I want her man.

Nothing good will come out of self-denial. Nothing bad will come out of harmless acceptance to a sleepover either. So, I situated myself in between. I quit wresting with denial, and I'm also building a pillow fort with Ethan in his daddy's living room. It's not the first sleepover invitation, but it was definitely the first that I didn't decline.

"Mommy, we need more pillows and blankets." Ethan tugs my arm as he jumps up and down in a frenzied sugar rush.

I knew we should've settled for a slice of chocolate mousse cake for dessert. But Ethan swindled his daddy out of strawberry shortcake shakes. Then he persuaded an approval out of me with his puppy eyes.

Ethan wrapped his arms around my legs. "Mommy, more pillows. Now."

"Okay. I'll go get more pillows. Stay here. If anything breaks—"

"Don't touch," he supplies, nodding his head hurriedly.

I smiled down to him and ruffled his hair. I exited the living room, did a little pause on the doorway as I see him stomping on the pillows. The fort is not coming together. I headed to the master's bedroom.

"Nathan," I call, pushing the door open. "We're in need of more pillows and blan–holy crap, I'm sorry." I stumbled backward, nearly tripping on my own foot.

Nathan stood in the middle of the master's bedroom. All wet hair and wet impressive flesh. The toned upper body is on display, still glistening from the shower.

He clutched a fluffy towel around his waist. Blue eyes registered shock.

"I'm sorry I should've knocked."

"I'm sorry I should've locked the door."

We blurted at the same time.

My face burned all over. I'm sure as hell I was red. "I was just getting more pillows. I'm sorry, I'll let you cover your, um," I stammered, "everything."

I was about to turn to leave when Ethan's voice carried over all the way to his daddy's bedroom, "Mommy, pillows!"

His eyes flicked to the mountain of pillows on his bed. "My everything can wait. Just grab everything you need."

My cheeks turned lava hot hearing "everything" twice. I tottered over to his bed, holding my breath.

"How's our fort?"

I piled all four pillows. "It's a disaster. To be honest, it needs some of, uh, your touches."

Crap, why do I keep saying the wrong words?

"I don't want to sound needy, but I think I need you in there with—" the rest of my sentence ended with a yelp when I turn around and ran into him. The pillows fell out of my arms, thumping silently on the floor. Without the pillows, I was face to face with his naked chest.

I step to the side to avoid anymore unexpected collision. He tries to move out of the way but ends up in the same direction as I am. I move to the other side at the same time he does.

We stopped. His eyes latched onto mine.

I forced out a laugh. "I'm going right this time."

"Okay," he breathes.

We got ourselves out of the awkward blocking of paths. I pick up the pillows and managed to make my way to the door, feeling his eyes on my back. I only really let myself breathe when I made it to the hallway.

This is not convenient. Now I can't even be in the same room with him without embarrassing myself.

Ethan and I flopped back against the couch and watched TV after about a dozen attempt to make a decent blanket roof over the pillows.

We're waiting for Nathan to save the day. I guess he always does so I always wait. For him to come around and fix the sink. Change the locks. Pick a furniture.

I wasn't really able to let go all the way.

As if to prove my point, Nathan enters the living room with more curtain rods, a bunch of pillows and a pile of blankets.

"Daddy." Ethan leaps out of my lap, hopping over to him. The look on his face is happy and prideful because his daddy's here and that will make all bad things go away. And he does make it all go away. Including the nuisance of building a fort.

I had the strings of Christmas lights which Nathan surprisingly had as "my touch" to our little project. Hours later, the television drones on with a late-night television show neither of us are paying attention to anymore.

Ethan was sound asleep between us, and we were watching him sleep. I propped my weight on my elbow, my other hand lightly combing his hair. "I wish he looks like me just a little."

"He has your stubbornness." He gives me a look hooded with his lashes.

I rolled my eyes. "I could have at least given him a positive trait."

"Stubbornness is a positive trait." He lifted his shoulder.

"Okay, fine."

Nathan chuckles and rolled to his front as he looks down to Ethan. "You know, he might look like me, but he reminds me so much of you."

"Is that a positive thing?"

"Very. Because he's a wonderful person although he could be pretty persuasive when it comes to dessert."

I gave a low laugh.

Nathan smiled then says no more. A far-off expression engraved on his face.

"Nathan," I whispered.

He blinks, reorienting himself. "Yeah?"

"What are you thinking?" I almost faltered at how the question rolled out of my tongue like I was always meant to ask it a million times had we not separated. Had I not raged on about getting a divorce.

"Nothing." His gaze shunned mine.

"Just tell me."

He shakes his head no.

"Come on." I jabbed his leg with my toe.

Nathan leaned in slightly. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

All traces of teasing cluttered around me. And then they were gone. "Of course."

"Okay," he says.

I nod to urge him on, although I'm not at all sure.

"I was thinking what chaos the house will be if we had three Ethans."

I snorted. "Triplets? God, no. I'd rather push one baby out one year at a time."

The corner of his mouth lifted. "If we found out you were pregnant a lot sooner, that would've been the case."

My breath caught in my throat. "We'll never really know. I found out I was pregnant amidst all the divorce paperwork and that's that." I struggled to keep my voice light. We never really talk about the divorce. We dodge it as wisely as we can every time it threatens to come up.

However, my head gets much more persistent every single time. I think about if things would've gone any different.

He nods.

I lowered to my pillows, nuzzling close to Ethan. I yawn and laid an arm over him, pulling him close to my chest. He sighed in his sleep and murmured something I couldn't make out.

Nathan chuckles quietly. "I bet he's asking for more dessert in his sleep."

My eyes wandered over to him as I stifle a laugh. "What do you think is he asking for this time?"

"Either a cookie or a cake."

I giggled. "Milkshake?"

He grinned. "That too."