Hello everyone, Author desu !

blabla bla ... but I received a few nice comment and positive review which had some kind of a motivating effect.

So here goes nothing, on six pages. Hope you will like it ^^

Author out !

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“I’m tired” I sighed out loud as I let myself fall into the couch.

Those godly asholles made me clean the office 5 times in a row ! An office sized for giants ! All as a fucking floaty lamp with a rag over my head ! Now it hurts all over ...

Best of all, it was all for nothing !

The concept of dust doesn’t even exist here in the afterlife ! It’s like they asked me to push a gigantic rock up a mountain repeatedly so they could see it roll back down …

And I’m not even paid anymore … *snif*

“Oh, come on, stop complaining. It could have been worse !” ~ Author

Shut up, I hate you …

“I know, I love you too

This author pisses me off.

And Brenda’s feet smell …

Guess it’s time for a well deserved nap …

“CYYYNDRIC” ~Dan

… Guess it’s actually not ...

***

So, a few days passed since the beginning of my punishment, and I finally gathered enough information on the planetary device to kinda see where this could be going. Let’s start with a good old brainstorming of the gathered information.

Information numero uno. It is SUPER hard to get the device out of carry mode. To put in carry mode, you just need to compress it and it somehow reduces it’s volume, not it’s weight. At least this place still somehow respects the laws of physics a bit.

To get it out of carry mode however, that’s extremely hard. You need to stretch it.

Ever tried to stretch a perfect sphere ? No ? Well, thrust me when I say that it’s nearly impossible ...

So once I somehow succeeded, I carefully put the device to rest in some corner of my heaven of peace and quiet. Swearing that I wouldn’t put it back in carry mode unless I was forced to.

Information numero duo. This things has a user menu with various option and an user guide ! To make it appear you need to boot it up and clap your hand audibly. The fact that I discovered it by random chance was a fucking miracle … but the user manual made the rest of the information gathering process much easier.

So what’s exactly in the menu ? First a control panel where you can tune display parameter such as the luminosity, the font size and so on and so forth. You can even choose to put some nice mosaic so that you won’t have to see your humanoid happily kill each other.

After that comes a stand by mode menu where you can adjust the color of the standby screen and after how much time you want it to show up. Quite the original device isn’t it ?

After that, another menu allows to change the various control. For example you can choose for the world to turn clockwise while swapping counter clockwise, which would make no sense but hey, why not.

You can also set it to swipe with a zoom motion, to open the menu by snapping your finger or other useless things … Why anybody would want to change the default parameters, I don’t know, but there is an option …

I checked, you sadly can’t change the keybinding to switch the device from carry mode into something more practical. Which is sad since it was the one thing that could have been useful …

Just my luck again ...

After that comes the much too obvious presence of a sound control panel, a security panel to set voice based passwords and a panel where you can activate random widget such as a voice based notepad or a clock following the planet’s time on the top part of the screen …

Yes, just like a personal computer … How those guys found that a sphere was the best design for a PC is far above my head but that’s basically all this device is so far. A very advanced computer to play god …

Unfortunately there are no cmd or anything where I could have applied the various skills I learned in my profession. Not even an usb port or anything, this things is even more closed to it’s user than a mac …

I want the linux version ! Give me full control !

*hum* Anyway, to finish talking about the menu. At the ends of it comes the user manual, the real discovery which I spent the last week reading.

So we proceed with topic numero tre, what can be learned in the user manual ?

Well truly, a lot. So we will focus on the general information and go back on the details when it becomes necessary. To keep it short, this system is based on three main mechanics.

First, the shop. With spirit energy it is possible to buy items from the shop, items which can have various permanent or temporary effect of various importance. For example, legendary sword that boost the strength of it’s user, books that transfer knowledge directly to the brain and other fantasy stuff.

Of course there are more moderns option such as an AK-47 that magically always finds it’s target or a tie that make you extremely charismatic and encourages peoples to randomly trust your every word …

There are also downright futuristic option where I don’t even get what the items are supposed to do and a customizing section where you can modify items or simply create new ones …

Let me just mention that the customizing screen is downright confusing, even for an IT guy like me, whoever was in charge of it’s interface did a very, very poor job.

Not like I have any use for it currently anyway … Moving on !

Any item bought in the shop will end up in the inventory. Unlimited in space the inventory. However, since I’m dirt poor right now and hardly any item prices below the thousand of unit, this shop menu won’t be of much help for a rather long time. However, Dan left a few item in the inventory.

And when I say a few, I meant 3 item. Two of those being communication orb, allowing you the communicate with any humanoid holding them and the last one being a magic pair of shoes that allow you to jump a few centimeter higher and run a bit faster, all while keeping your feet comfortable and avoiding blisters …

Useless to say those item are among the cheapest of the shop …

The sneakers being the actual cheapest, right below the legendary shiny cup that changes water into wine …

Hey, I never said that ALL the items were super useful …

Anyway, moving on to our second mechanic, mind control ! Once again through the use of spirit energy it is possible to suggest things to your humanoid so that your heavenly will can be done onto earth.

Basically, you send dream to a random guy. He get’s an ‘Eureka, I just seen Jesus’ kind of moment and then devote his life to whatever you asked him to do …

Of course the strength of the suggestion depends strongly on the spirit energy you are willing to spend. You won’t get devoted supporter who do your bidding by being a miser, they would at most become rational faithfullish servant if you don’t spend enough to ‘convince’ *Kof kof* brainwash *kof* them !

The price here is closer to what I can consider affordable. One unit to send someone a very vivid and believable dream that may allow some sensitive humanoid to reconsider their decision, ten unit for a rather loyal servant and in the hundred for a devoted goody-willy.

The great thing being that those kind of ‘devoted’/’brainwashed’ individual can produce a snowball effect ! Think about it, you take a random steve and make him devoted. Then you tell him to spread your godly word with twelve other goody-willy you place in the way. You make sure some of them start writing a not so well narrated and extremely exaggerated book and bam, five hundred years later you got yourself a great number of goody-willy obeying everything written in your so called bible.

Taddaaaa

Of course Earth’s history demonstrated that this is a rather dangerous tool which tend to snowball out of control ... but still, it gets the job done and it’s quite cheap ...

Also, it’s not like I have much choice as you will see with our third mechanic, the downright irresponsibly expensive miracle menu !

Basically, you flood the device with gigantic amount of spirit energy and in exchange powerful effect of your choosing appear.

You can have a whole crowd of people have some kind of simultaneous divine revelation, make an army retreat or collectively die of a heart attack, trigger a volcanic eruption or some earthquake / tsunami, and so on and so forth depending on your wishes …

Of course the whole thing is completely unaffordable, we are talking here about hundreds of thousands of spirit unit to obtain the smallest effect. In short this menu will probably never be opened again except if there are some kind of spirit lottery around that I somehow manage to win through random happenstance …

Maybe I should go puppy eyed grampa on the Author, see if I could get some help with that ...

“Don’t dream too much, not happening” ~Author

Damnit … not even a discount for the elderly ?

“No” ~Author

Tss, this Author is such a miser. I want my plot discount !

How dare you treat an old man like that !

Anyway, where was I ? A yes, the miracle menu !

I forgot to mention that, this miracle menu is one of the reason high and top grade world are so unaffordably expensive. Outside of the fact that you can control that energy to make random objects appear like in the afterlife, since the world is naturally flooded in spirit energy, you can get your small miracles for free.

There aren’t even any kind of usage limit since the spirit energy naturally replenish … Sometimes quite slowly depending on the world’s quality but still ...

Of course it is still a limited tool, really useful miracle are rather expensive and won’t come for free even with the greatest kind of top grade world … You still get kind of what could be considered a discount though, so that’s something …

For those of you who haven’t yet cerned the implication of all that, let me take a small example. Imagine you are a powerful god with a random high or top grade world and huge amount of reserve energy stored in spirit batteries. Should your world get suddenly attacked by a fleet of spaceship, baam miracle which result in the whole destruction of the fleet. You can then let the energy replenish since the next fleet will take a very long amount of time to arrive, space travel being on the slow side from what I gleaned so far.

The result is a nearly impregnable planetary fortress with defensive discounts … put that on the front line and tadaaa, you just got an incredibly efficient defense fortress !.

Now moving on with information quatro.

According to the user guide it is impossible to control multiple planet from the same device. The devices are closely linked with the planet so that the famous scorched earth tactic can be applied in time of war.

Basically if someone is about to take possession of your very important planet, you simply crush the device and magically your beautiful planet encounter disaster after disaster until it becomes nothing but a big space rock …

Of course the gods have some way to restore even space rock, if needed, but that’s apparently a very taxing manipulation. Thus something rarely anyone would be willing to do except if it’s extremely necessary.

Which may be the case in times of war as I far as my understanding goes ...

Now moving on again with information cinquo.

It is possible to unzoom to infinity with a planetary device but it is impossible the change focus from the planet, it’s core will always correspond with the center of the screen, which doesn’t make it the most practical scouting tool.

This can be explained by historical reasons since, according to the trivia of the user guide, ancient god had the tendency to lose their planet in the immensity of space. They would then take months to find it again, which was obviously not the best for productivity …

If extra planetary scouting must be done, it is thus much more practical to use a specialized device. Devices which is obviously extremely expensive and that I will definitly not be able afford before an extremely long time …

Finally we finish this brainstorming with information sei.

As you may expect, the zooming function of the planetary device can pass through any solid object with ease and any god is fully capable of watching anyone doing their thing at any moment of their life …

In short, perfect job for a pervert …

These devices are also equipped with additional views such as an heat based vision or a line vector view so that you can see deep below the ground. You can switch from any view to any other for free so this actually is a very convenient tool.

And there we go, this ends the rather long presentation of the capacities of my newly acquired planetary device. Yeaaahh

Now the only thing I have left to figure out is how to save a planet with 300 unit, a few carambar joke, a pair of magic sneakers and two talky-stony …

… Maybe this planet is doomed after all ...