| Nathan |

Jackson could always tell when there was something bothering me. And today, he was even more in-tune to how I was feeling than ever. He finally said something after I got lost in thoughts of Isabella for the millionth time and had to snap his fingers in front of my face.

"Hey, what is up with you today?" he asks, his expression concerned. This was not good. She'd invaded every part of my life without meaning to, and now I couldn't focus on a fucking thing without her. But when I was with her, all I could focus on was her, so that was completely pointless too. This was new for me. So new it scared me. Especially because I knew she wanted me to define what we were for her, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

"I, uh, I went out with Isabella again." I mutter and Jackson's face lights up instantly.

"Again as in there have been other times? Even though this is the first I'm hearing of it?" he asks, prying as usual.

"Well, yeah." I answer shortly. "Way more than once now."

"Did you two sleep together?" he asks and my eyes widen. Suddenly all I can picture is the night after going out with Rachael and Hunter. All I can hear is her. The way she said my name . . . Jesus I needed help. I clear my throat.

"Yes." I say coldly and he grins.

"And?"

"And what?" I snap and he shakes his head.

"Don't be a moron, how was it?" he asks again and I frown a little. Jackson and I had only every shared stuff like this with each other during high school, when we were first discovering sex. But now, it felt weird. I couldn't deny how great it was, and sex had never been that 'great' with anyone else. With Danni and Charlotte, it had been enough to get me through the week, but with her, it was the thing that made my week. This, among many, many other thing, scared me too. Why was sex with her so great? Why didn't I get that kind-of addictive feeling from anyone else? It was easy when it was happening, I couldn't question anything while I was with her, but much later, when I was able to think, these were the questions I asked myself.

"Hey, come on man, tell me." says Jackson, kicking me under the conference table we sat at, where we were supposed to be studying the charts in front of us, but that wasn't happening.

"It's so fucking nice." I blurt out and he whoops loudly. I roll my eyes, but I can't help grinning at him. "Her body . . . is perfect and I don't know, I just . . . can't get enough."

"Sounds like your whipped." he says and I shake my head.

"No, I am definitely not whipped. And we are not officially dating or anything." I insist and he rolls his eyes now.

"What are you waiting for? Don't be such an idiotic douche." he says forcefully. "You've been going on about this girl for months and months now, I don't really know what your issue is, but if you're not careful, you could lose her."

I glare at him. "You know I have trouble trusting people."

"Yeah I do, but at some point you've got to get a pair of balls and do the manly thing." he says and I sigh deeply, leaning back in my chair. I run a hand over my face. "Look, I get commitment issues, I used to have them too. Always thinking its better to have the option of every hot girl I met and never having to be tied down. But Lucy changed things dude. And Isabella changed things for you."

"It's not commitment." I start. "It's that, if I did start dating her, I don't know how long that's supposed to go on."

"Until you break up or decide you want to marry her." he says and I stand at that, my heart jumping in my chest at the thought. Marriage? Fuck. I couldn't think about the future like that. I pace for a second, feeling agitated.

"No, no. I can't do marriage." I say, trying to disguise the panic in my voice. Suddenly I realized what I'd gotten myself into. All these years I'd sworn off sleeping with a girl in my own bed, taking her out places, going out with her and her friends. Doing all the things that resembled being in a relationship and I'd just gone right ahead and done those things with Isabella. It was like the smart part of my brain shut down and I was left mindlessly following along with her.

What the fuck was I thinking?

"Calm down Nathan." says Jackson, completely unaffected by my current state.

"No, Jackson, you don't get it. The things I've been doing with her, it's like we're dating. We go out all the time now. The other night, we fucking went to a dance club and I got drunk for the first time in years. That's not me! And I tell her- I'm always telling her how beautiful she looks, like a boyfriend would do. What if she expects long term now? Like marriage?" I shout. "Shit. I can't handle this."

I slump in a chair and look over at Jackson who looked both amused and concerned.

"You're an idiot." he mutters and I nod. "No, I mean, you can't see how good you've got it. Finally you find a girl who actually has a personality to match yours and you're ready to throw it away because you've suddenly become spineless. That is what makes you an idiot."

I frown, wondering if he was right and hoping that he was wrong.

_

I sigh deeply, leaning back in my desk chair. After Jackson left I decided to come home and do some more work. I hoped work would take my mind off things, but I wasn't getting anything done. I shut my computers down and leave my office, walking to the kitchen. I take off my jacket, throwing it over one of the chairs at the kitchen island. I let Antonio off tonight, so I'd have to find something to make myself. If I could even eat. Suddenly I didn't feel like it. I put my head in my hands, resting my elbows on the kitchen counter.

I needed to figure this out. It was on my mind all the time now. Maybe the only thing I actually liked about Isabella was sleeping with her. No, that can't be right. My conscience reminds me of all the shit before I'd even touched her and I knew there was more to this.

If this was having 'feelings' for someone, than I didn't like it.

The bell from the elevator suddenly dings and I stand up straight, alert.

"Nathan?"

Its her. I'd know her smooth voice anywhere. Fuck, why?

"In here." I call and soon, Isabella is walking towards me. And she looks incredible, she's dressed in this pencil skirt and blouse. Her high heals make her tall, make her look like this profession woman and I know she's come from work. I just want to kiss her suddenly but then I think of everything I talked about with Jackson.

"Hey." she says softly, smiling and she moves to hug me but as soon as she gets a look at the expression on my face she frowns. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I mutter, looking away for a second. I feel her small hand touch my arm and I pull away. I look back up and see the hurt in her eyes.

"Nathan, whats wrong?" she asks, and I know she means it, and I know I can trust her. I know that I could tell her everything that had been confusing me. But for some reason, I lashed out.

"Why are you here?" I snap and she raises an eyebrow.

"I came to see you." she says slowly, clearly confused and trying to figure out where this was coming from. I glare at her.

"I just- why? It's not like we're dating." I say and she flinches a little. She doesn't respond for a moment, like she is trying to decide something.

"Okay then. I guess we should have that conversation then." She mutters, stepping back from me and crossing her arms over her chest. Her expression is unreadable.

"What conversation?" I ask and she laughs a little, though there's no humor in her tone.

"The 'what are we doing' conversation." She says and I swallow hard, I knew this was coming.

"Well, I mean, I just thought we were having fun." I blurt out and I instantly regret it, but I know it's too late by the way she looks at me.

"You thought us going out, us spending time together and with friends, oh and I don't know, us fucking all the time was just fun?" She asks, her tone neutral and I just stare at her. She laughs again, only this time it's for real. "I should have known Nathan."

"Should have known what?" I ask. She stares at me for a second, like she's waiting for me to say something more. But I don't.

"That it was all in my head. God, are you really just like every other guy? You say all the right things, but just so the girl keeps sleeping with you." I say nothing, I want to tell her she's wrong and that I did feel something but I've become silent. "Oh wait, that is until she's actually stupid enough to think there's something real happening."

"I told you I don't date." I say shortly. "You knew that, don't be so surprised to find out I didn't want to date you."

"You're right." She sighs, looking defeated. "I guess I just let myself think that I liked you and you liked me and that someday you'd man up and finally have a real relationship with me. But I'm just another silly, emotional, clingy girl to you aren't I?"

When I don't respond she rolls her eyes.

"Fine Nathan. This, whatever we were doing, it's over." She says, her voice cold.

"Don't be hurt." I mutter, looking down and then looking back to her. She looks even more shocked for a second. "You can not honestly blame me, I mean you're the one who pushed for this. You kept telling me you could make your own choices. Kept begging me to take you on just one date." She just stares. "And I'll admit the sex was really nice, but you had to know that as it."

She's silent for a moment, processing my words and refusing to look at me. She meets my gaze one last time, and I hate the way she looks at me. Everything we'd built had just come crashing down and it was my fault. But I couldn't bring myself to fix it.

"Fuck you." She says and then she spins on her heal, marching out of my kitchen and out of my life.

_

Hello readers!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, don't worry there is much more to come! Just you wait!

Xoxo

Rose