| Nathan |

When I was little my father took it upon himself to drill the phrase 'love makes you weak' into my head. And as a child, I believed him. Either because I thought it was actually true or because I didn't have anyone else to tell me differently. For me, his word, was the law.

And now, sitting in my office, staring at my computer screen as I attempted to get at least a little work done, I finally realized he had been wrong.

The cursor on the blank email I was trying to right blinked back at me, mocking me. It was like it knew I couldn't focus on a god damn thing because of her.

Isabella Smith.

The only woman I ever thought I might love and now she was gone. And it was my fucking fault.

After I found out about what Shawn tried to do to her I was so angry I thought my head might explode. I couldn't stand the thought he had tried to force himself on her- knowing she had a boyfriend. Who happened to be his friend.

So I drove right over to his apartment and the second he opened the door I made quick work of punching him right in the nose. He stumbled back, holding it as blood gushed from where I'd broken it. He'd cussed me out, playing dumb about why I was so mad. And I explained it to him, but not after I punched him again for good measure.

When he finally understood why I'd been so angry he tried to play it off, like she'd wanted it and I was even more disgusted with him. So I left.

I spent the next few days confused and unfocused. Ignoring Isabella's calls and texts, knowing I was hurting her but also feeling bitter because she hadn't trusted me. I couldn't believe she'd let me hang around with that asshole for almost two months before finally telling me what happened. And the worst part was, I didn't know if she ever would have said anything if it hadn't been for Rachael.

Later I realized maybe she thought I wouldn't have believed her, and I felt like a prick for reacting the way I did but by that point she'd stopped calling.

I don't know if I'd wanted her to come to my apartment and forced me to see that I was wrong like she had done so many times before. But I guess I was used to it and when she didn't appear for nearly a week I got mad all over again.

And that was when I ran into Dani. She was at a company lunch Saturday with her father and when I saw her I suddenly wondered if I could have what I'd had with Isabella with someone else. So I made the worst decision of my life and brought her home with me.

I felt sick the entire time, I couldn't even have sex with her that's how bad it was. Granted that didn't stop us from doing other things but I knew the second it was over that I'd made a horrible mistake. One I'd regret for a long time.

When I saw Isabella standing there in my entry way, tears in her eyes, looking completely disgusted by me, I could barely stand it. She was done with me. For good.

And it's been nearly two months now since I've seen her or hears from her. She'd always been persistent with me, even when I'd insisted to her that I didn't want a relationship she didn't stop trying. I'd never experienced that before. Everyone close to me in my life before had tossed me to the side so easily and then she came along and didn't give up.

I missed her terribly.

I'd become so used to seeing her everywhere in my apartment. In my kitchen cooking, in my bedroom sleeping, in my living room watching The Office and sometimes even in my office she'd come sit with me while I worked and do some of her own. I loved that the most. She was so pretty when she worked, so focused and professional. Taking it just as seriously as I did.

But now my house was empty, just like before. I went back to my old routines, barely sleeping and always working. I felt numb again.

At Christmas, when I didn't bring her home with me I was immediately bombarded with questions. No one understand that we'd broken up for good this time. My mother pulled me aside later and when I told her why Isabella and I were no longer together, she slapped me.

She couldn't believe I'd been such an idiot. And while my father told her off for hitting me, he agreed with the principle of it. I think they were both disappointed, even though they sympathized with me and knew I was hurting everyday because of it.

New Years passed uneventfully, I went out with Eric and then come home early because the party was so boring. I wanted to get drunk but I never went though with it, deciding it was better if I went home and tried to work.

So here I was, two days later, still unable to work. Still thinking about her.

I picked up my phone, scrolling through my contacts until her name popped up and I stared at it. I wondered if she would even pick up and what would I say if she did. I wanted her back but I didn't deserve her. She was far too good for me and I'd always known that.

But before I could stop myself I was calling her, lifting the phone to my ear, hoping she'd pick up.

It rang and rang and then stopped, the line clicking as the phone was answered.

I was in shock. So much so that I didn't say anything, not even when the wrong voice spoke through the phone speaker.

"Hello?" Asks the voice and my heart sinks. It wasn't her, and I suddenly wondered if I'd clicked on the wrong number.

"Is Isabella there?" I asked slowly and there was a pause on the other end of the line.

"Nathan." Says a voice I recognize. "It's Rachael, and no, Isabella is not here."

"Why do you have her phone?" I blurt out and she sighs.

"She's in her room and her phone was out here. I didn't realize you were calling or I would have picked up." I swallow hard at those words, realizing Isabella must have deleted my contact from her phone.

"Can I please talk to her?" I ask desperately. "I need to apologize."

"I don't think that's a good idea." She says slowly. "She's finally moving on and I don't want you to ruin that for her."

That hurts but I know she's right. Inside, I'm screaming at myself to man up and demand Rachael give the phone to Isabella. Or even hang up right now and drive over to their apartment. But once I got there I wouldn't know what to say or if she'd even listen to me. So instead I give up, because I know Isabella is better off without me . . . I'd always known that. Hell, I'd been telling myself that from day one and yet I let her into my life without a second thought.

"Has- how has she been?" I ask and Rachael sighs again.

"Honestly . . . not great." She says. "But recently she's been getting it together. She got a really big work opportunity, so she's excited about that."

"Doesn't surprise me." I say softly. "She's brilliant."

"Yeah and that's why you shouldn't call again." She says. "She's too good for you."

I'd been thinking that for so long now but it didn't prepare me for the pain that sliced through me hearing those words spoken out loud by someone else.

"I know." I say, my voice hoarse.

"And, also, she's moving to California." Adds Rachael. I sit up in my chair suddenly, feeling shocked. It was like I was dreaming suddenly because none of this could be real.

"What?" I ask sharply.

"That's her work opportunity. She's helping open a new company for them in California." She explains and I feel my stomach sink, dread slowly washing over me as I realized I might not ever get the chance to make this right. Then again, whose to say I deserved that chance. "I'm only telling you this because she's going out there for a fresh start. And she doesn't need any old shit being brought up right now."

I remain silent, thinking that over and feeling helpless. "Okay." I say finally.

"Goodbye Nathan." She says gently and then hangs up the phone.

I set my phone down, sitting back in my chair and letting it hit me. She would actually be gone. And I probably would never see her again. I didn't know how to move on from that . . . or if I even could.

Hello Readers!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Tell me what you thought in the comments below!

XX,

- Keara Rose 🌹