《The Tutor》Chapter 25

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Norah hadn't realised that she's been holding her breath until the taxi door closed. She couldn't bear to look at Rafe, who shoved his hands into his jean pockets and slumped against the wall, watching them drive away.

"Are you okay? What happened?" Benny asked impatiently, looking back at Rafe and then her. She blew out a sad sigh and loosened her scarf.

"Rafe just told me he likes me and asked me to be his girlfriend."

Benny's jaw dropped. "Jesus! For real?"

"For real," she said heavily. "But he's had so much to drink. I'm sure he won't remember anything by tomorrow."

"What did you say to him?"

Norah fidgeted with her coat. "I told him I can't date him."

"Why? What's wrong with you? You guys are into each other. It's obvious."

Norah frowned at that. Was it obvious? She wondered if only Benny picked up on that, because she confided in him. Had she given signs to Rafe that she wanted something more? Because that was definitely not her intention. She could no longer lie to herself. She liked Rafe. More than a friend. More than once she had thought about kissing him... and more. But these thoughts had always scared her.

They only seemed compatible because of the situation in which they grew close. He needed her- for guidance, for advice and for knowledge. Had their meeting been in difference circumstances - would he have liked her then? Or would he think she's boring, conceited and awkward just like the rest? If he didn't need her as a tutor, they'd walk by each other without a second glance, just like they did the first couple of weeks of school.

She convinced herself that his attraction to her stemmed from the reliance on her. Once he'd leave school and no longer need her for teaching, the attraction would disappear. Once he gets a taste, he'll lose interest and go back to his world of models, beautiful aspiring actresses and hostesses. It would be too difficult for Norah to get over. Yes, she was once like the girls Rafe preferred. A girl from St Claire. But she's done everything to shed that image because it wasn't who she really is.

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The house had all the lights switched off. Joyce was already in bed. She left two bottles of water on the table with a pack of paracetamol as promised.

After Norah had washed off her makeup, hung up her mum's stuff neatly back into the closet and got into her pyjamas, she found herself scrolling back through old messages between her and Rafe. Some put a smile to her face. He was much sweeter in writing than he was in real life. There was banter, light flirting underneath the friendly texting. Was there chemistry?

"I don't understand why you're so adamant to push him away Norah," Benny's voice disrupted her thoughts. He walked over in his own pyjamas and plopped onto her bed. It amazed Norah just how baby faced Benny was. His expression was always so peaceful and innocent, she always felt like the Grinch next to him.

"I don't want my heart broken," she muttered, pulling up her knees to her chin. "I know guys like Rafe. They say they love you, but they move as soon as they lose interest or get what they want. And... I've already been so distracted with him. The more I like him, the more self-confidence I lose."

"Why?" Benny frowned, stretching and suppressing a yawn.

"Just keep on thinking about him too much. The girls he dated, the girls he looks at, he girls he... well sleeps with. I was happy with myself and now I constantly look in the mirror. I even bought lacy lingerie if he somehow accidentally ever sees me in my underwear," she confessed with a sheepish grin. "How stupid is that?"

"That's not so bad! He's giving an incentive to reinvent yourself a little. You could use it. You're practically a nun."

"Well, grandma all but called me prostitute today when I was getting ready for the party."

Benny snickered.

"Can you see already what he's doing to me? We're not even going out! I went from being a nun to a 'slut' in one evening just to impress him."

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"Slut? Please don't take so much credit. You didn't even have the guts to kiss him," Benny pointed out. Only he could make it sound like not being a slut was a bad thing.

Norah let out a sigh and hugged her pillow.

After a thought, Benny concluded. "I think you're scaring yourself on purpose. So that's why you're here, coming up with these lame reasons not to be together. Rafe isn't cruel. You and I both know that."

"Isn't he? His ex shows up, and he brushes her off like a speck of dust. Hazel had marked him as her territory since day one in school and yet he still toys with her emotions. Don't get me started on poor Amy, who follows him around like a shadow. Also, he likes me because I keep on pushing him away. It's like he just likes me for the challenge. I don't think any girl has ever said no to him. Perhaps maybe lesbians."

"Perhaps not even them," Benny muttered unhelpfully.

Norah took a sip of water. Her heart finally settled to a normal beat.

"You're just angry at him for putting you on the spot and making you face your feelings," Benny said.

"Well, I will not get distracted by him. Not now that we have exams coming up."

"Think about it. Really think about it. You're always telling me to stop being scared and stop hiding. It's time you took your own advice maybe?"

Benny went back to his room and Norah grabbed her phone and fired a quick text to Rafe. She'd left so abruptly, she didn't want him to think she was rude or thoughtless.

Thank you for the great party ^-^ I'll see you in school. Watch out for those vodka shots, they kick in much later!

She had waited up for is reply. His answers were usually quick. She imagined different scenarios in her head as she stared at the phone. Was that Maria girl still around? Teasing Rafe with her long legs and sensual lips? Would he drunkenly get back with her, wake up with her the next morning and announce that they're back together? Or did Hazel find solace in his arms? Crying to him about how she was harassed by Jack?

She blew out a frustrated sigh. This is exactly what she did not want. Would she become obsessive and possessive if she dated Rafe? The Italian charmer who liked his freedom and picked girls as one would pick fine chocolate from a box.

She bitterly smiled to herself. Girls like Amber and Maria would be Champagne truffles or smooth white chocolate with praline or biscuits. Hazel and Amy would be something more plain but still an all-time favourite, like hazelnut milk or mint chocolate.

Norah would be something terrible and of an acquired taste- like dark chocolate with chilly or a whisky filled chocolate ball. Just as she drifted into sleep dreaming of sweets, her phone flashed. She jumped up to read the text. Some part of her expected another expression of emotion from Rafe. Something along the lines of 'we're not done talking, I'm coming over to yours' or 'I need to talk to you. Let's have lunch tomorrow'.

But the text was curt, with no smileys.

Thank you for the present. Goodnight.

Sleep had left her as she wondered if they would go back to being friends after this.

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