"Miles? Oh my gosh? Is that you?" "Violet?" I got up from the patient I was attending. I then gave him a rough hug. "What on earth are you doing here? I was damn sure you would have been working the stock market by now." "I'm actually here for an internship interview." "Miles Grenwald interviewing at my job? Looks like Imma have to call my boss and tell him to get you hired!" "Really?" "Oh you dumb bastard. I'm a damn nurse! What power do you think I have in this place? Magic?" "Wow you really haven't changed a lot since high school have you Violet?" "Nah, but now I can still put in a word for you or two about you." "What's the deal?" "Get coffee with me after your interview?" "Deal."

"Cut." The director yelled. Filming had begun and it actually wasn't as frightening as my mind was leading it to be. I mean of course I was nervous but who isn't? I had only done a couple rehearsal scenes with Zach but honestly working with him was very easy. He was super polite. "Hey you were great!" Zach called after me and gave me a light hug. "Thanks! So were you dang you're good!" We both laughed and smiled at each other and for a second I thought he was kinda into me.

But, out of the corner of my damn eye I could see Amber goddamn Roselake roll her eyes at me. Oh I had it with that bitch. This whole week of filming she had been late. This whole week. She had been late to filming so many times it held everybody up. It pushed back people's scenes and so Zach's was pushed back, Elizabeth's was and so was mine. And then she goes and has the audacity to roll her eyes at me! I had had it. But remembered what Gunnar said. But then I remember what I wanted.

I walked up to her, grabbed her hand and lead her out to where our trailers were. Of course they were right next to each other! "What the hell is your problem with me huh? What did I do besides hit your stupid fricking huh? There wasn't even a dent!" "Why do care so much! Fricking march in here thinking you know what's happening when you really don't? Who in hell even are you anyways?" "God! I can't stand people like you! So entitled to everything!" "And I can't stand people like you acting like you know everything when you're really just a nobody!" "I see right through that façade Amber!" "What façade?"

"Oh I'm surprised you even know what the word means! I know girls like you all obsessed with acrylic nails, glittery eyeshadow, and contour! Ooo look at me! Look at me yay!" "So what if I like those things huh?" "You're the type of girl that's gonna get a Range Rover as a gift when she gets married and finds the perfect NFL to be her husband." "I don't fricking date you jerk!" "Really? Oh my gosh have you even done anything with a guy yet?" "No. No I haven't. There. Do you feel better about yourself now? Huh?" "Actually I do. Thanks for asking. But just so you know not all of us can be like virgin saint Guadalupe Roselake over here." "Screw you!" Amber then ran into her trailer and then I ran into mine.

That. That was a mess. I started thinking more and more about what Gunnar said and about that PR nightmare. But I didn't care. She was a bitch I couldn't stand her! Holding everybody up at filming, rolling her eyes at me! What's her deal? Gosh I hate her. At least this trailer was nice. Oh it was really nice. I was still so pissed off about Amber and it was still making me smile. Gosh I loved it. I took in a deep breath and took a water off the stand that was there. Oh you bet I took a thousand selfies while in here. It was great. It even had its own private bathroom! I didn't have my own private bathroom or bedroom! It was great. I looked over lines some more while in there. Still just pissed at Amber. But honestly, I was loving my life and she wasn't stopping it.

Nico tossed me a banana on the way out of the house. Robbie and went out the front door and Nico and Gunnar went out the side door towards the cars. I gave Robbie part of the banana while still in the house and by the time we got out, I noticed Franklin and Eugene talking to Gunnar. "We want to have dinner with you guys! And hear about Alyssa new movie!" "Of course! She told you that?" "Robbie did." I spoke up. "Whoops." Robbie covered his mouth. "No it's fine don't worry."

I walked him to school down that same street. "Alyssa I made a new friend yesterday! "Really? What's their name?" "Jasmine!" "Jasmine! Oooo a girl. Do you like her?" "Boys and girls can be friends and and and not like each other!" "Ok. Ok." We got to the gate. "Have a nice Robbie. Thank you! You too sis!" I giggled at the sight of him running in with all the other kids. A boy came in after him and then looked to see what parent dropped him off. And wow. She was. She was really pretty. High heels. Pantsuit. She looked really nice. She must have been barely twenty-eight.

She looked over at me. She smiled. I got so nervous. I got butterflies! I think I felt my heart stutter? I don't know. I don't know why I'm thinking that. I don't know. I don't know. I was panicking again. Wait was I attracted to this woman? Was it like that? Is that also why I was staring at that Elizabeth's legs while we were getting our costumes fitted? And why I think Amber is so pretty? Oh gosh. Was I attracted to them? Maybe just like a little bit.

That worried me. I couldn't like them I liked Wes! But like growing up I always stared at the girl character in movies and had like "girl crushes" too. I've always kinda questioned it too. The more I thought about it the more it worried me. Could I like girls a little bit? But I'm with Wes. I shouldn't be looking at other people if I'm with someone already.

"Alyssa." Wes tapped me on the shoulder. The teacher was holding up the book we were supposed to be reading. Ahhh! "Yeah. Hey." I was so distracted about this whole situation. Just plain freaking out. "What's up you seem kinda lost." "Uh, yeah, uh I just am thinking about my movie is all." Gosh I feel like my head is going to explode. Could I like girls?

The bell rang. School was out. So I went into the library to study and get some homework done before picking up Robbie and going to film. I spent a good amount of time in there and right when I was just about to leave Vince came in. I guess he had just come out of his fourth period. The period I dropped. I was just about to leave. My mind still on girls. "Hey Lyss wait up." It was Vince. "You were so zoned out in class earlier." "Yea, I just hate Physics." I joked. "What's on your mind?" Girls. "Just the movie and stuff. I gotta pick up Robbie from school." "Here, I'll come with." "Ok cool." "So what's up Lyss?" "I told you dumby." "Oh c'mon! I've known you since the second grade. Mrs. Steger's class. I took your scented markers and wouldn't give em back. So what's going on?"

"You'll think I'm a bad girlfriend." "Why? Did you get into a fight with Wes?" "No." "Then what happened?" I stared at him kind of nervous. Should I tell him? I mean he's like my best friend besides Wes. Oh Wes! Ah gosh. "Wait did you cheat on him?" "No! No. No. I just I'm finding other people attractive. Is that bad?"

"I mean no matter what you're going to find other people attractive even in a relationship. It just matters that you're not cheating on who you're with." "I guess that makes sense." "Why? Are you staring at other guys? Like is that what this is about?" Oh my gosh Vince! "Is it that guy Lucas in our English class because I swear you two smile at each other a lot. Is this about him? Is this-" "I'm looking at girls!" I shouted at him. Fuck. I just. Fuck.

"What!" Vince started laughing. "Well that wasn't what I expected." "If you had just goddamn listened to me instead of babbling you might have!" "Wow is Wes that bad in bed?" "Fuck off. It has nothing to do with him." "Wait, wait wait. So you're a lesbian?" Lesbian? Gay! Oh wait. No! "No, no, no. I like Wes. I just might happen to find girls a little attractive too? I think? I don't know. I've always kind of questioned it. It's just with this movie now I'm meeting new people and and and their just making question it a bit more."

"Who's making you question it more?" "You're going to fucking shit yourself." I started laughing. "Why who?" "Amber Roselake." "What!" "I told you! I mean I fucking hate her but, she can rock a dress." "You're working with Amber Roselake? How did I not know this?" "We just started filming and the ads for the movie don't come out for at least another two weeks. So you wouldn't really know till then." "So is Amber freaking Roselake like? You know?" "No, no, no I've just been staring at her like the freaking creep I am. Her and this other actress I work with. And then there was this mom today when I was dropping off Robbie I was staring at too."

"So you're into them? Please tell me more with all detail included." "Oh shut it. And I think I'm just attracted to them. That's all." "Well that's nothing bad. Like I said it's ok to look." "Ok good. But how am I supposed to know that this is for sure?" Vince smiled greatly. "You could experiment?" "I'm with Wes! I really care about him. You dumbass! How am I supposed to do that?" "Hmm, you could experiment on yourself?" I was lost. "I'm confused." "I know." "No, no I mean like what do you mean experiment on yourself?" Vince just gave me this damned smirk.

"Oh my gosh you mean masturbate. Of course you mean masturbate." "Just look up some porn or something." "Porn? Eww all of that is fake and I don't want to get a virus." "Then find some other way to do it." "Ugh, you really think this will help?" "I mean it might. It might be a way to see if women turn you on without you, you know, actually cheating on Wes. Either way what do you got to lose?" Vince was right. What do I got to lose? And it was perfectly natural to question my sexual orientation and I really wanted to know if I did like women for sure.

Then I saw Robbie coming out of the gate. "Keep me posted on this situation though. Please? I really would like to know." "Quit trying to sexualize this. But fine. I will." I gave him a smile. He smiled back. He was a really good friend. I mean with all of his jokes. He still really was. "Vince?" I'm lucky I had him. "Yea?" "Thanks." "Yeah of course."

"Alyssa! This! This is my friend Emma!" "Hi Emma!" She was this tiny little adorable girl! I guess this was the girl he was talking about. "Hi!" She shouted back too loudly. "It's nice to meet you Emma. Robbie talks about!" "You do!" "Yes a lot!" Emma then gave Robbie a hug. It was the most pure thing ever. Then she went running over to I guess her mom. "Aww!" "See! Boys and and girls can be friends! See!" "I don't know Robbie. That hug she gave you looked like she has a crush." "No! You guys are are a boy and a girl and and you guys don't like each other!"

Vince and I fricking lost our shit laughing. Oh my gosh! Vince started to get his breath together. "Well Robbie that's because some girls don't exactly like boys." Vince lightly shoved me. "Vince shut up." I then whispered in his ear: "I like guys!" "Are you sure? Because that conversation we just had." "That conversation we just had was me questioning my feelings towards girls not towards guys!" I pushed him away playfully. Vince was still chuckling. "What does that mean?" Robbie was so confused. "Um, you know like our neighbors. Eugene and Franklin." "Yeah what about them." "They are boys who don't like girls. They like other boys." "Oh well that's cool. Do you guys wanna see the poster I made today!" I loved Robbie so much. "Yes. For sure Robbie." Vince and I chuckled.

"So like are these chips grilled or baked?" Wes was staring the bag of Takis in his hand. I was of course glaring at my script. "They might be grilled but like I'm not a hundred percent sure." We were sitting in the convenience store one sunny Californian afternoon. "Oooo, I almost forgot!" Wes shot up. "What?" I was very confused. He then pulled a magazine out of one of the aisles. "Your friend's on it." Amber Roselake I guess was that friend. "Vince texted me and said that you were working with her. How could you not tell me?"

"Look, up until a couple days ago I didn't even know she was famous! Gunnar and Nico had to remind me she was on that Jessica and Carlos show!" "How could you not know? She's Amber Roselake!" "Ugh! I feel like I hear her name too much! Amber Roselake this! Amber Roselake that! She's an asshole!" "Can't believe you're working with her though! She's so hot." "Your celebrity crush?" "Hell yea. Just look at her." Wes tossed over the magazine.

She was on the cover. The literal cover. She took up the entire page. But wow. I could honestly see why Wes was saying that. She was in this white crop top that pushed up her boobs. Her hands were all in her blonde silky hair with her half mouth open. Her lips were popping red and her eyes so blue. She was so hot. I honestly could see why Wes was thinking this. But honestly it's too bad she's a jerk. I really wish she wasn't. "She's perfect!" Wes extended his arms. It made me laugh. I mocked him: "She's mean!"

"She's five foot three, never had a boyfriend and is a good Christian girl. She's perfect!" "You know too much about her." "No I just read the magazine. Look." "Get an insight on America's Sweetheart! No! I don't like this! No! She's not anything like this! Talented and funny? Nurturing and Caring? No! That's unfair she doesn't deserve this!" "Look I take your word for it. She could be an actual asshole in real life. But the media has made her out to be-" "America's Sweetheart." "Whoever is her PR person does a hell of a good job." "You could say that again. Hey she does not weight 105 she at least weights 115. Ugh. I'm putting this thing back I can't do it." I closed the magazine and as I did I looked at the cover. She captivated me again. I was attracted to her? Right?

As I was putting the magazine back into its socket, I noticed some other magazines there too. Cosmopolitan, Vogue, People and then...Playboy. Playboy. I was thinking about what Vince was saying. He might have been half joking about me masturbating but honestly it sounded like the best idea yet to help me figure myself out. I had an idea. I needed to play this off well.

"I'll take this with some cigs for Gunnar." I slid the Playboy onto the counter. "Oh my, you're actually buying this for Gunnar. You're such a good sister!" Wes was cracking up. "Well, he hasn't exactly gone out much since him and Karen broke up and he always and I mean always hits on the waitress when we're at Frankie's." Wes slid the cigarettes onto the counter as well. "That'll be $9.71." I smirked. "Perfect." Oooof I had an idea.

I later put the Playboy under my bed and kind of forgot about it for a couple of days. I was too focused on memorizing my lines especially because of the upcoming scene we had. I was actually kind of nervous about filming this next scene. Why? Well it was the scene I auditioned with and why they hired me in the first place. It was also the first scene where Zach and I had to kiss. I mean I was fine with it at the audition but I also think that was just adrenaline. And this wasn't just like a standard kiss.

My character was supposed to have had a couple drinks and Miles is supposed to carry her in. I was in a very tight black slimming club dress that I probably could not afford in real life and Zach was in a nice formal shirt with slacks. Also something that I could not afford in real life. I'd probably have to sell my car, Chad, to buy it.

Anyways, then I'm supposed to start kissing him and then we fall onto the bed and start making out and then my character has a mental break down and then they start fighting and wow I might have a mental break down right now. I was so worried. Also the fact I was questioning my sexual orientation a lot these days was not helping. But I still liked guys you know. I could do this. I had done other hard scenes. I could do this. Yea. Yeah?

I hand my arms around Zach as he was supposed to be half carrying me into Violet's room. He was supposed to be under the influence too. Cameras were all around us. Like so many so damn close. And so was Elizabeth and Amber oh right because there scene is next they're on standby. Oh gosh. "Action." The director called. Oh fuck me. Zach half carried me in and I was fake laughing to help carry with the idea that I had a couple drinks. "Cut." Oh shoot. "Alyssa you fake laugh after you say your next line."

"Right. Sorry." "Ok take it from the top." Zach and I moved back to the start. I looked over at Amber and Elizabeth and they were still there. I bet Amber was hoping I failed. "Ready. And Action." Zach carried me in. This time I wasn't laughing yet. "Thank you!" Then I started to laugh as he sat me on the bed and began to take off my shoes. "What's so funny?" "You. Helping. Me. Undress." I stood up still giggling after he untangled my last shoes. "I'm not undressing you, nah, nah, nah I'm just trying to-" I threw my hands around him giggling just as much as he was. Loosely hanging off of him. "You're just trying to!" "I'm just trying to!" "Trying to what honey?" I was so close to him now as we leaned in for the kiss.

It was passionate and forceful which was all that the scene needed to be. We fell onto the bed kissing so hard. It kind of felt like I was kissing Wes. The same rough skin and stubble. "Violet." He had to begin stopping me. "Violet." I kept kissing him. The next part in the scene was for to try and reach for his dick before he stops me and I did that. "Violet! I-I you." I got u off of him. Now it was the scene I did for my auditon. I felt better. It was the breakdown part.

"I'm so sorry Miles. My God, what am I even doing? Just what am I-I God I'm sorry. Just-just-I" "V." "Look, I should go. But I don't." "You don't what?" I say without messing a beat: "I don't do it for you anymore do I?" "V. Look it's just-"

"I don't do I? You don't want me. You don't." "V. Look it's just-" "It's just what? Oh yeah I know what it is. Tracey. That's what it is Tracey. Goddamnit! Then why the hell did you invite me out tonight? Why the hell did you fucking just fucking take me out and and then take me back here. Why? Why! If you're so caught up over Tracey! God. Why?"

The rest of the scene went by great and I could even see it in the director's eyes when he yelled: "Cut." "Good job Zach!" "Thanks you too!" He fist bumped me as we made our way off of the set. And then I made eye contact with Amber. Amber and Elizabeth were still standing there. They watched the whole thing. Amber was looking dead at me with actual emotion in her stare. It was different than the usual cold hearted one she gave me. And just for a second there I thought Amber was, dare I say it, jealous. Maybe she liked Zach. I mean it was every teen girl's dream to be with him. He was practically the Justin Bieber of the acting world. And then she rolled her eyes at me and her and Elizabeth marched onto a different stage of where they were supposed to film.

"Don't mind her." Zach stated to my surprise. "What?" I guess he had seen her roll her eyes at me. "She's just jealous." "Of me?" I was very confused. I thought I just hallucinated that. "I mean I know I get to kiss you but." "Oh no, no no, not about that." "Then about what?" "You don't know?" "Know what? Zach I'm so confused right now."