My twentieth birthday came with a miserable letter. It was from Edmond.

How are you faring? Please do not forget that you can come to visit us whenever the mood strikes you. I've included a better allowance this time around. Please be sure to retrieve it from the bank.

Things are fine here. The garden grows well and the weather is keeping us in good spirits. Your mother speaks of you each day.

With that, I crumpled the letter and let it fall to the floor.

My intent was to write back a shockingly stern reply to convince him to do a number of things. One, stop referring to that so-called mother in each correspondence. Two, stop sending money when it was more than obvious they were in need of it. I'd stopped school part way to ensure they not pay yet again in advance. Yes, I'd wanted to remain, but Edmond was far too generous.

I blamed myself for how I'd left. My words were too harsh, too threatening. Saying that I'd know their love by what they spent had sounded bold and proper at the time. Now, knowing the amount they spent on me, almost foolishly so, each letter of praise and love came with guilt and regret.

And thirdly, I wanted him to stop showering me with love. I didn't deserve it.

In school I'd found a job and stopped my studies. Then a better opportunity presented itself, so I left yet again.

Each time, it was of my own choosing and to the dismay of all the noblewomen who counted on me to educate their children, but I did not care.

Whenever a sense of comfort loomed, I wanted to run. So now, to be twenty and still in the house of the same duke and duchess after a year was...a problem.

Another letter rested on the table but I dared not open it. It was written with my proper name—that meant another job.

To be coveted due to my reputation should have been a source of happiness, but I hated it. With a heavy sigh, I stood and sashayed around the study in my heavy, expensive dress. At one time I'd love the opulence. I'd wanted nothing more than the finer things. But upon reaching all my goals, a void still remained. And I did not know how to fill it. Studying had no effect. Working had no effect. And now...even the lovely possessions I'd accumulated...had no effect.

Why was someone so well cared for blighted with a heart that was still shriveling up? I was unsure. What was I missing?

It was time to leave. As I stared out the window at the lavish garden and beautiful flowers weaved throughout, I decided it was time to depart...quickly.

A ruckus of footsteps came from the hall and I shut my eyes. He was back.

Hands balled into a fist, I turned and waited for Lana to appear in the doorway, which she did.

She looked sweet for her age and she was a fast learner. But towering over her was the big lummox I simply could not shake.

"Oh, were you two about to have a lesson?"

I stared him down. Jet black hair draped over blue eyes, a well-fitting vest accentuating his strong physique, I willed him to simply vanish into ether.

The duke and duchess had one son. One very tall, loud, crass, yet handsome, but ultimately tactless son. And they'd doted on the nincompoop for ages before their saving grace, Lana, appeared. She was a gift from beyond.

Lana focused heavily on me. Whatever she found in my expression, she turned to look up at her big, dumb brother and shooed him with both hands.

"We're going to practice table etiquette. It's no lesson for boys."

"Table etiquette? Oh, how...how wonderful." He kept his eyes on me but I didn't know why. "Well, wouldn't you know, I was just in need of such a lesson."

Lana stomped her foot and balled her fists.

Usually, I'd correct her behavior, but I was in need of the rescue.

"You're in the way!"

He shushed her and crouched down until they were eye level. "Well, isn't it dull to play only with dollies? If I learn proper etiquette then I can join you more often, can't I?"

The little girl paused to consider this and I sighed inward. That traitor.

Lana turned and held her hands in front of her as she inched toward me and entreated, "Governess, is it all right? We'll be ever so careful."

She curtsied. I cut her brother a glance through the slits of my eyes when he curtsied as well. That....

I let out a sigh and nodded. "Very well. Bring the chairs."

Lana turned with a smile but paused and reminded me, "But I only have small ones."

"Well, then," I said, eyes fixed firmly on her simpering brother, "I do hope your guest has a small enough bottom."

Ten minutes later saw Lana and her giant ape seated at a little table. The little girl was quick to learn. A time or two, I nearly smiled when she paused in her task to scold her brother.

"No. Pinky down. We'll be seen as beggars!"

His face reddened as he lowered the tiny teacup. "All right, all right. I've heard you." He paused and marveled, "And where have you heard such horrid language?"

I slapped my fan against the back of his neck. "Posture."

With a grunt, he sat up on his tiny chair, holding his tiny teacup, hovering it above his tiny saucer.

Lana looked about ready to cry. "Oh, you'd be a terrible guest, Mason. A terrible, terrible guest. I'd be too mortified!"

Her brother stared at her in awe. "Lanni, you're eight years old. Stop talking like that."

She burst into tears and stormed out and I closed my eyes.

"Crud." Mason hurried to his feet, which twisted into the small chair and he took a fall. The loud thud he made had me staring out the window.

He was good enough to go retrieve his crying sister at least. It took ten minutes to calm her, all the while his face was crimson as he assured her he'd improve.

The next lesson was dancing.

As expected, her never-serious brother jumped to his feet and held out his hands. "How about we demonstrate for her?"

I was sure he was talking to the ghost of my cold, dead humanity and not to me directly.

With a slap of my fan against his hands, he thought better of the invitation.

The day drew to an end finally with Mason massacring the song he'd insisted he could play on the piano. In the end, he descended the stairs, desperate to find a treat for his enraged little sister who was, Telling Mother and Father immediately that you should be disowned and disinherited.

By the time I thought to leave the window and sit down to write Edmond back a new letter, I turned to the sight of something that caught my breath.

My letter, my...my private correspondence, was captured in the firm grip of this brute.

He'd uncrumpled it and studied me curiously as he said, "Why would you crush this? Your father seems so caring."

"He's not my father." I snatched the letter from him. Slighting Edmond wasn't acceptable, even if he was unaware of it, so I said, "He is my stepfather."

The surprised sound came with an, "Oh."

I found myself smoothing out the letter again as I sauntered back to the window.

Perhaps he'd left, it was so quiet. But I heard a soft voice say, "There's another letter here." He cleared his throat and said, "I recognize Gregor's handwriting."

Gregor?

After a glance back at Mason to see his eyes fixed on the envelope, I turned my sights back to the dimming sunlight.

"Is that your friend?"

His voice held surprise. "You don't know Gregor? He's the most eligible bachelor in these parts."

"Oh?" Those words caused me to gravitate to the desk yet again. "I'd thought this was for a job offer. They come now and then."

"What?" It was unlike him to sound so panicked. "You're leaving? Is the wage not to your liking? I'd told father it was too meager. He should raise it. You've done wonders for Lana."

The wage was fine. The wage was better than fine. It was so good in fact, that I'd started sending some to my poor sister. The rest, I saved with the intent of surprising Edmond with it.

This close to Mason, his eyes met mine. The spice of his aftershave was a very popular brand, but I did not like it.

At my sneeze, he fished into his vest for a handkerchief. "Are you ill?"

That was an even worse idea. I held my nose and turned my face away. "I cannot abide cheap scents."

Shock sparked in his eyes and I thought to ignore it. But as he stood there, something compelled me to confess, "I have terrible sinuses. That is all. That is why I cannot take your handkerchief. But thank you."

I wanted him away from me, but I hated to lie. It was father's favorite aftershave. Being reminded of him as I worked here was hard enough already.

By now, I should have been married. I should have been settled with a nice husband, planning for grandchildren my father could dote on. But instead, I was...a shell, moving from estate to estate, finding no satisfaction in any of them.

Mason still lingered by the desk and I held my nose as I walked back there and took the letter. Once I let it fall into the trash without reading it, he stared at me as if I were a witch.

"You don't want to know what he's said?"

I didn't. Instead, I found interest in the window once more. If this man was Mason's friend, then his parents were also of the dukedom or less. That was useless to me. And if he were higher, I'd only find a good footing if I were teaching.

To be fair, I did not know what I wanted, but I knew that I hadn't found it yet. Perhaps the next job would be better. If it yielded more money, I could save much faster.

"He might have wanted to court you," Mason said in a whisper.

I scoffed. "Why?"

At the silence, I turned my head to focus on his look of confusion.

"Because that is what people do when they've taken an interest in someone."

"What rubbish." Considering my family and my situation, marriage for me was a rather...complex issue. I turned my sights to the window and muttered, "Please inform your parents that I will be seeking new employment. But I will finish out the year."

He let out a huff, perhaps annoyed by my abruptness, which wasn't uncommon when I decided to move on, and stomped out.

My eyes drifted down to Edmond's letter yet again and I folded it and held it close in both hands.