I sat down for probably an entire hour just reconsidering my life choices. My chin laid in my palm and my index finger kept tapping near the side of my twisted mouth. Deidre, you fucking crackhead, you could’ve died! You could’ve really fucking died! Sure, that Shadowsiphon dude saved you a couple times but holy fuck, you can’t be so reckless!

I breathed and tried to understand why I was making more and more crazy choices as time went by. How did I go from a girl who sat awkwardly in the office and quietly hoped that my coworkers would invite me out to get beer without actually talking with them, to a looney bitch who looks danger in the eyes and then eats it?! The fearfulness of it all ransacked my nerves. I had to cast Pacify numerous times otherwise I might’ve lost a piece of my sanity.

For the fifth time, I looked at the grimoire to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. 5,400 HP, 81,000 MP. That’s what it said. I closed the book, reopened it, same result. I looked for buffs and found nothing that would do that. I massaged my temples.

Isaac, what the fuck am I doing here?

It’s been so long since Niran the Primeval made me start over that I haven’t had Isaac on my mind for a while. I felt like my priorities were getting distorted. I went from Isaac being my number one motivation, to hoping that I could make connections, to saving the demons, to governing the demons, to worrying about whatever the fuck Abdiel was doing with Tina, to becoming stronger and surviving. And now, gnawing at the back of my mind like I noshed at the back of the chimera, was my urge to explore the deepest, darkest sides of myself.

That fight with the chimera was the most exciting thing that ever happened to me. It was such a hopeless situation at first, but I powered through it with enough wit, strength, and desperation to come out the triumphant one. That chimera was a death list monster for god’s sake, and I knew I was nowhere close to challenging monsters of that caliber. Yet, I did it. I never thought I’d eat another human being, but I did it. Heck, I never thought I’d hurt a soul, but I murdered those nobles in cold blood.

“Haaa,” I exhaled weakly and just sat and cried about how lost I felt like I became. What was I doing? Even if I became the strongest creature to exist and defied all odds, and come out on top of whatever bullshit destiny Niran had in store for me, was it worth it? How could I face Isaac after doing all that? Perhaps, what scared me the most, was knowing I genuinely, deep inside, was not the same person I used to be, and I could never return there. That fucking horrified me. The thought that Isaac would never accept who I was becoming made me vomit.

I wrapped my arms around my knees and curled into myself on the ground, questioning my own identity until I fell asleep.

I woke up sunburnt. Yay! I cheered sarcastically and cast Lesser Heal. Alright, enough moping. I began a decently fast jog since my huge powerup meant my stamina was ungodly high. Who’d have thought that the same guy I taught Conceal and Camouflage to would be unconscious, tied to a tree in the south forest of the chimera territory? Certainly not I.

I didn’t sense anyone around, so I conjured a bit of water from Water Sphere and dashed a bit of it onto his face. “Let me g—”

I slammed my hand against his mouth quickly. “Shut up!” I whispered. As I began to cut him loose, an arrow swooshed by and struck the tree just a few inches above our heads. I turned around and readied my staff, only to find a smiling and waving Mikaela.

She’s that archer from that party. Fuck… I got even more defensive. I had a bounty on my head after all, and I’m sure as time went by, the bounty increased. What bothered me even more, was that Doran’s forehead was exposed when he was tied up; they knew he was a healer. Do I, have to kill her? I summoned a dozen undead to protect Doran and spaced myself out from him.

Mikaela shook her head frantically, dropped her bow and showed her hands in surrender. She took both hands, gently tapped her chest, then pointed to me.

I raised a brow. “You, love me?”

“Not exactly,” a playful voice skipped into the atmosphere, “it means ‘I’m with you’ but hey, the love part might be true too.” Lila, the adolescent-looking party leader came out from behind a tree and teased Mikaela. “I’m sure you want to know what we’re doing here, don’t you?” The other members of her party came out from their hiding spots.

We sat around their campsite, an actual proper campsite with equipment and bedrolls and tents, the full works. I was so jealous. Lila continued her explanation after teasing Mikaela a bit. “So, long story short. ADAS wants us to investigate and report the strange behavior of the chimera here. We were here about a couple weeks ago, tracking the golden beast, and everything seemed fine, except that half the wildlife was missing. So, we monitor that death list horror even more and then, one day,” she said as if telling a bedtime story to a bunch of kids, “the flying lion lands in the forest it hardly goes to! And what do we find?” She stood up and pointed to me all gloriously. “A lunatic eating a fucking death list monster alive! Cue dramatic music! Dun dun dun duuun!”

What a character… I glowered her. “What do you want from me?”

“God’s mercy!” Lila rolled her eyes like the pure crystallization of sass that she was. “Would you stop thinking everyone is your enemy for one minute? I mean sure,” she shrugged, “you’re a wanted man for killing a couple of minor nobles. But hey, murder isn’t even in the top ten worst crimes in this country.”

“What,” I emphasized, “do you want?”

She smiled, one with dark intentions leaking from her eyes. “Andre, honey,” she gently touched my chin, “you’re so big and strong.”

“What the fuck do you want, Lila?!”

“We discovered a dungeon, here, in Skaljorn. Help us to clear it, and we’ll talk to the right people to clear your name and remove the death mark from your friend.” She sat in my lap and made circles on my chest with her finger. “How’s about it?”