"Lilly, open the door," he called again but no answer came from the other side of the door and now the relief from seconds ago started to evaporate again.

'What if she did something wrong to herself?' he worried.

"Lilly, open this door." he banged at the door as he warned, "If you didn't open the door then I'll just break it." he almost shouted with anger and agony.

"Leave me alone!" from in came her voice.

She is alright. Thank god, she is fine, he leaned against a wall opposite to the door as his legs felt too week from all the chaos.

"Lilly, give me a chance to explain," he said softly.

"You had one whole week, Ashton but you never returned after that night. Where were you? With that woman or a different one?"

"Lilly, I am not-''

"She is your ex...No, she is your present. Right?"

"Who the hell told you about her?"

"It doesn't matter who told me about her. What matters is that you lied."

"Lilly, it isn't like how you are thinking." he tried to explain.

"I met her once but it was just once and that too about 2 to 3 months ago. I don't know why she came to my office but I swear I hadn't called her."

"Oh really?" Lilly questioned from the other side of the door.

"Then what was she doing hovering over you and touching you like that? You don't like it when people invade your personal space but you certainly like her and that's why you let her come so close to you."

"Lilly." He groaned in frustration. "She caught me by surprise. She just cooked up a story to the receptionist and when she entered my office she walked to my side of the table pretending to discuss a file then her ankle twisted and she landed on me. Before I could push her away you were already there and misinterpreted everything."

"If I hadn't interrupted unknowingly then would you guys have gone further than that? Right?" Lilly taunted not ready to listen and believe his words. She didn't want to be fooled again.

"Enough!" he hit his fist on the door angrily. He was now losing his calm. "You are getting it all wrong. Who the hell told you she was my ex or that I even dated her?"

"Liar."

"I never dated a girl before you. You were the first one I went out on a date with. I never pursued a woman before or tried to make anyone happy. You were the first. No woman matters to me as much as you do. Please, Lilly, trust me."

"Trust?" she laughed sarcastically as she sat on the other side of the door. "Do you trust me, Ashton?"

He knew this wasn't going to be easy as he sat on the other side of the door and said, " I trust you, Lilly. I will do whatever it takes for you to trust me. So please give me a chance and open the door."

" I don't want to." she protested.

He sighed at her stubbornness. "Alright. Ask me a question, Lilly," he said. "Do you remember I had once promised that I will answer every question of yours truthfully? So ask me a question and then you'll open the door."

She knew the words that were going to leave her mouth will only give him pain but at that moment nothing and no one mattered to her. The only thing that mattered was her broken heart, unrequited feelings and her crushed trust.

The pain she was experiencing at the moment was unbearable. She wanted him to feel them and experience the same she was going through. She knew it was wrong to feel like that but at that moment she had just wanted to be a little bit selfish and think for her self and not for him. She had wanted to cause him the same pain she was suffering from for a week. So she asked, ''Tell me a secret. Something you have hidden from the entire world."

She knew he wouldn't tell that secret. She knew how embarrassing it was for him. She was aware that she was pushing him too hard. He hadn't even shared those secrets with his best friends but now she was pushing him to acknowledge something he had always tried to ignore and hide.

He could hear his heart beating erratically. It's thumping loud enough to reach his ears. His limbs started to feel numb and he felt his vision blur. He took out the small bottle of medicine prescribed by the doctor and took a pill as he tried to focus on his breath and calm himself.

Due to those visions of the past, he had lost a lot in his life. His childhood, friends, affection and a lot more but this time if remembering those events could win him, Lilly back in his life then he was ready. Nothing hurts more than her leaving him alone, he acknowledged and took a deep breath.

"Alright. My secret is that I am suffering from PTSD."

Lilly was shocked to hear this. She knew of his stress disorder from childhood but she also knew how embarrassing it was for Ashton to say it out loud. She hadn't thought that he would answer so honestly. The last time he had opened up about it in his drunk state but after that, he never touched the topic.

She had thought that he would just give up and walk away but he proved her wrong.

"When I was younger," Ashton continued while he rested his aching head against the wall leaning his body for some support, "My mom had promised me that she will never leave me but then she died. She asked me for medicine and I gave her the entire bottle. I even gave her a glass of water to gulp all those different pills down and cause a reaction which ended up taking her life."

Bringing his knees closer to his chest he wrapped his arms about his legs as he stared into the blank space remembering that day.

"That day she smiled at me and before closing her eyes her last words to me were 'I love you." he gave a humourless laugh at that.

"And I replied that I loved her too. But you see, she left me alone. When I opened my eyes it was just her cold and lifeless body lying on the bed. There was no warmth left. So these three words are nothing but a lie. The biggest lie in this world. People use these words only to hurt another person's feelings. To play with their emotions. So I don't want such feelings and emotions to come in between us. This is my answer to your confession."

He took a deep breath as he felt the medicine started taking effect. He could feel his heartbeat coming to normal but the words he was saying felt so heavy on the tongue.

"I was living quietly, happily or so I thought but then you entered my life." he smiled at the memory when he first met her at her house in London.

"You brought colours and made everything good and beautiful. Your sweet voice quietened the chaos in my life. I don't know if I have ever lusted after any woman the way I lusted for you. What we have in between us is this mutual desire for each other. So please Lilly, don't ruin it by mixing some hypothetical feelings. I am not someone you should love. I am not worthy of you. I don't even deserve you. I know it was wrong of me to force you into this marriage but I forced you for my selfish reasons."

He took another deep breath as he continued, "Before dying, my mom had asked me if I would look after Sebastian and I promised her that yes, I would adore my little brother. But then I failed in keeping that promise. I couldn't think straight anymore. But then I came to know about Sam and he was my second chance to fulfil the promise I had made to my mom. I forced you to marry me because I knew no one would love Sam the way you do. You are too pure. Too innocent for me. The happiness that I never got to experience, you made me feel that for the first time. Your smiles brightened up my dark skies. I know I am wrong. I am the worst but the truth is I am selfish. I know you deserve better but I can't let you go. It's not because of Sam. No." He shook his head to put more emphasis on his words.

" It's because if you left then the happiness I have felt during these past months, the light and colours that changed my world will disappear along with you. I'm afraid I will lose everything and every feeling that you taught me. I don't want to feel that emptiness again. So I can't let you go. I won't and no matter how hard I would need to try, no matter how tight I would need to hold on to you I will never let you go." he said firmly. Slowly his eyes started to feel heavy. So heavy that it became difficult to keep them open so he closed his eyes as he repeated, "Never let you go."

He had never felt so tired. So helpless ever before. The past week he had spent in his office working day and night starting new projects and signing new contracts. Work was the only thing that could stop him from going home, from going to Lilly and melting in her arms. She needed love and that was the only thing he couldn't give her. He was tired now. Dead tired.

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