Phoebe

"I can't talk about this right now!" I yell, frustrated at my current situation. "We will talk about this when you get home!" I hang up, slamming my phone on the kitchen island screaming with anger. I feel like no matter what I do; I am either angry or shy. What is wrong with me?

I stopped smoking cigarettes and drinking liquor. Maybe that's the problem? Noah got rid of all of my cigarettes... But I know he has liquor in this place- I walk to the cabinet where Noah stores all of his alcohol and I love the choices I currently have.

Whiskey, Rum, Gin, Vodka and of course I found the red wine. But I grab the half-full bottle of Whiskey, unscrewing the top and taking a big gulp from the bottle. The hot liquid goes down my throat, giving me chills. I close the cabinet doors, taking the bottle with me to the couch as turn on a documentary.

By the time the two-hour-long documentary has finished, the bottle of Whiskey is empty. My face is hot, my eyes feel heavy, yet all I want to do is a party. Does Noah have a smart tv? I press the home button, and I see the Spotify app, I push it, and I click the top radio suggestion. A song named Operate by ASTR starts to play. I get off the couch, singing and dancing around the living room. The pain in my ribs are protesting, but I ignore them continuing to drink.

"Baby don't let your head down. I don't wanna hear what you say no more" I sing along to the song, not embarrassed of my awkward dance moves. Jay never let me do this; he wouldn't let me have any fun... Stop thinking of him! He ruined your life!

"Fuck you!" I yell at the top of my lungs, putting my middle fingers up in the air! "Fuck you, Jace!" I scream his actual name, taking in a deep breath, feeling relieved actually to be able to breathe.

I continue singing into the empty Whiskey bottle and dancing around the coffee table when I see Noah walk in. I want to go back to my shy, awkward self, but I am way too drunk for that. So I grab his arm, pulling him close- starting to sing and dance around his stand-still figure.

"Call me the doctor, Make me the doctor, Follow the lights down, And I'll be the one." I dance, feeling hot and breathless. "Dance with me, Noah." I smile, getting really close to him. Our lips are so close to each other I just want a taste him. He just looks so good right now- like a damn cheesecake.

"Oo, do we have Cheesecake?" I stop, asking a serious question. I sit down on the coffee table, wishing for cheesecake. "Please, please tell me we have cheesecake!" I pout out my bottom lip, giving him my puppy dog eyes.

"Sadly, no, we don't." Noah gives me a sad look, but grins slightly, "I see you have finished my bottle of Whiskey." He takes the glass bottle from my hand slowly and places it on the side table. Noah grabs the remote off the sofa, lowering the volume and I frown at the fact we don't have cheesecake... and for him decreasing the volume.

"Then I have to taste you instead-" I stand up quickly, grabbing his face and pulling his lips onto mine. I feel his kissing me back, grabbing onto my bare legs, and up to my butt. I want more, but Noah quickly backs away from me.

"Hey. I- I can't" Noah grabs my arms softly, "Not when you are like this. Let's get some water in you." Noah gives me a small smile, going into the kitchen and filling a glass full of water. He walks back to me, trying to hand me the glass but I refuse to take it.

I'm filled with so many emotions, mostly rage. "Do I finally look like a rape victim to you that you don't want to kiss or touch me? Am I really that disgusting?" I rush to the liquor cabinet and grab the Rum. Noah quickly grabs it from my hand. "Let. Go!" I yell, trying to grab it from him but he raises it above his head. "You asshole!" I scream, pushing his chest. Almost fall backwards but I catch myself. "Just. Let. Me. Be!" I push his chest harder and harder until I fall back landing on my butt.

"Okay, okay. That's enough!" Noah yells, picking me up off the ground and laying me down on my bed. "Now you're drinking water, or I swear to god I will force it down your throat!" He yells at me again, making me feel a certain way. I sit up, and he puts the glass on my lips, tapping my cheek regularly, making me stay awake. Once I finished, I try to get back up, but Noah points the finger at me telling me to stay in bed. Did he just?

"I'm not a dog, Noah!" I hear myself slur a bit, "I just hate this- all of this!" I lay my head back down on the pillows.

"Hate what?" Noah asks, lifting my shirt suddenly to examine my ribs. At first, I thought he was stripping me, taking off my clothes but I'm too disgusting for him...

I sigh at the fact he is too- ugh! I sigh again, rolling my eyes at myself not sure what is wrong with me. He is kind to you, Phoebe. Be fucking grateful!

"I hate these feelings! I hate feeling like Jay will pop out of nowhere and attack me again-" I look into his deep brown eyes as he sits in the chair, ready to listen to me. I don't know why I am confiding in him. "I hate feeling like I not enough for anyone but Jay, that I am disgusting... That- that I deserved all of what he did to me!" I yell, tears falling out of my eyes. "So- I hate these feelings, the nightmares and even this damn bed!" I felt Noah's fingers brushing away the tears, making me jump.

"Am I going to be afraid of everything and everyone for the rest of my life?" Noah pick me up and placed me into his lap.

"Of course not, Phoebe. That man will go to prison for the rest of his pathetic life and he will never ever hurt you again." Noah tells me, petting my hair and letting me be emotional.

"Why couldn't I have met you instead of Jay?" I whisper, making Noah stop petting my hair for a second then continue. He sets me down once I have stopped crying and tucks me in under the covers. I watch through tired eyes as he grabs a trash bin placing it next to the bed and starts walking to the door. "I- I'm sorry for earlier... Please don't leave me." I apologise, looking up at him. He doesn't hesitate to crawl into bed next to me. Noah doesn't move the covers, he lays on top of them, and I smile slightly moving my body so I can put my head on his chest. I close my eyes, reminding myself that he just feels sorry for me-

"I couldn't if I tried." I think I heard him say as I fall asleep to Noah playing with my long brown hair.

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