Chapter 31

The second half...

~Nathan’s POV~

When I heard the soft click of the lock being turned in the door I bent to scrape the items off the floor, stuffing them back into the small duffel.

“That information was confidential.”

I glanced over at John who was unsurprisingly pissed. “So sue me.”

“These are people’s lives we’re messing with. We were all undercover for a reason and if that information gets out-”

“It won’t.”

“You can’t know that.”

I straightened up, depositing the bag onto the chair.

“It won’t.”

“Nate-”

I turned to face him then, “Let’s stop pretending for a second that your big concern is the information getting out.”

He stood then, sharp eyes travelling slowly to mine. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We both know that those two would never tell a soul…your problem is that Kyle found out and now he’s pissed at you…well guess what? He’ll get over it.”

“You didn’t see the look on his face when you decided to do what you thought was best for you.”

I shook my head “Riley found the badges, the gun, the suit. He’s not stupid John and the only reason your boy had that look on his face is because you shut him out…like you always do. So if you’re looking for someone to blame, take a good look in the mirror.”

He cursed, dropping back into the chair and I could see the vein pulsing in his forehead.

I took a breath, running a hand over my face in frustration. “Maybe you should just tell him how you feel.” I let the words pass through my lips like some chick advising her bestie and it disgusted me the second they were out.

It was no surprise when he shot me a nasty look that I knew all too well. “Yeah like you spilled your guts to Riley?”

“As a matter of fact I did.”

He shook his head and frowned, looking grumpier than usual…which was saying something.

“We don’t get to have that kind of life Nate… we’re undercover for long periods of time, we risk everyone who associates with us just by breathing…is that the kind of life you want to give him? Where he’ll have to spend his days worried about whether you’ll be coming home and his nights worried about whether someone who’s got a bone to pick with you is coming after him?”

I finally understood. His reluctance with Kyle had nothing to do with the fact that Kyle was a criminal or pride or any of the number of reasons I’d assumed.

“Your experience with your father doesn’t determine how your relationship will be with Kyle.”

“Exactly, because there’ll be no relationship.”

“John the kid loves you almost to the point of obsession, give him a break.”

His eyes, when they met mine again were cold and glinting.

“Give him a break? My father’s job is the reason I have to visit what’s left of my family in a cemetery. I’m not about to put someone’s life at risk because I’m dumb enough to want to believe in happily ever after.”

“Then we’ll do something else, we’ve always talked about branching out on our own; going into securities...private investigation. Less risk, less exposure.”

“No you talked about it. I worked my ass off to get where I am now and I’m not about to quit...not even for Kyle.” He looked me dead in the eyes as he said it. There would be no changing his mind.

Since when had I become a fucking match maker anyway?

I turned away from him and made my way to the kitchen where I picked up the broom and scoop. When I walked back to the family room, he still sat there; his expression one of… well it was somewhat difficult to decipher, it could have been contempt, anger or even annoyance, but my day had already taken a turn for the worst and I wasn’t in the mood to guess, so I made quick work of the broken glass, then dropped down at the table to sift through files. Dinner could wait.

…………………………………..

It was hours before anyone made contact with me again that day and I was able to go through half of the files, turning up little to nothing.

When Riley entered the room I looked up, watching as he made his way over to the table. He ran his hand over a few papers on the desk before finally glancing my way.

“Go for a walk with me?” he asked almost shyly and I looked down at the papers in my hand then back at him, dropping them onto the desk; my decision made.

I’d expected anger, disbelief any form of emotional response from him but so far I was still surprised by how well he seemed to be taking the news. He seemed calm and collected as we made our way across the room and out the door.

He’d stuffed both hands into his pockets leading the way into the trees beyond the back yard and I followed close behind him, watching and waiting for some clue as to how this particular conversation would go.

We walked in silence as he seemed to take in the scenery, looking comfortable as if he was in his element. Then when we’d walked for about ten minutes he slowed to a crawl and cleared his throat.

“The FBI... I never would have guessed.” He commented, glancing back momentarily.

I nodded. “Yeah well if you could have guessed, it would have defeated the purpose of our entire mission so maybe that’s a good thing.”

He shrugged. “Is Nathaniel Greyson even your real name?”

“It is… we were so deep under that using another name wouldn’t have made much of a difference. Our identities are sealed.”

“But to infiltrate a prison for two years that couldn’t have been easy. I don’t think I’d have been able to do that.”

“When thousands of lives are on the line you’d do just about anything to keep them safe. It’s what I signed up for when I joined the bureau.”

He seemed to contemplate my words for a minute and by now I was walking alongside him, glancing sideways to take in his expression now and then. He merely looked curious and I wondered whether I should be worried that he was taking the news just a little too well.

“Would you have told us if I hadn’t found the badges or would you have let us go on thinking you were criminals?” he asked it as if we were simply discussing the weather.

I thought about lying then, of just telling him what he wanted to hear, to make him feel better about the situation if nothing else, but in the end I decided against that, for once we had no real lies between us and maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to keep it that way.

“No. I wouldn’t have, I didn’t see the need to.”

He looked at me then and nodded...his expression still collected; his gaze steady.

“I thought about it and I guess I understand why you couldn’t tell us and besides, we didn’t really have a right to know anyway...it has nothing to do with our case anyway right?”

“It doesn’t, but maybe it’s not such a bad thing you two know...two years is a long time to run around keeping secrets.”

He smiled, a small one that didn’t really reach his eyes and I felt the irrational need to reach out and pull him into my arms.

We continued on our trek through the woodland, stepping over roots and circling trees while listening to the sounds of life in the air.

“Can I ask you a question?” he interrupted the silence.

“Shoot.”

“Why did you tell me you love me?” he stopped walking and turned to me, lifting his eyes to mine. Eyes which were steady but filled with questions.

“Because I do.” It was a tough question and it was the only answer I knew to give and it was true, despite everything that had happened and how hard I’d fought against it I loved the kid… I couldn’t help it and I couldn’t deny it any longer.

He bit his lip and my eyes travelled followed the action, taking in the fullness of them against the assault by his teeth.

“I’ve wanted to hear those words for so long now, I even dreamed about you saying them but there wasn’t one time I actually thought you would.”

His eyes seemed to be searching me as he stared unflinchingly. “You made it clear again and again that nothing could happen between us. You practically told me you could never love me and even up to a few weeks ago you were still pushing me away so I guess it’s hard for me to believe that all of a sudden you just love me.”

“That’s probably because it wasn’t sudden. We were in prison, I was undercover and for most of that time I wasn’t completely sure you weren’t a criminal. I didn’t want to love you...never even expected it so when I realized I had feelings for you…I tried to tell myself I didn’t and now I’m tired of fighting it.” I was being brutally honest probably for the first time in my life and maybe that was a good thing but the baring my soul thing was uncomfortable.

He didn’t comment on that, didn’t even bat an eye. “When did you first know you loved me?” he asked.

“I don’t know, maybe it was the first time you talked to me about escaping; you were terrified then and the only thing I could think about was keeping you safe or maybe it was that day you told me you loved me in your sleep... I don’t know Riles, does that really matter?”

He got that look then...the one where he was trying desperately to hold back a smile but couldn’t help letting it peek through, but it was his eyes that got me; the emotion I saw there, the evidence that he cared deeply for me. That look alone made me want to do anything I possibly could to make him happy, to keep him smiling and my heart pounded in my chest telling me that what I was feeling wasn’t all in my head.

“You said you’ve been fighting against what you felt, then when did you give up and just accept it?”

I shook my head. “The night you…helped me with the Eddie thing. You saw me at my weakest and you didn’t run. Guess it made me realize how ridiculous it was fighting when we could both be happy.” I confessed and before I knew it I was being enveloped in a tight hug, Riley hanging on as if for dear life and after only the briefest hesitation I returned it.

As I held him close to me, my heart pounding viciously in my chest I realized that I was scared; me… one of the bureau’s top agents who wasn’t afraid of anything, who didn’t even flinch at the thought of death and remained calm in the face of chaos and here I was scared that this all this might not work out…or worse, that it actually might.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

YUP THE SECOND HALF..ENJOY.

REMEMBER I UPLOAD EVERY SUNDAY..KEEP SWEET!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.