"P-PLEASE STOP....P-PLEASE....AHHHH"

I jolted awake breathing heavily, my body all sweaty as I gasped for air. I saw it again...the same dream I see every night, no not a dream but horrible memories. I gulped and looked at the time, it was 4am. I fell back on my bed staring at the ceiling. My bottom lip trembled as I turned to my side, pulling my covers up to my chins. A tear rolled down to my nose as I looked at the empty wall.

I closed my eyes tightly in pain and snapped them open when I saw her image flash in front of my eyes. I was there, watching him do that to her yet I did nothing. It was like I was possessed, I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I just sat there watching him ruin her just because of a fucking lie, a misunderstanding. I ruined a girl's life when she was innocent. I said bad things about her, I yelled at her, treated her like shit when all she ever did for us was love and care.

I tried my fully best, I tried to find her everywhere, I made phone calls, even tried to call Riya but nothing....it's like they have vanished. Sagar doesn't even attend my calls, in fact he has blocked me. I didn't just lose one friend but I lost 3 friends. How could I have done this?...how?. How could I believe those lies, fuck... it didn't have anything to do with me yet I joined in ruining an innocent girl. I felt so dirty, so disgusted, I felt ashamed and hatred towards myself.

I threw the covers off me and stood up while tears continued rolling down my cheeks. I opened my drawer and took out a razor. I looked at my bare arm that already had cuts on it. I sat on my bed, my elbows on my knees as I stared at the razor. I could, no I will never forgive myself for doing that to her, for not stopping him from raping her....I will never ever forgive myself.

I placed the razor on my arm and tightly closed my eyes as I felt the sting, the razor gliding against my skin, blood oozing out from the wound. I smiled as I felt better. I opened my eyes and looked at my freshly new cut. "I deserve worse" I whispered to myself and walked into the bathroom to wash myself.

3 months, it's been 3 months since I lost her, my life, my world. She has gone all because of me. I walked into my sister's room who was sleeping and sat on the floor beside her bed. I laid my head on her mattress and silently cried. Since the truth came out Preeti hasn't once spoken to me, not once.

I've looked everywhere for Eyshana but I couldn't find her. I don't know where to go, who to go to but I only want my beauty, I want my girl, my purpose to live. I need her, she is my peace. I regret everything...everything I did to her, everything I said to her. I hate myself so much, so much that I want to kill myself but no...I want to beg for forgiveness, I want to fall onto my knees and cry to her.

Now I question myself did I actually love her?...of course I do, more than my life but I hurt her....I hurt her beyond repair. I....I r-raped the girl who changed me, who gave me peace and happiness. I..I nearly...I nearly killed her, I broke her, how could I?.

I looked at Preeti in tears. I felt so much anger when I found out what had happened to her that night, then...then how could I do that to her?....Sagar was right, I'm not the only one with a sister in this world. Riya...Riya would be so heartbroken. My Eyshu's nudes were spread, that fucking bitch spread them. I wanted to kill that bitch Aliya there and then.

The first thing I did was beat the shit out of those boys who spoke poorly of her and saw what was mine, now they are all in the hospital. I tried my best to delete those photos but I was too late. Those photos could be anywhere over the net. I fisted my hands in pain as the thought came to me. My body shook as I sobbed heavily, burying my face into the mattress. "Eyshu" I whispered with tears. I then felt a hand caressing my hair. I slowly looked up to see my sister stroking my hair while her eyes were closed.

I cried and hugged her stomach, bawling my eyes out while she silently stroked my hair. "Your tears can never match with the tears she wasted on you, neither can they repair her scars lashed on her heart" she whispered making me freeze in shock. I just cried in her hold, wanting her to comfort me but she didn't. "I'm sorry"

I drove around in the city making phone calls to know about any news of Eyshana, Riya and even Sagar. I was now in the busy area of London. I parked my car and stepped out while talking on the phone. "WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THEN?....FUCKING FIND HER OR I WILL RUIN YOU" I yelled on the phone, disconnecting it with anger. I breathed heavily, running my hand through my hair.

I sighed and lifted my head up to look at the busy people until I froze. My phone nearly slipped out of my hand when I noticed a familiar person in the distance. He was carrying a bag of supplies, walking towards his car. I put my phone away, my heart beating fast with fear yet happiness. I ran....I ran as fast as I could, pushing past all the people who were in my way, ignoring their yells and insults at me.

"SAGAR....SAGAR" I yelled as I continued running. He was about to open his car door until I reached in time and slammed his door shut making him shocked. He turned and looked at me, the colour of his face becoming pale. I breathed heavily as I hugged him tight but he pushed me away making me stumble back a few steps. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he said in a cold manner. I deserved this...I deserved his but Sagar was never like this....he acted more like a kid, it was so different seeing him act like this.

"W-where were you Sagar?...I tried calling you so many times" I gulped and held his shoulders only for him to shrug my hands off. I looked at him with hurt while he stared in my eyes with coldness. "S-sagar....I-I k-know...I know what I did w-was a sin, I d-don't deserve f-f-forgiveness but...but p-please take me to her...p-please Sagar.....I am begging y-you....t-take me to her...I k-know you know where she is" I said with my voice trembling.

Sargar just stared at me with a blank face for a few seconds until he laughed. "Beg?....you are begging me?, yet you threw her out when she was begging you for help" Sagar hissed at me. I closed my eyes in pain. "P-please Sagar....p-please" I whispered.

"You don't know what you have done Ezhil...you don't know what your sins have caused. You wanna meet her?....you desperate to meet her right?....okay...I will take you to her, so you know what your deeds have done to her" he said with gritted teeth.

I snapped my eyes opened when he said he will take me to her. I smiled at him with tears. "T-thank...t-thank you so much...thank you Sagar" I cried with a smile. He just looked at me with disgust and opened his door and sat down while I just stood there.

He rolled his window down and raised his eyebrow at me. "Well what are you waiting for?...an invitation?" he said with sarcasm. I quickly ran to the other side of his car and sat down. We drove in silence as I kept glancing back at him. He ignored me throughout the whole journey.

She was here, in the city yet I couldn't find her?. I rubbed my hands on my knees feeling nervous. What will she do when she see's me?...will she curse at me?...hit me?...throw me out?. No....no I won't leave her no matter what. She can do whatever she wants with me but she can't leave, I won't let her leave, she is mine. I will heal her...I will do anything for her but the thought of her leaving kills me, it breaks my heart into pieces.

I snapped out of my thoughts when he applied the brakes with a jerk, making me fall forward. I looked at him knowing he did it on purpose. I sighed and looked out of the window only to be shocked, my eyes widening.

The hospital?

My heart beat started to increase with immense fear. No, no nothing bad has happened to her, nothing has happened, she is fine Ezhil, she has to be fine. I was so busy caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realize Sagar was already out of the car and standing next to my door. With a shaking hand I opened the door and stepped out of the car, looking at the hospital in fear.

"W-why....w-why are w-we h-here?" I stuttered. "Didn't you want to meet her?" he asked with coldness making me flinch. "Follow me" he said in a firm voice but my legs refused to move while he continued walking ahead. My legs were stuck, not moving at all. Sagar stopped and turned to look at me. He stormed towards me and grabbed my arm. "You wanted to see her right?....now come...I will show you" he spat and literally dragged me inside the hospital.

I was shocked and frozen, allowing him to drag me like a ragdoll. We finally stopped in front of a door. My legs started to shake as well as my hands. I looked at Sagar only to find him smirking at me with disgust, glancing at my shaking legs and hands.

"Go in" he said in a dark tone. I shook my head not wanting to move. I didn't want to go inside yet I did. I wanted to go inside so badly because I wanted to see her, I craved for her presence, her touch, her face, her scent. She drives me crazy but I also didn't want to go in because I was scared, scared to see something that would kill me, haunt me my entire life because I know it would be all my fault.

He pushed me forward and with shaking hands, I slowly opened the door, my eyes staring at the ground. I pushed myself in and found the courage to slowly look up only for my tears to spill out as I fell onto my knees, losing strength in the them.

My body shook furiously as I couldn't take my eyes of the lifeless person laying on the bed. "This is what you have done Ezhil, this is what your sins have caused to an innocent, once happily living girl but this is nothing, there are so much things you still have no idea about and when you find out what they are......you would beg for death yet god will never give you it.

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