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Chapter 6

His eyes never strayed too far from me the next day. I could feel them with every step I took and I liked it. It comforted me to know that he was always watching; to know that he cared and though he tried to hide it I could sense his concern and it left a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach.

My nighttime emotional episode had long passed and I was somewhat back to my normal self. Later today I'd be meeting with Jerry which was always something to look forward to.

On top of that very exciting news-because in prison that was as exciting as it got- the guys in Nathan's crew had practically changed overnight. Well, all with the exception of John of course. They had taken to starting brief conversations with me and actually breaking out a little smile whenever I said something that warranted one.

I knew without asking that Nathan had had something to do with the attitude change but it was nice nonetheless to sit comfortably with the small group of guys and not feel as though I'd rather melt into the ground.

No one, not even John mentioned the fact that I was no longer doing deliveries and the stress I'd carried around with me over that issue lifted along with everything else.

No one seemed to be focused on deliveries today. They didn't offer a reason for the day off and I decided not to ask. I wanted absolutely nothing to interfere with the new change.

"Seriously though riley...when are you gonna tell us about your situation?" Eddie asked. He sounded amused but his eyes were dead serious.

"What situation?" I questioned in confusion.

By now everyone was tuned in to this particular conversation and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"They reason you got in here. I heard it was murder, never pegged you for a killer...how'd it happen?" he continued and I sent a quick glance to Nathan, who as usual had his attention set on more important things going on in the yard.

I shook my head in response to Eddie's question and his eyes seemed to glint dangerously in the sunlight.

I was quick to speak up. "I don't wanna talk about it." I told him firmly and after about half a minute of staring me down he backed off even going as far as to offer me a cheeky smile that I didn't return. Instead I jumped down from the top bench and went to sit beside Nathan, gazing out at the yard as he did.

If the guys weren't going to believe me when I said I was innocent then there was no point in telling them how I got in and I knew for a fact that they wouldn't believe a word I said. Not for a second.

"You mind if I come to the gym with you guys during REC today?" I asked him.

He didn't turn to look at me. "There won't be REC today." He answered and I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"What do you mean? We have REC every day."

"Not today. By then the entire prison will be on lockdown." He told me vaguely.

"Lockdown? But why?"

"Because there'll be a fight today" he said, looking at me now, "A huge one." He continued and when his gaze shifted back to the yard I spoke up.

"But how do you know?" I questioned. Eager for any information I could get at this point.

"I pay attention." Was all he said and from the tense set of his shoulders I knew it wasn't the best time to bother him with more questions. Instead I turned back to the yard, watching the different crews more closely than usual now as my palms got sweaty from the anxiety.

............................................

It was when I slipped from the group to go to the rest room that the guards called me up for my visitation, so I finished my business as quickly as possible and allowed the two uniforms to escort me to the room.

Jerry sat in the far corner of the room as he always did. He was looking at the books in his hands while trailing his fingers over the covers. I smiled when I saw him; the warmth filling my stomach and spilling over into the rest of my body until I felt as though I'd burst from the very feel of it. Happiness. That's the word I'd use to describe the warmth and it only seemed to grow every time I saw him.

When he lifted his head and saw me he grinned; that wide toothy grin he always wore when he was feeling particularly happy about something but then as he continued looking his grin all but fell off his face as he took in my fading bruises. We hugged briefly when we were close enough and after I sat the guard drifted back a little allowing us a bit of privacy.

"Jesus Riley." Jerry breathed, reaching over to touch my face. I pulled back before he made contact, then looked over at the guard stationed close by. While they allowed touching they didn't appreciate too much due to the persistent fear of visitors slipping an inmate some form of contraband.

I told you to mind your own business Riley." He said in earnest, his face etched in concern.

"Yeah and you also told me to join a crew and they're the ones who caused it." I said grudgingly and Jerry flinched.

I shook my head, "Don't worry about it, everything's sorted now trust me." I said then glanced at the books. "Those for me?" I questioned with a smile and that brought his grin back.

He pushed them toward me and remained silent while I read the titles. As always he picked the ones I liked.

I glanced back up at him again then perused his face like I always did. He looked a little thin but otherwise he was the same happy old man.

"How's mom?" I asked then, almost afraid to meet his eyes lest I saw something in them that could finally break me.

He sighed and I looked up. "You know your mother..." he trailed off and I nodded. Of course. She didn't need a convicted murderer for a son. I remembered that conversation well.

"She'll come around when she realizes how wrong everyone was about you...don't worry." He tried to assure me and I nodded to placate him.

I looked at him with hopeful eyes but didn't dare ask the one question I wanted to ask. Jerry knew what I wanted to know and he shook his head briefly in answer. As it always did I felt another part of me die and I began to wonder when all the hope I had left would finally diminish and disappear altogether.

"But we're working on it...The lawyer's doing everything he can Riley. We're setting the appeal process in motion and I've got the investigator on the case. You don't belong here and we'll prove it." Typical Jerry, trying to bring hope to a situation that was almost hopeless... and it always worked.

"So what's new on the outside?" I asked with a half smile.

"You're not missing anything Riley trust me." He said in reply and I snorted.

"What's the point of me laying something before you that you can't have right now?" he asked and I shook my head.

"What's new on the inside?"

I shrugged, "Same ole same ole. Except I think..." I trailed off, wondering if this was something I wanted to share with him.

"You think...?" he hedged and after a moment of uncertainty I trudged along.

"I think I kinda like my cell mate and I think... maybe he likes me too." I could feel the heat blossom in my face as he processed my words.

"Your cellmate..." he said the words slowly as if testing them out for the first time and I nodded. "You like your cellmate...ah...Nick?"

"Nathan and yes." I said with a grin I couldn't contain and that seemed to soften him up because he smiled.

"If there's anything in this place that can make you smile like that then I say go for it." he said and I felt almost giddy with excitement. "But remember Riley...This is still prison, you need to be on your toes at all times and no matter how much you think this guy cares for you, you should never let your guard down." He warned and I nodded at the seriousness of his tone.

"I won't." I assured him.

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~Nathan's POV~

"Where is he?" I questioned Eddie who looked just as clueless as the other members of my team.

"I don't know man...he could be anywhere." He said and I cursed under my breath then jumped onto the tallest bench as I tried to look over the heads of some of the inmates scattered in the yard. It was no use.

No one could be found amidst this chaos. I felt a pain in my chest as foreign to me as my now sweaty palms at the thought of him hurt or needing my help.

I knew I shouldn't have let him go earlier but I'd been so sure he'd be back before any fighting began. I'd warned him for God's sake. A few gun shots sounded and I ducked to the ground along with the other inmates. Before long I was being hoisted to my feet by an irritated guard I didn't recognize.

He shoved me toward another group of inmates who were now forming a queue. I looked around again, twisting and stretching to even catch a glimpse of Riley. If I could just find that he was okay. That's it-I just needed to know he was okay, but alarms were blaring, inmates and guards were shouting and I couldn't find Riley anywhere.

The intensity of my fear astounded me. I'd never been so anxious over the wellbeing of anyone who wasn't a immediate member of my team and even then; my concern for them had never felt like this; so absolutely consuming that it had my heart pounding powerfully against my rib cage and my mouth as dry as a desert.

When I turned again I caught John's eye and I tilted my head in askance but he shrugged, sending a wave of disappointment and worry through my body.

Please let him be safe

Please let him be safe

Please let him be safe

I whispered the words over and over again, praying to a God I hadn't acknowledged since I was a child.

.........................................

~Riley's POV~

"So maybe you should tell me more about this Nathan guy since I'm probably gonna have to start bringing books for him too." He joked and I laughed along with him.

"I've never seen Nathan even look at a book since I've known him so I don't know about that. Plus he can-"

I was cut off by the sound of the siren that erupted throughout the room. I slapped my hands to my ears as Jerry did the same.

"This is a lockdown. All prisoners are to be escorted back to their cells and visitors are to make their way to the exit in a quick and orderly fashion." The loud speakers blared and before I knew it I was being pulled from my seat and the guard was instructing Jerry to take the books back out with him.

I caught a brief glimpse of his concerned expression before I was pushed none too gently through the door, roughly searched and cuffed. Then I was being shoved down a hall, through a passageway and then along the corridor of shame.

The noise in the cell block was deafening. Guards and men alike were shouting orders and obscenities alarms pierced the air. When we finally stopped before my cell I looked in the see Nathan pacing on the inside.

He looked both nervous and haggard as he walked back and forth but the noise was so loud on the block that he didn't even realize I was there until I was being shoved inside the cell.

I bumped into him and almost fell to the ground but he grabbed and steadied me and before I knew it I was being enveloped in a tight embrace; shocking me to my very core. This display of affection from Nathan while not completely strange, was just a bit overwhelming and I found myself burying my face into the crook of his neck.

He felt warm and solid against me and when he pulled me even tighter against him I sighed in satisfaction but just as quickly as he'd pulled me close, he pushed me away and when I looked at him I took a step back at the anger I saw in his eyes.

"Where the fuck were you?" he demanded; his eyes blazing and his mouth tight.

"What'd you mean? I had a visitor." I answered honestly and it seemed to take him a few seconds to process my words before the anger finally died and he just stood there staring at me with vacant eyes.

That's when it hit me. "Jesus you were worried weren't you?" I asked and just as quickly as I said it he scoffed at me, even going as far as to roll his eyes and turn away, but I wasn't having it.

I grabbed his arm before he could climb onto his bunk and he turned to look at me warily. "Why is it so hard for you to admit it? It's okay to be worried about someone you care about." I was hedging. Hoping beyond hope that he'd confirm my words but Nathan being Nathan kept on with his stubbornness.

"Gimmie a break kid." He said with a brief shake of his head and before I could utter another word he climbed the rungs and lay down flat on his bunk; his face to the ceiling.

I sighed, kicking off my boots and pulling my shirt over my head before going over to the sink to splash some water onto my face.

It was as I was getting ready to get into bed that I made the decision. Why should I be the one to back down? Just because Nathan couldn't admit he had feelings for me didn't mean I had to wait around for him to come to his senses right?

He'd kissed me once; which at least meant he felt some form of attraction. Why shouldn't I be the one to step up? What was the worst that could happen? I was already in prison.

So I took a deep breath -one that I couldn't even hear over the noise on the block- and climbed onto the first rung of his ladder.

It was time I showed Nathan I was good for more than just deliveries.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.