Chapter 8

~Nathan’s POV~

I’d been an asshole to sleep with him when I knew he had feelings for me and irresponsible to sleep with him when I should be completely focused on my assignment. It was ridiculous how quickly I’d gone from completely in control to completely helpless in the space of five minutes and I wanted to kick myself for it.

Like so many other warm blooded males out there I’d done the clichéd thing and given in to the flesh. After all my resolve; broken by the one thing I should have been able to tame; My dick. Wasn’t that a bitch.

I looked at him again, taking in his flushed cheeks, the long lashes and bruised lips. Then my gaze travelled lower to his naked flawless back; along his spinal column and down to his perfectly shaped ass that I’d so deliciously made mine the night before.

God he’d been perfect; the best sex I’d had in a long time and hell if I didn’t find myself wanting more but should I even consider it?

He’d literally begged me to have sex with him last night. He’d made the act sound so material; devoid of all the unwanted emotional entanglements people tended to go for these days and while it had sounded like a good deal I knew it was just too damn good to be true.

He hadn’t just wanted a no strings deal. No one could look at someone the way he did me and not want something more out of it. While I’d sunken into his depths again and again he’d gazed at me with such trusting eyes, glazed over not just by the passion of the moment but something deeper, more intense that I hadn’t bothered to dissect until now.

And hell if I hadn’t reveled in it. It would be pointless to deny how great it had felt to have him look at me that way; as if the sun rose and set with me, as if I could make his whole world right. It was as frightening as it was addicting and I was almost terrified of what that meant.

He shifted on the bed, turned his head to the wall and mumbled something indiscernible in his sleep before his breath evened out again. I sighed.

I couldn’t actually have feelings for him; there was a simple explanation for the strange emotions that had bubbled up inside me overnight; I’d been stuck in this hellhole for almost two years; the lack of any meaningful interaction must have gotten to me and now I was viewing this simple carnal act as something it wasn’t.

See? A simple explanation; I didn’t really have feelings for him; it was just sex…plain and simple.

Maybe I could actually do this; maybe letting out some sexual frustration would be a good thing. Maybe it really wouldn’t be so bad to continue this with him. He was an adult; old enough to understand that it would only be sex and nothing more.

Just sex…nothing more because that’s exactly what it was.

…………………………………

~Riley’s POV~

I could smell my mother’s sweet banana muffins accompanied by the warmth of a home I’d lived in my entire life. I snuggled deeper into the soft hand washed sheets and sighed in satisfaction. I could even hear Jerry downstairs; his keys jangling in his pockets as he got ready for work.

This was the life; relaxing with not a problem in the world and living with a family who loved me. This was how it was suppose to be.

I snuggled deeper into the bed, shifting to find a better position and my foot slammed into something cold and hard; like metal. It felt strange in the comforting atmosphere and I pried my eyes open to investigate only to be dragged back to reality.

What I’d imagined to be the comfort of my room at home, transformed into a small ratty cell. The banana muffins I’d smelled weren’t banana muffins at all, but the almost tasteless banana porridge all the inmates got for breakfast every morning and those musical keys I’d heard didn’t belong to Jerry at all, but a passing guard.

I sighed in frustration. Sometimes I wished I wouldn’t dream at all; it just seemed cruel to wake up and have none of it be real.

“Bad dream?” Nathan questioned and my heart sped up a little as I looked around.

He sat at the foot of my bunk, scooping porridge into his mouth. He was naked except for his boxers and when I looked down at myself I realized that I was advertising all my goods. I pulled the sheet up to cover my body and dropped my head back onto the pillow.

“No awesome dream; bad reality.” I mumbled and when he didn’t respond I turned my head slightly to look over at him.

He was regarding me with an enigmatic expression.

“What’s wrong?” he questioned and I shrugged.

“Just trying to figure out if you’re getting ready to kill me or give me a hug.” I half joked.

He raised an eyebrow.

“You know...because of last night.” I finished with a blush.

“Neither, I’m just focused on finishing this bowl before it gets too disgusting to eat.” He explained and I looked around spotting another bowl of porridge on the only table in the room. I surmised it was mine and looked to him in askance.

“How come we got our breakfast in here?” This was a first for me.

“It’s a two day lockdown, all meals will be brought to us.” He offered.

“So how do we shower?”

“You don’t…unless you think you can manage with the sink.”

I sighed. We were already in prison why put us through even more punishment?

“Do you think you could get us out of it?” I asked; knowing he had a way of always getting things done.

He looked at me with raised brows.

“Riley I’m a prisoner just like you…I can’t just walk out there when I feel like it.” he said

“Yeah but you’re friends with so many guards.” I justified and he shook his head.

“Friends is going a bit too far. We have a business relationship, which doesn’t include them allowing an inmate to roam free as he’d like.” He said it as if it was something I should have known and I felt like an idiot for even bringing it up.

I threw the covers off me and blushed when his gaze heated as he stared at my body. When I sat on the edge of the bed and bent to take up my discarded boxer shorts I hissed.

“You alright?”

“Yeah just…just kinda sore.” I told him, my cheeks heating to the point where I had to look away.

He didn’t say much after that and it worried me some.

I made a quick chore of my toiletries and managed to suck down half of the porridge. He watched it all in silence and I felt self conscious the whole time. I had no idea what he was thinking or how he felt about what had transpired between us last night.

What I did know though, was that in the light of day I still felt the almost overwhelming surge of emotion I’d experienced the night before. He was still perfect in my eyes; gorgeous body, amazing smile, intelligent to boot, great hair; eyes, everything. It should be a sin to have so much going for you and it hurt all the more to know I’d probably be denied the chance to enjoy his many elements.

When I was done with my morning routine I sat on the bed, opposite to him but as far away as I could get. I drew my legs up to my chest and leaned against the wall then took a deep breath before I looked at him.

Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed last night… I should have just dropped it when he’d said no, at least that way if I didn’t have more, then I’d at least have his friendship. As I looked at him with absolutely no idea how he felt or what he was thinking I began to really worry that maybe I’d really gone too far.

What if he was just holding it together right now and later he’d blow up over what I’d lead him to do? What if it ruined the already shaky relationship we had? But the biggest question I had was why hadn’t I thought of all this when I was practically eating his face off?

“I’m sorry about last night.” I said then, worrying my bottom lip with my teeth.

He really looked at me then, his eyes piercing mine as he tilted his head in askance.

“What exactly is it about last night that you’re sorry about?” he questioned and I wondered briefly if that dangerous glint in his eyes when he’d asked the question had been a figment of my imagination.

I looked away in embarrassment as I explained. “You know, forcing you to have sex with me when I knew you wanted nothing to do with it.” I felt so guilty I could have wept.

Nathan’s amused chuckle surprised me and I had to look up to make sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me.

“Riley, the devil himself couldn’t have forced me to do something I didn’t want to do. I might have been reluctant at first but I was a willing party to everything we did.” He told me but I found it a little hard to believe.

“But -“

“I’m old enough to know when to take responsibility for my actions. You’ve no reason to apologize, in any case I was wondering if it’s something you’d like to do again.” He finished and with the way my mouth fell open at his words I wondered if I looked anything like the characters in those silly cartoons.

“You…you want us to….you’re asking me if…” For once the ability to form a proper sentence failed me and I could only stare at him in awe.

“I’m asking what you think about us having sex on a regular basis.” He said it smoothly as if it was a mundane topic of conversation and even though my heart was just about ready to explode and I felt the joy burst forth inside me I tried to play it cool.

“Yeah... I think I could manage that.” I told him and he nodded thoughtfully.

“So…we’d be kinda like lovers then?” I asked needing to be clear on the perimeters of our new found relationship, if I could even call it that.

“Yeah but first we need to set some ground rules.” He replied.

“Rules?”

“Yes. For instance…what I’m proposing isn’t a relationship. I’m not looking for a boyfriend or a partner, or somebody to cuddle with or express my feelings to. It’s just sex plain and simple. Can you handle that?” he asked me.

“Sure…yeah no problem I wasn’t even considering more than that.” I lied, hoping beyond hope that rule would change somewhere along the line.

“And if at any point in time it becomes more than sex for you then that’s it...We go back to being how it was before.”

“Okay…is that all?” I said trying to make it seem as if it wasn’t a big deal but Nathan had more to add.

“And if we’re gonna do this, it’s just us…completely exclusive …we don’t have sex with anyone else because I’m not about to contract some disease from you because you decide I’m not enough…if you want out…you say so.” He said and I could tell from the set of his expression that this was one rule he was adamant about.

“Yeah of course…I don’t sleep around anyway...you were my first.” I hurried to appease him and even though I knew he must have known that I’d been a virgin before last night, it still seemed as if he was just a little pleased to hear it and it made me feel warm inside and out.

“And of course I’d rather you keep it to yourself.”

“So don’t tell anyone...really Nathan who am I gonna tell?” I questioned while rolling my eyes.

He looked at me seriously, “There are ways of saying things without actually opening your mouth Riley. What I mean is no public displays…we carry on just like we had before.”

“Telling me all these rules was a waste of time, I wasn’t even thinking of doing those things.” I tried to assure him and after only brief silence he nodded.

“So that’s it then?”

“Unless you have something to add.” He continued and I shook my head.

I sat looking at him for a few minutes. He’d taken up a magazine I’d never seen before and was flipping through disinterestedly. We’d made the deal so I figured why not make my move.

It was almost too good to be true, this change in him; but why question something good?

“So what if I want to kiss you right now?” I said feeling stupid but driven.

He looked up from the page with a raised brow.

“Unless you want to guards to know what’s been going on in here then I’s suggest we leave it for nighttime.” He finished, but I didn’t miss his amused smirk.

That’s when something occurred to me. “Wait…do you think anyone heard us last night?” I felt my face heat. We hadn’t really held back last night; well I hadn’t anyway. I didn’t think I could bear the embarrassment of walking out into the yard in the morning and have everybody look at me like they knew my dirty deeds.

“Doubt it, the block was pretty noisy last night but if anyone heard us they wouldn’t know which cell it was coming from anyway.” He said it with a certainty that reassured me and I sighed in relief.

As we sat in silence once more it occurred to me how quiet Nathan really was. Every time I was alone with him or otherwise I was the one who had to form conversation. He never volunteered information and I figured that if I allowed him to…he’d be comfortable never opening his mouth again.

It was strange that he was like this when I knew for a fact that he wasn’t shy or socially inept. It seemed to be like he was always thinking though and observing what was happening around him. He never said the wrong things or made a fool of himself.

Maybe I should try the silence thing; if it could help me to be even half the guy he was then it had to be worth it.

I leaned back against the wall and tried but exactly a minute in I gave up and turned to him again.

“I can’t believe they’re actually leaving us in here for the rest of the day. I’m gonna go crazy.” I told him.

He shrugged.

If I had to sit in silence with him for the rest of the day I’d probably really commit murder.

“Can we play a game?” I asked him then and he slapped his magazine shut and looked at me. I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed or just curious.

“I don’t do games.” He told me in no uncertain terms but I wasn’t having it.

“It’s nothing stupid…it’s like twenty questions…only instead of asking each other twenty question we each get to ask five things...you know, so we get to learn something about each other.” I trailed off and he seemed to consider it for a second.

“I don’t think there’s anything I don’t know about you Riley.” He said and I blushed.

Yeah I tended to talk a lot. He practically knew me now.

“There has to be something you wanna know.” I told him. “Anyway I’ll start.” I said not giving him the chance to back out.

“Do you have a best friend?” I asked him, stretching out my legs so that our feet brushed.

“Yes.”

I sighed. And that was the problem with Nathan, he didn’t offer information so if you wanted to know something you had to get to the meat of the matter.

“Okay, who’s you’re best friend?” I asked again.

“John.” He didn’t hesitate and my eyes widened in surprise.

“John? You mean asshole John who’s apart of the crew?” I questioned, my voice rising a little.

Nathan let out a chuckle, “Yeah asshole John.” He said and I shook my head.

“But why?” I still didn’t understand how anyone could be friends with that dick.

“I don’t know, when they were giving out best friends at the carnival, he was all they had left.” Nathan said sarcastically and I rolled my eyes.

“But John’s a dick and he hates me.” I whined. If the best friend hated me then there would be no one on my side when it came to convincing Nathan that I was his perfect match.

“He doesn’t hate you Riley.” Nathan said then, completely discarding his magazine to focus on our conversation.

“Of course he does, what about the time he let me get beat up by Beans, or the way he treated me that first day I joined the crew or what about the fact that no matter what I say or do he always has a problem with it?” I could have gone on an on but I figured my evidence was sufficient.

“Alright then maybe he hates you.” He said with a shrug and I glared at him.

“You’re not helping Nathan!” I threw up my hands in annoyance.

“What do you want me to say Riley? If you wanna know how he feels then ask him.” He said and I glared harder.

Note to self; if ever looking for moral support don’t go to Nathan.

Rather than listen to me any longer Nathan slid down onto the bed, pulled the sheet off me and promptly went to sleep.

I reached up to his bunk and pulled off his sheet to cover myself with and not long after I was asleep too.

…………………………….

The next time I woke it was to the smell of baked beans and potatoes. Apparently the guards had delivered Lunch and as expected, Nathan was already munching away at his.

I didn’t have much appetite for mine which sat on the table but I figured if I wanted to live to see the day I finally got out of here I should eat something.

As with the breakfast, I only managed to get down half before I discarded it. When I stood by the cell door stretching, Nathan spoke up.

“You should try to eat more. It’s a lockdown…we might not get dinner.” But I’d had all that I could take...it wouldn’t be the first time I’d gone to bed hungry and so I shook my head.

Nathan placed his empty plate on the table next to mine and came to stand beside me at the door. He leaned against the wall with one hand holding the bar, then looked at me.

“When are you planning to start some courses?” he asked.

“When I get out of here.” I told him.

“You do know that they offer it here right? You just have to sign up.” He continued.

“I know that but it’ll be a waste for be to start when I’m getting out of here soon.” I said moving back to my seat on the bed.

“Riley, when you get out of here if you want to survive in the world you’ll need an education.” He was beginning to annoy me. “ Yeah and I’ll get it when I’m out.” I said adamantly.

“The sentencing for murder is-”

“Can you just shut up about it already? I said I’m getting out soon so leave me alone!” I shouted. Pissed that he was making me feel even worse about my situation.

I stretched out on the bunk and turned away from him.

“Who’d you kill anyway?” his question came not long after and I bristled.

“Fuck you.” I cursed feeling the tears build. Then I sat up, turning to face him.

“What kinda sick person has sex with a murderer anyway?” I sneered and it angered me even more that my words didn’t affect him.

“It’s just sex right?” he said and for just a second I felt the urge to hit him but it soon passed along with my anger and I leaned back against the wall; spent.

I blinked away the tears refusing to look at him. Sometimes he could be a real asshole; maybe he and John were good for each other after all.

He was beside me before I had the chance to look his way and before I knew what was happening he had kneeled by the bed beside me. He hooked a hand around my neck and brought my face down to his and when our lips met it was just like the night before; powerful and fulfilling yet gentle and heartwarming. Then he pulled away again to pick up his magazine and I had a feeling the kiss had been an apology.

…………………………………

The rest of the day passed without much cause for concern. I read and napped while he did pushups and threw his ball around. Talking was at a minimal after the episode earlier and to my delight they brought us dinner which I gobbled up in hunger.

Fifteen minutes to lights out I’d managed to spark another question and answer session with him and though clearly uninterested, he humored me.

“So does John know you’re gay or bi or whatever?” I asked on my forth question in.

“Yeah.” He replied without clarifying his sexual preferences.