I'd never destroyed something and found myself regretful, even when it was something that cost nearly as much as our house. Those times were rare and reserved for the occasion when I wanted to remind my parents that I was not above costing them dearly. Objects and trinkets did not matter. I was their son. At the time, their only child and therefore, I could burn down the very manor and they'd still have to turn to me and pat me on the head and say, "Good show," unless they wanted to lose the villa as well.

Then Lana arrived when I was fourteen and I wasn't exactly welcoming. There was a constant need to be reassured that I still wielded unmatched power. I'd tested my limits again and again and not all of my petty acts were matters of anger but rather...peace of mind.

So to say that I've felt limited in life was a lie.

I could break things, waste things, and overuse things beyond repair with little to no thought about the cost or repercussions.

That had been my right for as far back as I remembered. But upon the second day of finding the tray of food by the governess's bedroom door, still uneaten, I crouched down to watch it.

My will and destruction could reach anything, even people.

But the pile of strawberries staring back at me for two days straight made me fight back tears because it told me something I was already aware of the moment I forced her to stay.

There was no putting back together or replacing trust.

I'd hurt her. And I'd known it the very instant she'd turned around with her little suitcases and marched into her room. No longer bold and strong, but mortified and shamed.

Personally, I'd done the non-eating thing a time or two myself, but this was different. I wanted her to keep some of her power, some of her defiance but not if it could cost her her life.

A normal person would have knocked on that door, apologized, and taken her to where she'd originally wanted to go.

I suppose I wasn't all that normal.

Because now I'd stepped into a pit, and I saw no direction to take. Going back was impossible—we wouldn't come out the same way we entered and I'd never see her again. Deviating in either right or left could lead to unforeseen erratic acts or consequences.

So my only option was to go forward. I'd put on this evil cape and I was determined to take her through this pit with me until either one of us found an end.

After I had the maid clear out the uneaten food, I summoned someone who was less than pleased with me.

My mother.

The woman hadn't attempted any eye contact in those two days. Today would be worse as I instructed her to bring the key to unlock the governess's door and make certain she was decent before I entered. Or at the very least, alive.

"Mason," she said, turning to me, "be reasonable."

What reasonable? The woman hadn't eaten.

Instead, I folded my arms across my chest and she sighed.

Firstly, the door wasn't even locked.

I started to regret this approach as soon as she entered and began apologizing on my behalf.

"Really, he means well. You must forgive him."

She went on and on until whatever she saw of the governess turned her into a monster, too. Having the constables find the starved body of a young governess frightened Mother enough for her tone to shift from sweet and embarrassed to alarm once the curtains were drawn, to actual anger.

"Is this the way you behave? All the money your parents must have put into you! You're an accomplished lady. That was not without sacrifice! And for you to simply throw it away without even a slight fight is beyond the pale. He's already said you're free to leave once you find a suitable place to go. Honestly, at this point it does look like a rescue and probably the only of its kind someone like you'd ever receive because I don't know if you've looked around, dear, your prince is not coming!"

The strength in my defiant posture wilted until my arms hung at my side.

Mother slammed the door after leaving and returned with a maid who brought a tray of food.

I'd already began feeling physically ill from the situation but when she entered yet again, that was the absolute worst.

"This is your own doing. If you'd had a proper plan, one that didn't involve disappearing like a thief in the night, on some cockamamie mission of no sound direction, we all wouldn't be here. I would have a governess who required less care than any asylum patient, and more importantly, your mother and deceased father, rest his soul, would have a daughter to be proud of! You did this. You brought yourself here and you will do me the courtesy of not letting my daughter see a dead body for the first time in her meager years of life. Eat!"

Twenty minutes later, mother returned with a nearly empty tray and a stone-cold expression as she walked past me.

She was in a temper by the time she reached the study and something compelled me to follow behind her.

I'd entered with the intent to voice my defense, of course, after thanking her for her help, but she whipped around and her hand connected with my face with such power I nearly flew across the room.

There were tears in her eyes and she regarded me as if I were a stranger to her.

She opened and closed her mouth so often she resembled a nutcracker.

Each attempt she made to speak had the tears coming stronger until she finally summoned up enough composure to say, "You've shocked and humiliated two once proud women. I hope you understand this. Never. Never once in my entire life had I expected this from you. Never. And you've made it quite clear to me that I've failed you as a mother."

As she stood before me, all my readied excuses and threats vanished. I had nothing to offer.

"You can no longer negotiate with her, only rule." She shoved me aside and rushed out. "And I hope that is enough for you."

Shame didn't come to me easily but it was here now. It was also here when we ate our meals. No one in the house spoke to me. I did not care. This was the right thing.

And ruling would be fine if she could walk away from me safe. That is what I told myself. But she was eating now, thanks to Mother's harsh words.

By day five, I banged on that door and she opened it directly. She looked pale but not as frightfully slim as she was becoming previously.

I lost all power of speech.

What I did next was cowardly, I knew. But I relegated my orders to others. First the maid who was instructed to inform her that she was to appear for meals.

That was a bad idea because Lana, although unaware of the details, could barely make it through a meal as well.

By far, that was the worst and it carried on until Mother stepped in again.

She instructed the governess that she was still an employ and would act like one. Or would she rather not get a wage, thus losing the ability to help her troubled sister, or worst yet, her disgraced mother being billed for room and board.

The governess resumed her duties, albeit without the same enthusiasm as before.

I hardly recognized myself when I looked in the mirror. Worst yet, deep down, I was still happy she was here.

That was surely a sick man's way of thinking.

After a time, things quieted. She and I no longer inhabited the same rooms but I considered her more in all our undertakings. None of those things could be a direct present from me for she'd reject them all.

I'd gotten her more strawberries but Lana had to deliver them. The day I found them sharing a snack while eating them was the first time I could smile somewhat. But the governess caught sight of me and lowered the fruit.

She no longer had a taste for them.

In fact, when I decided to find some bravery and offer them on my own, her hand trembled and she stared at the table.

I'd trapped her. She'd let her guard down with me and now the things we shared together reminded her of her carelessness.

One month in, and I became desperate. No one beyond my family knew of why she remained, but I had one last gift for her which would please her, I was sure.

The theater. She'd wanted to see a play and it was a play that would soon be out of rotation. I'd thought to wait till the summer to try and engage her again, perhaps time would lessen the sting of our situation, but there simply was none.

Angelique was thrilled by my invitation. Gregor smirked from ear to ear.

Neither the governess nor I were pleased. She dressed and looked rather lovely despite having not cracked a smile in ages.

I fumbled with my tie. This was no act. At one time, I'd been decent at it, but now...well, hardly anything about me seemed decent anymore.

We piled into the carriage, the governess across from me.

"Oh, look at you," Angelique said, more than happy to go to work on making me presentable.

The governess watched us. I'd never felt so small. I felt cheap, and stupid, and vile.

Upon finishing the tie, Angelique tried to fix my hair but I shrugged her off.

It was a simple plan and one I lost the taste for the closer we were to our destination.

I helped Angelique out of the carriage. As much as I longed to do the same for the governess, I dared not make the attempt. Gregor made only one offer which wasn't accepted.

With his nose turned up, he gave me a smile and stood beside me, whispering, "Trouble in the garden, I take it."

I ignored him.

The governess exited the carriage and a look of wonder slowly formed on her face. I, myself, was overjoyed. She liked it.

We'd traveled far to get here and it was worth it to see some of the glow come back.

Now my scheme shifted from getting time alone with her, to her simply finding some enjoyment.

I nudged Gregor and the buffoon finally held out his arm to her. She took hold, eyes affixed to the grand building.

With each step we took up the steps, she scanned every inch of the stone pillars.

Relieved wasn't the word to do my feelings justice.

Angelique said something to me but I barely heard her.

"Sorry?"

She glanced back but once then told me, "She's rather ungrateful, isn't she?"

I nearly slowed. The urge to tell her to shut up came but I was in no position to demand anything of anyone. Now, I feared how I treated women because my mother's tearstained face flashed before me.

"No," I answered, "she's just a bit down."

Until now, the theater's plentiful steps never bothered me but it took forever to find our seats. We were situated on the opposite side of the room, on the second floor.

The governess didn't seem all that interested in the stage but the moment she shifted closer to look down at everything being set up, that was the moment I decided to not join her. My presence would only sour this experience. I feared it would become yet another batch of once sweet strawberries, now rotten no matter their condition.

"Perhaps that was what happened to her with the piano," I muttered.

"Pardon?"

I remembered Angelique and sat up. "Sorry."

She watched me. Today, she acted differently. She wasn't drawing attention to herself or going on and on about some gossip. She...resembled the governess.

Many things made me wonder lately. Now as I stared at her, I wondered how we'd ended up here.

"You will spend the entire night looking at her, I suppose."

But my eyes gravitated to the space between us. "I wanted to apologize for how I'd left you at Gregor's party. That was wrong of me. You did not deserve that."

Angelique blinked her blue eyes at me then threw herself back in her chair, floored.

I'd expected her to have a different reaction than that of a scowl.

When she snorted under her breath, I turned to her. "What have I said?"

"It's not what you've said. It's what you've become." She kept her eyes on the stage rather than me. "And who you became it for."

Perhaps she was right but if only she knew how terrible I truly was as of now.

"I went through so much trouble to make another attempt at you," she grumbled. "You'd hardly know."

For the first time in a while I turned to give her my undivided attention.

"Why is that?"

She refused to meet my gaze. "Never mind."

The me of now was bad, but the previous version of me must have been a terror for her. So what brought her back?

"I hadn't treated you very nicely," I said, "and I should take responsibility for that—"

"Oh, stop it. Please stop," she commanded.

Dumb and confused, I watched her.

The disgust on her face spilled out into her voice. "You're a strong man. Strong men don't grovel."

I blinked.

All thoughts rushed to the governess then back to Angelique. It was in that instance that I sat back.

Angelique'd liked me...just the way I was. The fury in her meant it was something she could recognize in me as power. For a long time I'd considered myself just that—powerful.

And that was the man she'd come back to get.

"I suppose Gregor isn't the only prized hunter," I challenged.

Face turned away, Angelique sighed. "Talk like that is why he has your woman."

I scoffed. "Then why exactly aren't you going after him?"

Angelique shook her head. "Let us enjoy our play, despite me having seen it before."

She didn't mind my bluntness so I told her, "I hadn't selected it for you."

The way she stiffened troubled me. Perhaps I'd gone too far. But I could see it now, the sycophant in her. She was similar to the governess in that she'd hopped from men of status in search of something. But unlike the governess, however, this woman had no loyalties. Should anyone marry her, the moment hardships came, she'd latch onto a stronger fighter and carry on.

The same with Gregor who left easy catches in search of things that offered challenges. I now wondered if either of them could ever find love.

In their own sick way, perhaps they did. The love of the chase and the satisfaction of the catch, as momentary as it might be, was probably enough. But wouldn't they need to seek out more stimuli again and again?

A thought popped into my head and it had me sitting up like a puppet tugged by a string.

For a hunter like Angelique, me giving in without her wearing me down, but rather, the governess doing so, was disappointing.

I stood against my will.

"What are you doing?"

My breath caught in my throat when I stared at the governess's box to find that I could no longer see her. Applause erupted and I waited a moment more before I rushed out.

I broke into a run though I told myself it was unnecessary. This was wholly unnecessary. She was safe. This was unnecessary.

Once I reached the proper box, I barged in to silence.

Gregor, sitting even further away from the governess than deemed necessary, flinched at the sight of me.

The woman in question sat with her face turned away. I must have frightened her because she huffed and puffed.

"Cousin?" Gregor said, "Didn't you say until intermission?"

Everything looked all right but I couldn't calm.

Rather than address him, I turned my attention to the governess and waited. Little by little, I began feeling foolish. What was I here for?

"Take me home," a voice said in a quiver.

Gregor stiffened.

I stepped in to make sure I'd heard right. She hadn't spoken to me in over a month.

But when I was close, she didn't repeat her request. I crouched before her but to no avail, she still refused to acknowledge me.

My eyes looked past her down to the stage, then to Angelique on the other side of the room watching us then back to her again.

All this effort. All this time. And the governess did not enjoy it.

"Hey," I said, stroking her shoulder. "We can go if being here doesn't suit you."

She trembled. I recognized that fast breathing; a fit was starting. It was no surprise that I'd trigger one.

I held her neck then brushed her hair back from her face, something I'd done a thousand times before, only to freeze.

There was a handprint.

All life drained out of me. Somewhere in that moment, a part of my brain shut itself off. I no longer had command of myself when I stood and turned.

Gregor cowered from his chair. "Cousin...."

I grabbed him by the vest and hoisted him up, an action that had him reaching for his groin but stopping as to not bring attention to his injury, an injury caused by the governess protecting herself.

"You louse."

"Oh, what does it matter," he protested, "if that's what you keep her for anyway!"

I rolled a fist but something caught my arm. The touch alone mattered more than my vengeance. She was instilling trust in me and although I longed to avenge her honor, I worried for her and her fits more.

After I tossed Gregor back into his chair, I guided the governess out. Her body was stiff by the time we made it to the hallway.

I picked her up and she buried her bruised face in my neck.

Angelique met us before we reached the steps.

It was a small smirk and she countered it quickly but it took everything in me not to revert to my old ways of sharing a few choice words with her.

She wasn't worth it.

"Couldn't have happened to a nicer person," she scoffed.

The governess hid her face against my chest and I regarded Angelique for some time.

And then everything faded. I no longer felt anger towards her, or disgust. Only pity.

"I'd die for this woman," I told her, "but for you, I'd barely offer a second thought. Good hunting."

With one heft to secure the governess, I made my way down those blasted steps, paying no mind to the curious stares we garnered.