Chapter 19

“Are we even allowed up here?” Kyle asked in awe as we took in the view. I’d never imagined a place like this would have had such an amazing view. We could see the entire prison grounds...extensive as it was.

I looked beyond the far walls and could even catch a glimpse of the city beyond, where people roamed free; where I used to roam free.

Wow

I huddled closer to Kyle trying to shield myself from the biting wind.

“It’s fine. It’s prisoners who clean up here anyway.” Guard Kelly announced, surveying the small balcony briefly before turning back to us.

“I like coming up here to think, clear my mind you know…figured you two could use a place like this sometimes.”

I gaped at him, “You mean we can come up here whenever we want?”

He chuckled. “Maybe not whenever you want, but if you’re having a particularly bad day, lemme know and I’ll see what I can do.” I offered.

“I just don’t get why you’re being so nice to me…even that day in my cell…guards don’t do stuff like this.” My brows furrowed as I looked up at him, watching his gentle eyes.

“Like I said…you remind me of my son.” Was all he said before turning back to enjoy the view.

Kyle didn’t say much but continued to take in as much as he could…to lock the memory away for later I presumed.

“So you two want to tell me what’s going on that had you wanting to rush back to the cell block?”

I shrugged, then sighed but didn’t turn to face him. “Nothin really, just wanted to get away from it all for a few minutes. I’m sick of all the drama and the secrets and this place…” I trailed off, thoughts from earlier circulating and ruining my newfound good mood.

Guard Kelly was silent for a while as I stewed, then I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder, “Well if you ever need to talk don’t be a stranger…both of you.” He finished, extending his invite to Kyle who nodded along with me.

“The guys will come around, just give them time.” Kyle spoke up then and I shook my head.

“It’s been months Kyle, they’ll never change and really I don’t care, I just…Nathan shouldn’t…” I swallowed against the lump in my throat and I felt the ache in my chest as the hurt washed over me. “He just sat there and lied right to my face…after everything we’ve been through…everything we have and he just didn’t care….”

Guard Kelly had crossed to the far end of the balcony, allowing us our privacy and Kyle moved closer, taking my hand and squeezing.

“Everybody lies sometimes Riley.” He began, “and I’m not saying what he did was acceptable but everyone knows Nate cares for you…you’re the only one who can’t see it…but he really does and if he lied then I’m sure he had a good reason.” He explained and it didn’t make me feel any better but I nodded anyway and he smiled.

The feeling was stupid though. Nate didn’t owe me anything…we were just fuck buddies...like he’d said from the very beginning. I’d been the fool who wanted it to progress, the fool who’d gone into it with expectations and all that bulll.

Nate didn’t owe me anything, we weren’t a couple and maybe it was time I learned that. Maybe it was time to start acting the part. Just sex right? Just two cell mates in need of release…absolutely nothing more.

I accepted my role then as I continued to take in the view, but I still felt as though someone had ripped away the happy parts of me and left me aching and hollow.

………………………………………..

~John’s POV~

They’d been gone for a while now…almost forty-five minutes and Nathan was on edge…usually he could keep his emotions in check but recently when it came to the kid, Nate was like a completely different person. It just about pissed me off that he could allow the boy to have that kind of control over him. It wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t normal and it was making him weak.

I glanced at the exit again and my brows furrowed. Almost an hour and they had yet to get back and in just a little over ten minutes, we’d be escorted back to our cells. I didn’t know the guard and I could only hope that Kyle didn’t say something stupid to get himself into a situation I probably had no hope of getting him out of.

The kid was bad news and that mouth was likely to get him killed. I strummed my fingers on the desk, half listening to the ramblings of the crew as I waited for Kyle and his mouth to get back.

I could admit that I was slightly worried and it wasn’t because I was suddenly crazy over the kid, it was more the agent in me than anything else; there was always that need to protect and Kyle more than anyone seemed to need it.

“He better not be doing something stupid.” Nate grumbled then and I turned to look at him.

“You lied to him and he’s always been emotional. If he’s doing something stupid I wouldn’t be surprised.” I said drily and if it was even possible, Nate seemed even more on edge.

I shook my head and stood just as the buzzer went off alerting us that it was time to get back to our cells. I glanced toward the exit once more; still no Kyle then allowed myself to be ushered out the door and back to my matchbox of a room.

………………………………………….

~Riley’s POV~

He was throwing his ball when I got back to the cell later that night and as soon as I entered the space he straightened up on his bunk, sitting with his back to the wall as he watched me remove my boots and my shirt. I was careful not to meet his eyes and I didn’t utter a word.

When I’d stripped completely save my boxers and dropped into the chair by the desk, I took a breath. The change that was coming wasn’t going to be easy but I’d already made up my mind. It was time to grow up, no more playing house and trying to force a relationship on someone who had absolutely no interest in anything beyond sexual gratification.

It had taken a while up there on that balcony with my thoughts to help me to come to the realization that all the hope I’d had for more had been a waste of time. The mature thing to do…the smart thing, would be to move on, to completely let Nate go but even I wasn’t that selfless; that brave. I still needed him, I probably always would, so while I had given up on the idea for more, I wasn’t completely letting go.

I’d give Nate what he wanted, what we both wanted but beyond sex there would be no more. It was time to wake up, be a man and stop living in those damn clouds.

“Where’ve you been?” he finally broke the silence. He almost sounded like a parent, pissed that his child had come home late and I rolled my eyes.

It was clear he’d been worried, I was no fool, I knew he cared for me…like a friend or as much as one human being could care for another...but beyond that…it was best never to expect much when it came to my cellie; he had a heart of stone that one.

“Getting wasted at this sick college party.” I replied sarcastically then when his eyes narrowed into slits I shook my head. “I’m stuck in prison, I wasn’t anywhere.”

His expression didn’t change, he still had that ‘don’t mess with me’ look and for once I didn’t care to make it go away.

“Anything else you wanna know mom? Or can I go to my room now?”

“Cut the shit Riley, it’s a simple question.”

“Yeah and it’s none of your business.” I retorted pissed that he thought he had the right to be pissed at me when he was the moron lying to my face and treating me like some kid.

“You can’t just run off with some guard, these people aren’t your friends Riley, you could get hurt.”

“Jesus Christ Nate! Would you stop treating me like a fucking child for once?” I jumped from the chair making my way over to the metal bars that held us captive.

I wrapped my fingers around them and squeezed, trying to calm my growing anger.

“Is there a reason you can’t tell me where you went with him?”

I didn’t answer, just stared out into the empty corridor.

I could practically feel the tension gathering in the room.

“I just hope you remember our deal….you sleep around and it’s done, I won-“

I whirled to face him, “Yeah because I’m just a fucking slut to you right? Can’t keep my damn hands to myself, you’re fucking unbelievable you know that?”

“I’m only trying to look out for you, I don’t get why you’re acting like some spoiled kid, you need to grow up!” he threw the ball he’d been gripping and it bounced against the wall by my head, through the metal bars and into another cell.

I took a calming breath and turned away from him again. “Yeah you’re right, I do need to grow up, I’m sick of this shit.”

My heart was heavy my palms sweaty and I allowed my hands to fall from the bars as I slid to the floor; pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

And silence descended yet again.

“He took us up to a balcony so we could take in the view and I stood there and hung out with Kyle until he told us it was time to leave. He took us right back to our cells. That’s it.” I explained quietly.

“Lights out!” a guard called and we were plunged into darkness. It took him a while but he finally decided to respond.

“I shouldn’t have sai-“

“It’s fine.” I cut him off.

……………………………………

It had been hours since I’d dragged myself off the floor and onto my bunk and I still couldn’t get any sleep, instead I just lay there watching the darkness and harboring thoughts that would only get me nowhere.

I sighed and turned onto my side trying to get comfortable. Above me I heard Nate shift then it was back to complete silence. I wished I had light so I could at least read a chapter or two from my latest novel.

I only needed a distraction from my pessimistic thoughts, so I tried to think of something upbeat; like the fact that Christmas was right around the corner and how Kyle and I had volunteered to help decorate the cafeteria. Not that these rough inmates would appreciate the effort; it would probably only remind them of the family they wouldn’t get the chance to be with this Christmas and all the gifts they were likely to miss out on…after all they all probably topped Santa’s naughty list.

I started when I heard a soft thud behind me and spun to see Nate standing by my bunk.

“What are y-“

“I’m an asshole, I know and I’m sorry for the way I acted earlier.” He said simply and I wished I could see his face so I could have some idea what was running through his mind.

I shrugged. “It’s fine really..i’m over it.”

Silence.

A moment later I felt my bed dip and like the traitor it was, my body heated at his presence, reminding me of my earlier resolve. Reminding me that what I needed wasn’t what Nate had his eyes on.

It was all physical.

It was Just sex.

Just sex.

Sex

The words swirled in my mind mocking me with the truth. Then Nate reached over and I felt his hand cup my face. My heart pounded in my chest. This was the kind of shit that got to me, the gentleness, the care he took whenever we made love….

No, not ‘made love’…we fucked, because you only made love with someone who meant something to you and everyday Nate proved to me how much of a fool I was for hoping for more.

I pulled his hand away from my face as the anger ripped through me. The anger and the heat and the need and I reached out into the darkness and grasped what I could, pulling him roughly down to my level. He came willingly, his lips meeting mine without difficulty, our breaths mingling, the kiss deepening, our bodies melding, fabric against bare skin and nails scraping against hard flesh.

I tried to speed it up where he tried to go slow and when he was gentle, I was rough. Gentle hands would get me nowhere but lost. I needed it hot and messy…no emotions just the heat.

“Slow down Riles, we’ve got all night.” I heard him chuckle when cloth ripped beneath my hands, but I didn’t want slow. I pulled him against me again, bucking my hips to meet his and I felt the predictable bulge in his pants. He moaned and when I bit his neck he gasped, pulling me closer, running his calloused hands over my heated flesh.

“Now.” I demanded against his lips when he tried for foreplay and when he ignored me I reached down to grasp him in my hand, pumping him in time with the beat of my heart. That got him going and before long, his clothes were discarded, my boxers went missing and it was flesh slamming against flesh, moans and bites and heat and pleasure.

White hot pleasure that had me writhing under him as he went harder, faster. I didn’t allow him to slow down, I didn’t allow him to be gentle, I rode it out with him, urging him on, telling him I wanted more; needing him to fuck me harder; until I couldn’t think anymore…until I could only want.

It didn’t take long for the heat to build and build and finally spill over, sloshing over us until I was biting his shoulder to keep from screaming in pleasure. I emptied myself between our pressing bodies and then it was his turn, grunting and moving until it was over and we lay panting and spent.

That was when he tried to gather me in his arms as he was prone to do after sex and that was when I shook him off. I could practically feel his surprise...or was it shock at my actions, but I wouldn’t allow it, I wouldn’t fall back into that pointless routine.

“Can we not do the cuddling thing? I’m tired, I wanna sleep.” I managed to get out. I felt his hesitation; his uncertainty.

“Alright.” He responded, then made to stretch out beside me, fully prepared to fall asleep with his body pressed against mine.

“Look the sex was good… as always…but I’d rather have a decent night’s sleep and the my bunk’s small enough as it is…” I trailed off but I knew he got the picture when I felt him stiffen beside me.

“Riles-“

“Nate jeez just leave me alone will you?” I was deliberately harsh as I turned away from him and pretend as if I was just moments from sleep.

It took a second, but then he was sliding out of the bed and I felt the cool air against my back at his absence. I tried to swallow against the unwelcome ache in my throat at what I was doing, then bit my lip when it wobbled.

I knew he stood there for a moment, probably just staring down at me, wondering if this was really the same goo-goo eyed Riley he couldn’t get rid of, then he was climbing onto his own bunk.

I heard him take a deep breath and I pulled the covers around me, biting my lip in an attempt to keep from sobbing into the already damp pillow. It was time to grow up, a relationship just wasn’t in the cards for us but goddamn did it hurt just thinking it.

……………………………..

~Nathan’s POV~

As pathetic as it sounded, I felt….used.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

...and HERE IT IS..WHAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!

-ENJOY!

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.