《The White Rabbit》Chapter 31
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“I’ll give you everything you ever wanted,” the man said in an accent Xaxac could not place.
Xaxac had never seen anyone like him before.
He was an elf, but like no elf he had ever known, with eyes and skin a deep blue and hair the color of seafoam, wearing robes like the ones Agalon wore over his uniform. He held Xaxac in his arms and stared down at him while the waves lapped gently against the sand on the beach and the three moons floated overhead.
This man loved him, gazed down at him with a kind of love that was desperate and overpowering, and something flowed under his skin that spoke of a power so strong Xaxac could not comprehend it, any more than he could comprehend the endless expanse of eternity that existed in the void between the stars.
“I’ve been looking for you a long time,” the man said, “And now you’re here.”
Xac nodded.
“Magnus was right about you,” the man said.
“The devil?” Xaxac asked. He very rarely heard people mention the devil by name.
“Yes,” the man said. “It’s not magic, you know, what happens to you.”
“I know,” Xac said, “Humans aren’t magic.”
“That’s a lie,” the man said, and Xaxac believed him.
“I’ll give you everything,” the man said, “But you have to find it.”
He pointed to the beach, and Xaxac saw a cup there, standing in the sand as if it had been there all along. It was beautiful, a bluish silver metal that glistened in the moonlight, encrusted with several jewels in many different colors all along the rim.
Xaxac tried to move away from him, to go look at the cup, to pick it up, but the man was strong and held him in his embrace.
“I love you,” the man said.
“Thanks,” Xac said.
The man pulled him into a fierce, protective kiss, and Xaxac melted into his embrace. There was no darkness this time, no negative force telling him he should not be doing this, and he moved deliberately as he made the decision to undo those robes. He didn’t fight at all as the man guided him down until he was lying on his back in the sand.
He didn’t remember taking off his clothes, but he must have, because the man was on top of him, grinding against him as Alex had done, then inside of him, and there was no pain, only the tension, the friction, the pleasure as he moved in time with the waves that lapped at the shore.
Xaxac wrapped his legs around the man’s waist and clawed at his back, and as it all became too much, too much to experience, too much to take in, he threw his head back and screamed.
“Yeah, squirm like that,” Agalon snarled as Xaxac blinked into reality. The morning sunlight sparkled in through the curtains and Xaxac stared past Agalon at the unfamiliar ceiling as he went rigid above him.
He was awake.
He didn’t remember coming into the bedroom, didn’t remember seeing the bedroom. The last thing he remembered was telling Alex goodnight.
He had forgotten to take off his makeup.
Agalon shoved him into the mattress with a kiss so powerful it knocked the air from him and Xaxac was so disoriented he had a moment of panic as his lungs screamed, his chest burned, and he thought he may pass out.
But then it was over and Agalon smiled down at him.
“Good mornin, darlin,” he said softly.
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“Good mornin, master,” Xac smiled back.
Agalon left him and he felt empty, so he reached up to cling to him, and something flashed in Agalon’s eyes when he realized he could not rise, but it passed in an instant and he lowered himself back onto his elbows as Xac cuddled up into him.
“You’re cute when you sleep,” Agalon said.
“I don’t wanna get up,” Xac begged, “I’m comfy right here.”
“We gotta get movin,” Agalon told him, “We gotta hit the road if we wanna get to Basilglen by sundown. Well, I mean… we probably ain’t gonna make it by sundown, but let’s try to make it by tonight.”
Xac whined but allowed him to sit up.
“Master,” Lee said from the sitting room, “You told me to warn you when you had twenty minutes till breakfast.”
“I’m gonna be late,” Agalon said, “But come on in, let’s get started.”
Xaxac groaned as Agalon stood, went to the basin and wet a cloth to clean himself. Xaxac had sat up, which took a great deal of effort, by the time Agalon returned and ran it gently over him, humming as he wiped him down.
“What a perfect way to start the day,” he said.
“Thanks,” Xac giggled.
“I’d take you down to eat with me if I could,” Agalon said, “But I don’t wanna be rude. Ky don’t let humans sit at his table. Thinks I’m spoilin you. Which,” he shrugged, “I mean, fair, I probably am.”
Lee came into the room holding a stack of clothing, neat folded. Xaxac wondered how early he got up; he was always perfectly groomed when he woke them. Xac stood and made his way to the water closet to relieve himself, and when he reappeared his clothes were sitting on the bed, so he got dressed while Lee brushed out Agalon’s hair.
“We need to make good time today,” Agalon said, “I hope to god he knows I don’t actually wanna go out and look at his fields.”
“I think that was just talk, master,” Lee assured him, “that bird likes to chirp.”
“He sure does,” Agalon sighed, “now I gotta lend him my huntin dogs.”
“Do you want another braid?” Lee asked as Xaxac stood, fully dressed, and went to the vanity. All of their various tinctures had been unpacked, so he dipped a cloth in the sweet-smelling lotion to remove last night’s makeup, then made his way to the basin to wash his face. Once he dried it he sat down to start the process over.
“It’s just so damn hot,” Agalon lamented, “Fall’s gotta come some time, don’t it? We already started the harvest, why the hell is it still this hot?”
“The rumor is, sir,” Lee chuckled, “that when the empress is unhappy the fall rains don’t come and it stays hot.”
“Very funny,” Agalon rolled his eyes. “Do some kind of updo. I don’t care what it is but get the hair off my neck.”
“We can do them wrap-around braids,” Lee suggested, “Hide the gray.”
“Oh Thesis, I forgot to color my hair,” Agalon said, “I ain’t been able to think of nothin but Lorry. Lee, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Xaxac studied himself in the mirror and didn’t like how he looked. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was getting thinner, likely because he had been eating nothing but salad and doing absolutely no work to build up any muscle. He needed to start doing something for exercise before he withered away to nothing. He could see his cheekbones, just under his eyes.
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“I’m gettin too skinny,” he said out loud.
“You’re just growin,” Lee said dismissively.
“He’s growin?” Agalon asked, “I thought you said you was grown.”
“I thought I was,” Xaxac said, “I just… I don’t wanna… I wanna stay cute.”
“You are cute,” Agalon assured him, “You’re adorable. Maybe you ain’t eating enough.” He held up a hand and readjusted himself so he could look at Xaxac, which must have annoyed Lee because Xaxac could see him roll his eyes.
“I can’t tell a difference,” Agalon said.
“He’s hungover,” Lee said as if that decided the matter, “That’s all that’s wrong with him.”
“I bet that’s it,” Agalon said, “You’ll feel better after breakfast, Honey Bunny.”
Xaxac smiled.
He turned back to the mirror and did not like the way it looked on his face, so he used the excuse that it was easier to apply his makeup without it to drop it.
“Wine with breakfast,” Alex giggled as he poured it, “I was thinking coffee or tea, but ok. Eight in the morning, let’s get drunk, I love it!”
“You don’t want nothin to eat?” Xaxac called in the direction of the bedroom where Lee was busy packing up the things he had unpacked last night.
“I ate before you got up,” Lee called back, “I’ve already had a day, boy.”
“Right,” Xac turned back to the table to see Alex lift the covers from their food and Xac’s eyes widened.
“Flapjacks!” He had not meant to be so loud, but it had been so long since he had eaten flapjacks he had began to believe he would never have them again.
“Honey,” Alex said, “You know I love you, but I can’t have that sound in my house. Never do that again. That dog won’t hunt.” He massaged his temples and added, “Lord Thesis give me strength.”
“You love me?” Xaxac asked. After the night he had had he had no idea where their relationship stood, and it had been bothering him.
“You’re alright,” Alex said as he poured a thick sticky liquid from a metal pot onto his pancakes and passed it to Xaxac.
“I mean…” Xac watched the brown goop drip from the pot and frowned. When he spoke again his voice was quiet, “After last night I… that was… weird.”
“Why?” Alex asked, then took a sip of wine.
“Do you like… like me?” Xac asked as he cut a wedge off his stack and stabbed his fork into it.
“Yeah, I like you,” Alex smiled. “Xac, honey, you can’t… folks in our position can’t afford to be sentimental. You can’t let that kinda thing mean anything. You said you wanted to fuck your master’s cage fighters. You in love with them?”
“No,” Xac said, “I don’t even really… like them that much. I don’t get it. I feel… I wanted to ask you about that… I feel weird. All the time. Like… all the time. Every time I have sex I feel weird. Like… bad weird.”
“Oh, yeah, darlin, that happens at first,” Alex explained, “you just give it a little bit and it goes away. I don’t actually even know what that is, but it happens to everybody. It just goes away once you get used to it.”
“Really?” Xaxac asked. That was wonderful news! If he could get rid of that feeling his life would be perfect. “How long does it take?”
“Took me maybe… couple of months? I think it’s different though. You really do just gotta learn not to think. That shit right there is what thinkin does. That’s somethin tryin to get in your head.”
Lee walked out of the bedroom with their luggage fully packed and began to pile it behind the sofa.
“Try to move it along, gentlemen,” He said, “Master Agalon and I plan on leaving by nine.”
“You are the very model of efficiency,” Alex waved his fork in the air, “Lee, why do you hate fun?”
“I don’t hate fun, I just don’t find it fun to be drivin all damn night. I ain’t the one sittin on the master’s lap sleepin.” He huffed, “No offense, Xac. I ain’t got nothin against you, I’m just makin a point.”
“I don’t care to drive,” Xac said, “I know how. I worked in the stables when I was a youngun.”
“Ew, you did?” Alex asked, aghast, “Ew.”
“Agalon ain’t ever gonna let you drive, Xac, get that outta your head,” Lee instructed as he went back to the bedroom to get more luggage, “just do your job. Good work, this mornin, by the way, you got him walkin on air. Wish you’d get extra food for everybody else. Tell him I’m startin to look skinny.”
“You want me to?” Xac asked.
“Couldn’t hurt nothin,” Lee shrugged as he returned to the bedroom for the final time.
“You are gettin skinny,” Alex said, “You might be gettin taller. You grow a beard yet?”
Xac shook his head.
“When it comes in you keep that shit shaved,” Alex said, sighed wistfully, and continued, “I wish sometimes that Ky would retire to the water continent. They got spas there for humans, I think they mighta been there before the flood, but they wax your hair right off. They’ll do the whole body. Lasts for a month and a half. You ain’t gotta shave every day and your skin’s so smooth… lord, I love that place.”
“Tell him what waxin is and he won’t look at you like that,” Lee said, “Don’t listen to him, Xac, he ain’t smart. Thank god he’s pretty, cause this is about the only job he can do. He was a serving boy before he did this and he didn’t have the sense for it.”
“I had the sense for it,” Alex demanded, “you just want a white glove service every damn place you go. You ain’t in the Duke’s Estate here, you ain’t gettin no white glove service. It’s good enough for us. You’re out here thinkin you’re better than anybody else ‘cause you’re the personal valet to the Duke of the Agricultural District.”
“Don’t fight,” Xac begged.
“Well, when you’re havin nobility stay, maybe clean your house,” Lee said. “I notice it’s gotten better since you got promoted.”
“Oh eat a dick,” Alex rolled his eyes.
“And so refined,” Lee chuckled, “Xac, don’t pick up no bad habits.”
“Why don’t you take that down to your carriage?” Alex asked, “So anybody can eat in peace?”
“Why don’t you learn how to treat a guest?” Lee asked.
“So is this just… how y’all interact?” Xac huffed.
“Yeah, your butler’s mean to me,” Alex lamented with significantly more dramatics than the situation warranted, “He’s always been mean to me.”
“Xac, eat your breakfast,” Lee said as the door to the hall opened and the mustached man entered.
“Good morning,” he said pleasantly.
Xaxac really wanted to know his name, but felt that so much time had passed he couldn’t possibly ask him now.
“Need some help?” He asked Lee.
“Your pleasure slave is as disagreeable as ever,” Lee said as the two men picked up the luggage and made their exit.
“I’m glad I met you,” Xaxac told Alex, “You… made me feel a lot better.”
“That’s what I do,” Alex shrugged, “That’s what we do. Make everybody feel better. Besides, it’s nice to have friends. You don’t wanna get too lonesome. But it’s… a balancing act. You don’t wanna get too attached, neither. I’m glad I met you, too. You’re gonna be alright. I hope we see each other again. We probably will. We run in the same circles.”
Xac nodded and chewed his pancakes.
“Honey, don’t look so damn sad all the time,” Alex advised, “Fake a smile long enough it becomes real. That’s the secret, you know. You just gotta fake it until you get used to it. Tell yourself you’re happy and you will be.”
“I’m trying,” Xac said, “I am happy. What made you think I wouldn’t happy?”
“You broke down in tears on my couch,” Alex said, “Lord honey, you ain’t bright. You gotta start payin attention, remeberin things. I like you; don’t talk about shit, just do it.”
Xac nodded.
“You make everythin look so easy,” he said.
“You will too, you just gotta practice,” Alex promised. “Honestly, darlin, just relax. I mean,” he shrugged, “grand scheme of things you’re always either alright or you’re dead. That’s the only two options. And we’re all gonna die. I intend to deserve it.”
He snickered, and Xaxac laughed with him.
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