Chapter 6: Executive Order 13553

A reintroduction of our favorite *cough* only *cough* chicken!

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Cheeky little cunts.

What even was the purpose of that fight?

To gauge my one versus one strength?

Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t to show off their moral superiority.

Next time, just fucking swear on your ass not to use the Mana Arts.

I had already murdered another team so I guess there wasn’t really a point in hiding anything.

Another thing I noticed was how the soldiers were about three quarters female.

Is sexual dimorphism flipped here? I’ll have to do further investigations into this.

That Ilsa’s sword technique is very rudimentary.

How is she the ace?

「I hypothesize that training in the Mana Arts is more efficient than technique.」

That’s probably true. With that teleportation level bullshit, there’s no doubt the ‘Mana Arts’ are extremely powerful.

But if that isn’t enough to overcome the ‘Demon Invasions,’ how powerful are the ‘Demons?’

I mean, I’m finding it hard to believe that there’s something better than cancer level regeneration and stupid amounts of strength.

「Alarm Flag: Surroundings are practically silent.」

By Poseidon's right testicle, you’re right! It’s quiet as dicks and no one has talked to me since waking up.

「You do have a reputation for killing people.」

I prefer the term ‘self-defense.’

「You do have a reputation for self-defensing people.」

Much better.

What do people even do in this camp?

「Does it even matter? You’re probably dead again. That Ilsa fucked you up pretty badly.」

The recording of her fist smashing into my face was set on loop in my mind.

Stop that!

「Replay value: 10/10」

My vision cut out and was completely replaced by the clip.

I swear this is a computer induced PTSD session minus any decision-corrective emotion.

「Cry about it, nerd.」

This belongs on a feminist twitter feed, not my vision. Stop this.

The incoming fist quickly faded away.

I threw off the sheets and got out of the bed and found a change of clothes available at the foot of my bed.

It was the uniform that everyone was wearing. A smaller version of what I stole, to be precise.

What’s this supposed to mean?

「I think it’s safe to say that you aren’t dead.」

I put on the uniform and inspected the tent around me.

These guys are in love with tents or something. I swear.

A fucking marble floor and a tent. Fucking tentophiles.

How strange, though, no one’s even guarding me.

I walked over to the door and opened the tent flaps.

There was a stone wall on the other side.

What exactly was the point of a door?

I turned and looked at the window. And the chair next to it.

Why is there a window on a tent?

I picked up the chair and threw it at the window.

It bounced off the window with a dull thunk and landed on the ground.

Neither was damaged in the slightest.

Challenge accepted.

「Try other parts of the tent.」

Great idea.

I picked up the chair again and threw it at another wall to no real effect.

Third time’s the charm.

Just as I threw the chair, two people walked in.

We awkwardly stared at each other as the chair hit the wall.

“Ummm, can I leave now?” I asked.

“Are you a citizen of the Sinechi Empire?”

Answering with a question? Tricky little bastard.

“Define ‘Citizen of the Sinechi Empire.’”

“Hold out your palm,” she commanded.

I held out my palm as instructed.

A device was held over it.

Seconds later, it emitted a green glow.

“You are a citizen of the Sinechi Empire, therefore, under Decree 13553 by the Senate, you are required to fight as a soldier until you are promoted to the OU-5 rank.”

“I don’t know how you evaded the Internal Recruiting Services up until now, but any attempt to desert will be punished with a swift execution.”

The two saluted and exited.

「I think we just got low-key conscripted.」

Same.

“Umm, what do I do now?” I called out as they left.

“Go to Central Command for a platoon assignment.”

“Where’s that?”

“You’re so fucking needy, figure it out yourself!”

Cheeky brat.

“Well, I guess since I’m not assigned to anything, the military doesn’t need me. Therefore, leaving isn’t desertion. I’ll just say you told me I wasn’t needed. YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE.”

The soldier froze and gave me an expression somewhere between fear and annoyance.

“It’s the red tent in the middle of the encampment,” she said as she pointed vaguely in a seemingly random direction.

That’s better than nothing I guess.

Pressuring people is so much easier when you can hold ‘responsibility’ above their heads.

With that in mind, I made began my search for the red tent.

I found it a few minutes later. I mean, it wasn’t exactly a huge camp.

The secretary was sitting at his desk.

If I had to describe him, I would have to say that he is the embodiment of normal. Brown hair, blue eyes and doesn’t smile. He looks normal to me.

“How may I help you?” he asked.

“I think I’ve just been drafted, uhh, I need a platoon assignment.”

“Oh, they got you too? Err, I mean, I’ll get right to it.”

“Wait, what do you mean by, ‘they got you too?’” I questioned. “I think they forcibly made me a citizen.”

The secretary looked around nervously and lowered his voice.

“I suggest you avoid combat roles since we’re males. We have less magic potential so we’re used as a buffer zone.”

“Buffer zone? I don’t like the sound of that.”

“No one does, that’s why there’s executive decree 13553 and a death penalty for desertion. With a 70% mortality rate for us males on the front line, no one would willingly fight. You need to scrape together every bit of power you can in order to survive. Don’t try to die a ‘glorious death for the empire.’”

I’m getting a bad feeling about this.

「Footsteps detected 7 o’clock, twenty feet.」

Fuck, someone’s coming.

“We need to talk more about this later, the walls have ears. For now, what’s your name and where can we meet?”

“You can call me Karl. I’ll try to get you in my unit, but if that fails, meet me in the Mana Fields at sundown today.”

“Alright, what should I do as of now?”

“I’ll work on your unit assignment, so just stay here for now.”

The person walking by quickly passed the tent.

A few minutes later, Karl finished with the paperwork.

“Wait a bit; I need to get this approved.”

He took the bundle and exited.

Almost half an hour later, he came back weary but excited.

“I managed to convince the Second Lieutenant to accept you in our platoon! She says she wants to see you, though.”

“Where do I find her?”

“She just down-”

“There’s no need, Karl,” a feminine voice said from behind me.

As in, less than a foot behind me.

「Unexpected entity 6 o’clock, eleven inches.」

Thanks for the warning!

I turned around, and sure enough, a red-haired teenage muscle-girl was standing behind me.

Fucking ninjas!

「Reanalyzing sound data using Echo Position Analysis (EPA) with 400k resolution. ETA 5 seconds.」

“When did she get there?” I asked Karl.

“It’s easy once you understand simple Earth Arts,” the girl answered.

“Umm, I have to check on the casserole on the… fire,” Karl said as he quickly fled.

I’m beginning to question this Karl’s loyalty. What happened when he was approving the paperwork?

「EPA Complete. Optimizing countermeasures.」

“Bellona Kassandra, Second Lieutenant,” she said, holding out her hand.

“Steele Johnson,” I said, shaking her hand.

“I saw your fight yesterday, and I have to say, it’s great to have you in our platoon.”

「Suspicion flag: Karl seemed to have trouble convincing her, yet she seems to be open to your joining.」

I noticed that too. What’s she playing at?

“It’s great to be a part of your platoon,” I concurred.

“I just have a question that’s bugging me,” I continued. “What exactly is the point of this camp?”

“Oh, this is just prep for the next Great Invasion three years from now.”

“I see.”

We chatted a bit more before I was shown my tent and given a ‘beginner’s manual.’

Unfortunately, I couldn’t read it.

Fuck.

I’ll have to get Karl to read it for me.

Without anything else to do, I decided to map out the camp using my superior memorization.

I went over it several times to ensure a high-quality map.

Later in the evening, more people began returning.

Turns out, Karl and I had been assigned the same tent, so I had him read the manual to me, word for word.

It contained a list of experts in several fields such as Earth or Life Arts, along with containing a list of good hunting grounds.

I was returned my rapier as well, although I had to also return the money and documents I stole ‘liberated.’

As I went to sleep, I got a strange message.

“Fuck the United Alliance. Yo, it’s the Chickenlord! Sorry about selling you, an attorney was dumb and did stupid shit which wreaked total havoc on everything I had. I suspect he’s allied with one of my rivals, but that’s insignificant. I just wanted to ask if you needed any help since I have downtime before the next lawsuit. I’ve already paid off Fast-████, so don’t worry about them.”

Looks like even gods have problems. Who would have guessed?

「It could be lying.」

True, but I don’t really have much to lose by maintaining a friendly relationship.

Chicken. I want chicken.

“The Bloodborne spell! How to chicken?” I immediately asked.

“Wow, I never told you how. My bad.”

「Information input stream detected. Organizing new information.」

The knowledge of spell invocation was suddenly… ‘there.’

I’ll have to find a time to test this.

“Not quite what I expected, but that’s fine too…”

“What were you expecting? Me to send you an angel who would recite the information to you over and over again until you memorized it? Don’t be ridiculous.”

“...”

“Well, anyways, the lawsuit hearing is about to begin, so good luck!”

“Good luck to you too, I guess?”

Did I just get called ridiculous by a giant chicken?

Part 2 -

After a quick breakfast the next morning, I decided to head out to one of the hunting grounds in the guide.

“Going somewhere?” Bellona asked.

“Just the ruins north of here.”

“Alone? There are goblin snipers there though.”

“I’ll live.”

She looked at me unsurely. “Karl! Go with him!” she barked.

He immediately saluted and ran off.

A minute later, he came back wearing a large backpack, light armor and a quarterstaff.

Damn, I won’t be able to test the chicken with him around.

“Weren’t you a secretary?” I asked.

“Most of the time, but I do go on excursions occasionally,” he answered.

“That’s cool. Let’s go kill some stuff then.”

We immediately set off for the ruins.

“So, how does this killing to get stronger thing work? I’ve killed a bunch of goblins and lizard things, but I don’t really feel any stronger.”

“Did you absorb the Life Crystal?”

“How do you absorb it? Eat it?”

Immediately, I took out a handful of the crystals from my pouch and prepared for the biggest binge feed of my life.

“Actually, just put it really close to one of your eyes and it should be absorbed by your Ki Field.”

“Why the eyes?” I asked.

He shrugged.

It’s worth a try I guess? Eyes are the windows to the soul, after all.

I took a crystal out of my hand and touched it to the corner of my eye.

My field of view turned red for a brief second before returning to normal.

My entire body was engulfed in a warm fuzzy feeling, which pulsed out from a point a few inches below my neck.

Immediately, I took another and absorbed it.

Another one!

Another one!

Another one!

Before I knew it, I had absorbed everything in my hand.

The warm fuzzy feeling had changed to a hot prickly one, but that’s irrelevant.

I pulled more out from my pouch and within ten seconds, I had absorbed every crystal I had.

Karl just sat there and stared at me wide-eyed.

“How are you even standing right now?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“Well, doesn’t your… everything hurt?”

“Maybe a little?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a tiny~ break?”

A break? It’s not as if it’s a crippling pain or anything.

“It doesn’t hurt that bad though,” I said unsurely. “Is it supposed to hurt?”

「Notice: Pain reduction set to 70% currently.」

Well, I suppose it does hurt a bit then.

“You’re only supposed to absorb one every five minutes at most…” he explained. “There are impurities in the crystals, so a cooldown time is advised…”

“That explains the burning feeling.”

Whatever, it’s not as if I give a shit.

I gave him a shrug and we continued our trip.

We quickly arrived at the ruins and began fighting off small hordes of goblins.

From behind, Karl supported me with ability boosting spells.

Within minutes, we had cleared a beachhead in the ruins.

Karl healed me as I pulled out an arrow from my side.

Strangely, if you touch a weapon a monster drops before they die, it won’t disappear with them. This makes fighting archers a pain in the ass. A pain up the ass, if you’re unfortunate.

Karl says it’s because of Materialization Theory or something he isn’t familiar with.

I really need to learn how to read. Not knowing stuff is annoying.

After picking up the crystals, I gave half to Karl and absorbed the rest.

Five minutes my ass. I’ll absorb this shit when I want to.

The red goblin crystals quickly vanished.

I’m going to be so fucking overpowered after absorbing all that shit.

“How much stronger will I be if I absorb a hundred of these?” I ask.

“These are weak crystals, so if you were to absorb a thousand, you’d probably rise to OU-2, which is basically a second rank fighter.”

That’s a lot of crystals actually. This’ll take a while...

“What’s the difference between a second rank fighter and a first rank fighter?”

“Ilsa Ina is a late-stage second rank fighter.”

Oh ok, so being second rank gets huge fighting benefits, basically.

“What about the Lieutenant Colonel?”

“She’s an OU-4. She’s practically a monster already. After the Demon War, she’ll be off.”

“Wait, why do the strong people not participate in the wars?”

“Because the ‘Senate’ and the politicians that run it have no actual power. They’re using their nonexistent power to fight over a wasteland of a continent with no actual resources. This continent is just one of seven known wastelands. The real power and resources are on the Continent of Gehenna.”

“Lemme guess, in order to go to Gehenna, you need to be at least OU-5.”

“That is correct.”

“Then how does the demon war factor into all this?”

“117 years ago, the Demon army invaded. They were crushed and they all died because they sucked. The problem was that they spread a weird disease that turned people and the environment into a corrupted ooze that spawned inchoate demons. Some OU-7 found the cure and sold it for a bunch of stuff. Now we’re left with a bunch of ooze everywhere spitting out lots of half-formed demons that mob up and attack for Mana every ten years or so.”

That’s a pretty nasty situation.

“So basically, get OU-5 ASAP and leave before the Demon War to live?”

“Haaaa, that’s the funny part though. OU-5 is a bottleneck, and only the politicians know how to break through. Guess how they award the breakthrough? Fighting in a Demon War…”

“Ha! So basically, the politicians don’t want to fight so they sell breakthroughs to the fighters?”

“Basically. Most of the politicians are exiles too, so it’s not exactly like you can fight them or something. Good luck against an OU-6 or OU-7.”

“Aren’t we lucky to be alive…”

“Being males, we’ll get shoved onto the front lines, which means about a 70% mortality for us, mate.”

“So, in other words, we need to exercise and get buff quick to get lots of crystals?”

“Actually, muscles can be adjusted using the Life Arts. Exercising is a waste of time.”

“HAAAAAAAA, I’ve been wasting my time all my life…” All three months of it.

“Muscles won’t help you against any decent magician. A good magician will fuck you up even if you get the jump on them.”

That’s terrifying. That leaves increasing OU in order to get more powerful.

“Alright then, where do we find high quality crystals? These worthless goblin crystals won’t cut it.”

“We can join a dungeon raiding team. Higher quality crystals are found on lower floors. The problem is if you’re too weak, they won’t take you.”

“Fuck teams. Teams imply smaller profit margins. Find me a dungeon, esteemed secretary, and we shall split half and half.”

「Just like the creamer.」

Exactly.

“We might want better offensive spells if we want to raid a dungeon ourselves.”

“Find the supplies and we’ll attack!”

“Ohh, I’ve always wanted to raid a dungeon, I’m never chosen for raids though…”

“It’ll be a first for both of us.”

「A second for you, if I do recall correctly.」

Part 3 -

The next day, when we were getting ready to set out, we ran through a checklist of gear.

“Mobile Tent.”

“Check.”

Fuckin’ tentophiles.

“Canteen of Infinite Water.”

“Check.”

The canteen is a nice magical item. Simply input mana and water is summoned into it.

“Liquified Mana Solution.”

“Check.”

Never has mana been so easily restored.

“Emergency Light Supply.”

“Check.

Seeing is believing. Not seeing is not believing.

“Entropy Field.”

“Check.”

Entropy fields are important as they prevent the mana in the air from forming into monsters. If fueled with enough energy, they can actually decompose monsters back into mana. I’m not too clear on the details, but they’re generally pretty handy if you’re going on extended raids.

“Distress signal.”

“Check.”

If shit hits the fan, just hunker down with the Entropy Field at max power and wait for help to arrive. A foolproof plan.

Unless they have ranged weapons. Then you’re fucked.

“Food.”

“Check.”

Important for obvious reasons.

“Map.”

“Check.”

Wouldn’t want to get lost and die now would we…

“Crossbow and ammunition.”

“Check.”

Karl picked up the crossbow and stuffed a large bundle of bolts into his backpack.

“Anti-magic cloaks.”

“Check.”

For those times you aren’t quite feeling like you want to be perforated and smashed by force bolts, waves, and blasts.

“Oh yeah, nearly forgot.”

Karl focused and a light green aura formed around him. An electrifying feeling surged through me as he grabbed me by my shoulders.

Fine tendrils extended from his aura and extended onto me.

Not quite like tentacle porn, but rather, more like the vines of a plant, since my limbs weren’t immobilized or anything.

Almost instantly, my muscles began expanding into those of ‘a buff guy’s’.

“Pretty buff, but not too buff. If you get too buff, you’ll need muscles to carry your muscles,” Karl commented.

I flexed my sweet new additions and made a few poses.

‘No pain, no gain’ is a fucking lie. My past life was a lie. I was lied to.

「Yeah~ this’ll show them! 」

“Let’s do this!” I roared, as I flexed.

“Yeahh~” Karl yelled as he flexed as well.

We’re totally swole.

At that moment, the Second Lieutenant, Bellona decided to walk in.

“What are you two idiots doing in the armory?” she questioned. “Why the hell do you have all that equipment?”

“We’re gunna fuck up a few dungeons!” I exclaimed.

“More like the dungeon’s gunna rearrange your face,” she said disapprovingly.

“We’ll call it a ‘learning experience’ if that happens,” Karl chimed in.

“Why are you going?! I thought you were smart!” Bellona said in shock.

“I’m a reservist, which means I could be potentially needed on the front lines. It would be a disaster if I were to fight as an OU-2, so I’m going to formally start grinding now.”

“Whatever, just don’t die. I need you guys to rank highly in the Annual Test so I get more perks.”

Was I just sexually combatually objectified?

“Wouldn’t grinding make us place higher on the Annual Test?” I asked.

“Not if you off yourself and die like a degenerate.”

Brutal.

“We’ll try to not die. Cya!” I said as we left for the dungeon.

“Hey, don’t ignore m-”

“RUN,” Karl called out.

We quickly engaged evasive maneuvers around the tents before flying out of the camp with our newfound agility.

We’ve lost her.

Within minutes, we made it to our destination without even being winded.

Unlike yesterday when we just went around the edges of the ruins, today, we went straight for the center.

There were a few pests along the way, but they were of no significance, seeing as I could literally cut them into two pieces.

At the very center of the ruins, there was a massive obelisk.

Bright little yellow particles came out of the ground and wrapped around the spire before coalescing into a crystal at the top.

Every few seconds, the crystal would pulse and the text on the obelisk would glow slightly before dimming again.

“What the hell is that?”

“That’s the dungeon’s nexus obelisk. Every dungeon has one, but no one’s sure how they work. It’s all lost technology.”

Lost technology? That implies dungeons were built by someone or something.

“Dungeons don’t naturally form?” I asked.

“Dungeons are relics of the First Age. No one knows how they were built, but the text on them comes from many First Age artifacts.”

Interesting.

“Well, let’s get raiding!”

“Agreed,” Karl nods.

Under the building the nexus obelisk is built on, there were stairs that lead down to an extremely well-lit dungeon.

As we walked down the steps, I began to recall memories of my very first dungeon exploration.

Let the shanking commence.