"Hey." "Hey." It was Weston. We were walking down the hall to our next class. "How's everything? How's the fam?" "Pretty good. We went to the movies the other day, and we had dinner with Franklin and Eugene." "Oh sweet how are they? I feel like I haven't been to your house in so long." I knew what he meant by that. "They're alright. They wanted to sell their house but they're too worried about what their future neighbors would be like. You know if they'll be ok with-" "Shoot. That sucks." "Yeah. I bet." "Why do you think people are like that? So mean and judgmental?" "Probably because people hate what they don't understand." "Damn that's the truth." "Yea for sure." "I'm glad you and I never have to experience anything like that you know?" Uhhhhhh. "Yeah. Me too." "And look I've been meaning to tell you. I have a surprise for you." "Really?" "Yes!" "What is it?" "A surprise that I will reveal to you later. Like later tomorrow night. Wear a dress. Ok?" "Ok."

Wes kissed me by the lockers as if we were in some random ass high school teen romance movie. It seriously did look like that though. Because he started getting more into it. Holding my waist, running his hands along my back, his kissing got harder too. I could tell he wanted to have sex but like...

"Alyssa!" "Wes!" Vince and Dimitri wacked our heads. "Ow!" "You two really can't keep your hands off of each other can you?" Dimitri joked. "Oh shut it. You're just jealous." I said. "Oh what? This or that?" I laughed. Dimitri put his arm around Wes and walked him down the hall. "So I'm guessing everything is all sorted out?" Vince asked. "Dude we had this discussion a couple days ago." "Annnnnd?" Annnnd there wasn't much else I could tell him without spilling Amber's secret. "I guess everything has." "Good. Because has been telling me about you and him need some more alone time together not within the convenience store." "Oh so he has been telling you this." I joked. "Oh very much so."

Sex. Everything has been about sex lately. Literally. Weston wants to have sex. I have to film a sex related scene with Zach. Vince has been asking about my sexual orientation. And I want to have sex. This was all so much. The reason why I was calling it a sex related scene with Zach is because our characters make out for a while and then it almost happens. Miles has his shirt off and so do I. I'm supposed to be in my bra. There are about seven people around that aren't Zach and I watching. Whether they're working the lights, the cameras, the sound system, they're looking. Zach and I have talked through how we're going to do this so it would be less awkward but, I don't know. In a scene we film later on I do have to film an actual sex scene. With him. I have no idea how to do such thing. I barely had an understanding how this was going to go.

We had tried filming it three times. I am not joking. Three. The first time I slammed him against the wall too hard and it hurt his head. The second time he couldn't get my blouse off and the third time. Well you'll see.

"Action." I pushed Miles against a wall and started kissing him. Passionately. Quite hard actually. He used too much teeth while we kissed I swear. Like he was biting my lip the entire time. It was gross. Ugh. We then flipped and he pushed me against the wall. I helped him take off his sports coat and then his shirt. I ran my hands along his chest. He ripped open my blouse and began to kiss my boobs. I threw off my blouse onto the ground so I was just in my bra. Miles' phone then starts to ring. And so does mine. "Ugh it's work!" We both groan. And then chuckle. "I like working with you though." He bops my nose. "I like working with you." It's actually kind of a funny movie because after this scene it's supposed to cut to Fate and Tracey arguing in an office. Like full on fighting. At least that's what was said in the script. Anyways, that was the third time filming and it actually went pretty well.

"Nice job." I high fived Zach. We were both putting on our shirts. "Thanks you too. Violet." We walked out of the set stage and to my surprise Amber came walking by. She was in her lawyer costume. "Hey. "Hey." "How'd your scene go with Zaaaaach?" "Very good how'd yours go with Elizabethhhh. Oh gosh that didn't work." She chuckled. "Gooood. Oh shoot." "What?" "You uh." "Fuck." My last couple buttons weren't buttoned. She could basically see a good deal of my bra. "Here." Before I could reach to fix it myself, she was already on it.

I felt her gentle hands travel up my chest slowly fixing every button. Carefully caressing my skin. Her icy eyes were looking me up and down. Her face was so close to mine. I could smell her colorful sweet perfume. Her lips looked so soft and gorgeous. Once again, she caught me staring at her. And once again she didn't panic. "Thanks." "Yeah of course." She was always so calm. I didn't know why or even how. I felt like I was about to shit myself whenever she got into a three foot vicinity range of me. Oh gosh I think I did like her.

We went to sound stage seventeen again and walked down that cobblestone road. "So you seriously don't have a name for this place? Like you really don't remember what movie this was for?" "I really don't. I have zero clue." "Then let's think of a name." "That's so stupid." "You're stupid." "They're gonna tear it down soon anyway." "It's been what like two or three years you said. It bet it will stay here a little while longer. So let's come up with a name." "I don't do names." "You and I are the only ones that come here. So what can we call it?" "Roselake. We can call it Roselake." "Why my last name?" "Because you're the only one who wants a name for this place. So congrats. You're now the mayor." I laid down in the alley way against the wall. "Yes!" Amber stuck her arms like the Ex Disney star she was. "Roselake. I like it." "You should like it. It's your last name." "You know Roselake's not really my last name right?" "Wait, really? You and a million other actors changed their name to fit the public eye? Disgrace!" "My real last name's Verdia." "My last name's Barron." "Oh really now." We both started laughing.

"So what's up Alyssa BARRON." "Things. Amber VERDIA." "What kind of things?" She laid on the wall next to me. I let out a sigh. "It's a lot." "How so?" "Wes, my boyfriend, wants to have sex with me." "Damn. You're right that is a lot." "It's not a big deal we've done things before just nothing this big yet. He told me has a surprise for me so..." "Bet his surprise is going to be his dick. Bet." "Oh honey I already know." We chuckled. I'm glad we could talk openly about this kinda stuff. I'm glad we were trusting each other more. "Do you want to have sex with him? Like full on?" "Like I've done things to him. But he hasn't done anything to me." "Why?" "I don't know. Like I honestly don't know what I'm waiting for at this point. I should do it." "Look, you should do it because you truly want to because you could regret it you know?" "Yeah." "My first time wasn't the best."

"Wait you've had sex before?" "Yes I know I'm not that Saint Mary Guadalupe you were describing a while ago. But yeah I have. I was at this event for a clothing thing and I noticed this girl there. She was really pretty. And young sixteen year old Amber didn't know what was going through her head but, I went over and I talked to her. She looked more edgy. Black combat boots, dyed streaks in her black hair, piercings. She must have been a bit older. Probably eighteen or nineteen. And I know you can't look gay but, at the same time you can look gay. And she looked gay. And it was a fashion event so it was a different scene then the polish country club look you're probably used to seeing me in."

I chuckled and so did she. "We talked for a little bit and then she started toying with my necklace and she noticed me staring at her. I was so nervous. I bet I was shaking. I had never been this close to having a girlfriend before let alone kissing a girl. She took me by the hand and led me into the bathroom and immediately we starting kissing. I was so nervous and so happy at the same time. I had waited for that moment for so long. But it was all happening so fast."

"She led me into a stall in this gross two star looking bathroom and pushed me up against the stall. She started kissing my neck and all kindsa places. Only things I had dreamed about. It was all perfect until she started to roll down my skirt. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want her to stop but, it was just all happening so fast. But then she asked: 'Is this ok?' I froze. I didn't know how long it would be until I'd be able to have something like this again. I didn't want this to end. So I said yes. It must have lasted only three minutes. It sucked. And then she just kissed me after for a moment and then someone came into the bathroom. I gave me my snap but, she never added me back. I guess she didn't want to. I never even got her name. I think back I just regret it. The whole thing. Like I don't deserve to be used like this and I know that. I deserve to be nurtured, loved, and respected."

I didn't say anything and then all of a sudden I burst out laughing: "Three minutes! That does suck!" "You're such an asshole I swear! I pour my heart out to you and you just-" "Ahh gosh, man that does suck. And I get your point. Only do it if you want to. Like really want to. And hey just so you know I really enjoyed that place we went to last time. Delicious café. Very good." "I'm glad me telling you my one and only sex story made you think of food." "Look I'm just a scatter brain is all." "We can go back there if want to get dinner with me?" "You sure?" "Yeah sure or I mean I can bake you something?" "Bake? You bake? Oh of course you bake!" "Oh shut up." "And I know you don't mean in the weed kind of way." "Of course I don't. But what do you say?" "I would kill! Kill for you to bake for me." "Then it's settled."

What the literal fuck. Her house. My gosh her house. Beverly Hills. Up in the hills actually. Tall and modern. Black and white and huge glass windows. It went perfectly with the white convertible Jaguar and black G-Wagon sitting in the long light stone driveway. I guess her parents were home from their high end jobs. My goodness this place was a masterpiece. I bet it over looked a golf course of some shit. It was everything I thought Amber Roselake's house would be. Multiple floors, all kept neatly like it was out of home décor magazine, all white and kept tidy and of course the house keeper. It was fucking magical. And this fairytale was only thirty minutes away from my house on a good day.

We of course had to take off our shoes when entered the house. The parents insisted. I was ok with this. I was overall afraid of touching anything or getting anything dirty so this was a good idea. The parents asked like so many things. Like how old am I, what my parents do-that's always a fun question, and then when I'm going to be home. Jeez, they were like breathing down my throat the entire time this interrogation was taking place. No wonder why Amber is so sheltered. Her parents must be like this with her too.

But either way, their home looked amazing. It represented them so much: together, rich, and sophisticated. This placed looked like a museum. A literal museum. I bet my house was the size of the living room. Bet. Amber, yes, had her own room. What a shock. But it wasn't just like a standard room. It had number one, a balcony that over looked some amazing view, number two, a walk-in closet, number three, a grey modern couch, number four a flat screen T.V that she could watch from her bed, and finally number five, the whole thing was spotless.

"Do you have like OCD or something like how on Earth is this place so clean?" "My house keepers do a great job." "House keepers plural oh nice." "My brothers and I are always so busy working we don't have enough time to clean." "Well that's ok. The housekeepers always rearrange my stuff so I was loose it." "Oh I hate it when they do that." "You need to stop!" She laughed as she fell onto her queen sized bed that had a massive headboard that looked like it could truly belong to a queen. "A queen sized bed for a queen." "It's actually a king size but yes." "Wow. I have a twin bed. I am not joking." "Really? You should try sleeping here some time. This bed is immaculate." "Really now?" "Yes." She padded on it motioning me to come over there. I finally then laid onto this bed she was making out to be so great.

"Wow." "I know." "What is this a Tempur-Pedic?" "Maybe." She mumbled trying not to laugh. "Oh my gosh! Of course it is! Wait. I've been wanting to ask. Does this place over look a golf course?" "Wow. How rich do you think am I?" "Rich enough to have a king sized Tempur-Pedic as an eighteen year old!" "Ok. Ok. Here I'll show you." Amber reached for my hand and pulled me towards the sliding glass door and onto her balcony.

Her hand was so soft and warm. And she wanted to hold my hand. I mean it could've been in a friendly way but I was just too happy. I felt my heart stop. I don't know if it was the fact we were touching or that damn view. There wasn't a sunset or golf course or anything. The sun had already gone down so it was just a very dark purple sky. But the city lights were gleaming, like little stars off in the distance, all yellow or orange just all so beautiful. The light breeze pushed Amber's blonde hair just a bit and it made me realize something important: we were still holding hands. I froze. We were still holding hands. That wasn't a friendly thing was it? I lightly brushed my thumb against her hand. She felt it. She looked over at me. Gave me a smile.

Gosh I wanted to kiss her so badly. I liked her. It wasn't a question anymore. I had a crush on her. She let go of my hand to grab the glass door. "It's no golf course but it's pretty isn't it?" "Gorgeous." "Good." We stepped back inside and immediately the warm air settled in as she shut the door. And her cooking ended up being exceptional. "How is it with all these housekeepers you still want and know how to cook?" "I've always enjoyed it as a kid. And my mom wanted me to be a good wife." "That's so sexist."

"Say that louder my parents are in the den." "That's so sexist!" "My goodness!" She didn't bake for me but rather cooked. She was laughing as we ate her shrimp fried rice at the island in the kitchen. "Look I wanna be a good cook for my wife in the future." "That's sweet. I will happily burn ramen for whoever I marry." "You can't cook?" "I can't cook, clean, or do laundry very well." "How have you gotten through eighteen years?" "Look I'm the breadwinner of the family ok? I let Gunnar and Nico take care of that." "You're too funny." "You're too good of a cook. This is like to die for."

"So now onto the important stuff. Wes. So how long have you guys been together?" "Like seven months I guess you could say?" "Seven months that's a long time! And you guys aren't in love?" "I don't know. Him and I have never been like crazy for each other like that. Or well, at least I haven't." "Do you think there's a reason for that?" "Him and I grew up together. He's always been my best friend. So I guess like we really couldn't be crazy about each other you know?" "I get it." "Have you ever had a girlfriend before?"

"No. That girl that I told you about was it for me." "So she was your first kiss?" "I've kissed guys for T.V. show scenes and movies. But like outside of that. Yeah. She was." "So you've never kissed a guy like outside of acting?" "Never. And I never want to. I've always just been aligned to girls. I've never felt an urge to kiss guys. When I do kiss them for acting I just don't particularly like it. It's fine. It's just not the same for me. And I don't just want like any girl. I deserve to be nurtured, loved and respected." "So like do your parents know that you're a lesbian?"

"Mmmhmm." She nodded as she took another bite of the shrimp fried rice before putting it into the fridge. "Wait they do know?" What the? "Yea. About a year, they were trying to set me up with this guy, they thought we'd look good together but, I forget his name, he's like a family friend who acts too but, anyways, that's when I told them." She shut the fridge door after taking what was left of my food and throwing it away. "Are they like okay with it?" She let out a sigh and took a seat next me creating the tone to be more serious.

"I don't know. We don't really talk about it. We've pretty much ignored the topic entirely since I told them. I think they don't want people to know and I don't want people either so like I guess it works out alright. I know it's not what they wanted for me or what I wanted for myself but it is what it is." "That sucks." "Yea but to be honest I don't really want to talk to them about it. I rather just keep it to myself." "Wait you're planning on keeping this a secret?" "Yea. Pretty much my entire fan base is screaming fanboys. Hoping they'll date me. It'll ruin it if I come out."

"Orrrrr you coming out gets you an entire new fan base of screaming fangirls." "Casting directors cast more to straight girls for a lead. Because they know guys wouldn't see it if a lesbian's the star. Then there's the whole group of homophobic people who wouldn't want to see it once again because a lesbian is in it. And isn't like there is a big movie star who is a lesbian is doing really successfully." "But look at like Cara Delevingne, Ruby Rose and Ellen DeGeneres. They're doing great." "They're all known for being themselves and doing them. I'm not. I look like the nice sweet whole America's Sweetheart you know? It's a different image. An image that has gotten me this far in my career. That got me to this major blockbuster in the first place."

I soon realized she wasn't going to change her mind anytime soon. I just didn't understand why she was so uncomfortable with it. I'm not uncomfortable with the fact that I like her or who really knows that I am attracted to girls. It just is what it is you know? I just don't understand why she felt like she had to fit into some standard. But then again I didn't come from this wealth, this image with that reputation to up hold. I didn't even have an image. I mean or at least not yet.

She could tell I was worried for her. She kinda gave me a solemn side smile but perked up. "Ok let me change the subject to something happier, huh? So like when are you and Wes gonna have this surprise anyways?" "Why is it that you think this is a 'happier' subject?" "Because he's you're boo! Now what else did he tell you about this surprise?" "We've been over this. That he wants to have sex." "But like what else did he say?" "He said to wear a dress." She snapped her fingers: "That." "What do you mean that?" "I mean that. He must be taking you out to dinner beforehand then." "I'll just take something out of my closet when I get home." "Or you can take something out of my closet?"