Chapter 48

Forest's POV

Again I found myself standing on the edge of the cliff, staring into the abyss beneath me.

I don't know how I got here.

One minute, I was falling asleep on the sofa, I wouldn't return to my room. I couldn't. I couldn't see her clothes hanging in the wardrobe, her book on the bedside table, her homework on the desk, knowing she would never return. So I slept on the sofa, and yet this morning, like so many others, I woke up on the edge of the cliff.

My wolf was tired, tired of being alone.

I was tired too, but I promised her I would live, so I would.

My wolf on the other hand, only saw things in muted colours.

He saw that my mate was gone, he was lonely, tired, he just wanted his mate back.

If his mate couldn't be alive with him, he'd join her in death.

I knew I couldn't give in, but as days turned to weeks and months, my resolve started to crumble.

I couldn't live without her.

I continued to stare out into the abyss, but I wasn't ready to jump, not yet.

Not yet.

----------

My mum came up for me today.

The first time, when Ash had found me on one of his runs, they were horrified. They thought I had lost my mind, given into the darkness.

Now they were used to it.

Every day one of them came to collect me, take me home.

I was greeted with a tired smile and a hug. "I know you want to join her, but the pack needs you." I nodded, I knew that, I just wanted my mate with me as well as the pack, "I'm sorry."

I looked at her, I was confused, "What are you sorry about?"

Tears slowly tricked down her cheek, "I'm sorry we couldn't save her, I'm sorry you are having to go through this, I'm sorry."

I pulled her into a hug before we silently walked down the path home.

I felt like I was failing Ari, I promised her I'd live, but right now, all I was doing was surviving, not living.

I had failed her.

----------

I sat in the kitchen, a pile of untouched pancakes in front of me. I didn't want to eat. I wasn't hungry.

I had to be strong.

My parents, my family and friends had already lost Aria, I need to be strong so they don't lose me too.

I have to be strong.

I slowly made my way through the pancakes, they tasted like cardboard, but I ate them, smiling at those who looked at me in concern, not showing the pain I felt on the inside.

Not showing the pain.

I had managed to stay out of most pack duties, such as public appearances, for weeks, under the pretences I was still recovering, but they were starting to get suspicious, questioning why I was still recovering.

So, I had to turn up to the weekly pack meal.

The pack meal, where we all sat down like a big happy family and ate together.

The pack meal, where I would have to watch all the mated couples together.

The pack meal, where I would again be asked if I'd found my mate.

The pack meal, where I would be told all about mates, told about all the thing I had and could have had before she was ripped away from me.

"You don't have to come," My dad said worriedly, "We can say you are unwell, or you had a previous engagement."

I shook my head, "I can't, no more excuses," I forced out a smile, "I'm fine,"

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

The most used response to 'are you ok.'

Used when you aren't fine.

Or I suppose when you are actually fine, but you know, I'm not.

I could see my dad didn't believe me, but my mum shook her head at him and he let it go, I had to be strong.

But even the strong can become the weak.

--------

I looked around the table, I sat near the top, my parents at the top with me one side and the betas, Ash's parents, on the other. Ash sat next to me, with Skye on his other side. Skye's parents sat next to Ash's.

All around me there were mated pairs, but at least they knew about Aria, at least they knew what was missing, why I was so subdued.

The other pack members didn't understand.

I felt like a stuck record.

I couldn't stop.

I couldn't move on.

I feel like I just keep repeating myself.

My mate is gone.

The pack doesn't understand.

I need to move on.

I can't.

I keep repeating myself, but I can't stop. I can't move on.

I saw pack members around me, happy, smiling, full of life and happiness.

I wished to join in with their laughter, but I couldn't.

There I go again.

I wish to be happy, but I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

I let out a big sigh, closing my eyes and leaning back in my chair.

"Are you ok Forest?" One pack member asks from a few tables over, she's one of the women who ask me every week if I've found my mate, so I'm not surprised when, not waiting for an answer, she quickly follows up with, "If you found your mate, you would feel better, she would brighten up your life, you should go out and find her,"

But she doesn't understand. I don't need to find her.

She's here in my head when I close my eyes, dug in deep in my brain, branded in my vision, my memory, my life.

I blink, and she's smiling and laughing, prettier than angels, sunshine and rainbows.

Sleep, and she's in my arms, cuddling tight to me, as one, she's mine now and forever and no one will ever take her away from me.

Dream, and she's dying in my arms, her white shirt turning blood red, her blood. Her light flickering from her eyes and her megawatt smile dimming.

Forever.

Forever, such a long time, longer than we can comprehend.

My wolf howled out in my head, he wanted his mate, and it was getting harder and harder to reason with him.

--------

After the dinner finally ended, and I finally got to go home, I flopped onto the sofa, closing my eyes and pulling one of the cushions over my eyes.

I heard my parents going up to bed.

Waiting.

I couldn't do it anymore.

I'd tried to be strong.

I'd tried to move on.

I'd tried to live.

But without her, without Aria it was impossible.

I snuck out the house, quietly locking the door behind me, following the path as it twisted and turned.

I looked up at the moon, I didn't want to do this, but I didn't want to live without Aria more.

I reached the edge.

Staring down into the abyss, I thought about what we had all been through, in such a short time.

I started the year at a new school, full of humans, I expected my life to be very normal, but I was wrong, and I'm glad.

I met Aria, then I had to find a way to make friends with her, and she really didn't want to be my friend. Then her dad went to far, and she came to live with us, a proper part of the family, she found about werewolves, and took it about as well as expected, and then, well it was starting to look up for us, until she was kidnapped. I had only just got her back, and she was ripped away from me again.

My parents would be sad, so would my friends, but at least they would understand.

The pack would have no idea, no idea what madness my life has been these last few weeks.

I closed my eyes, basking in the moonlight.

I took a deep breath, edging closer to the edge.

"Wait!" I heard someone yell from behind me.

"You can't stop me Lucy," I called out, not turning round, "You could have saved her, you could of stopped all this, where were you."

She stood behind me, I still would face her, but she wasn't answering. I was angry, I was mad, She could have saved Aria, she's a Fae, they can traverse, they can heal wounds. But she wasn't there, no one knows where she was, "Where were you?" I asked again with more force, my voice cracking with pain, I wanted her to hear what she'd done. I wanted her to know, she could have saved her, she could have helped, but she didn't.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, it was the only way, I was following Aria's plan," I stared down into the abyss, "Please step back from the edge, for me,"

I snorted, "I'm not doing anything for you, not again," I took a deep breath, readying myself for the jump.

"Then do it for me," I whipped around at the sound of her voice. I expected to see Lucy, tricking me, trying to stop me.

I was pleasantly surprised.

I just stared at her, not believing my eyes, "W... Wha.. What on earth is going on. You're dead."

She just shrugged, "yep, I know. It's complicated, but basically, I had to die, so my dad would stop trying to get me, then I had Lucy collect my body, so you didn't burn it, all I had to do was make a deal with the great luna, easier that you'd have thought actually, now here I am, very much alive and wanting to go home and go to sleep."

I didn't waste anymore time, I ran over to her, pulling her into a tight hug, "Never do that again. I couldn't live without you, promise me you'll never leave again."

"I promise."