"Wes! Wes! Please!"

We were back at my house. Standing on that red porch under one little yellow light. The same porch Wes had kissed me many times before dropping me off. The same porch he waited on before school dances. The same porch we were fighting on now. It was late maybe one or two in the morning. The streets were completely pitch black. We were completely silent when we dropped off Amber and Vince. And now it was just the two of us.

"What Alyssa! What! You invite this girl just so you can cheat on me with her! Huh?"

"No, Wes please! We were just dancing that's it! That's it!"

"Just dancing my ass! Do you think I'm blind? She had her fucking hands all over you! Feeling up your ass and everything! 'Just dancing?' Are you kidding me?"

"Wes! We were just fooling around!"

"Oh save it! You weren't just fooling around! You're into her! Oh gosh! After everything that I've done for you! This! This how you treat me! Oh my gosh how did I not see it! That Playboy magazine wasn't for your brother it was for you! And that excuse that Amber used at the party wasn't an excuse at all was it? She is gay! Goddamnit! She is! How long has this been going on huh? How long?" "There's nothing going on between her and I! Nothing! We're not dating or anything! We're friends! We're friends!"

"Is that why you didn't want to have sex with me? Because you're gay?"

"That's not why and I'm not gay!"

"Then what are you?"

"I'm sorry Wes!"

"Do you have feelings for her?"

"Wes."

"Do you? Don't lie to me!"

No, no, no, no, no. I didn't know what to do. I looked at the sky.

"I don't have feelings for her. Wes."

"Gosh you can't even look me in the eyes when you say that!"

"Please!" "Please what? What do you want from me? Just what?"

"You're my best friend! I can't lose you! I love you too much!"

"You love me! You're not in love with me! Like do you even feel anything like absolutely anything when we kiss?"

"Wes why are you even asking me this? What is the point?"

"Answer me! Do you feel anything when we kiss?"

"You mean like down there?"

"I mean like anywhere anything at all!"

"It's a kiss Wes what the hell am I supposed to feel! I am supposed to hear violins playing in the background and and and fucking hear fireworks going off in the distance!"

"I just wish you'd feel something!"

Wes stepped off the porch, out of the little yellow light, and into the dark abyss.

"Don't bother calling or texting. I won't pick up."

"Wes please I'm sorry." I stepped off of the porch.

"Just don't follow me. You can't fix this." He got into his Honda and sped off.

I was shaking as opened the front door just plain covered in tears. He broke up with me. That was it. I knew what I did was wrong. I-I-I feel so bad. I fucked up so badly! This is all my fucking fault! God I just got so carried away! I should I have stopped! I knew I shouldn't have gotten so close with Amber! I knew it! This is all my fault! Now I lost one of the closet people in my life! Goddamnit! I'm so fucking stupid!

I opened the door to my room and to my surprise the light was on and Robbie was up. I let out a ghastly puff of air. My voice cracked: "Robbie I thought I told you I was going to be late tonight." "And I told you I can't sleep without you here." I ran over and hugged him and somehow cried harder. I told him that Wes and I got into a fight and broke up. He proceeded to tell me that some of his classmates break up too and that everything would be ok. He was such a sweetheart always there to comfort me.

But leaving him at the gate was hard Sunday morning. I didn't even bother to look at that mom. I just felt so guilty about Wes. Ugh Wes. I was trying not to think about him but it was so hard. He was such a nice guy to me and I was just a fucking asshole to him. I saw him in the hall with Dimitri and Vince. He didn't even bother to look at me. But Vince did.

"Hey Lyss." I almost started crying again. The bell rang. Oh great. Now I gotta sit next to all of them. Vince ran up to me. He turned me around. He saw the look on my face. "Wanna go someplace? Talk?" I looked over and saw Wes and Dimitri heading into class. "You sure?" "Yes! And either things did not go as planned with Mary at the party so I would like to avoid her." He made me smile for a complete second.

We walked down the street away from the school. "So what the hell happened between you and Wes?" "We broke up." "Well duh, I know that. But like what happened?" "He caught Amber and I dancing together at the party." "What! And he's mad about that?" Vince was laughing. But I wasn't having it. "We broke up Vince. Wes hates me now that I did this. He thinks that I cheated on him with Amber?" "And did you?"

"Of course not! We were just dancing. Wes has always been my top priority I just got carried away with Amber and I really messed up. I feel so bad." "Look, I'm sure he doesn't hate you he's just mad right now." "I just don't know how to fix this." "Just give him sometime ok?" "Ok. Thank you." "Yeah for sure dude." "I just feel so guilty and I've been sad this whole weekend and oh shoot! I almost forgot! I have to film this stupid love scene with Zach! Ugh! And I just can't keep my mind off of Wes." "Love scene don't you mean sex scene?" "They call it a love scene ok? And anyways yeah, I film that very soon. And I just keep thinking about Wes." "It'll turn out alright. He'll calm down soon. You know him." Vince then hugged me. It made me feel better so I decided to change the topic. "So like what happened with Mary?" The two of us broke the hug and started laughing. He was already making me feel better.

We were at the happiest part in the movie. The happiest. A couple scenes after this one is when Zach and have sex. Sex! I am not in the mood nor head space to turn and film that! Ahhh! At least right now I had a fight scene. At least. It was Violet's case and it's in the court room. Basically Tracey is trying to defend Violet from the drug charges because if Violet gets convinced she's forced to leave the country. I'm supposed to yell at this district attorney or prosecutor that's after me. I could do that I was in the mood for that.

"Action!" The director yelled behind the millions of lights shinning down onto the pretty wooden court set. "Your honor you cannot possibly convict her of this? It's a drug for medical use only. It has little to no use as a street drug." Amber was yelling at the judge. "Quiet. I must hear what the prosecutor must say." "Thank you your honor. Ms. Violet Adams was most recently caught with illegal drugs. Is that true Ms. Adams?" "Yes but-" "Did know where to buy this drug?" "Yes but-" "Did you buy this drug from someone off the street?" "Yes! But-" "Did you-" "Let her talk." The judge ordered.

"Look, I work at a treatment center for patients that are diagnosed with neurological problems. They have Parkinson's, M.S., pretty much diseases like that. We have this one patient: Jaspar is his name. He just needs his prescription that's it. And since the government stopped funding his type of prescription we couldn't get it for him. That's what I was doing out on those streets. There wasn't another way to get his prescription! He needs that to survive!" "Don't you work as a receptionist Ms. Adams?"

"Yes but, I work closely with the patients. I'm there all the time checking them in hearing their stories. They talk to me all the time. I talk to the doctors too. I know what to do if something gets out of hand." "So you expect us to believe that you a nurse bought illegal drugs for someone else?"

"Not just for someone else but for someone who needs it! Look, just please hear me out here! Look, I get that I'm not the most trustworthy person or your all American girl. I get that. But you have to believe me when I say that this man's life depends on it! It's a drug not even most people know about. Because it's only truly used for medical use! Why the hell would you think I'd just buy it huh? If it weren't for someone else! And I don't need this woman telling me here that it's illegal! I know it's illegal! But I also know that it's right and that he needs it!"

"Cut!" We redid the scene maybe twice or three times just trying to get the emotion out of everyone. Amber, at some point, approached me with cheesy fries and a Dr. Pepper and asked if we could go to Roselake and talk. So we did. Her still in her lawyer costume, formal black slacks, white suit shirt, and me and my actual formal black dress. We looked fancy but, I was still bumming about Wes. We didn't talk on the walk there. I'm guessing my facial expression was hinting to her that something was off. We sat in the alley way like we usually did.

"I'm sorry if my dancing made you uncomfortable." Amber spat out. "No, no it didn't it's just Wes got mad." "Why'd he get mad?" Amber got more comfortable against the fake walls of this old set. "He-um." I looked over at her as I hope the strength to tell her was in her eyes somewhere. I looked away. "He thought I was cheating on him." "With me?" "Yeah." Amber was quiet for a moment. "But you weren't." "I know but he doesn't believe me and I tried apologizing to him he just won't listen. Like we broke up. We're done." "I'm sorry Alyssa." She gave me a warm hug. "He doesn't deserve you."

"No, I didn't deserve him. He took me to restaurants I knew he couldn't afford and and would be fricking nice all the time even after I just yelled at his face. I really messed up Ambs." "Do you know what makes a broken heart go away?" "What?" "Ice cream and romance movies." I chuckled through my tears at her comment. "What? C'mon it's true! You gotta cry it out." "I don't own any romance movies." "Well come over and watch one on Friday." I gave her a half smile. "C'mon it'll be fun! We can watch girly movies and do girly things." "I told you I don't like those acrylic nails, glittery eyeshadow or contour." I joked still sniffling. "We'll fine. I guess I'll have to take it all off." She laughed. She handed me a cheesy fry. "Cheesy fries aren't gonna fix this." "Oh Alyssa." She pulled me closer to her.

I walked Robbie home one day during the week. It was that special day too. I knew Robbie knew too. It was the day Gunnar ran out of cigarettes. Which meant the day I had to go into the convenience store and buy them. Wes' family's convenience store. I was on the porch again about to drop Robbie off. "Hey I can come with you, you know?" And so we went together.

Wes was sitting behind the counter like he always was. He was actually kind shocked to see me. He took down the cigarettes and placed them on the counter. He already knew what I needed. Of course he did. I bought them without saying a word. And Robbie and I walked off. But that night when I got home for dinner. Gunnar, Nico, and Robbie made a toast. "Never again Wes." And I couldn't help but laugh away my pain.

Friday came and Amber drove me to her modern home in her silver Mercedes from set. We had to take off our shoes and I had tell her parents that I was staying over and that I would leave at ten sharp and that Amber and I were just going to stay in for the night. I had all my clothes and script and homework in this little backpack I took up to Amber's room and I'm sure they wanted to search it! Her parents were just so controlling.

"I swear every time they talk to me is like an interrogation." I was changing into my grey sweatpants and blue baseball tee. "They're just strict." Amber went into her walk in closet and to put on some sleepwear. "They're like obsessed with you!" "Yes! They're my parents! Aren't your brothers! Obsessed with you?" "Yes! But in like a healthy way. Not in like a 'you must leave exactly at ten am tomorrow or else I'll sue your family' type of way." "They're good parents! And we don't sue that'll create bad publicity." "Oh yes bad publicity we don't want that!" I joked.

Amber came out of the closet in a black camisole and short sleep shorts that had white flowers on it. She looked really good. Her makeup was off which I hadn't seen her before in. I mean did see her crying that one time. But this was different. She flopped down onto her queen sized oh whoops king sized bed. And I snuggled up next to her.

She was looking right at me smiling in such a charming way. I knew this whole thing with Wes was terrible but, I still did really like Amber. She had her arm around me and I wanted to hold her hand but she picked up the remote and turned on the T.V. "So what movie do you wanna watch first? The options are: The Notebook, Clueless, 13 going onto 30, 10 Things I Hate About You." "Oooo how about we watch the Ted Bundy Tapes?" She stared at me so fed up with my bullshit. "That. That is what you wanna watch?"

"Yes! There's thriller, suspense, creepiness. What else do you need?" "I don't know a happy ending! No death involved." "You're such a baby!" "Can we just watch The Notebook? Please! It's my favorite." "Aren't you gay? Wouldn't you rather watch like a lesbian romance movie or something like that?" "Oh trust me I've tried but, every movie is so over sexualized it's crazy. I just want like a super sweet love story kinda like Love, Simon but for the lesbian community." "You know what I actually never saw that movie." "Love, Simon! You've never seen it?" Amber was shook. "Nope, I think I was auditioning for some commercial when it came out. I never had the chance to." "That's it we're finding it somewhere online and watching it!" She was already on it. It was too funny.

By the end of the movie, it was late and we were in tears! "Wasn't that the cutest, sweetest thing ever!" "Yes. Yes it was. I have to admit. That Ferris wheel scene was so pure. Just how the guy just comes out in front of everyone because he just wanted to be with him and how he didn't care anymore." But Amber had a different opinion. "I but I could also understand if he didn't do it you know? So many people." "Yea. I get. But that ending!" "Oh that ending!" We were almost in tears again. "Ok I liked that happy ending movie." I giggled at her.

"See! Isn't this much better than your serial killer documentaries!" "Look, I would have been just as happy watching the Ted Bundy Tapes as this." "Really now? I'm sure that would make for a great Netflix and chill date." "Oh a hundred percent." We were looking into each other's eyes now. So vibrant and lively. So much energy. "We could watch The Notebook now if you really want to." "Wait really! You're not joking with me right?" "Look I figure it's the company I'm with rather than the cheesy movie I'm watching." "Aww you're too sweet." She chuckled as she slipped her hand into mine. Her giggle and light and airy laugh turned into her just looking right me. Then we were just holding hands. She made me so nervous when we had moments like this. But she always seemed so calm and cool. I couldn't tell if she felt the same. She was so good at just changing it.

She spoke up in a subtle voice: "You did really well today in your scene with Elizabeth." It was another court yelling scene. "That's only because it's an aggressive scene you know? I am in the mood for that." She chuckled at my comment. "I have that scene with Zach coming up you know?" She looked at me a little puzzled and sat up.

I bent down and picked up the strict out of my backpack. I held the part up to her. "The love scene." "Ohhhh." "Yeah. I just don't want to do that right now with everything. I'm worried I'll fuck that up too." "Why?" "Because I'm supposed to be all happy and willy nilly and yay I love this guy! And like I'm not. It hurts." "I mean all of it is just acting you know? You don't actually have to be in love him." She teased me. "I know." I joked back. "I'm just worried I'll mess it up because I can't keep my mind off Wes." "I mean worst case scenario just say what feels right in the moment." "Say what feels right?" "Yeah, that's what I do to add affect or my own touch with the scene. As long as it's nothing too major the director is usually fine with it." "Ok, I can do that but still how do I know what to do?"

"Aren't you and Zach gonna go through the motions of how to act in it." "Yeah we are it's just we only do that like once. So I can't practice it." I was flipping through the actual pages this thing went on for. "I could help you rehearse it?" What? I felt my heart stop. I looked up at Amber. What did she just offer to do?

"I mean we're both actresses here. I could go through the motions like how you are going to with Zach." I was caught off guard by this but I truly wasn't against it. "You sure?" "Yeah. That way you could get down what you need to do with Zach. And so you know you won't mess it up." "Ok." "Alright. Where should we take it from?" Amber was looking at the script searching for the start. We hadn't even started yet and my heart was beating out of my chest. What did she mean by rehearse? Was she actually gonna kiss me? I had no idea. Whenever we even slightly touch I completely panicked. How in the world was I supposed to this? How was I supposed to act?

"How bout from here?" I suggested. It was when Violet and Zach first come into the room. Standing up. Talking. I could do talking. Right? "Ok." She took the script so she could from read it and stood up. Oh right we were standing. Coming into the room. Shoot. "Ok action."

I opened the door. "Ambs- fuck." I closed it. "Whoops." She said chuckling. "Ok. Action." "Miles I still can't believe you still wear your necklace." I opened the door and we both walked in. "Of course why would I take it off?" Wow Amber was already into character. She really could turn it on in just a second. "We dated like five years ago!" "I never took it off when we broke up and I was already addicted to having it on in the first place. Why did you never take yours off?" She was really good with her mannerisms and how just carried herself to fit Miles' persona. "Because you were my first boyfriend dumbie. I love you so much." I watched her expression change drastically: her mouth hang a little open, eyes shake, blink rapidly. "Love?" Amber uttered the words as she slowly bent down on the side of the bed.

She seemed nervous. I couldn't tell if it was part of the scene or not. But I followed what I was supposed to do next. I flopped onto the bed carelessly. Just how my character was and I smiled at her still lying down. "Y-You still love me?" She mumbled getting happy chuckling. Just like the scene. "You still love me." Miles then was supposed to keep getting closer and closer and until he was on top of me. And that's just what Amber did. Slowly getting closer and closer, happier and happier, gaining confidence every inch. "We'll I didn't just invite you out for coffee that one day for nothing." Amber giggled like she was supposed to and then placed her hips between my legs as she crawled to lay on me. "You still love me." My heart was beating so fast. I felt my speech get weaker and weaker each time I spoke. "Of course I do." Amber was getting closer and closer. I couldn't breathe. "Isn't it obvious I mean I still wear the same damn necklace five years later!" My voice cracked. And my heart stopped.