As if on cue, when I sat down, the water started to ripple. Putting on my best fake customer service smile, “Thank you for calling customer service. How can I help you.”

On the other side of the portal was a man with fresh blood running down his face from his left eye. Behind him was a town on fire, and screams of bloody murder echoed in the back. There were hoards of Goblins rampaging all though out the houses behind him. Somebody was clearly having a worst day than me. “You know how you can help; your company can sell working wands!”

“I apologize, sir. Can you give me some more details about your frustrations, so I can take the appropriate steps to resolve your issue?”

“I’m frustrated I spent 1000 gold on this piece of junk. The village hired to stop a goblin attack going on behind me. As you can see, I did a pronominal job thanks to the help of your crappy wand! One of them shot my eye out with an arrow!”

Oh man, is that Goblin drinking out of someone’s skull? Note to self never hire this guy. “I apologize for the inconvenience sir, can I just have some information on the product? Which wand did you buy?”

“I got the Goblin Exploder 9000; that is a terrible name because not a single Goblin exploded in the making of this chaos.” He said, waving the wand in front of the portal.

“I agree. The name is a bit ridiculous. But can you do me a favor and hold the wand closer to the portal so I can look at it closer.” I said. Examining the wand closer, I realized the problem. “Uh sir, you still have the safety on.”

“What do you mean?”

“You see that little switch by your thumb flick that, and it will turn green. Okay, now point it at that Goblin over there eating the horse and pour in some magic.” As soon as he did it, the Goblin and the horse both exploded.

The goblins screams brought the chaos to a standstill. The Goblin’s attention shifted from the helpless villagers to the one eye wizard. They started to growl and snarl and began to rush over to avenge their fallen friend. “Oh god, what do I do? They’re going to kill me.”

“Please shoot them, sir,” I said. Without hesitation, he started to blow up every Goblin insight, whether they were on horseback or towered over him like a castle. They all spontaneously combusted when he pointed his wand at them. Although I have to say, I was very impressed with how he handled the situation. He was slowly overpowering hoards of green potbelly monsters with only one working eye. Note to self he is back on the payroll. “Well, congratulations sir, you saved the village or what’s left of it.”

He turned around with the still burning village and Goblin massacre behind him. “Why is there a safety on this thing!”

“That’s a good question. You see, that wand is very sensitive to magic. Even a small child with little magical talent could turn a village into something similar to the hellscape behind you. So, we recalled it and placed a safety on it to prevent any further unwanted destruction.”

“The seller should have told me about this when I bought this weapon!” He said, flicking his wrist with the wand. The simple motion sent an explosion destroying three houses behind him, blood-curdling screams following.

“Please be careful. Like I said before, it is very sensitive to the slightest magic.”

Putting the safety back on, “You know what. I’m tired of talking to you; Where’s your manager!”

“Right sir, one moment.” Getting up, I walked over to Tina’s office.