《The Tutor》Chapter 26
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Norah spent the better part of Sunday looking at her phone instead of writing up the final draft of her latest English Lit coursework. Usually at this time her and Rafe would text back and forth, either about work or what they did over the weekend or having a heated debate on the latest episode of 'The Vikings'.
The silence was torturing Norah. She couldn't find it in her to text first, not after the way she had left things yesterday. Part of her expected Rate to write a lame excuse about how he remembered nothing last night because he was too drunk and make it easier for both of them to move on. Mostly she just wanted for things to go back to the way they were. Maybe she was being paranoid. Tomorrow at school Rafe will causally approach her like nothing happened and they will continue their tutoring and put all of this behind them.
She admitted to herself that she was too much of a coward to date him. She felt worthy and strong as his tutor, but as a girlfriend? She'd be constantly wondering if she was good enough for him. If he's there for the long-run or use her as another distraction. God, she was annoying herself already with these thoughts.
* * *
The next day Norah came to school early to make some photocopies of her notes for Rafe and hung around the entrance to wait for him. She fidgeted with the zipper of her coat as the students slowly began trickling into the school, but there's been no sign of Rafe yet.
She realised she had missed him. Not getting any texts from him made her weekend a little emptier. He barged into her life and made it fun.
Finally she saw the mop of his messy dark hair as he walked with his roommate Alex. He was laughing. Good. He looked like he was in a forgiving mood at least. He noticed her, and she gave him a small awkward wave.
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He acknowledged her with the tiniest of nods and went past her.
"Can we talk?" She said to his back when she realised he would walk past. Her ribcage was being hammered by the beats of her heart. He was mad. He stopped and muttered something to Alex and turned to her nonchalantly.
"How was your weekend?" She asked lamely.
"What do you want Norah?" he replied. It wasn't said harshly. It was devoid of emotion. Her heart hurt a little at the tone, and she felt herself shrink under his gaze.
"I made you some copies of my notes. I thought you want to have a look over before the lesson," she mumbled, handing him the stack of papers held together with a Hello Kitty paperclip and covered in a plastic wallet.
He looked into her eyes for a moment longer before taking the papers. He scoffed. "Jesus. Thanks."
Norah was about to say something before he cut her short. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a couple of fifty-pound notes. "Here. Emile left me some money. Thought I'd cover my lessons."
As he stretched out his hand with the money, Norah's eyes caught Jack sneering at her as he walked past. She blinked and looked away.
"The lessons are free. I told you I want to help as a friend. You know that."
"No, you made it clear that you are my tutor. And your time should be compensated. It's only fair after all the time you spent on me," he said and shoved the money into her pocket. She slumped against the doorframe, hurting at his words and actions, but there was not much she could say. She hurt him first.
"Also," he said looking back at her, "I think I'm pretty much ready for the mock exams. Maybe we can do some last-minute revision before the exams, but for now, I don't think we should continue the lessons."
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Norah nodded. "I'll send you notes via email if you'd like. For your revision," her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Sure." He left to his next class. She wanted to reach out and hug him and pull him close, like he did when she told him about her past. She hated the way he looked and talked to her, absent of any feeling. Aloof and cold, like the first day they'd met. It took Norah a lot of willpower not to sulk.
Trying to reign in on her feelings, she cheered herself up. Well, she thought, at least now she'll have more time to study, with no distractions. This way she won't have her heart broken or get embroiled in the highschool drama that usually comes with dating the most popular boy in school. She found Rafe's locker and shoved the money through the thin vents.
English lesson, for the first time, went by excruciatingly slowly for Norah. She watched the clock and couldn't wait to flee to the silent confines of the library. She could feel Rafe's gaze burning into the back of her skull like the time when she sent him to the broom closet. Or maybe it was her imagination. Maybe he wasn't looking at her at all. She'd become invisible to him now and they'll go back to the way things were in the beginning.
The thought made Norah want to cry.
* * *
Just as she had assumed, they eventually drifted apart over the last couple of weeks. The occasional email with revision notes she sent was answered with a curt word of gratitude. They passed each other in the hall with nothing more than a small smile or a nod. Norah spent more and more time holed up in the library in anticipation of the upcoming mocks. And today was no different.
The library had been filled with more people now that exam week was starting. Norah was going over old notes and revision material. She wondered if Rafe was going over the old exam question. Was he ready? Would he be okay? She wished she could glimpse into the future. Would he get into his chosen university? What would happen if he doesn't? Will he never talk to her again?
"Hey," a whisper snapped her out of her daze, "do you want to go over History together?" William asked as he placed the books on her table. The other students looked with curious gazes, not understanding why on earth the Golden Boy is sitting with her. "Sure," she said, trying to bury her disappointment. For a split second she was sure it was Rafe who approached her instead. "I think the question with the most marks will be on the collapse of Soviet Union."
"Really? I thought it'd be how Mr. Norman learned to ski in the Alps after he rode camels in the Sahara."
Norah laughed, much to the chagrin of others studying. She mouthed a sorry to everyone. William grinned and took out his own past papers.
"So, who should test who first?"
"Let me do it," Norah said, taking his flashcards. "I'm ready."
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