Amber and I were at dinner one particular night. Just plain smiling at each other as the waiter brought over the food. I was so damn happy. We were in love how could I not be? "I love you." She smiled. I grinned at her and I watched as she blushed. "That's gay." I replied. She rolled her eyes at me. "Babe we're lesbians. You're gay." "Really now?" "Mmhmm." "Well, I think you need to remind me a bit more." I joked with her. "Hmmm." She shot me a devilish smirk. "Hmmm." I raised my eyebrows. "Hmm. Now what I think is that you need to get the check." Now I rolled my eyes. She chuckled. "Why do you do these things, Miss Roselake?" "Because we're gay. And I love you too, Miss Barron." I smiled happily, pulled out my wallet and paid for our sushi. Amber always held the door open for me wherever we went and always smiled as people took photos of us. I loved it. I was so excited every day I got off of filming or from school because that meant I could hang with Amber more and we did. So damn much.

And I was just so excited for that physics test that was coming up too. It was on the stuff Dimitri actually got through to me so I was excited on raising my grade. And I was just too damn happy to end filming too. I mean it was sad too because I feel like I had been doing it my whole life but, I really to be done and see what the final product would look like. I wanted to see if I would get movie offers. Gunnar was already getting tons of calls for talk shows and radio stations wanting to interview me but nothing for another job. But I still took all the offers I could get just trying to get my name out there.

But other than work related things, I tried to ignore Gunnar because I know he knew something was up between Amber and I. He saw Amber and I looking at each other like that and I knew Amber didn't want me to tell anyone. I really didn't want Gunnar asking questions. I really didn't. Because then I'd have to lie. And he's my brother. I'd hate to do that. Although he might have already known, I still just couldn't tell him even though I really wanted to. Up on that Ferris Wheel was a sad reality. This was how Amber and I's relationship was going to be so I just couldn't tell him. I couldn't.

Wes had started to talk to me though. Small talk right outside the lockers but it was ok you know? It was peaceful conversations. I always saw him after English and talked to him about school or whatever stupid thing Vince did over the weekend. But never about Amber.

"So Vince and Mary are like official now." "Really?" I was elated for him. "Yeah their like together together like for real." "Damn good for him!" "I know right. Dude finally got a chick." "Anything new with you?" He questioned as we moved down the hall. "Ahh not much but, I think I did really well on Physics test!" "Oh shit! Really? I always knew you struggled with that subject." "For real. I think I got at least a B. That means it raise my grade to like D plus C minus level." "Damn so Dimitri's tutoring is finally paying off?" "Yeah I think so." "Nice!"

Wes then high fived me for a second and we locked eyes. It was in that moment I could tell he still really cared about me. Like truly cared for romantically. We awkwardly pulled our hands away from each other's and different directions. I knew he knew I didn't feel the same way. I still felt bad about everything but I just wanted us to be friends. I knew felt bad for feeling this way. I could see it in his eyes. I could see him almost motion to say sorry. But I wouldn't let him.

"Dude don't be so awkward it's fine. Don't worry about it." I smiled. And so did he. I could tell he felt better already. "Ok good. I was afraid you were gonna push me away or something." He joked. "Um, punch not push that you very much. And you really think I'm that against just a high five?" "Look, I don't know." He laughed and so did I.

That physics test came back and holy shit! I got a fucking B plus! Hahahaha! B plus! I was sprinting around the house just slapping myself on the ass I was so damn happy! B fucking plus! My grade moved up to a C minus and I was no longer in danger of not getting a diploma! Haha! If I could keep my grade up like that I could actually graduate! Yes! Dimitri and I were high fiving the crap out of each other. It was great.

I was in such a mood to celebrate so guess who I called? Amber of course. "A B plus?" "A B plus!" "Yes!" "Yes!" Her and I were jumped around her room so ecstatic. "This is great. Ugh babe I'm so sorry proud of you!" "Oh honey me too! It was by luck that they finally gave me something I could learn. Ugh it's beautiful! A B plus is such a pretty letter!" I was holding the test in my hand smiling. I then kissed it. Ugh it was great. "Do you want to frame that test?" "You know what maybe." I joked and she chuckled. "Here then at least let me take a picture." Amber took out her phone and so I smiled next to this gorgeous piece of paper. "Everybody say, 'I'm going to pass high school!'" "I'm going to pass high school!" I yelled with a grin.

I watched as the flash went off a couple times and Amber giggle in between photos. She chuckled as she lowered her phone. "Aww you too look so happy together!" "We really are!" I flopped down onto her bed and kissed my test once again. Gosh I was so happy. Ugh. If I could keep this up I would have like no problems.

I set down my test next to me just plain smiling at the ceiling. "Ambs!" I called to her with my arms stuck out. "Come over here!" I still had my arms out yet she didn't come closer. I looked up. I was curious to why Amber hadn't come closer to me. She was still staring at her phone. But this time she was smiling.

She had this worried expression glued to her face. She looked panicked even. Like something had just happened. "Amber. What's wrong?" She didn't respond. Now I was worried. My heart sped up and my palms started sweating. I didn't know what the hell was going on. "Amber?" I questioned. She shook her head a little. Her mouth opened like she was trying to say something. But nothing came out. All she did was turn around her phone. It was an Instagram post. But not her own Instagram post. It looked like it was a fan account of hers that posted it. The photo was of us. On that Ferris Wheel holding each other. It looked friendly but at the same time not that friendly.

Amber then scrolled out of the post and then kept scrolling. There were tens, fifties, hundreds of copies of this photo all posted by different accounts. So many people had seen us holding each other. Some captions said: "Awww how cute! Best friend goals!" But others said: "Um are they gay like wtf. Eww." Amber's mouth just hung a little open. She still didn't say anything. "Amber this isn't that bad. Like Ambs?" She still didn't say anything. "Like they might not even know we're together. We're just hugging." "We're embracing each other, Alyssa." "Ok if they think we are together like this isn't terrible." She let out a tired sigh. We were living in her nightmare.

"We need to be more careful, Alyssa." "Amber, like this is good! Don't chu see that people don't care that much?" She just stared at me. "You don't get it do you? I will not get hired as much. Guys are my fan base Alyssa you know this! I told you from the start I wasn't going to come out." "Ever? Like ever? You're never going to come out? What the hell are you going to do Amber? How on earth is this going to work out for you? Are you just going to dating in secret forever?" "Yeah maybe." Amber didn't even deny it. "It's 2019!" "Look, my mom doesn't want me to come out, my dad doesn't want me to come out, my publicist doesn't, my agent, my manager! No one does! And I don't want to come out either. It's easier this way." "Easier? How you're not being your true self Amber! How is this easier?" "It's easier for my career! And that's what's important! I'm scared Alyssa! This will alter my career if I do! It will! And I just can't take that risk."

"Then what the fuck am I supposed to do huh?" "Lyss." She stared at me with those watery blue eyes of hers. As much as she didn't want to come out I knew she didn't want to lose me. "I'm scared Alyssa. I'm sorry." Her voice cracked. I did know that she wanted to keep this a secret. That wasn't a surprise. I just didn't realize that it was this bad or just how much she truly didn't want people to know. She broke my heart. But as much as she hurt me I still didn't want to lose her either. I just let out a sigh. "Can we just get to bed it's late?" She nodded her head. We slipped into her flowery scented white sheets and flipped off the light into darkness.

Neither of us spoke and Amber slept on the opposite of the bed trying not to upset me even more. I was fidgeting, tossing and turning just trying to think of a way around this. Just some sort of a solution. I didn't want to lose her. I loved her so much I just needed to think a way to solve this. She wouldn't come out but, I wanted to. We couldn't even just hug each other in public, touch, kiss, hold hands nothing. I couldn't say I was gay or come out or else then people would suspect something. I couldn't tell Vince, Dimitri, Gunnar, Nico, Robbie, no one. But I just wanted to be with Amber. That's all I really wanted. She was like my Violet how could I not? But I didn't want to lie. I shouldn't have to lie. But I-I. I wasn't solving anything and all it was doing was making me sad. I finally opened my eyes because I knew I was getting nowhere.

They met with Amber's. She was just plain staring at me with those shaking eyes of hers. Oh, she had been crying. Oh, I really didn't want to lose her. Oh, I just couldn't. I stuck my hand out and rested hers onto of mine her hand rattling just as much as my heart. I intertwined my fingers with hers and then brought her into a necessary hug. I felt her trembling as she pressed against me. She sniffled a couple times but then said it: "I'm sorry Alyssa but, I'm not going to change my mind." Oh how did I already know that?

I awoke in that bright white wine light coming through those massive modern windows of hers. Yet not in her arms. I wandered down stairs to find her solemnly smile up at me from the kitchen. The smell of sausage filled the room and sizzling of eggs on a frying pan echoed through the home but yet the voices of her parents did also. They were bickering with her. It was an incoherent conversation from above but as I stepped down they lowered their voices. And their facial expressions changed as they saw me step off the last stair and then a plastered on fake smile grew. But I could still see the tears in Amber's eyes.

Amber and I ate silently at the island. But her parents were of course making small talk with her and I. Just trying to seem polite because that's all that they cared about. Their image. I had no idea what they were fighting about. Really no idea. Amber still insisted on driving me home because that was just her. We pulled up in front of my house as she took my hand.

"I'm sorry about all of this." "I know. So am I. I really wish it didn't have to be like this." She slipped her hand into mine and folded her fingers around mine. I stared at her. I just didn't know what to say. What to do. "I love you Alyssa. That isn't gonna change." I smiled at her. "I love you too Amber." I slowly kissed her and then rested my head on hers. "I just wanna figure out how this can work." "So do I. So do I. So do I." She kissed me harder this time, more passionately. And I gave her a hug.

I went in the next day to film the last scene. The scene that ties it all together. It was crazy how this whole movie was almost over. I feel like we had just started. This scene was when Miles and Violet actually get married and it's supposed to be very emotional. It was perfect because I was already crying from yesterday. Miles and Violet elope and because Violet is married to a U.S. Citizen she can stay in the country.

"So all is in check. Groom, check. Bride, check. Priest, check. Witness, check." The Priest was checking off everything needed for the wedding. Miles and Violet were at the alter looking dapper. Hand in hand. Just plaining at each other. My eyes were watering and so was his. Violet was so happy because now just didn't have to leave and she got the man of her dreams. "I love you." "Oh I love you too." I chuckled. "I never knew that this would happen you know? Like what the hell like how?" "Who knew?" "Who knew is right."

"Violet, when I got fired from my internship I felt that it was the worst thing ever but all it did was just lead me to you. Exactly where I needed to be with the exact person." I shook my head nervously about to reveal the truth. "Miles, I-I need to be honest with you. I have been having legal troubles for the past couple of months. I had to get a type of drug for a patient off the streets because the government stopped funding us. I needed to get it for him. I just had to but, I got caught. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think I was still the screw up you knew back in high school. I wanted to look like I had my life together and everything. I just didn't think it would get this bad. I'm sorry. I know I should have been honest with you sooner I just wanted you think I was a better person than I actually am."

"You were doing it to help the patient?" "Yeah, but I was sure you wouldn't believe me since I used to be addicted and everything. If you don't want to get married. I get it. Oh I really do." Miles took my hand. "Violet. I believe you. We're going to get through this together. Ok?" I started to cry tears of joy. "Oh let's just hurry up and kiss the bride!" I called jokingly. I kissed him still sobbingly and so did he. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride or well, continue kissing the bride." And so we did. And then camera then panned over to the last pew in the church over to the witness who was just sitting there smiling. The witness removed his hat to reveal he wasn't a man at all but, a woman. A woman of the name Erica G. Fate. She grinned as she winked into the camera. Because this was all her plan all along.

"Cut!" The director called. "That's a wrap!" He yelled. People cheered from all around and I gave Zach a hug still kind of crying. Elizabeth came over and joined in and so did the sound crew and stage crew and before I knew it we were all hugging. "Great job! Everyone! Awesome! So proud!" People we all excited. Just high fiving each other left and right. People kept congratulating me and I kept applauding them. I was just trying to be as nice as I could. I was proud of this movie more than anything. Just to be a part of it was so huge and I couldn't wait to see it on the big screen. Although, my heart still hurt from Amber and I was still teary. I still shimmed my way out of the crowd to find someone all so familiar. Amber was left smiling at me. "Walk you to your trailer?"

"I'm sorry Lyss." We were walking now. Not looking at each other. Unsure of what was going to happen to us. "Yeah. I know. You've made that clear." "Look, what do you want me to do?" "Come out, be who you are, so we don't have to lie anymore, so we can be with each other publicly." "Alyssa, you know I can't do that." "Why? Because your publicist doesn't want you to, your manager doesn't want you to, because your parents don't, or your manager! What do you want Amber?" "I want you Alyssa." "Then come out for me please." "We've had this conversation so many times! It's not good for my career. You know this! My parents don't think it's smart for me to do that." "Oh your parents don't think it's smart! Is that what that fight was yesterday?" "That's not what it was about!" "Then what was it!" "They're setting up a date for me to move to New York."

My heart stopped. "What did you just say?" My voice cracked as my heart broke. "They're setting me up a date for when I move to New York for modeling. I told you that one day when I got into a fight with them. That they were trying to get me into modeling so they were going to send me to New York." "I didn't realize that was still happening. You didn't even think to tell me this?" "I-I just found out about it yesterday! They had been talking about me modeling but, I thought they were going to set up some shoots here for now. I didn't realize I'd be moving so soon! I thought they'd send me in like a year or so. Not so soon." "When do you leave?" "What?" Her voice cracked. "When do you leave! What is the date!" "Sunday. Right after the movie premiere. Sunday."

I backed away. In between our trailers now. My hands in my hair. My eyes in tears. "A week. A week!" "They're sending me so that I can get admitted to this fashion show thing right away. They're getting me a hotel for now until I can get a place." "When the fuck were you going to tell me this?" "I had no idea when. I didn't want to I just wanted to say with you and and I just I-" "You want to stay?" "Of course I want to stay! I want to stay with you Alyssa! I don't want to leave!" "Then tell your parents that!" "I can't." She sobbed. "I can't. They think this is what's best for me and my career. If I go I'll get into this huge fashion show and my name would be in headlines. And I wouldn't have to worry about getting on a next movie. I'd be becoming a successful model."

"I don't understand! You're already so fricking huge!" "Alyssa! I was on one show years ago! Years! I'm not that good of an actress and I need to do something that sustains my fame! It's important to me!" "What I'm not important to you?" "That's not what I'm saying! I don't know what to do I'm sorry." "Just fucking stand up for yourself Amber! God! That's it!" "Just come with me. Please." "Amber, I can't just drop everything and move to New York with you!" "Yes! You can! The movie just wrapped. We'd already have a place. New York's huge. You'd find another job quickly." "My family's out here Amber. I'm the only one supporting them. And either way. Los Angeles or New York. You still wouldn't come out would you?"

"Please Alyssa!" "Please what? Be your secret? Forever! How in the hell is that supposed to work Amber! Just tell me. You know what, go. Go to New York. Go get into your fashion show and have that life you want. Just go." I turned around to march into my trailer when I made eye contact with Zach Riley. It was only for a split second as he was heading into his trailer to change too. But he could already tell something was wrong. I shut the door on Amber calling my name.

I sniffled and cried where I had used to practice my lines at. I was so sad. That's it. She's just going to leave. That's the end. I heard footsteps approach the door and then something shuffle under the door. Then whoever just walked down and away. I looked over. Someone had sent under a post-it note under the door. I picked it up. "Meet me at Roselake?" It was from Amber. I began brawling this time. Just hysterically crying. Barely being able to breathe. I could barely stand. Then I heard a knock at the door. I was afraid it was going to be her.