《If only I knew you (UNEDITED)》Chapter 60: Mixed Emotions

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Ezhil gazed lovingly at his beauty who was sitting in front him with a calm expression. The two were now at a café, Eyshana taking sips from her hot Americano while Ezhil drank his black coffee. "Thank you Eyshana, thank you for giving me a chance to talk to you" he spoke, leaning forward as he placed his hand on her's. Eyshana looked at his hand with disgust but hid it, slowly taking her hand out of his grasp. Seeing her take her hand back, coldness hit Ezhil's palm while his eyes swirled with pain.

He looked away with hurt, his eyes welling up with water but he didn't allow the drops to fall. He smiled and looked back at Eyshana's cold face. "What....what made you agree to talk to me?" he asked curiously. Eyshana sighed and placed her cup on the table. "love" she uttered. Ezhil looked at her with shock. "You...you love me?" his voice cracked slightly as he gulped, his heartbeat increasing with happiness. "I always loved you Ezhil, it's you who didn't love me" Eyshana spoke with hurt, her eyebrows furrowed as her eyes teared up.

Ezhil grabbed her hand and repeatedly kissed her knuckles, laying his forehead over it. "I loved you since the day I first laid eyes on you, I loved you when you became my friend, I loved you when you became my girlfriend, I have forever loved you my beauty....forever" he kissed the inner palm of her hand.

'Did you also love me when you raised your hand on me and raped me in front of your friends?' she wanted to say but kept silent.

He then scooted his chair closer to her's, tucking her long locks behind her ear, just adoring her face while she gave him a very calm yet blank look. Ezhil's heart twisted with pain to see how different his beauty was, so blank, so cold, so changed and he knew he was the reason behind it but his love for her has never and will never change, in fact it just became stronger day by day.

While Ezhil was admiring his beauty, stuck in his own thoughts about her, Eyshana on the other hand was just staring at Ezhil with no emotions. Whenever he was around, her emotions would disappear. If this was 10 years ago she would have jumped into his arms, hugging him so tightly but this was not the same Eyshana from 10 years ago, this was a different Eyshana, a stronger Eyshana, a colder Eyshana.

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Suddenly, Ezhil's phone rang making him excuse himself as he attended the call while keeping his eyes on his beauty. After the short call, Ezhil looked at Eyshana with desperation and sorrow. He didn't want to go, neither did he want to leave her. He wanted to stay with her forever, day and night, only the two of them together but he will have to wait for when that time comes. "I'm sorry Eyshana...I..I have to leave...I have some important work but can...can we plan a day to talk...please" he pleaded.

Eyshana who was now looking out of the window, looked back at Ezhil and nodded. Now parked outside of her hotel, he tightened his grip on the steering. Knowing she was staying in a hotel, he felt guilt and wanted to immediately take her to his place but he knew she would hate him even more. He couldn't face her at first, his heart filling with guilt and regret when he found out she had refused to stay at her house, knowing the reason behind it.

Riya's death.

"Thanks" Eyshana uttered softly. Ezhil closed his eyes with delight, her voice sounding like music to him. He opened his eyes and turned his face to her. "My pleasure my beauty" he rubbed her hand. Eyshana looked down and slowly removed her hand from his causing him to mentally whimper at the loss of her warm touch.

She opened the car door and stepped out, closing the door behind her. Ezhil badly wanted to go in with her, he craved to be by her side all the time, catching up the lost 10 years they had been separated. He lowered the window down and bent his head to look at her. "Take care Eyshana, I love you" he smiled at her. Ignoring the words that left his lips, she rolled her eyes and walked off making him sigh in defeat.

Walking towards her hotel, Eyshana stopped when someone called out her name making her. Hearing the voice, her body tensed as she slowly turned around. "Hi" the voice spoke, moving closer to her making her heart drop. "What are you doing?" she asked with coldness. He looked at her with hurt but knew he deserved it. "I just wanted to talk to you" he whispered. "About what? there is nothing to talk about anymore" she stated.

"I..I" he trailed off not knowing how to start of his sentence. Eyshana just stood there in silence staring at the man in front of her with pure disgust. "That's what you wanted to talk about? about yourself?" she stated with sarcasm. He gulped and shook his head. His eyes turned teary and red as he looked at her. "I...I wanted to ask if...if I could meet her" he muttered.

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Eyshana raised her eyebrow at him, tilting her head with a frown on her face. "Who?" she asked with narrowed eyes. He gulped again and looked at his feet. "R-riya" his voice cracked as he uttered her name. He could feel his heart pounding as he awaited for her answer, her breathing increasing as the name left his lips, the name...the girl who he broke. Hearing her sister's name, Eyshana's eyes turned hard, her face now blank while her body became stiff. Seeing her blank expression, panic struck inside him as he started to plead, wanting to visit the love of his life, to ask for forgiveness, to feel her presence.

"Please Eyshana, I want to meet her once, I want to pay my respects. Please Eyshana, please give me permission to do so. I know....I know whatever I did to her was not worth forgiving. I did many mistakes, no I committed many sins in my life including the things I did with her and I don't know why I did them. I was stupid to not realise my love for her that I ended up hurting the one person who meant the world to me" he then folded his hands, tears rolling down his cheeks as he begged.

"I'm standing in front of you today Eyshana, I am standing here in front you, begging you to please...please let me see her, even for 1 minute but at least let me see her, let me feel her presence just one time...j-just o-one time" he leaned his head on his folded hands, sobbing with pain and regret.

His heart felt empty, like there was a huge dark hole in it. He couldn't bring himself to even forgive himself for he did. He was so busy counting the stars that he notice he had lost his moon. Knowing the only way to find peace was to visit her grave, to cry in front of her, asking for forgiveness hoping her soul was watching him from above.

Eyshana's eyes softened, a few tear drops leaving her eyes before she wiped them away. She shook her head and sucked in a deep breath. "No...I can't do that to her" she stated with firmness causing Sunny to snap his teary eyes at her. "P-please Eyshana, I'm begging you...p-please...just once" he moved closer to her with tears.

"I'm sorry" she whispered before turning around and running into her hotel. "EYSHANA...PLEASE LISTEN ...EYSHANA" Sunny yelled out for her, falling onto his knees as he sobbed in his hands. Noticing that he had now caught other people's attention, he quickly wiped his tears and stood up on his wobbly feet. He weakly walked towards his car and sat inside, driving back home with pain, guilt and sorrow welled up in his heart.

Slowing creeping out from his hiding place, Farhan watched Eyshana's figure running into the hotel. He stood there with a hurtful expression, rubbing his broken heart. He listened to their whole conversation from the time Ezhil dropped her off. He didn't know why but all of a sudden, he felt jealous, jealous over his best friend. He didn't know what has gotten into him.

Eyshana was once a sister to him but now, now he didn't see her in that way, he saw her as a woman, a strong beautiful woman. His heart had suddenly started to beat dramatically whenever he saw her and this was all new for him. He didn't feel like that with her 10 years ago, so why now?...why was this stupid heart beating so madly now?

Meanwhile, Officer Malin leaned against his glass door of his balcony, standing there shirtless, his light hair locks falling in front of his face, staring at the beautiful moon, smiling to himself with a cup of coffee in his hand. His beautiful eyes girl was creeping back into his mind. Chuckling to himself, he lightly slapped the back of his head. He didn't know what he was really feeling but one thing he did know was that she brought happiness to him even though they had just met.

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