Cheezus wasn’t going to be eating anything for a while. There was nothing like the smell of rotting undead really. Was it BO mixed with cat excrement? Or perhaps a dumpster full of baby diapers sitting out in the baking sun mixed with stomach bile? Either way it smelled bad.

On the bright side, Nicole’s fire elementals had distracted the entire undead mass and even if he’d been out on the field naked as the day he was born he doubted he would have received any attention from the occasional zombie that ran past.

Within a few minutes he had spotted Deathberry, Linca and Seona. There were a few stragglers that had decided to hang out and harass them. Cheezus joined the crowd seamlessly with the other rogues in the guild. It was a cool feeling to have a small band of fellow stealthy types, there was Rodger who was lanky but quiet, Alice who was one of Nicole’s friends, and Derek who was a mutant with claws like Wolverine. They didn’t need any direction from him to figure out what the game plan was. It was sneak attack time. Tearing through the remaining undead surrounding their friends was anticlimactic after all that sneaking around but that was the best way to win so Cheezus couldn’t begrudge their methods.

“Rwaar!” he roared at his comrades, still keeping up the act.

Seona nearly jumped out of her skin. Most of the undead really didn’t make much noise. But Cheezus played it up like a bad B movie.

“You know we can see your status bar right above your head, right,” Deathberry said drolly. “And its fortunate we can or I would have turned you into zombie barbeque.”

Cheezus tore the dead suit off of himself and tried not to breathe as he did so. “A simple ‘thanks’ would suffice, I think,” he replied in turn. “I’d rather be buried in shit than have to be in there a minute longer.”

Linca pointed accusatorily at him and the emerging rogues. “You guys scared the hell out of me. Also, don’t get any closer,” she said, holding her nose and scrunching her face.

“You’re welcome,” Cheezus replied. “Let’s book it back to the group before any of these creeps get wise to the fact that we’re out here.”

Deathberry looked up after holding his ear for a minute. “Lyan is going to give us a ride; however, we need to be quick. They are being chased by that dragon skeleton again.”

“And we’re just going to go right from the frying pan into the fryer?” Cheezus asked, exasperated.

“Unless you want to try to get two of the least stealthy people back through that,” Deathbery said. He pointed towards the undead army behind him. It seemed like every dead thing out there was converging on the Misfits. Even with the fire elementals Cheezus wasn’t sure they would be ok.

“Right, let’s go,” he responded.

A minute later the Archeon swooped down to pick them up. Behind the airship Cheezus could see the rest of the armada as specks in the distance behind them. A larger speck was getting closer and closer to the flagship. A rope ladder was thrown down and Lyan shouted, “Hurry. The beast has nearly caught up.” Master of the obvious.

Seona summoned a column of earth right underneath the six of them and rose her hands chanting. The pillar of earth shot straight up beside the airship and the group quickly made their way aboard. Cheezus had to admit that spellcasting had its perks.

They didn’t have much time to prepare before the airship’s sails were full once more and he could hear the sound of the wind whipping past his ears. And it was a good thing they left at that very moment as the jaws of the massive skeletal wyrm snapped at the stern, tearing chunks of wood apart. Its glowing eyes expressed an intelligence that spoke of cunning and not a moment later the beast was beside the ship attempting to tear the rigging and sails from the mast.

Deathberry shouted over the wind, “Cheezus, you and the other rogues distract it for a minute.”

“Yeah, that should be real easy,” he replied sarcastically. Distract a hundred-foot-long flying bone monster with nothing but a virtual toothpick and a gun that wasn’t even a heavy caliber rifle. He yelled out to the other thieves, “Wait for me, I’ll be back.” Under his breath he said, “This is gonna suck bad.”

Climbing up to the top of the rigging, Cheezus was thankful that he wasn’t scared of heights. Because what he was going to do next was stupid even in a video game. Here goes nothing. Leaping off the top of the mizzen mast he felt the air rush by his face, tears streaking from his eyes. If he’d timed everything perfectly the dragon would be right beneath him in 3…2…1…

“Ooohff,” the wind had been knocked out of him. His hands fought blindly to grasp onto the rope he’d secured around his waist. A second after that he heard the reassuring scraping sound of metal on bone. His grappling hook had found the beast’s ribcage. He started falling again as it turned and he held onto the rope as it tried to slip through his grasp. Finally reaching the bottom of the pendulum, he hung below the massive wyrm as it roared and flew away from the Archeon. Below him was the Australian desert in miniature, he could see the mountains in the distance and when he dared to look straight down he nearly threw-up. The undead army beneath him were just flecks.

He scrambled up the rope trying to ignore the pain in his now raw hands. It would have been wise to wear gloves, he thought. Of course, it would have been wiser not to do this at all. Finally, he mounted the back of the skeletal beast. It had turned back and was now attempting to bite the deck of the airship he’d just leapt from. Re-attaching his grappling hook to the back of the creature’s neck he pulled with all his might.

Cheezus knew he must have been able to move it at least a little bit because he saw the dragon’s bite miss the deck and the other rogues were able to throw their own grappling hooks. Seconds later they were all in flight together riding the dragon like a bucking bronco.

Enraged, the creature tried to slash at them with its talons and fearsome maw but they were too small and far too fast for the dragon now that they were on its back. While there was little hope that any of them could actually wound the fearsome beast from up here at least Deathberry had his distraction. As he was just settling in to enjoy the ride the dracolich got wise and plummeted from the sky. Cheezus was look straight down as the creature dive bombed the desert right below them. He could make out the flecks of undead creatures and fellow guildies alike as they dropped from the sky like a lead balloon.

Good thing it can’t fly upside down, Cheezus thought as it pulled up just as they were about to crash into the earth below. Then it did a barrel roll and he and the other thieves were hanging inches from the desert floor by their ropes. “That totally didn’t work out the way I thought it would,” he said to no one in particular. The wind was whipping past his face at terrific speed and he had to pull his entire body up close to the dragon to try to avoid being crushed by the ground beneath.

Seconds away from death he realized that the dragon was mostly hollow.

***You’ve Entered Party Chat***

Cheezustabs: Everyone get inside the dragon and hold on.

The small group of adventurers scrambled to find their way inside the skeletal creature and then secure themselves. And it was just in time. Cheezus was nearly thrown a second later as the dragon slammed into the earth, the soil tearing free from the desert floor and suddenly starting to fill the body of the massive beast. Struggling to hold on, he surfed the wave of dirt that came crashing into the ribcage where he stood. As it ground to a halt on the desert floor he checked to see if everyone survived.

***You’ve Entered Party Chat***

Cheezustabs: You all still alive?

Alice: Who’s idea was this again?!

Rodger: I’m ok.

Derek: That was the worst thing ever. Let’s not repeat that.

Seeing that no one was fatally injured, the group scrambled quickly to free themselves of the dragon. Looking up Cheezus could see that they landed in a very interesting place. Drak stood not fifteen feet from him and behind him were about a hundred zombie warriors in tight formation.

“Ugh, guys. Hate to break it to you but I think things just got worse,” he said.

Drak pointed right at him and cast a chant Cheezus recognized. He tried to move his arm to shield his friends but found he couldn’t move a muscle.