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Chapter 5

~Nathan's POV~

From the moment he walked through my cell door until now I still had the same thought whirling through my mind; The kid wouldn't last very long here.

I watched him every day trying to put up a brave front; laughing with Eddie and Ignoring John but the eyes never lied and no matter how hard he smiled or how tall he stood they never changed. There was always that tinge of fear mixed with desolation in them that had me wondering how much longer it would take before he snapped.

I wasn't exactly sure what made me decide to look out for him. It could have been the sad eyes, or the way his cheeks dimpled whenever he smiled. It could have been his bravery or the sound of his muffled sobs late at night when he thought I was asleep or even the way the sight of his body turned me on to the point of discomfort.

I didn't know but whatever the reason something in me was drawn to him and the need to keep him safe was almost overwhelming.

Never get attached to the inmates. Don't ask about their personal lives, don't tell them your life story and don't, under any circumstance trust a word coming out of their mouths. That's what I'd been taught, that's what I lived by and ever since his arrival I'd broken almost every rule I had set for myself.

I found myself listening to him ramble on and on about any and everything, I sometimes even found myself cracking a smile over the silly things he said. I felt like I knew everyone in his family just from his stories and even though I hadn't asked him to tell me and even though I never actually partook in the conversations I felt like I knew him.

It was when I started feeling the need to do him favors that I realized how far gone I was and it was then that I knew I had to stop but it was difficult when you were a warm blooded male with a sexy as hell young man sleeping just below your bunk.

If it had just been the attraction then maybe I'd have been able to resist but he made me get to know him, he made me get attached and now I had no choice but to look out for him and no choice but to keep him out of harm's way.

The incident a week ago only proved exactly what I'd been thinking from the start; the kid wouldn't last very long here. He didn't belong.

But despite my growing attachment and in spite of my determination to protect him I had more important things to think about and he was an unwelcome distraction. I'd already decided I'd detach myself from him the day he'd been hurt.

But seeing the nasty bruises covering his once flawless face shattered my resolve and I was right back where I'd started; panting after him like a love sick fool and billowing with anger at the thought of someone laying a finger on him.

"You all need to make him feel welcome, he'll never let his guard down if you don't and then he'll never really be loyal to us." I told the men standing before me and as expected, John was the first to disagree.

"Why do we even need him to be loyal? The kid's useless to us." He argued and my fists clenched at my sides.

"He's right Nathan, why are we wasting our time on this kid?" someone else spoke up and I let my gaze roam over.

"He won't survive in this place without our help." I said simply.

"And how is that our problem? We have one goal here and one goal only. You need to focus on that and cut him loose." John said and I bristled, my eyes narrowing as I looked at each of them in turn.

"Since when do we turn down someone who needs our help? We have a goal but that doesn't mean we can't help others along the way and frankly, the fact that you've all forgotten that has me thinking you've been in here too long. It's like you've lost what little humanity you had to begin with." I scolded and that shut them up.

After a brief moment of silence John spoke once more; "Okay, so let's say we take him under our wing, we keep him safe and he comes to trust us, what happens when we leave Nathan? What happens when we leave and the other inmates find out what we've been doing here. They'll remember he was a part of our crew and they'll tear him apart. Who'll be there to protect him then?" he asked and this time I fell silent. It had crossed my mind a few times but I refused to let it bother me. I'd rather cross that bridge when I got to it.

"No answer. You need to forget about him Nathan, in the end you'll only be doing him more harm than good." John said, suddenly becoming the wise, all knowing asshole he only hoped he could be.

"You're one to talk about what's best for him when you practically sent him to his death a week ago." I retorted and he flinched at the low blow. "You've made enough bad decisions as it is. I'm in charge and Riley will remain a part of this team. You will all make him feel welcome or there will be hell to pay for disobeying my orders." I finished and turned to exit the room, leaving them looking on after me in silence.

I was thinking about what John had said as I made my way to the library where I knew Riley would be. He had raised a good point. We'd all been deep undercover for two years and now that we almost had all the information we'd been searching for; it wasn't the time to be forming new alliances and taking people under our protection.

We were the best undercover bureau agents because we thought with our heads and not our hearts and dicks. I agreed that now more than ever we needed to be completely focused but I'd joined the bureau so that I could help people and I wasn't about to ignore someone so desperately in need when it wouldn't even pose a risk to our operation.

All I had to do was help him without getting distracted. The thought of distraction brought with it images of Riley laying under me, his eyes burning with desire and his face flushed from a kiss that had sent tingles through my body and down to my very toes.

I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head. That kiss was the result of a temporary leave of my senses and it would never happen again. That's the thought that I carried with me into the library a few minutes later. I nodded to one of the on duty guards who was another undercover agent and made my way over to where Riley lounged with a book stuck under his nose.

He didn't even notice my presence until I cleared my throat and when he saw me standing there his face erupted in a splash of red. The boy's crush couldn't have been more obvious if he'd written it on his forehead and announced it to the whole world.

..............................................

~Riley's POV~

A grin blossomed on my face when I spotted Nathan and I couldn't hold back to blush that went along with it.

"Hi." I got out and he nodded in response.

I watched as he pulled up the chair across from me and lowered himself onto the hard surface. When he only sat there; his eyes drifting to my bruises as they had been doing since he first saw them the night before, I cleared my throat.

"So...what are you doing here?" I questioned, knowing full well that the only other time he'd visited me during REC period was to issue an assignment.

"Beans wasn't in his usual REC spot today and something told me he'd be up here. I was right." He finished and my brows furrowed as I tried to process what he'd just said.

I followed his gaze to where it landed over my shoulder and sure enough three tables down sat Beans, flanked by two guys. They all looked directly at me but only Beans' gaze was tinged with malice. I instantly recoiled, my eyes wide with fear. I'd been so distracted by my latest novel that I hadn't even realized he'd entered the library.

I looked back at Nathan who was appraising me with a bored looking expression.

"He's following me?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"You're the reason he was sent to solitary confinement, he's simply looking to get even." He explained and I stared at him in disbelief.

"You say that like he'll be justified in getting even."

He shrugged and I opened my mouth and closed it a few times, failing in each attempt to speak my mind.

"He wants me dead." I was hedging, hoping he wouldn't confirm my statement but to my disappointment he nodded.

"Relax." He ordered just when I was sure I would start hyperventilating right there surrounded by all these books.

"All you have to do is try to avoid him." Nathan said and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"It's never that easy. It's not like I can avoid him forever, eventually he'll have me right where he wants me and then what?"

When he spoke next his answer pleased me. "I'll handle him, you just need to stay away long enough for me to deal with it." he assured and I nodded in relief.

If Nathan said he'd handle it then he'd handle it but when I turned to look behind me once more a slither of fear assaulted me and I dragged my gaze back to the surface of the table, falling silent.

We were both quiet for a few minutes, lost in our own thoughts.

"Nathan?" I called and his beautiful green eyes found mine.

I hesitated briefly then took a deep breath before I spoke, keeping my voice low. "I was wondering...has anyone..." pause "...has anyone ever escaped from here?"

I peeked through my lashes, trying to gauge his reaction. His eyes narrowed and his brows furrowed but otherwise his expression didn't change much.

"No. Why?" he interrogated and I shrugged but Nathan wasn't fooled.

I watched nervously as he leaned closer, his expression hard and unrelenting. "If you're thinking what I think you're thinking then forget it." he said adamantly.

"I'm not thinking anything, it was just a question." I lied.

"Listen to me and listen closely, this prison is virtually impenetrable. If you even attempt to enter an area that's out of bounds they'll shoot first and ask questions later. If you know what's good for you, keep those questions to yourself and don't you dare try anything stupid." He warned and I decided to drop the act.

"Don't tell me you haven't ever even thought about escaping from this place, everyone has." I whispered conspiratorially.

He shook his head and his mouth turn down into a frown.

"I'll never understand you criminals. You risked everything to break the law and when the time comes for you to face up to your actions you want to do the cowardly thing? Just forget it Riley, you got yourself into this mess, now you need to pay for it and when you do your time and get out maybe you'll learn from it." he said harshly and I bristled at his words.

"I didn't risk anything and I didn't get myself into this mess. I'm innocent and I don't belong here so if I'm looking for a way out it's because I deserve it!" I hissed, fighting to control my temper.

Nathan shook his head. "Innocent...you're still harping on that? really? If I had a dime for every time some convict uttered those words I'd-"

"Fuck you."

"No thanks." He shot back and I felt the anger die inside me to be replaced with desolation. I think he noticed the change in me because he dropped the ruthless expression fairly quick and shifted slightly in his seat.

"I should have been living it up in university right now. I wanted to study criminology." I said then chuckled "Criminology The study of crime and criminals...and now apparently I'm one of those criminal minds...how bloody ironic." I spat and as I thought about what my life should have been I became both angry and sad; my emotions shifting until it was almost too overwhelming to sit there and sit still.

"Just don't do anything you'll regret Riley." Nathan tried again and I sneered at him

"I won't be spending the rest of my life in this place, one way or another I'm getting out of here and if that means the guards end up killing me for trying then at least it's a way out." I said seriously, then pushed up from my seat and left the room without another glance in his direction.

He didn't try to stop me.

.................................................................

Thump

Thump

Thump

The rhythmic thumping of the ball onto his hand did nothing to soothe my nerves tonight. Everything that had happened over the past week was finally catching up to me and the words spoken between us today only magnified the feelings of fear and uncertainty.

The thought of actually never getting out; of living out my sentence like the criminal I wasn't left a bad taste in my mouth, but it was everything and everyone that I missed terribly on the outside that really seared through my heart and had me gripping my chest as despair washed over me. I felt the tears build up and spill over.

When the sniffling started his thumping stopped and not a moment later my silent tears escalated into heart wrenching sobs that had me plunging my face down into my pillow as I tried to stifle the sounds.

I cried until the flesh around my eyes became swollen, then cried some more. Through it all Nathan uttered not one word but I could feel his presence like a persistent throb. When I cried all the tears I could manage I lay there in the silence sniffling and feeling sorry for myself. I turned so that I was facing the wall and curled up in a ball.

"Nathan?" I whispered after a while.

"Yeah?" came his immediate response and I wondered briefly why his voice sounded hoarse.

"What did you get in for?"

Brief pause.

"Nothing you need to worry about kid." He replied and I thought about that as we both remained silent.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind." I told him and silence greeted me once more. "How did you deal with this when you first came here?" I asked, needing some sort of assurance that it would get better.

"I just kept reminding myself I'd get out one day...so all I had to do was get through it."

It wasn't the answer I was looking for.

"I'll be out when I'll be too old for it to matter." I whispered. He said nothing.

"I won't get to go to college, I'll never know what it feels like to get drunk in a bar with my friends, I won't know what it feels like to have sex, or intern at some place I've always wanted to work. Nothing. My whole life will just pass me by and everything I learn, I'll learn it behind bars..." I trailed off, the tears building again.

"It's best not to think about those things." Nathan advised.

I swallowed the lump which had formed in my throat and when I spoke, the tears sounded in my voice."That's all I can thing about."

I heard him shift slightly on his bunk but he said nothing.

"Nathan I don't think I'll make it." I said, the tears clogging my throat.

Silence.

"I don't think I'll make it." I whispered to myself this time as the tears fell and no matter how many times I wiped my eyes they continued to fall until I gave up and let them cascade down my face and soak the pillow.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realize Nathan had climbed down from his bunk until I felt the dip of the mattress as he climbed in behind me. So great was my despair that I couldn't even muster the strength to turn to question what he was doing. Instead the tears just fell as I felt him stretch out behind me until we were spooning.

The thin sheet was drawn up over our bodies and I felt his strong arm wrap around my waist.

"I'm scared." I whispered through the torrent and I felt his hand tighten.

"Go to sleep Riley." He told me, then I felt the brush of his fingers across my forehead.

I took a shuddering breath and sniffled loudly a few times and after a while I finally gave into his request.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

-DoUbLe.A

unedited.