Didn’t I take out his eyes, though? Just what?

Never mind. I’ll kill him.

I’ve spent so much time avoiding reality that now I’m confused. I need to close my eyes and stop thinking to have an objective view of reality.

…

When I open my eyes, I understand what this is about.

They hate women. I just need to see what they did to that girl and her mother. They can’t stand the fact a woman will have everything they ever wanted. It makes them feel inferior, and they feel like that ‘cause that’s how they always are. I understand Miry’s words now.

They’re so empty and distorted they torture the weak, believing they can ‘cause they’re powerful. But they’re attacking my daughter now ‘cause they know they stand no chance against her. They’re so afraid of her they moved right when she was born.

You know what, Miry was right. This is a path to your own destruction. This fake power will always be an illusion, but it’ll push you around as if it was real, and soon you’ll find the truth. When that happens, you’ll die.

The same happened in the orphanage, the arena, the prison, with all the people who raped me, and it’ll happen with them.

If I raise my daughters like that, they’ll destroy each other in a pointless fight for fake power. And I’ll do everything to prevent it. I must teach them another path; to be good.

One of the many faces of this fake power is what I’ve been doing; sulking and wanting to die.

Maybe you already guessed why. Why would I be forgiven just for dying when I’ve done nothing to repair the damage I made? I was just escaping. I thought I had the power to escape, but that was false. And I’m sure of it looking at my situation now. Once again, I’m forced to fight to the death and kill.

I wish I could let them kill me and end everything. I wish I could forget myself and perish. Giving up would be so much easier.

But I can’t! I feel a strength inside me. It’s hard to explain, but I perceive things can’t end like this. I mustn't give up. There’s a future for me, and there’s work to do. And even if I continue getting into situations like this, I’ll keep surviving and going forward! I want to live!!!

For what? Who knows?! But I’ll never know if I die here!

I don’t have the strength to kill them, and they seem to be under the effect of drugs. I need to be smart and take a weapon from them. These four months of eating only raw meat made me weak. My strength is useless.

However, I understand them. I already became submissive to them and let them rape me, so they won’t suspect and will lower their guard.

It’s getting dark already. They have the magic circle ready, with my daughter in the center, along with that bastard. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do anything for the girl, and she’s impaled and half-dead on one extreme of the circle.

I won’t forgive them!

I get it now. Though it’s laughable, and you’ll laugh too. Remember how Miry called me stupid for not forgiving myself but wanting to forgive killers? Well, I was trying to forgive myself, and ‘cause I wanted to, then I tried to forgive everyone. Now I know I won’t forgive myself, so I won’t forgive anyone else.

But I can’t keep sulking; there’s no escape.

They drag me to the opposite of the girl and untie me. They seem confident in my lack of strength.

Their nonsense progresses with more blood and disgusting things. They just lose themselves in their sensations and scream, fight, masturbate, hit themselves, and things like that.

When things go back to normal, that bastard makes me kneel in front of him. It seems they’ll rape me and sacrifice me, but I keep calm and hide my intentions. I kneel and open my mouth, but I don’t let him inside. I lick his penis and balls, and when he’s focused on the pleasure, I bite his balls with all my strength. With all my weight, I pull and endure his punches.

He screams for help, and the others rush to hit me, but I don’t let go until I tear his balls apart. They start beating me to death, so I crawl towards my daughter and protect her and my other baby while hoping for the best.

They stop hitting me out of nowhere, but I still hear them screaming and fighting. I do the breathing exercises my adoptive father taught me to calm the pain and look around. I see someone fighting them, and he’s winning.

For a moment, I think I’m safe and can wait. However, I have something to do.

I stand and face the bastard. He’s already ready to fight me with a sword.

Focus, Uzziye. You have only one chance.

I rush at him, and as I predicted, he makes a thrust. I evade and push the blade to the side with my forearm. Then I can grab his hand and elbow his elbow, following with an elbow to his face. I pull him and use the impulse to turn around and throw him to the ground. Then I put my foot next to his face to hit his elbow with my knee as hard as possible.

I break his arm, so I go for the sword that fell, but he turns around and punches me in the face, sending me flying.

He pounces towards me and grabs my head, smashing it in the ground multiple times. I cover it with my arms. He digs his fingers into my torso and pulls my ribs. It hurts a lot!

I attack his eyes, but he bites my fingers and headbutts at me. I’m almost knocked out, so he easily bites my neck and moves like a mad dog.

“Are you okay?!”

I hear the rushed breathing of a woman before passing out.