied, and this was one problem with the list. They made perfect sense to Hayden concerning what they were about, but to normal eyes, they were coded and hard to determine what they meant. "My goodness, what on earth is a Hermy?"

Anna cringed, "I don't think I want to know."

Lizzy was fascinated by the list, but she didn't know what to do about it. Part of her wanted to complete the list for him, do the things that he wanted to do and maybe through them learn more about the history of her soul mate. Yet another part of her was well grounded and knew that she couldn't afford the money or the time to take on such a venture and she might have to wait before she could tackle the items on the very brief yet complicated piece of paper.

She didn't think about the list or what to do with it until several days later when everything changed. She was watching Anna make her scrambled eggs for breakfast when there was a loud knocking on her door. Lizzy looked over at Anna because she was not expecting any guest. From the confused look on her face, it was obvious that she was not expecting anyone as well. Lizzy thought it could be one of the guys from the firehouse just to check up on her but Jared had promised they wouldn't come by as often as they did shortly after the fire. Lizzy walked up to door and took a gander through the peep hole to identify her guest. It wasn't one of the guys from the house. The man was middle aged, wearing a suit and carrying a brief case. Lizzy knew exactly what she was dealing with here: a lawyer. Why is this lawyer knocking on my door? There was only one way to find out. She slowly unlocked the door and partially opened for him. Once it was opened a crack with the chain still up. "Can I help you?"

"Yes," the lawyer replied, "I'm looking for Mrs. Elizabeth Sheppard."

"That would be me." Lizzy said as she closed the door and then took down the chain and opened it wide open. "I want you to know that I've already retained a lawyer and plan to take any legal action when I'm ready to do so."

"I understand that, I am not looking for a job." The lawyer reached into his pocket and produced a card. "I already have a client. I represent Norville Industries."

"You mean the same company that neglectfully killed my husband?" Lizzy asked.

"Well that is the pickle that we are currently in. We have recently come to a settlement with two of the other widows from this horrible tragedy. Rather than wait for you to come after us, we would like to offer you the exact same deal that the other two did so this never has to reach a courtroom and be dragged out any longer than it has to be."

"So you're here to offer me money?" Lizzy suddenly concluded.

"A pretty fair bit, actually." He took a small envelope out of his bag and paused for a moment. "I would be a fool to actually think that any amount of money will make the pain of your loss go away. We are very sorry for your loss and hope that this settlement will help you in move into the future and prosper." He went on to hand the envelope to her.

Lizzy stood there with the envelope in her hands and she didn't know what to do.

"I'm going to need some time to think about this and to let my lawyer look over it." She honestly didn't think about the lawsuit that much, but the idea of getting money now and not having to relive the entire ordeal was tempting.

"Of course, take all the time you need. Review it with your lawyer and get back to us at your own convenience. Thank you for your time Mrs. Sheppard and once again we are very sorry for your loss."

After she closed the door, Lizzy locked it back up and then turned to face her friend who had been listening to the entire ordeal. She walked up to her friend and handed the envelope over to her. "I can't open it. I want you to do it for me."

Anna looked at the envelope and took a deep breath. "Okay." she took the letter and tore one end out and pulled the offer from the case. She scanned over the contents of the three pages and eventually got her way to the important part. She looked over the numbers and then the final tally. "Well, it's not a small number."

"How much are we talking here?" Lizzy asked, not wanting to be materialistic but at the same time curious to what they thought her pain was worth.

"More than enough for you to skip going back to work if that's what you want." Anna said as she passed the envelope and the papers back to Lizzy. "If you need more time to grieve, this will let you take as much time as you need. You don't even have to move out now if you accept this. Not for a while."

Lizzy took the paper from her and gazed at the big number that was looking back at her. Usually people who win the lottery get numbers like this, but there it was on paper and ready for her to sign and cash in. She felt bad thinking about her husband's death as a lucky lottery win, but this was the same amount offered to other widows and she didn't envy the idea of a long drawn out battle in court.

"I'm going to take the deal." she suddenly blurted out, almost ashamed she was giving in.

"Just like that?" Anna asked.

"Yeah, just like that. I'm not ready to go back to work." Lizzy walked over and sat down on Hayden's green chair. She put down the offer from the lawyer and picked the list back up and started to go over it. "This deal would also give me the means to finish a little project that would mean a lot to me and Hayden."

"The list?" Anna said in shock. "Are you serious? Why would you want to do the things that Hayden wanted to do before he died? You don't even play poker!"

"It doesn't matter." Lizzy said as she looked back at the list. "The list says enter a poker tournament, not win one."

"I see... and what about the ones we don't know about?" Anna pointed to another part of the list. "Who are Shannon and Damon and why does he want to spend more time with them?"

"I don't know," Lizzy honestly answered. "But I want to find out. There are secrets about Hayden out there and good or bad I want to know about them. It's his story, the part that he never stuck around long enough to tell me. I want to know everything before I let him go."

"So you're just going to travel around and complete all these tasks yourself." Anna seemed shocked that Lizzy was even thinking about this.

"I'll need help. I know I can count on Danny, Jimmy and Dad. Even some of Hayden's family will likely help. Even if all I could do was talk to them to fish out some details that will help me figure out some of the more cryptic goals."

"What if they don't know anything about any of this?" Anna asked.

"Well, we will need to be creative to find out all the details of each one." Lizzy replied with a cute smile.

"I'm sorry, did you say we... as in me working on this crazy thing with you?"

"Yes, I did. You hate your job. I've got the money to finance our quest. Let's do this and finish the list for Hayden."

"Hayden won't care if you finish this list."

"But I will. This is more than just a favour to Hayden. It's a mission to learn more about the man I loved, and understand why these things were important to him." Lizzy looked back at the list. "I want to know more about him, and this is the key to doing that. I need your help to find the answers."

"What about my job, my life back on the west coast?" Anna cried, not to confident about what she wanted to do.

"Stay here with me, we'll live off this and get the job done. Let's both take some time to discover something new about Hayden and ourselves."

"Alright," Anna said, finally giving in. "I do hate that job. But I want you to promise that if you find out something bad about Hayden, it was your idea to do this mission to learn more about him, okay?"

"Okay." Lizzy said as she hugged her friend for backing her. "Bad or good I want to know what all these things are about."

Anna took a deep breath and took the list back from her, "I'm going to look over this while you finish up checking pockets."

Lizzy stood there in complete intrigue while Anna went back to the fridge to open a bottle of wine to go with her initial studying of the list. Lizzy decided to give in while she was ahead and went back to going through the clothes she was going to toss out. She felt a little better doing it, knowing that things were going to stay the same with not having to move and that Anna would stay to be with her on this journey. A mission from Hayden, and she had no intention of letting him down. Lizzy didn't care how long it was going to take, she was going to complete the list for him, not out of some personal loyalty but because deep down, it felt like the right thing to do. She tossed all the clothes into the basket and then walked into the kitchen to get her own glass of wine and to get start what could be the next great adventure of her life.