Kian was the first face I saw when I finally left Alexei's abode, worn out and generally in a bad mood.

I was so tired.

Kian scanned me from head to toe, taking in my dark blue dress with the pretty petals imprinted on the breezy material. I had eventually tugged it back on when the last waves of heat ebbed away, tucking one of Alexei's shirt underneath so I wasn't cold. It only left my body aching and in need of an ice-cold shower.

The days were tolerable when the heat hit but at night, when there was nothing, I could do, the desire that gripped my body felt relentless. My body strained from the demands of the Needing; the strokes of pleasure that ran along my skin soon changed into painful claws against my naked flesh.

I was grateful that when the pleasure shifted to pain, I was mercifully given reprieve by not remembering much of it.

But my body felt the remnants of it.

I felt like I just survived the apocalypse.

I spent most of the morning cleaning Alexei's space and washing the clothes I ended up wearing during the Needing, since I always woke up drenched in sweat. I managed a quick shower and pulled on my clothes. I expected shit for my incongruous outfit, but Kian said nothing. However, his scrutiny was another thing altogether. "Pen, where the hell have you been?"

I grinned, despite not feeling a hint of it. "Just chilling."

Deep concern flashed across his face. "For a whole week? I tried calling you. I went by your house too, but you weren't there. Where were you?"

I didn't know why I couldn't just say that I was going through my Needing. It wasn't something I really wanted to share with Kian. Also add in that Alexei was nowhere to be seen or heard from, I definitely was being tight lipped.

"Something is off." Kian approached me, "What happened?" He demanded.

"I had to do some thinking?"

"For a week? Alone?"

"Yeah."

Kian crossed his arms across his chest, picking up on the utter bullshit I was trying to get away with. "Tell be a better lie, Pen."

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. Of course. Kian wouldn't just settle for my bullshit answer.

He knew me, just as I knew him.

It would've been a lot easier if we had been matched by the Moon Goddess, but I only felt sisterly love for him. I knew it was the same for him. We never entertained the idea of being anything but platonic. We never even kissed. The thought of locking lips with Kian made me cringe. Besides, both Aella and I were considered annoying pests, but we were the only pests he would suffer to be around- these were the exact words Kian had used.

Since I wasn't planning to tell him about my Needing, I told his something else. A truth. However, not the truth he expected.

"I've been trying to learn how to morph into my wolf. I haven't been able to do it for weeks."

Kian opened his mouth but paused.

"What? You having trouble shifting?" Bafflement shifted to genuine worry.

This was why I loved Kian. The guy couldn't keep up the stoic façade for too long.

"I haven't shifted in a few months actually. Well, it's a bit more complicated really. I haven't had a controlled shift in the last few months." I glanced at my shoes, avoiding his eyes. I looked at the trees, the falling leaf, was that a chipmunk-

"Define a few months."

"Right now, a little over eight months? I have shifted twice since we became Elite Enforcers, but it doesn't really count since both shifts have been ones I haven't had complete control over." I said quietly, resuming my staring competition with the little furry creature that had taken a pause scaling up the trunk of a tree.

Huh, so it is a chipmunk.

"Look at me Pen."

I glimpsed his expression.

My friend was not happy.

"I'm okay. I'm good." I felt my lips lift into a grin.

"What the hell Pen? Does anyone know about this?!"

"Yeah."

Kian's shoulders relaxed from relief but there was a hint of hurt in his face. I cursed myself for not thinking. "I wasn't intentionally hiding it from you. I'm just embarrassed I can't do something that should be easy. Little kids can even shift without issue. I've been practising but it's been hard."

"Does Alexei know about this?"

"Yeah, he has been helping me. Offered lessons and everything." I replied, glancing at my feet.

"What's with the tone?" Kian asked.

I stared at my boots, feeling my vision blur.

For the entire week, I hadn't cried. Alexei's absence had been a direct hit. For the last few days, I had been distracted by my Needing. I hadn't given much attention to my emotions, the ones I distanced myself from when I slowly realised Alexei wasn't going to return. Our last interaction had left a bitter taste on my tongue, but I refused to acknowledge that Alexei would leave me in my weak state.

Nevertheless, reality seeped in fast when my calls went unanswered. I tried to get him out of my mind but even then, it was difficult.

Yet standing in front of Kian, listening to him speak Alexei's name, I broke.

Tears suddenly fell before I could stop them. A weird noise garbled from my mouth. One tear dripped onto the toe of my boot. Another stained my wrinkled tee.

They kept coming until it was futile to stop it all.

I felt the moment Kian took me in his arms, crushing me into his chest as I shook and cried into his shirt. For a guy who rarely offered hugs, he gave some of the best.

His hand on the back of head made me sob harder.

He made soft shhh noises, I could barely hear them over my tears and gasps for breath.

I didn't know how long I stood in Kian's arms but when the tears finally dried, leaving a tightness across my cheeks and eyelids, I slowly pulled away, dabbing beneath my eyes. "S-sorry. I think I got my snot all over you."

"Don't be. Are you okay? What happened?" He squeezed my shoulders.

When he caught my hesitance, his cheeks suddenly burned. "Is it a girl thing? Did you want to talk to Aella? I'll get her for you." He offered, stepping away.

"No!" I protested.

His gaze narrowed. "Pen." His eyes darted all over my face again with concern.

I wiped my face, feeling all too exposed under his scrutiny. "I'm fine now. Really. Thank you for the hug. I really needed it."

"You better let me know if something else is going on Pen. You're like the little sister I never asked for."

I smacked his belly, "Hey."

Kian laughed, "I'm just joking."

"Sure, you were." I gave him a nasty side eye. He raised his palms in a surrender gesture.

"What have I missed?" I asked.

"Well, we're still investigating the mountain lion. The Pack Healer is trying to find something to give us a hint about how the lion remained immune to the poison secreted from the red-eyed changelings. I'm not sure of the progress. Jude's men have been largely involved."

"Hopefully, they find something."

"They will."

"Have you heard anything about Alexei?" I asked.

"No."

I hid my disappointment.

I must have shielded it well because Kian shared that he was relieved that he now knew where his old man was. I could tell that he was uneasy of the future events because Magnus was Alpha Bennett's Beta.

I was certain Jude would want to know how deep Magnus was immersed with Alpha Bennett's dirty work or if he had any connection with any of the Alpha's shady activities, including the offenses against Aella and Allison.

"Jude might interview him."

"My dad wouldn't care." Kian shrugged. "He's an honest man. He will speak, regardless if his words incriminate him too. He's accountable."

I believed him. Magnus didn't look like the type to not confront an issue head on.

"When we went to the cave, did you also notice the person with the blue and red bandana?"

Kian pursed his lips, "Maybe. I didn't look around much since I was pretty much invested with what that Dick had to say."

I could only assume that the Dick Kian was blatantly referring to was the one and only Alpha Bennett.

Lucky man.

"I heard Jude drew something up and will announce it to the Pack when it's ready."

"People are going to be surprised."

"Do you think they'll revolt against the idea Jude will bring up to the Pack once everything has been finalised?"

"No but if there is, it'll be only a little bit of resistance. People aren't stupid. They'll be wondering why a man like Jude would allow anyone who harmed his mate and mother-in-law close, no less welcomed inside the Pack. There will be questions and I know Jude will settle it."

"Jude will have to hand out reasonable punishment."

"Absolutely."

As we continued to walk, I felt better. Having Kian ramble about things helped eased the tumultuous emotions within me.

He walked with me to my house, leaving with a promise that he'll come over when he was done with his errands.

I told him not to rush and barricaded myself in my room.

I needed to keep busy and sulking around wasn't going to help me solve anything.

I swapped the cursed dress for my pyjama set that consisted of long sweatpants and an oversized tee that did nothing for my figure. I pulled on my fluffy socks and took my hair out of the bun I carefully manipulated in the morning to look decent, so if I had run in to someone, they wouldn't sense just how much of an internal mess I was.

Although, looking back, Kian had looked through the façade and had been nonplussed about my poor attempts at lying to his face about my well-being.

I would've done the same thing if I knew one of my friends were going through something. It would piss me off to no end if they tried to wave me off with false bravado that they were doing well.

Obviously, I knew that made me a hypocrite but let's just say I was a messed-up kind of female.

I looted a tub salted caramel ice-cream from the freezer and slumped into lounge chair, dangling my sock clad feet over the armrest.

I scanned through the soap operas playing and left it on one where the heroine was currently bawling her eyes out on her bed.

"Same girl. Same." I sighed, opening the lid of my ice cream, and digging out a spoonful that was much too big to shove down my throat. I halved the ice cream ball and took a bite, moaning when my taste buds sang with approval.

Sure, it was much too early to be hitting the sugar, but I was desperate to just feel more like myself.

It was two hours later when a knock came.

My tub of ice cream was demolished by then, and I was heading directly into a food coma. My feet padded across the floor as I opened the door.

Aella and Kian stood with plastic bags of junk dangling from their fingers.

I didn't invite them in.

I knew it wouldn't stop them anyways from barging inside, which they promptly did when I continued to stare at them, bereft of a single word.

I shut my door and spun around, catching Kian leap over my couch to grab the remote. He brought up Netflix, immediately searching for an action movie.

Aella was in the kitchen space, humming to herself as she emptied the bags of food upon the counter.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"I told you I'll be back. I brought Aella too. I thought you wouldn't mind. It's been a while since we hung out. Plus, you have Netflix. I haven't finished watching John Wick."

"I hope you don't mind." Aella offered a smile. "We also have M&Ms." Her eyes twinkled knowingly.

They were playing dirty. They knew I wouldn't turn away an offer of M&Ms.

I narrowed my eyes. "What kind you got?"

"The peanut ones."

With a sigh, I gave in. "You both may stay."

They whooped as I joined the two idiots on the lounge with a reluctant smile.